Thread: SATIRE - Alarming New Study Finds That Everyone Who Gets COVID Will Die At Some Point

ATLANTA—The CDC has announced the results of an alarming new study: everyone who has ever been infected with COVID-19 will die at some point in their life.

"Yes, everyone who gets COVID will die," said a spokesperson for the CDC. "Maybe not immediately, but at some point, in the future. Almost all of those people who die will have had COVID at some point in their lives. This is horrible news."

"This is a terrifying statistic," said Don Lemon on his nightly CNN broadcast. "The correlation between being infected and eventually dying is too high to dismiss. The important takeaway here is that we should all be terrified."

In a statement from the White House, President Biden expressed that he was “shook” by the study and would take aggressive action by infringing on a few more liberties just to be on the safe side.
Conservative critics have responded by saying that everyone who voted for Biden will also eventually die—except for the ones who are already dead . . . "

https://babylonbee.com/news/alarming...-at-some-point Fake News You Can Trust!

In other news: "Doctors Encourage Injecting Covid-19 Vaccine Injections Directly Into the Penis

"Pictures of the screenshot which are being widely shared on social media, shows an image of a doctor and a digital sketch depicting an injection in the penile area.



Pictures of the screenshot which are being widely shared on social media, shows an image of a doctor and a digital sketch depicting an injection in the penile area.

The following can also be read on the screenshot, “Doctors are discovering that, for male patients, the penis offers the fastest release of the vaccine throughout the body. Based on findings from a University of California study involving 1,500 men who received the vaccine.”



Comments: Jabbing 56 hypodermic needles into your junk to inject booster covid vaccines? That's got to leave a mark!

Seems to me a major benefit of jabbing the covid19 vaccine into the penis is that it will prevent infection by syphilis, gonorrhea, AIDS and other serious sexual diseases. Once the "clotshot" is injected into the penis, the blood vessels will likely no longer work, which means the penis no longer works, thus preventing it from being used in risky sex, or in reality, all sexual activity! Voila, no more sexual diseases! You are as safe as a monk confined in a locked room - no real possibility of getting VD! Remember to ask to have the Covid 19 vaccine jabbed directly into your penile area to get this important health and safety benefit! LOL