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Thread: Joke Time

  1. #241

    A piano player is auditioning to play in a bar ....

    So this piano player is auditioning for a gig playing in a bar. He plays a great song and the bar owner says, "Great song, man. What's the name of that song?"
    The piano player answers, "Yank her panties off and bang her doggie style."
    The owner makes a disgusted face and says, "Oh. All right, play another song." So the pianist plays another awesome song and the bar owner says, "Awesome song, man. What's its title?"
    The piano player answers, "Stick your dick in her mouth and shoot your load down her throat."
    The owner makes a disgusted face and says, "Look, dude, I love your music, but I can't stand the titles of your songs. So I'll make you a deal. You can have the gig if you promise not to tell anyone the titles of your songs."
    The piano player says, "Okay, it's a deal."

    So that night he's playing for a huge crowd, and everyone's enjoying the music. Everything's cool. Then he takes a break to go to the restroom. When he comes out of it, someone approaches him and says, "Excuse me, do you know your fly's open and your dick is hanging out?"
    The pianist beams with pride and says, "Do I know the song? Man, I wrote it!"

  2. #242

    I found a MGTOW joke

    I didn't think this up myself, but it's funny and it's MGTOW.

    Husband comes home and says:
    - Honey, I invited a friend to have dinner with us today.
    Screaming she replies:
    - What? Are you crazy? The house is a mess, I did not buy any groceries, the dishes are dirty and I'm not in the mood to cook anything special.
    - I know.
    - So why did you invited him?
    - Because the poor guy is thinking about getting married.
    Last edited by TigPlaze; September 1, 2022 at 11:27 AM. Reason: typo

  3. #243
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    Re: I found a MGTOW joke

    LOL, whenever anybody tells me they're getting married, or their son is having a wedding, or similar, I always reply with "ah, I'm sorry to hear that".

  4. #244
    Senior Member Chris007's Avatar
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    Re: Joke Time

    A old man was asked how he kept his marriage going after all these years.

    "The secret to our successful marriage is that we go to a romantic candlelit dinner once a week"

    "I go on Tuesdays and she goes on Thursdays"

  5. #245
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    Re: Joke Time

    Attached Images Attached Images
    The two most important days in your life are the day you were born and the day you find out why. - Mark Twain

    The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation.
    - Henry David Thoreau

    There are 10 types of people in the world - those who understand binary, and those who don't.

    Suitable for bookmarking: www.fakehatecrimes.org and www.breitbart.com/tag/hate-crime-hoax

  6. #246
    Member NorthwoodsHermit's Avatar
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    Re: Joke Time

    Quote Originally Posted by BeijaFlor View Post
    That's definitely worse than the dyslexic who walked into a bra.
    This one reminds me of the dyslexic devil worshipper...
    ...he sold his soul to Santa.
    As MGTOW, resistance to the collective is NOT futile.
    Don't let yourself be assimilated and become a mindless zombie supporting and submitting to any woman.
    They will ultimately destroy you.

  7. #247
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    Re: Joke Time

    A man 30 years old, was asked:

    How long have you been married?

    42 years.

    How is that possible?

    I count them in dog years, since she's a bitch.
    The two most important days in your life are the day you were born and the day you find out why. - Mark Twain

    The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation.
    - Henry David Thoreau

    There are 10 types of people in the world - those who understand binary, and those who don't.

    Suitable for bookmarking: www.fakehatecrimes.org and www.breitbart.com/tag/hate-crime-hoax

  8. #248
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    Re: Joke Time

    I decided to build a new room onto the house for my mother-in-law... the kennel will be finished next week.

  9. #249
    Senior Member mgtower's Avatar
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    Re: Joke Time

    Quote Originally Posted by The Captain View Post
    I decided to build a new room onto the house for my mother-in-law... the kennel will be finished next week.
    You had me going reading the post lines on the "what's new" page, neglecting to read the thread's title!

    Men should only take pity on their moms, not the x wife's mom! Fuck her and her daughter, I'll rent them one of the abandoned trailers on an abandoned lot, that way they can't take me to a Massachusetts housing court and have me evicted from my own dwelling, and I'll make a couple bucks too!

    Boxes are made to think outside of!

    Here's one of my monthly specials, no services, no water, no sewer, and the road is blocked off for safety concerns.


  10. #250
    Senior Member Chris007's Avatar
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    Re: Joke Time

    Definition of bittersweet: Pushing your brand new Ferrari off the cliff with your mother in law inside.

  11. #251
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    Re: Joke Time

    My sister-in-law dropped a coffee cup last week... It orbited her for three days, then crashed into her navel!

  12. #252

    Re: Joke Time

    Husband to wife: "tell me something which makes me both sad and happy."

    "Between all your friends you have the biggest dick."

  13. #253

    Re: Joke Time

    A priest, an imam and a rabbey are arguing wuth wach otter Who is the most devout believer.
    So the priest draws a circle in the sand, takes out all his money and throws it in the air: "whatever lands in the circle is for God!"
    The imam is improving that: everything outside the circle is for Allah!
    So the Rabbey scoffs: I don't need that circle: "Jaweh, take ALL you need, the rest is mine!"

  14. #254

    Re: Joke Time

    Q what is the difference between a penis and a bonus?

    A your wife will always blow your bonus.

  15. #255
    Senior Member Chris007's Avatar
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    Re: Joke Time

    Q: Why do married men get fat and single men stay in shape?

    A: Single men come home from work, see what's in the fridge, and go to bed instead.

    Married men come home from work, see what's in the bed, and go to the fridge instead.

  16. #256
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    Re: Joke Time

    A friend of mine married an Asian woman. After their first child was born the wife referred to her mother as "Mother's Little Helper", while the husband just called her the "Little Yellow Pill".

  17. #257
    Junior Member pirate88's Avatar
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    Re: Joke Time

    Husband: It's a lovely day why don't we go fishing?
    Wife: Why would I want to go fishing on such a nice day?!
    Husband: Okay you have three options 1: Come with me, the kids and the dog fishing
    2: Give me a blowjob
    3: Let me in the tradesman's entrance (ass)
    I'm going to the shed for 10 mins when I get back I want your answer.

    Husband comes back from the shed.

    Husband: What's your answer?
    Wife: blowjob

    He drops his pants and she gets on her knees

    Wife: Why can I smell shit on your dick?!?!
    Husband: The dog didn't want to go either

  18. #258
    Member Mantis Shrimp's Avatar
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    Re: Joke Time


    Attached Images Attached Images
    "Let the future tell the truth, and evaluate each one according to his work and accomplishments. The present is theirs; the future, for which I have really worked, is mine." -Nikola Tesla

    A man without a woman is like a fish without a hook.

    True facts about the mantis shrimp.

  19. #259
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    Re: Joke Time

    Quote Originally Posted by pirate88 View Post
    Husband: It's a lovely day why don't we go fishing?
    ...
    No!

    Aaaaaah!

    You S.M.F.

    LMFAO.

  20. #260
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    Re: Joke Time





    Attached Images Attached Images
    "Let the future tell the truth, and evaluate each one according to his work and accomplishments. The present is theirs; the future, for which I have really worked, is mine." -Nikola Tesla

    A man without a woman is like a fish without a hook.

    True facts about the mantis shrimp.


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