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  1. #1
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    Happily married to utterly devasted overnight

    Hey guys, sorry in advance if this is not the right place to post this but I just wanted to vent. I'm new here but back in the 2000's I used to be an active poster and lurker when I was single
    on nice-guy forum. So I met the women of my dreams in 2011. we married in 2015 and had a boy later that year. Couldn't believe how great she was
    for years. I bragged about her and she hated feminism and cunt women. She was my soulmate and dream wife. 6 weeks ago she started acting depressed and wouldn't tell me why.
    Then a week later she said wasn't happy, didn't think she loved me anymore and dropped the D word on me. Devastated, I pressed on and tried talking to her on several occasions but she's not
    a talker of her feelings. Then I started getting suspicious so I started tracking her car and looked into our phone records. Turns out she's cheating on my with my best friend! I know these are just words to many people but I cannot describe to you the pain and betrayal I feel. If there's anyone here that's been through this kind of horror, I welcome advice because at this point I don't know what I'm going to do going forward. Thanks.

  2. #2
    Administrator Unboxxed's Avatar
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    Re: Happily married to utterly devasted overnight

    Quote Originally Posted by bronze22 View Post
    Hey guys, sorry in advance if this is not the right place to post this but I just wanted to vent. I'm new here but back in the 2000's I used to be an active poster and lurker when I was single
    on nice-guy forum. So I met the women of my dreams in 2011. we married in 2015 and had a boy later that year. Couldn't believe how great she was
    for years. I bragged about her and she hated feminism and cunt women. She was my soulmate and dream wife. 6 weeks ago she started acting depressed and wouldn't tell me why.
    Then a week later she said wasn't happy, didn't think she loved me anymore and dropped the D word on me. Devastated, I pressed on and tried talking to her on several occasions but she's not
    a talker of her feelings. Then I started getting suspicious so I started tracking her car and looked into our phone records. Turns out she's cheating on my with my best friend! I know these are just words to many people but I cannot describe to you the pain and betrayal I feel. If there's anyone here that's been through this kind of horror, I welcome advice because at this point I don't know what I'm going to do going forward. Thanks.
    Hi bronze22,

    I am sorry this is happening to you. Your pain of being betrayed by both your wife and best friend is horrendous.

    While we await responses from our members, I must gently point out that registered membership on this site is for MGTOW. That is, men who are resolute to have sworn off relationships with women. That may be you before long, but right now one can't say that of you, and you have more immediate things to address.

    So, I am going to close your member account and move this thread to Nonmember Questions and Opposing Views sub-forum, where you can still communicate with us, and us with you, but as a nonmember.
    The two most important days in your life are the day you were born and the day you find out why. - Mark Twain

    The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation.
    - Henry David Thoreau

    There are 10 types of people in the world - those who understand binary, and those who don't.

    Suitable for bookmarking: www.fakehatecrimes.org and www.breitbart.com/tag/hate-crime-hoax

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    Re: Happily married to utterly devasted overnight

    Quote Originally Posted by bronze22 View Post
    If there's anyone here that's been through this kind of horror, I welcome advice because at this point I don't know what I'm going to do going forward. Thanks.
    Members, this man is looking for experienced feedback. He doesn't say if this happened only recently where he wants practical advice on ideas such as choosing a lawyer or advice on staying in his home and making her be the one to leave, etc. Or if he is past all that and wants only advice on coping mechanisms.

    Perhaps he can post here to clarify this.

    He has a 7-year-old boy.
    The two most important days in your life are the day you were born and the day you find out why. - Mark Twain

    The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation.
    - Henry David Thoreau

    There are 10 types of people in the world - those who understand binary, and those who don't.

    Suitable for bookmarking: www.fakehatecrimes.org and www.breitbart.com/tag/hate-crime-hoax

  4. #4
    Senior Member mgtower's Avatar
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    Re: Happily married to utterly devasted overnight

    Buckle up, dude, the next big face slap comes when she makes "you" pay dearly for "her" infidelity!

    The old one two punch!

    All that comes to my mind in this ugliness is Mr. Bonestripper!

    You will eat Greta Thunberg's bug-burgers and be happy.

