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  1. #1
    Senior Member Laboratory Mouse's Avatar
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    So, I found this at random on Craigslist just now . . .

    mapformagicvstech.png

    What y'all waitin' for? Get to work!

  2. #2
    Administrator Unboxxed's Avatar
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    Re: So, I found this at random on Craigslist just now . . .

    Why is it so hard to get a wife's spending under control? Heck it's not like she is going to cut him off from sex as a result. Why is he so unknowing of what to do?

    On the very first month my finances would go in the hole, the alarms would ring. Corrective action would commence. The hemorrhaging would stop. I don't understand the dynamic that prevents the obvious solution. Maybe someone here can explain it to me, what exactly prevents guys from doing more than watching the ship approach the waterfall.
    The two most important days in your life are the day you were born and the day you find out why. - Mark Twain

    The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation.
    - Henry David Thoreau

    There are 10 types of people in the world - those who understand binary, and those who don't.

    Suitable for bookmarking: www.fakehatecrimes.org and www.breitbart.com/tag/hate-crime-hoax

  3. #3
    Senior Member Laboratory Mouse's Avatar
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    Re: So, I found this at random on Craigslist just now . . .

    Quote Originally Posted by Unboxxed View Post
    Why is it so hard to get a wife's spending under control? Heck it's not like she is going to cut him off from sex as a result. Why is he so unknowing of what to do?

    On the very first month my finances would go in the hole, the alarms would ring. Corrective action would commence. The hemorrhaging would stop. I don't understand the dynamic that prevents the obvious solution. Maybe someone here can explain it to me, what exactly prevents guys from doing more than watching the ship approach the waterfall.
    Why don't you share with us how you would counter-act this issue? What steps would you take to solve the problem?

  4. #4
    Senior Member BeijaFlor's Avatar
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    Re: So, I found this at random on Craigslist just now . . .

    Quote Originally Posted by Laboratory Mouse View Post
    Why don't you share with us how you would counter-act this issue? What steps would you take to solve the problem?
    I solved it preemptively by never getting married in the first place, but you know about that.

    Moving this to "Rant" where it's a better fit.
    "The Red Pill is the start of the journey, not the end." - Chairborne

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  5. #5
    Administrator Unboxxed's Avatar
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    Re: So, I found this at random on Craigslist just now . . .

    Quote Originally Posted by Laboratory Mouse View Post
    Why don't you share with us how you would counter-act this issue? What steps would you take to solve the problem?
    For ease of reply, I'll answer that in terms of a single-income. Mine. I could make this reply unisex but let's use "her".

    First, if I was going to add someone to my life as deeply as marriage, by then I'd have assessed her brain and strengths and her financial picture. Prior to the marriage I would have a sit-down and go over her financial picture, add it to mine and draw up the total picture and discuss it with her, explaining the goals, the debts, the income, the bills, everything. That includes what play money is available for each of us. (I gave myself an allowance even as a single guy. She would have one as well.) We would talk about the monthly goals, the short-term goals, and the long-term goals. The goals include self-discipline today for fun-time tomorrow. I am not an ogre with money but I know how to plan for now and for later. Don't confuse this with being miserly or cruel. We would get on the same page in this sit-down. Eyeball to eyeball. I won't f*ck around on this and that will be made clear if we are to succeed as a couple. The bills come to me. There will not be instant gratification that exceeds the budget without prior discussion. I don't even do that for myself. If this arrangement is unacceptable to her, then there ain't no blending of lives. I control the finances. I steer the ship for both of us. My ship will not sink for anybody.

    This arrangement is strict in structure but not in expression. It can be done with finesse so it never looks like poverty or denial of happiness. I know, because I've done it for years. One girl once commented, after knowing me awhile, about what at first looked to her as my spendy ways (!) by eventually saying, "Oh, I see how you do it." Yeah, I manage well, and there is no pain. Not like people imagine there would be when on a budget. I am good at playing the game. If you were my partner, you would enjoy how generous I can be when the important stuff is taken care of.

    To get to your question, if I were that guy, I'd grasp pronto where the hemorrhaging was occurring. What was exceeding the available money? Revolving credit account? Her usage will be terminated. Was she writing too many checks, exceeding her allowance? We go back to cash allowance. Stop the bleeding. There is no other sane choice.
    Last edited by Unboxxed; August 22, 2015 at 7:28 AM.
    The two most important days in your life are the day you were born and the day you find out why. - Mark Twain

    The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation.
    - Henry David Thoreau

    There are 10 types of people in the world - those who understand binary, and those who don't.

    Suitable for bookmarking: www.fakehatecrimes.org and www.breitbart.com/tag/hate-crime-hoax

  6. #6
    Super Moderator Mr Wombat's Avatar
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    Re: So, I found this at random on Craigslist just now . . .

