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Thread: Joke Time

  1. #221
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    Re: Joke Time

    Happiness is seeing your ex-wife's picture on a milk carton.

  2. #222
    Senior Member O.G.'s Avatar
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    Re: Joke Time

    I still miss my ex wife.


    But my aim is getting better.
    "People are always angry at anyone who chooses very individual standards for his life; because of the extraordinary treatment which that man grants to himself, they feel degraded, like ordinary beings."
    - Nietzsche


  3. #223
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    Re: Joke Time

    A woman is at the Social Security office asking about her single mother benefits. The clerk asks her for the names of her kids she says "Brian". The Clerk asks if she only has one and she responds "No, I have 8 and they are all named Brian".

    The Clerk asks if that is confusing and she responds, "No, if I want them all to come to me I yell out Brian, come here! And if I only want one to come to me, I use their surname".

  4. #224
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    Re: Joke Time

    Q: What did the banana say to the dildo?

    A: What the fuck are you shaking for, She's gonna eat me!

  5. #225
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    Re: Joke Time

    I enjoy Whoopi Goldeberg, Joy Behar, and CNN... Then again, I like cholera.

  6. #226
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    What's the difference between an ex-wife and a hemorrhoid?

    Answer: A hemorrhoid can go away on its own, while a ex-wife costs a fortune to extricate from your life!

  7. #227
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    Re: Joke Time

    A man comes home from work to find his wife packing her suitcase. He asks what she's doing.

    She replies I'm moving to New York City because prostitutes make 400 hundred dollars to do what I do for you for free.

    Later on her way out she finds her husband packing a suitcase. She asked what are you doing?

    He said I'm going with you, I want to see what kind of life you'll have on 800 bucks a year.
    The two most important days in your life are the day you were born and the day you find out why. - Mark Twain

    The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation.
    - Henry David Thoreau

    There are 10 types of people in the world - those who understand binary, and those who don't.

    Suitable for bookmarking: www.fakehatecrimes.org and www.breitbart.com/tag/hate-crime-hoax

  8. #228
    Senior Member Chris007's Avatar
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    Re: Joke Time

    2 blondes walk into a building. You'd think one of them would've seen it.

  9. #229

    Re: Joke Time

    I once had a girlfriend and she had a parrot. Talkative beyond any reason, what a horrible creature! But the bird was really cool.
    "Le seul moyen d'affronter un monde sans liberté est de devenir si absolument libre qu'on fasse de sa propre existence un acte de révolte." - Albert Camus

  10. #230

    Re: Joke Time

    Adam is walking around in paradise when God asks him: "Adam, what's wrong bud?" "Well, it IS wonderful here. Nice weather, always good food at handy but I'm missing something." God: "I think I know. You're missing a mate, someone you can love, who is beautiful and will stick with you through better and worse." Adam: "yes! that's it!!!" "Well, Adam. That'll cost you 1 eye, 1 testicle, 1 kidney and 4 tooth." "Jesus Christ!! What can you give me for 1 rib?!"

  11. #231
    Super Moderator Mr Wombat's Avatar
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    Re: Joke Time

    Quote Originally Posted by Unboxxed View Post
    Two nuns are riding their bikes down a Paris street.
    Two nuns are in the bath.
    One asks, "Where's the soap?"
    The other answers, "Yes, it does, doesn't it?"

  12. #232
    Super Moderator Mr Wombat's Avatar
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    Re: Joke Time

    They say you ain't supposed to jerk off over your ex, but meh - I still got a key and she's always been a heavy sleeper.

  13. #233
    Senior Member Chris007's Avatar
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    Re: Joke Time

    The husband comes home from work waving a lottery ticket in the air.

    "You won't believe it!, he shouts to his wife. This is a jackpot winner!"

    "No more work and toiling, just leisure and vacations from here on out. Pack your shit!"

    The wife gets all excited. "Oh my god, that awesome, where are we going?"

    The husband says, "I don't care where you go. Just pack your shit, you're out of here!"

  14. #234

    Re: Joke Time

    Husband to wife; "honey, what would you do if I told you I won the lottery?" Wife: "I'd divorce you on the spot and take half of it with me!" Husband: "Good, I just won 5 bucks"

  15. #235
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    Re: Joke Time


  16. #236
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    Re: Joke Time


  17. #237
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    Re: Joke Time

    I guess it's true that robots are taking over. Last year my girlfriend bought a vibrator.

    I haven't heard from her.
    The two most important days in your life are the day you were born and the day you find out why. - Mark Twain

    The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation.
    - Henry David Thoreau

    There are 10 types of people in the world - those who understand binary, and those who don't.

    Suitable for bookmarking: www.fakehatecrimes.org and www.breitbart.com/tag/hate-crime-hoax

  18. #238
    Senior Member Chris007's Avatar
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    Re: Joke Time

    Definition of a dildo: The original selfie stick.

  19. #239
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    Re: Joke Time

    My ex-wife has just gotten a massive case of diarrhoea..... I can't wait til she opens it.

  20. #240
    Administrator Unboxxed's Avatar
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    Re: Joke Time

    Confuse your doctor by putting on rubber gloves at the same time he does.

    **

    When a lady is pregnant, all her friends touch the stomach and say, "Congrats."
    But, none of them comes up to the man to touch his crotch and say, "Good Job"
    Moral of the story -- Hard work is rarely appreciated

    **

    'Mr. Clark, I have reviewed this case very carefully,' the divorce Court Judge said, 'And I've decided to give your wife $775 a week,'

    'That's very fair, your honor,' the husband said. 'And every now and then I'll try to send her a few bucks myself.'
    The two most important days in your life are the day you were born and the day you find out why. - Mark Twain

    The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation.
    - Henry David Thoreau

    There are 10 types of people in the world - those who understand binary, and those who don't.

    Suitable for bookmarking: www.fakehatecrimes.org and www.breitbart.com/tag/hate-crime-hoax


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