  5. #5
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    Re: Happily married to utterly devasted overnight

    Quote Originally Posted by bronze22 View Post
    Hey guys, sorry in advance if this is not the right place to post this but I just wanted to vent. I'm new here but back in the 2000's I used to be an active poster and lurker when I was single
    on nice-guy forum. So I met the women of my dreams in 2011. we married in 2015 and had a boy later that year. Couldn't believe how great she was
    for years. I bragged about her and she hated feminism and cunt women. She was my soulmate and dream wife. 6 weeks ago she started acting depressed and wouldn't tell me why.
    Then a week later she said wasn't happy, didn't think she loved me anymore and dropped the D word on me. Devastated, I pressed on and tried talking to her on several occasions but she's not
    a talker of her feelings. Then I started getting suspicious so I started tracking her car and looked into our phone records. Turns out she's cheating on my with my best friend! I know these are just words to many people but I cannot describe to you the pain and betrayal I feel. If there's anyone here that's been through this kind of horror, I welcome advice because at this point I don't know what I'm going to do going forward. Thanks.
    Aw man, you’ve been shat on so hard from many sides. I have no first-hand experience of what you’re going through so I’ll spare you any platitudes other than to say I have friends that have gone through similar and they managed to pull through as will you.

    But you’re looking for practical advice also yes? So here’s what little I have to offer:

    First get yourself good legal counsel. By this I don’t mean the most expensive you can afford, but one that empathises with your position and will fight for you.

    Second, I’m going to assume that you are now separated and that she has custody of your 7 year old. Correct me if I’m wrong.

    Make payments for the upkeep of your child, but do it in a way that can be verified and validated, for example through bank transfers. Never hand over cash unless there is no alternative. This will go a long way in showing to the divorce judge that you are sincere in contributing to the upkeep of your child.

    Why is this important? Because it will get the judge on your side, that you’re a good guy willing to do the right thing. If the judge thinks that you’re a bad guy (s)he’ll likely hit you harder in terms of child support and alimony.

    You are going to be bitter for a long time over this, but when it comes to practicalities try to put that bitterness aside. Differentiate between your understandable emotional reaction and what needs to be done.

    Easy for me to say isn’t it?

    Putting it into practice is another matter altogether. Good luck to you bronze22. Times will be hard for you for a while, but only for a while.

    After that comes the taste of freedom, and there’s NOTHING can compare to that.

  6. #6
    Super Moderator Mr Wombat's Avatar
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    Re: Happily married to utterly devasted overnight

    Dude, I have no experienced advice to give. All I can do is repeat the advice of hundreds of other stories just like yours.

    1 - she does not love you anymore. Women are not like men. Men hold fond feelings for their exes. For women, when they move on, it's over.

    2 - Lawyer up. 100%. Expect no mercy, no "we meant so much to one another". None of that stuff matters anymore.

    3 - Your best friend … there's a couple of ways that could go. Maybe he was gunning for your wife the entire time, but then again, maybe he got seduced. It happens. Does he really want to be with a cheater? What she is about to do to you, she will do to him.

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    Senior Member mgtower's Avatar
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    Re: Happily married to utterly devasted overnight

    Quote Originally Posted by Mr Wombat View Post
    Dude, I have no experienced advice to give. All I can do is repeat the advice of hundreds of other stories just like yours.

    1 - she does not love you anymore. Women are not like men. Men hold fond feelings for their exes. For women, when they move on, it's over.

    2 - Lawyer up. 100%. Expect no mercy, no "we meant so much to one another". None of that stuff matters anymore.

    3 - Your best friend … there's a couple of ways that could go. Maybe he was gunning for your wife the entire time, but then again, maybe he got seduced. It happens. Does he really want to be with a cheater? What she is about to do to you, she will do to him.
    Truer words cannot be spoken!

    Each of us (for the most part) have gone through the mill to be recycled over and over again, some hopped off, stayed off, then somehow gathered with others (MGTOW) to exchange notes and eye-opening confirmation.

    We no longer serve as life rafts in the sea of gynocentric destruction. When a woman that abandons ship, then tries to approach a new vessel (a man going his own way) we whack them with our preverbal paddles offering no parlay or assistance, we let them swim and swim until they find some other vessel to drag under in their desperation to find more material to recycle for their exclusive benefit.

    It's a hostile paradigm from every angle thanks to the long standing cultural transformation that promotes this ugly social decay and immense suffering.

    You need the bell to ring, you need to have this epiphany before the wisdom and understanding sets in.

    MGTOW drives up the scrap price of man each and every day as we are the only countermeasure and antidote to this culture.

    We are well cemented in place and spreading across the globe as each red pill man becomes enlightened and has the epiphany, the rage, the healing and the redirection.

    MGTOW makes the wall that much harder, taller, and thicker after a woman is thrown by nature from the cock carousel or in your case, the marry'go'round.

    This is the reality we live in, anything else is cognitive dissidence driven by gaslights.
    You will eat Greta Thunberg's bug-burgers and be happy.

