Thread: Some Jokes

A salesman goes up to a house and knocks on the front door.
It is opened by a little ten year-old boy who has a lighted cigar in one hand, a glass of whiskey in the other and a Penthouse magazine tucked under his arm.
Salesman: "Hello son. Is your mom or dad home ?"
Little boy: "What the fuck do you think?"



A father buys a lie detector robot that slaps people when
they lie…………………..
He decides to test it out at dinner one night. The father
asks his son what he did that afternoon. The son says, "I did some
schoolwork." The robot slaps the son. The son says, "Ok, Ok. I was at
a friend's house watching movies." Dad asks, "What movie did you
watch?" Son says, "Toy Story." The robot slaps the son. Son says, "Ok,
Ok, we were watching porn." Dad says, "What? At your age I didn't even
know what porn was." The robot slaps the father. Mom laughs and says,
"Well, he certainly is your son." The robot slaps the mother.



Text from daughter to mom:
"Hello mom, I need your advice. I have some of my boyfriend's cum stuck in
my hair. How do I get it out? Will I have to cut it out?"
Text from mom to daughter:
"It’s nice you can send me such a frank text. No, you won't have to cut it
out. I've had loads of cum in my hair over the years and it will just wash
out."
Long pause……
Daughter back to mom:
"OMG, mom.....sorry, I misspelled gum."


Thursday night I gradually woke up stiff as a plank in hospital's ICU,
tubes up my nose & down my throat, wires monitoring every function &
all around my head, hell of a pain over my left ear and a Drop Dead
Gorgeous Nurse hovering over me.
It was obvious I'd been in a serious accident.
She looked deep & steady into my Eyes and I heard her slowly say,
"You may not feel anything from the waist down."
I managed to mumble in reply, "May I feel your breasts, then." ?

Originally Posted by FapMaster

Thursday night I gradually woke up stiff as a plank in hospital's ICU,
tubes up my nose & down my throat, wires monitoring every function &
all around my head, hell of a pain over my left ear and a Drop Dead
Gorgeous Nurse hovering over me.
It was obvious I'd been in a serious accident.
She looked deep & steady into my Eyes and I heard her slowly say,
"You may not feel anything from the waist down."
I managed to mumble in reply, "May I feel your breasts, then." ?

Laughed so hard at this I almost had a relapse of the acute bronchitis that put me in the hospital for two days of last week's tropical vacation!

Got these from the Blackbeard's Adult Resort newsletter ...

From The Treasure Chest......."He Said - She Said" . . .

He said. I don't know why you wear a bra; you've got nothing to put in it.
She said. You wear pants don't you?
*
He said. Shall we try swapping positions tonight?
She said. That's a good idea - you stand by the ironing board while I sit on the sofa and fart!
*
He said. Why don't you tell me when you have an orgasm?
She said. I would but you're never there.
*
He said. What do you call a women who knows where her husband is every night?
She said. A widow.
*
He said. Why are married women heavier than single women?
She said. Single women come home, see what's in the fridge and go to bed. Married women come home, see what's in bed and go to the fridge.