Thread: Dazed, Confused . . . Hopeful

My question is why the fuck wasn't it this way for the last 31 years? If she is capable of this, where the fuck has it been? It's only happening now that she thinks I'm arranging a divorce?

The cobra looks like it's back peddling, but actually she's a narcissist recoiling and preparing to strike if you don't fall in line with her scheme, and that's getting you off sides and vulnerable so she can deliver the strike and inject the venom!

You need to be independent of her before she slashes her income and bases that on a divorce settlement.

These fkn cunts have all the info on how to fuck a man in divorce, there's a plethora of websites, not to mention their friends testimony in their own divorce raping sagas!

You have no idea how deep a woman's rabbit hole goes!

If I did to her what she did to me, I'd be in prison right now

You are officially at war with her and apparently she's the only one that knows it. That's a real bad position!

Originally Posted by Dave in PA

She asked me if I was going to divorce her. WTF? Is she monitoring social media like this? She's definitely seen me on a different footing and has been on her very best behavior lately. She has a lot to lose if I do divorce her. So do I. She's making this indentureship seem less agonizing right now; does she have the self-awareness to understand and adapt where this never happened before? One take-away I now have is to trust my gut and my gut says she's gonna fuck me (thru a lawyer, not horizontally) and that this recent dentente is a ruse. She's resigning as a teacher in January and that will halve her income.

I gotta get this out here bec I have no other place to do this. My friends all don't want to hear this because it hits too close to home IMO. I have a two month window as of today to get this going and I am haunted by an earlier poster's comment about how I want the "back nine" of my life to go.

Her sudden, recent cooperative attitude is a respite and I can be lulled into thinking it will now be this way forever. My question is why the fuck wasn't it this way for the last 31 years? If she is capable of this, where the fuck has it been? It's only happening now that she thinks I'm arranging a divorce?

So it's not her anymore; it's me. Maybe it's always been me?!! And what can I change: her? NFW, at least not permanently or in a way I can trust going forward. I have always slid back into this sham marriage (after betrayals, affairs, financial mismanagement, endless backstabbing and deliberate destabilization) because I'm always told to think of others (and that men are selfish).

If I did to her what she did to me, I'd be in prison right now (or am I already in prison - HFS)? This venue gets my thinking aligned again and provides clarity and connection. Thanks to everyone here who makes this happen.

Yes definitely, she's sensing something and, like frog says, I wouldn't be surprised if that "divorce coach" had a part in this. Or, we know that women are quite perceptive in this area and will detect things that we men wouldn't think they'd see.

Perhaps you ought to sit down and binge-watch the youtube channel Strong Successful Male. The 44yo man who runs it has got his shit together. He reads stories sent in by real men and he comments on them. Instance after instance, the women in these stories will treat their men like shit, use them, ignore them, gaslight them, but once she realizes that the man realizes that he has options, including an option to walk away, her attitude changes overnight. Overnight.

It's not because she has realized your worth. It's because YOU have realized your worth. She already knew. Gee, is this the icky mechanism that runs the relationship, when we are groomed to believe it's about an unselfish love and sincerely trying?

My question is why the fuck wasn't it this way for the last 31 years? If she is capable of this, where the fuck has it been?

The capability has always been there for her to employ. She just didn't feel the need to do so when her other ideas were working for her. Ouch.

Isn't it shocking that people are no better than this and all along you thought she was more?

When you realize that you had been trying hard with a person who was less of a person than you had thought?

Has she been operating you? Would you say that? I won't say it for you. You be the one to tell me, please.

That's why men will say, women cannot love. It's her next chess move that you're seeing and I'll even say she may know of no other way to deal with people. Which, if true, should scare you to see this limitation in her, that you are a "people" to her on a chess board and not more intimate than that.

The "best behavior" you now see in her is not to be mistaken for a turn for the better, where you consider having a renewed hope as you slowly put that leash back around your neck. Watch out.

"What's troubling you is the nature of my game." A song lyric that came to mind.

betrayals, affairs, financial mismanagement, endless backstabbing and deliberate destabilization) because I'm always told to think of others (and that men are selfish

These things at the other end of the leash.

Also, what's with her leaving her job? Was that already in the works? Will your lawyer say that this advantages her in a divorce settlement? Or it affects the timing of your divorce filing?

Originally Posted by frog

She obviously found out somehow. My guess would be the Divorce Planner ratted you out, she doesn't sound very trustworthy.

Originally Posted by Unboxxed

Yes definitely, she's sensing something and, like frog says, I wouldn't be surprised if that "divorce coach" had a part in this. Or, we know that women are quite perceptive in this area and will detect things that we men wouldn't think they'd see.

Perhaps you ought to sit down and binge-watch the youtube channel Strong Successful Male. The 44yo man who runs it has got his shit together. He reads stories sent in by real men and he comments on them. Instance after instance, the women in these stories will treat their men like shit, use them, ignore them, gaslight them, but once she realizes that the man realizes that he has options, including an option to walk away, her attitude changes overnight. Overnight.

Couldn't agree more with both posters.

It seems reading Dave in PA's situation, there's a whole small town clearly on one side of the equation. The Pack Mule is realizing he's a True Stallion, but as a draft animal he was too valuable to let go to the wife and others. And worst they are determined to get a big pot of glue out of him, at least.

Originally Posted by Dave in PA

She's resigning as a teacher in January and that will halve her income.

In January? Not even seeing her class through until the end of the school year?

Makes my spidey senses tingle, from the prickling on my thumb something wicked this way comes.

She's reducing her income. Talk to a lawyer ASAP and see if she will sign something, I assume she might get some Pension? As a fully qualified teacher, she should be able to command her last salary but is almost certainly getting advice to lower her income in a bid to get more assets or support.

All power to you Dave in PA. Lawyer up to the max.

Originally Posted by Dave in PA

One take-away I now have is to trust my gut and my gut says

Oh, I forgot to mention that one thing that Strong Successful Male always hammers home in his videos are these exact words:

TRUST. YOUR. GUT.

Originally Posted by Unboxxed

Oh, I forgot to mention that one thing that Strong Successful Male always hammers home in his videos are these exact words:

TRUST. YOUR. GUT.

And if you don't... you get the

SMACK!

It all seriousness, this is probably one of the most crucial things all men need to understand. If you smell smoke, there's probably a fire.

Originally Posted by Survivor64

Don’t cave- her newfound “good attitude” is a ruse. Continue on your path. There are ZERO scenarios where staying with her will benefit you. Rip the band aid off. Fire the divorce planner and get your lawyer to file the papers. Don’t drag this out. Get it over with and get the healing started.

This is solid advice, deceit and deceptions are what woman do! Go for the fucking jugular no looking back!

I'm seeing this everywhere now. Picked out a nice apartment bec I think I want my own space versus my buddy's place. I must keep my attitude upbeat, stay positive. I cannot let this get me down. I'm seeing freedom and the path to it is freaking dangerous. Thanks to this forum. I'm reading everyone's comments and I feel any win I get is our win, and vice-versa. I feel you all have my back.

Okay. Baby steps, and I'm called a big baby, sooooo, my baby steps are big, right? Two things that were vital to me pursuing a divorce was control of my cell phone (vital to my business) carved out of the family plan and a copy of the 2021 taxes, which she decided to handle after she inherited her Mom's estate. Both were hard to get and in proportion to their importance to me. Just got both these things done and I'm tightening things up to make my move. I have the lawyer ready to go. I am waiting for her next episode to drop the, "what are we doing" speech. I'll keep you posted.