    Why don't you share with us how you would counter-act this issue? What steps would you take to solve the problem?
    Quote Originally Posted by Unboxxed View Post
    We would talk about the monthly goals, the short-term goals, and the long-term goals. The goals include self-discipline today for fun-time tomorrow.
    Hahahaha! Now there's a man never been married.

    You have your big talk, you figure ou the moneys. Honeybunch smiles brightly, agrees, nods, coos "You're sooo masterful! I feel so safe with you managing the family finances!". Honeybunch then goes to the mall and buys a stack of crap on the store CC which you, being married, are liable for. That's how it happens.

    What, exactly, can you do to stop this? Nothing! In some jurisdictions it's Intimate Partner Abuse to even try.

  7. #7
    Administrator Unboxxed's Avatar
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    Re: So, I found this at random on Craigslist just now . . .

    Quote Originally Posted by Mr Wombat View Post
    Hahahaha! Now there's a man never been married.
    Ha, I knew someone would say that. You are so right.

    You have your big talk, you figure you the moneys. Honeybunch smiles brightly, agrees, nods, coos "You're sooo masterful! I feel so safe with you managing the family finances!".
    That's funny! What woman talks like that? Betty Boop? LOL. A woman who patronizes me like that while dating is history. I have a better screening process than you assume! I've never been married, remember? LOL.

    Honeybunch then goes to the mall and buys a stack of crap on the store CC which you, being married, are liable for. That's how it happens.

    What, exactly, can you do to stop this? Nothing! In some jurisdictions it's Intimate Partner Abuse to even try.

    Whose store CC? I won't have one. I've already locked my sole and separate credit reports, a prudent step anyway. They can't check my credit to try to grant her a new (joint) account, assuming they could do that without my knowledge, without me first unlocking the reports. In my example, I wonder how a wife with no verifiable income would get credit on her own. If she has a pre-existing CC, I am in a community property state so, yes, I (er, our joint assets) may be on the hook for her CC debt incurred after marriage on her separate credit account. Hopefully such accounts were discovered at the sit-down when she showed me her credit reports.

    But, I'm not trying to win here. You're right. Who can prevent an instance of deception? That doesn't mean I am as powerless as that man on Craigslist.
    The two most important days in your life are the day you were born and the day you find out why. - Mark Twain

    The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation.
    - Henry David Thoreau

    There are 10 types of people in the world - those who understand binary, and those who don't.

    Suitable for bookmarking: www.fakehatecrimes.org and www.breitbart.com/tag/hate-crime-hoax

  8. #8
    Senior Member Hoser's Avatar
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    Re: So, I found this at random on Craigslist just now . . .

    Quote Originally Posted by Unboxxed View Post
    Why is it so hard to get a wife's spending under control? Heck it's not like she is going to cut him off from sex as a result. Why is he so unknowing of what to do?
    Quite often he is afraid of divorce and losing access to his kids. If you've never had kids it's hard to understand just how devastating that can be.
    "If you live a life of even moderate mental and physical discipline, you find yourself cut off from the mass of men."
    -- P. D. Mangan @Mangan150









  9. #9
    Senior Member Laboratory Mouse's Avatar
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    Re: So, I found this at random on Craigslist just now . . .

    Quote Originally Posted by Unboxxed View Post
    For ease of reply, I'll answer that in terms of a single-income. Mine. I could make this reply unisex but let's use "her".

    First, if I was going to add someone to my life as deeply as marriage, by then I'd have assessed her brain and strengths and her financial picture. Prior to the marriage I would have a sit-down and go over her financial picture, add it to mine and draw up the total picture and discuss it with her, explaining the goals, the debts, the income, the bills, everything. That includes what play money is available for each of us. (I gave myself an allowance even as a single guy. She would have one as well.) We would talk about the monthly goals, the short-term goals, and the long-term goals. The goals include self-discipline today for fun-time tomorrow. I am not an ogre with money but I know how to plan for now and for later. Don't confuse this with being miserly or cruel. We would get on the same page in this sit-down. Eyeball to eyeball. I won't f*ck around on this and that will be made clear if we are to succeed as a couple. The bills come to me. There will not be instant gratification that exceeds the budget without prior discussion. I don't even do that for myself. If this arrangement is unacceptable to her, then there ain't no blending of lives. I control the finances. I steer the ship for both of us. My ship will not sink for anybody.

    This arrangement is strict in structure but not in expression. It can be done with finesse so it never looks like poverty or denial of happiness. I know, because I've done it for years. One girl once commented, after knowing me awhile, about what at first looked to her as my spendy ways (!) by eventually saying, "Oh, I see how you do it." Yeah, I manage well, and there is no pain. Not like people imagine there would be when on a budget. I am good at playing the game. If you were my partner, you would enjoy how generous I can be when the important stuff is taken care of.

