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  1. #1
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    Divorce around the corner. Venting, introduction.

    This is just a venting and introduction, not a request for advice or anything, though my ears are open of course.

    I found MGTOW on reddit in late 2018 I think. At the time, my soon to be ex-wife and I were not yet married, but had been living together for eight years and having a rough patch. We almost ended it then, but got through it somehow. I studied the mgtow principles and understood what I was up against, but set it aside foolishly. Fast forward to late 2020, and I felt like we were going to be together forever since we had made it through so much already, so I proposed. We get married in December of 2020 and really nothing much changed in our lives. It was already a dead bedroom before, we are like good friends living together for financial stability. I lost most of my attraction to her when she stopped listening to me about how to take care of her self. Did she ever listen to me? hmmm, rarely.

    Fast forward again to July when a close friend of ours commits suicide because his wife wanted a divorce (that's all we know). I told her then, "Look, if you ever want a divorce, just tell me, none of this suicide shit". Now, last Sunday, she said the word. OK. So the stages of mourning set in and all that, but I process emotions pretty fast sometimes so I'm doing OK. I'm more angry I'm about to have to start life over than I am losing her. She has a great side too, and I do love her, but enough is enough.

    This was my only marriage I'll ever go through, I've always said I would never do it and finally gave in, stupidly. So now I am waiting for her to sit down and start figuring out how to separate finances and everything, we plan to start that process this weekend. I expect to be left out on the street since it was her house to begin with (she actually did me a huge favor ten years ago by giving me a place to live and letting me get back on my feet after major bankruptcy).

    For the moment, I still have a job and transportation. The job is iffy so I should get myself back on the market (sigh). Life.

    When I make it out the other side, definitely will not go through this ever again. I just wish I didn't find women so attractive. I'm almost 44 and this is gonna be hard to rebuild from since I was already so checked out of this world, ready to quit my job, etc. I just want to live on a boat or something.

    Anyhow, thanks for listening.

    edit: After reading the 'how to intro' sticky, here is more information:

    1) I have no interest in dating and certainly no interest in ever marrying or cohabitation again.
    2) I've always been somewhat disillusioned, but tried to power through in the current culture anyhow.
    3) Seems like I have to experience things to learn from them, unfortunately.
    4) While I'm not mgtow at the moment, it is where I am headed next. I'm definitely a red-pill deep down, and have simply been in denial. Maybe that is another color? Not 100% sure.
    5) I probably won't be extremely active in contributing here so if you feel the need to delete my user, I fully understand (I can always consume and lurk without the user).

    Thank you.
    Last edited by ionized; September 17, 2021 at 7:21 PM. Reason: Add more info about myself per the intro guidelines.

  2. #2
    Senior Member
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    Re: Divorce around the corner. Venting, introduction.

    You didn't mention kids. With none, you'll be free in no time, that puts you way ahead of most guys. Their stuck dealing with the ex for another eighteen years, and you can bet the women will make the process as painful as they can.

    Welcome.
    Every day I make the world a little bit worse.

  3. #3
    Junior Member
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    Divorcing

    Re: Divorce around the corner. Venting, introduction.

    Thank you for the welcome, frog. That is true, no children. We do have, ummm, five cats to figure out what to do with, but that should be trivial in comparison.

    You remind me, I need to count my blessings as I have many in comparison to what other men have to go through. Right now everything is amicable as well, and as long as it stays that way, this shouldn't be so bad. I must accept and get over the financial losses, the sunk cost fallacy, the parts of the relationship that were actually amazing. A different life awaits.

  4. #4

    Re: Divorce around the corner. Venting, introduction.

    If you were married only a year, you won't be subject to alimony payments, so that's good. No child support, no alimony. You escaped those traps.

    Just a definitional note. You mentioned that you have no intention to marry or cohabitate, but that you are "not MGTOW at the moment." Some people think MGTOW means giving up relationships with women. I don't know if you think that, but if so, let me correct things. The basic tenets of MGTOW are avoiding marriage, cohabitation, and pregnancy. Beyond that, many MGTOW still have relationships with women, albeit most of them short-term. In terms of the basic tenets (avoiding marriage and cohabitation), you're already there.

    My position is that MGTOW don't merely avoid marriage and cohabitation, but they also have some red-pill awareness of "female nature" and society (e.g., gynocentrism, the court system) that supports those decisions. It sounds like you have that as well.

    So I think you are MGTOW at the moment.

  5. #5
    Super Moderator Mr Wombat's Avatar
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    Re: Divorce around the corner. Venting, introduction.

    4) While I'm not mgtow at the moment, it is where I am headed next. I'm definitely a red-pill deep down, and have simply been in denial. Maybe that is another color? Not 100% sure.
    MTOW is not the same as "monk mode", and I think the "Degrees of MGTOW" is a bit silly. Ain't no-one actually handing out coloured belts. MGTOW means not subordinating your life, your goals, your self to a woman or - more abstractly - to a relationship. Which is what marriage in particular *is* - it's written right there on the contract.

    Good luck with the divorce, man.

    I personally found out that attraction to women burned out at about 51/52, so that's another seven or eight years for you. Call it the manopause, if you like.

  6. #6
    Senior Member
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    Re: Divorce around the corner. Venting, introduction.

    Five cats? Yikes, even without legal trouble that's a big job.

    When my neighbor got divorced, he started out intending to give the ex a fair shake. He just wanted out. But the ex picked such a lousy lawyer, one both mean and stupid, that by the time it was over my pal didn't care if the ex ended up in a cardboard box. Lucky for him, the judge didn't like the ex's lawyer either, and he came out better than he would of otherwise. So you might get attacked some during the divorce proceedings.
    Every day I make the world a little bit worse.

  7. #7

    Re: Divorce around the corner. Venting, introduction.

    On the bright side at least she didn't stick a hose through your basement window as soon as you left for work and turned it on flooding your man cave with like 20k in musical equipment.

    Happened to my cousin.


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