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Thread: Joke Time

  1. #201
    Senior Member mgtower's Avatar
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    Re: Joke Time

    Quote Originally Posted by happybachelor View Post
    Why do Jewish men like to watch adult movies backward?
    They like the part where the hooker gives the money back.
    Why do men close their eyes during sex?

    Because we can't stand to look at the fat ugly pig we're fucking, so we imagine she's a hot model, only because women refuse to wear the bag over their head.
    United we stand, divided we are.

  2. #202
    Senior Member happybachelor's Avatar
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    Re: Joke Time

    I prefer to think of her hot mates!
    Slaves can only dream, free men live their dreams.

  3. #203
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    Re: Joke Time

    Some of the dyed-hair, piercing and tattoo covered, bile spewing, barely washed land whales that are "beautiful" by today's standards, I'd rather fuck a bag of mud.

  4. #204
    Senior Member mgtower's Avatar
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    Re: Joke Time

    Quote Originally Posted by suspiciouscrow View Post
    Some of the dyed-hair, piercing and tattoo covered, bile spewing, barely washed land whales that are "beautiful" by today's standards, I'd rather fuck a bag of mud.
    Warm mud, right?

    2 minutes in the microwave and she's ready to go!
    United we stand, divided we are.

  5. #205
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    Re: Joke Time

    Quote Originally Posted by mgtower View Post
    Warm mud, right?

    2 minutes in the microwave and she's ready to go!
    Oooh yeah!

    $5, $5, wanna have a go? We gottit all! Brown mud, red mud, we'll even through in some dye - 'ave it any colour you like!

    Ooh, does it feel good sir? Does it sir? I knew you'd like this one sir.
    "Those who would give up essential Liberty, to purchase a little temporary Safety, deserve neither Liberty nor Safety." - Benjamin Franklin

  6. #206
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    Re: Joke Time

    Paddy McCoy, an elderly Irish farmer, recently received a letter from the Department for Work & Pensions stating that they suspected he was not paying his employees the statutory minimum wage and they would send an inspector to interview them.
    On the appointed day, the inspector turned up. “Tell me about your staff,” he asked Paddy.

    “Well,” said Paddy, “there’s the farmhand, I pay him €240 a week, and he has a free cottage.

    Then there’s the housekeeper. She gets €190 a week, along with free board and lodging.

    There’s also the half-wit. He works a 16 hour day, does 90% of the work, earns about €25 a week along with a bottle of whisky and, as a special treat, occasionally gets to sleep with my wife.”

    “That’s disgraceful,” said the inspector, “I need to interview the half-wit.”

    “That’ll be me then,” said Paddy.

    https://www.meanwhileinireland.com/t...l-time-ranked/
    "Those who would give up essential Liberty, to purchase a little temporary Safety, deserve neither Liberty nor Safety." - Benjamin Franklin

  7. #207
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    Re: Joke Time

    Ooh, does if feel good sir? Does it sir? I knew you'd like this one sir.
    It feels positively radiant sir.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m1fMf8CB7jE

  8. #208
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    Re: Joke Time

    The police came to my front door tonight holding a picture of my wife.

    They said, "Is this your wife, sir?" Shocked, I answered, "Yes."

    They said, "I'm afraid it looks like she's been hit by a bus."

    I said, "I know, but she has a lovely personality."
    The two most important days in your life are the day you were born and the day you find out why. - Mark Twain

    The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation.
    - Henry David Thoreau

    There are 10 types of people in the world - those who understand binary, and those who don't.

    Suitable for bookmarking: www.fakehatecrimes.org and www.breitbart.com/tag/hate-crime-hoax

  9. #209
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    Re: Joke Time

    I came across this earlier and thought you might enjoy:

    https://upjoke.com/short-people-jokes

    Why Men Are Happier

    NICKNAMES

    If Laura, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Kate and Sarah.
    If Mike, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla and Four-eyes.

    EATING OUT

    When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John will each throw in $20, even though it’s only for $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back.
    When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.

    MONEY

    A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
    A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn’t need but it’s on sale.

    BATHROOMS

    A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel.
    The average number of items in the typical woman’s bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items.

    ARGUMENTS

    A woman has the last word in any argument.
    Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

    FUTURE

    A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
    A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

    SUCCESS

    A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
    A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

    MARRIAGE

    A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn’t.
    A man marries a woman expecting that she won’t change, but she does.

    DRESSING UP

    A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the trash, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail.
    A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.

    OFFSPRING

    Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favourite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams.
    A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house..

    THOUGHT FOR THE DAY:

    A married man should forget his mistakes. There’s no use in two people remembering the same thing!
    "Those who would give up essential Liberty, to purchase a little temporary Safety, deserve neither Liberty nor Safety." - Benjamin Franklin


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