    To get to your question, if I were that guy, I'd grasp pronto where the hemorrhaging was occurring. What was exceeding the available money? Revolving credit account? Her usage will be terminated. Was she writing too many checks, exceeding her allowance? We go back to cash allowance. Stop the bleeding. There is no other sane choice.
    APPROVED! Not living beyond your means. It does take discpline in this insta-grat culture we live in. Even I can resist the urge to impulse buy if I simply interact with the item. Being in debt is not fun. Never been in it, but I know.

    Could you tell me about your vetting process? How do you screen women in the first place? I don't date but I'm always open to hearing ideas.

  10. #10
    Administrator Unboxxed's Avatar
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    Re: So, I found this at random on Craigslist just now . . .

    Quote Originally Posted by Laboratory Mouse View Post
    APPROVED! Not living beyond your means. It does take discpline in this insta-grat culture we live in. Even I can resist the urge to impulse buy if I simply interact with the item. Being in debt is not fun. Never been in it, but I know.

    Could you tell me about your vetting process? How do you screen women in the first place? I don't date but I'm always open to hearing ideas.
    Whew! I'm glad you understand. I went to bed last night thinking of myself, "Boy, you really stepped in it this time!"

    I'm years past the notion of getting married to anyone, so I don't have to implement what I wrote to you. What I failed to mention is that that detailed plan I wrote is based on my knowing what I now know. Back when I thought marriage was something I could do, I rarely dated. I went with a girl for a while, she moved away, later we reconnected, and we got engaged. I did implement my plan with her to an extent, but it wasn't as thorough as I wrote. The concept of living within our means was intact and present, though. That concept is boilerplate with me. We did not get married ultimately, and part of that decision was due to her demonstrated inability to grasp the concept of financial responsibility. Somewhere in there, the vetting process played itself out. But, I don't have a vetting process today as I do not expect to blend finances with anybody, for the rest of my life.

    But, what of just the vetting of love, by itself, without the merging of moneys? Candidly speaking, I think I am different from just about anybody I've ever met, or at least they do not volunteer their inner thoughts as readily. I do not look at people as gotta-have-you-in-my-life-until-I-die. I've loved and let go many times. To me, that is the standard of life. Not marriage. I say love, but don't assume here. It is very hard for me to fall in love in that way that includes the sexual component. The physical is a distraction and I've always known this. I have viewed that kind of love as smothering in its dominance. I'm sure that sounds bizarre or abnormal. I tend to, uh, fall in love with a person's mind. The mind that God gave each of us as caretaker. If you are lovable to me, I might love you. Man, woman, I don't care. I'm not out to scam you for your body. I think in my life I have proven this enough. Many people, including those who are unavailable by society's definition, knew that I loved them. Many others never knew. I don't advocate here. It's just the way I am and I accept it. I like the way that I can love people and not trade on it. I like my ability to let people go quietly and know that I once loved them. There is no loss of self in this. The fact that it doesn't fit hand-in-glove with the ubiquitous concept of coupling up has its frictions but that is just the way it is. I didn't write the rules. I can only seek my honesty.

    Oh, boy, have I stepped in it now? LOL.
    The two most important days in your life are the day you were born and the day you find out why. - Mark Twain

    The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation.
    - Henry David Thoreau

    There are 10 types of people in the world - those who understand binary, and those who don't.

    Suitable for bookmarking: www.fakehatecrimes.org and www.breitbart.com/tag/hate-crime-hoax

  11. #11
    Super Moderator Mr Wombat's Avatar
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    Re: So, I found this at random on Craigslist just now . . .

    Quote Originally Posted by Unboxxed View Post
    In my example, I wonder how a wife with no verifiable income would get credit on her own. If she has a pre-existing CC, I am in a community property state so, yes, I (er, our joint assets) may be on the hook for her CC debt incurred after marriage on her separate credit account. Hopefully such accounts were discovered at the sit-down when she showed me her credit reports.
    Ok - so the laws vary from state to state. My impression was that if one partner is irresponsible, the other partner is hosed, but it seems that ain't necessarily so.

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    Re: So, I found this at random on Craigslist just now . . .

    I've been married for 40 years and have been lucky, (or as lucky as you can expect being married), that my wife has not spent money foolishly.

  13. #13

    Re: So, I found this at random on Craigslist just now . . .

    A little known trick in community property states:
    Termination of community property regime. It is NOT a divorce, but it has the same effect on each spouses ability to put the other into debt. Takes a lawsuit, but allows gina-brain to run up a tab on her own hide, on her own credit score, without affecting the responsible husband. Usually available by written act prior to marriage (you opt out of creating the regime, which, with a pre-nup, is the less retarded way to enter marriage), or by court order after (litigation is so often the cost of poor planning).
    Also, as between the spouses, expenditures on separate property from community property are subject to reimbursement. That means if pressed in court the shopping trips are ultimately her expense, subject to her insolvency - you still have to pay the bill, and then she may not have the money to cover your claim against her, but if she does, you can get it. (This is a lousy remedy; get the community property regime terminated.)

    This is actually one of the few areas where the law, at least that of my state, does not rampantly screw over Mr. Breadwinner.


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