  8. #8
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    Re: Happily married to utterly devasted overnight

    First, ditch the best friend. There's no room in your life for disloyalty like that. He doesn't deserve a second chance. What good is he to you now anyway? Are you going to confide in him your divorce woes? Talk about a security leak. He absolutely has to go.

    Second, your relationship with your ex is now a co-parenting relationship for the next 11 years. So it's not over and you can't just disappear into the night if you want to be in your kid's life. Which means you are going to have to be an adult. No crazy texts, emails, voicemails....because that can and will be used against you. And don't discuss it with your kid unless he asks questions. Be honest with him because you can guarantee she isn't.

    Third, definitely get legal representation. In most states, division of property is a formula. Figure out your ballpark exposure (your 401k + equity in the house) X 0.5 kinds of calculations. You've been married 7 years so it's going to hurt a little but it could be MUCH worse.

    Fourth, don't try and get a girlfriend. Focus on your kid if possible. Your wife played her hand and make no mistake, your son is paying attention. She traded her family for something he doesn't understand right now, but he will. I think a lot of divorcing couples compete to try want to validate themselves and say "You see, someone loves me" to the ex. If you jump into a relationship, there's no upside for him. Plus, you're going to be preoccupied anyway and you're a sitting duck to a manipulative woman.

    Anyway man, good luck to you. It's a long tunnel but there is an end. I'm divorced with 2 kids and I think focusing on them made all the difference in their perception of me as a parent. And I'm way happier without all the dead weight.

  9. #9

    Re: Happily married to utterly devasted overnight

    Make sure that all communication is by message or platforms like whatsapp etc.....ALL COMMUNICATIONS!! No longer voice call. Any face to face interactions must be recorded, or together with yr lawyer present.Other guys here will know better whether you should stay put or move out, either way , lawyer up fast.

    Shes out to get what she can now....no matter what, you are done as far as she is concerned, one wrong move from u and its will be allegations of violence , abuse etc to the police. Then u will be kicked out of yr house and not allowed to see yr kid..( she has to make you out to be a violent, abusive monster......standard OP in these situations now) She has to do this...she wants to make sure you've got to be seen as the bad guy in order for her to get max mileage from the judge / magistrate now. Shes out to get all she can from u now shes made the decision to move on.

    She doesnt love you. Shes made it clear. Lock your emotions in a box . You have to fight for yrself now.

    By the way, child support doesnt end until " the child is self supportive" ,this means you will be paying for college/ uni etc.

    Above all, keep yr emotions in check. I have been there....my mental health even took a beating....its hard, but you can get through this.....

  10. #10

    Re: Happily married to utterly devasted overnight

    It just rips my guts out to hear this Bronze22. It literally gives me flashbacks. All the above is good advice. Having gone through a very similar scenario, I’ll add:

    Double down on the above advice on a lawyer. I got coerced into “working it out on our own to avoid lawyer fees”. DONT DO THIS. It’s a suckers bet. My ex lied and had a lawyer from the beginning and really stroked me. Get a lawyer that will listen and fight for you to the extent that YOU want to fight. “Interview” them. I ended up at Cordell & Cordell (if you are in the US.) I ended up with the second lawyer I talked to there. It’s going to be expensive. But you have to do it. Also double down on the no talk policy. Insist on all email. (Save them all). And write your emails out ahead of time in Word. Run them by your confidant (see below), or at minimum, sleep on it before copying into your email account and hitting send. Doing this prevents accidental sends. You are in a fog now. You want to be very very careful what you send. And don’t be shy about writing EXACTLY what you think in word (including what a cheating, lying cunt she is) Save them all, whether you send them or not. (You’re obviously not sending the ones where you call her those things, but it’s great therapy now, and later. You’ll need to be reminded later just how you feel now.)

    Second, and probably more importantly, get a friend or relative to confide in and help you through the process. For me, it was my brother. He literally saved my life emotionally, financially and possibly physically. You are in shock right now. You are not rational, you are not thinking clearly. Your decisions, if made alone, are going to be iffy at best. Having someone to run things past before you act is invaluable and something I strongly suggest. I hope and pray you have someone you can count on to fill that role.

    Don’t get caught up in rushing to “forgiveness”. You’ll hear a lot about needing to “forgive in order to heal”. Fuck that. For now at least. That is for much later, if ever. Right now is time for high alert, hard core defense. Your top priority is your son. Spare no effort in making sure of that one, most important priority. Fight for him with everything you’ve got. He is at super high risk now, and you are the only one in this mess with morals and his best interests at heart. Make it obvious to him that being his dad is your top concern. Seriously consider fighting for custody. The last thing he needs is 11 years of watching his mother fuck everything that moves. That also means, as stated above, NO girlfriends. No dating. You won’t have the time or money for that, and please believe me, there are ZERO benefits to that now (or ever for that matter). He’s going to see enough of that shit from his mother.

    Go see a counselor or therapist. It gives another perspective. They need to be screened too. You don’t need to hear about “your part in this”. She cheated on you. Don’t let ANYONE tell you this is ANY fault of yours. It’s not. It’s a dirtbag move on her part, and I don’t give a shit what you did or didn’t do. There is NO excuse or justification for her doing that.

    Stay away from the booze, dope and overeating. That shit sneaks up on you. Dive into a hobby, your job, or working out. Take care of yourself, you’re worth it.

    It’s gonna take time and it’s gonna be the worst thing you’ve ever went through. But you’ll end up fine. Just gut it out and roll with it. You’re gonna have some real shit days. Just do what you can to get through them. They get fewer and further apart with time.

    All the best to you man. Don’t give up.

  11. #11
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    Re: Happily married to utterly devasted overnight

    One piece of advice i was given, which seamed small at the time, but actually helped.

    You have nothing to be embarrassed about!

    Keep reminding yourself of this throughout.

    To add to others advice, do not give her or your boy and cash. If she refuses to take money via a recorded method (I've witnessed this tactic) Keep the money aside ready to go until she does, and make multiple documented offers to pay via bank transfer so she can't claim later that you refused.

    Man's normal reaction is to stoically survive and 'get through' shit and try to minimise damage. Playing defense will only result in her and her legal advisor (who will have been in the game long before she pulled the trigger) from attacking harder. Get some proper legal advice yourself and fight back on every little point you can and refuse to give up any ground.
    Now is now the time to be the better man.

    Good luck
    Nosvic

  12. #12
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    Re: Happily married to utterly devasted overnight

    Quote Originally Posted by Unregistered View Post
    Now is now the time to be the better man.
    Edit
    Now is NOT the time to be the better man.

  13. #13
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    Re: Happily married to utterly devasted overnight

    1. No such thing as a “soulmate”.

    2. If a guy is fucking your wife behind your back, he is not your “best friend”.

    3. All wives despise their husbands, because a quality man doesn’t get married.

    You gotta study up on the Red Pill and turn your life around. It’s gonna be very hard but nothing that is worth something comes easy. Good luck!

    Quote Originally Posted by Mr Wombat View Post
    1 - she does not love you anymore. Women are not like men. Men hold fond feelings for their exes. For women, when they move on, it's over.
    Women don’t love men the way men love women.

    Women love men they respect. The moment you think of her as your “soulmate” the respect is gonna, the love is gonna, the relationship is over.

    Never ever think of a woman as your mate, partner or equal. The moment you do the respect is gonna, the love is gonna, the relationship is over.
    Last edited by Bam; August 6, 2022 at 6:07 AM.

  14. #14

    Re: Happily married to utterly devasted overnight

    Agree with all of the above:

    1) Go on the offensive, demand the most and stick to your guns.

    2) Avoid any relationships/dating (especially any your kids can see, which includes texting/calling etc)

    3) Don't pay a dime until there is a court order. Every penny you give her will be ignored by the judge. Keep it in an account to be ready to catch up, IF you lose the first hearing. There are plenty of child support calculators online, but your lawyer you should have can calculate it for you. Lawyers ALWAYS say, pay it, it makes you look good. It doesn't help, been there. Trust me.

    4) Stay on the offensive. I can't stress this enough, you must always be attacking. If there's ANY false allegations against you, or if she tries to control the narrative about people you know can't be around the kids, file a motion, get a hearing and make her substantiate the allegations.

    5) DO NOT leave the marital house until temporary custody orders are in place. You will lose your residence for 'abandoning the family'.

    6) Install cameras inside and outside of the house. Ring/nanny cams/hidden cams, whatever. Stay in the house until the temp orders, DO NOT LEAVE!!!

    7) Start using cash for everything. Gives the opposing party nothing to investigate/question your spending habits when all they can see is a paycheck hit the account and you take out every penny in cash aside from what's used for bills.

    8) Change EVERY password on every device/account. I would go as far as saying do a hard reset on your phone.

    9) Only text your friends on a secure app like Signal. Phone/text records can be subpeonad.

    10) Earn as little as you can to survive, but don't quit your job. Quit any side gigs or means of extra money and spend time with the kids. Use that time productively to get to know teachers, friends, friends parents etc.

    11) Take a COMPLETE inventory of everything in the home with pics/video.

    That's it for now.


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