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  1. #1

    Calling in from ND

    2 divorces from (2) covert narcs. Thank God no kids. A little dating in between marriages, grateful I did not get the shaft from any of those...could have now that I look back. Almost did not live through the divorces, they were brutal and repeats of the stories everyone else has here.

    During divorce #2 learned about mgtow and decided to go that way until a friend of 20+ years called to tell me she was getting divorced after 28 years. Put all my "game" studies to use and bagged her over the phone. It was 4 months before my divorce cleared and we could fly to meet and she said "I love you" on the first night.

    Best sex of my life the first night and that continued for the past 4.5 years incidentally. Those were incredible times.

    We agreed to split all costs 50/50 right from the start. That lasted about 4 months until she lost her job. My part of the tab kept increasing until the day we broke up.

    After 2.5 years she decided to move 1300 miles to "move in and see if we are compatible". I thought why not....we have a good time and she NEVER (not kidding) said no to sex and would do absolutely anything I wanted 1 on 1 (no outside parties allowed). She was a sex freak.

    As time went on, she started exercising less, eating worse and looking "natural" 5-7 days a week. She spent her nights on the couch watching the feminist propaganda on all the "reality" TV shows. Tried a bunch of work from home businesses, none of which worked while I paid for all the vacations and trips because she said "I dont have any money and if you want to do all that, I will come along but you have to pay for it. Otherwise I will stay here on the couch".

    I will never live with a woman again. Yes, hard to come home to a cold empty quiet house every day for the rest of your life, but there just isn't any other choice.

    If you have any feeling at all, you will slowly give up your space, time and money in an effort to please her...even if you know better. While living together she did everything she could to entice me to marry. She really thought she had me in the bag and was absolutely shocked when after 4 years I still said "I don't want to be responsible for you". That blew her away and started the downhill turn.

    When I said no to marriage 6 months later she loaded up her car, told me she was sorry I had made the decision to be alone the rest of my life (because she felt bad for me) and headed back home 1300 miles away.

    That was a month ago. Last week she called to say if we had no future we needed to just go back to being friends like we were for 20 years prior to starting the LDR. We talked and texted a few times to deal with shipping/returning various items and it has been radio silence since.

    Does it hurt? Yes. Am I lonely, Yes. Am I relieved, watching my stress drop and feel like I dodged a bullet? Absolutely. Both her grown kids are irresponsible, immature communists that will cause her grief for the rest of her life....I just did not want to sign up for that. She was as close to a NAWALT as I have ever met, but at the end of the day she wanted provision and protection with no responsibilities or demands, no expectations for her behavior. She told me straight out sh wanted me to be ultimately responsible for her financial well. I realized this meant no matter what mistakes she or her grown ass kids make...and they have all made plenty. There are sure to be many more.

    The last week has been very hard and I know I have weeks of rehab to go through now. At least I knew where to come for help.

    Like I said, I was mgtow after my 2nd divorce until we decided to give it a try. We did have a ton of fun the first couple years before covid and the only real regret is the $ I spent...but if I calc $ per screw it was way cheaper than any hooker, no danger of STDS, and available any time day or night just 50 ft away. (we slept in separate beds, I could not sleep with all her rolling around)

    Unfortunately, they way things are looking in the world, probably the last sex of my life. It's just too damn dangerous to talk to a girl these days let alone do her if you haven't know her for decades. Tough because I know I only have a few years of performance left judging by how things are going.

    Part of me it sad it is over, part of me knew it would never last (because now I know women) and part of me is grateful I got out in time.
    Last edited by flying; November 1, 2021 at 6:11 AM.

  2. #2

    Re: Calling in from ND

    Hm, that's a rough road with women -- two bad marriages and then a sexually fulfilling but ultimately "same old shit" cohabitation. Good thing the cohabitation didn't work against you (legally, I mean). She doesn't sound at all like a NAWALT/unicorn to me, but I think the sex blinded you (no offense, happens to the best of us). You're recently out of it, so of course you're hurting and lonely. It'll probably be months before you have regained your emotional stability, etc. Having her out is definitely the right move, and thank goodness you didn't marry.

    As for "coming home to a cold, lonely house," that will fade. You'll get used to it, the brain adapts. Give it 6 to 12 months, and it'll feel normal. Then it'll start to feel good, and the longer it goes, the better you'll feel about it (at least, that's been my experience and the experience of many other guys). If loneliness is really an issue, get yourself a dog (if you have time to take care of him/her). I know it's cliche advice, but my dog was a godsend during the aftermath of my divorce.

    As for going without sex the rest of your life, there's no need to do that. You can always rent or just do the hit-it-and-quit-it thing. Some risk, yes, but far fewer costs and headaches than cohabiting.

    Oh, and welcome to the group.

  3. #3

    Re: Calling in from ND

    Thanks so much Eddie...appreciate everything you said...will reread and ponder as needed.

  4. #4

    Re: Calling in from ND

    Already doing better. So amazing to be able to live in my entire house rather than just existing in the unfinished basement. Tonight I moved back into the large bathroom...yahoo! I have all 3 bays in my garage back and for the first time in a couple years have my finished office. I have less and less pressure on me. I know this is the right move and I will get better with time.

  5. #5
    Senior Member mgtower's Avatar
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    Re: Calling in from ND

    Brother, you're on the 15th floor of a 20 story building! Be thankful it didn't go batshit crazy, landing you in JAIL, and loosing everything you own!

    I see a man that has much to be thankful for!

    Just a little outside perspective as to where you are for one of life's recalibrations!
    Tower's Book of Survival:

    Rule #401. First you eat the dogs, then you eat the dogfood.

  6. #6

    Re: Calling in from ND

    mgtower....you are dead on. The first EX tried to get me arrested. Fortunately she attacked me and left scars on my forearm that lasted for months and I had an attorney that told me to get out of the house in the middle of the night and leave everything immediately following her attack. I disappeared for nearly a year while she and her family tried to track me down cross country and my attorney fought to get me free.

    I knew by the second one that when I got ready to leave I had to leave with everything and disappear without any warning. Marriage is war....you have to have a killer mindset to survive it and get out alive.

    This last one leaving of her own accord....Hand of God.

    I really do have so much to be thankful for. Thanks for that perspective!

  7. #7

    Re: Calling in from ND

    Hey guys...could use a little help tonight. She is going out to a big party tonight with a bunch of guys....my gut feel like a knife is going through it. Don't know why...my head is straight but it still hurts. A lot.

  8. #8
    Administrator Unboxxed's Avatar
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    Re: Calling in from ND

    Quote Originally Posted by flying View Post
    Hey guys...could use a little help tonight. She is going out to a big party tonight with a bunch of guys....my gut feel like a knife is going through it. Don't know why...my head is straight but it still hurts. A lot.
    (Is she going to the party with a bunch of guys? Or is she going to a party where a bunch of guys will be?)

    How about a little tough love?

    Let me think this out. She lives 1300 miles away. Who calls who? Somehow, she felt it necessary to inform you about this party with a bunch of guys. Don't you see that as cruel? Can you even see clearly, only a week later? No.

    Friend, I'm surprised you are still in touch with her. You're torturing yourself. And she's purposely doing the torturing. She knows what she said.

    Break it off or you are due for more of the same. She will delight in giving you a ringside seat to her life without you.

    Last week she called to say if we had no future we needed to just go back to being friends
    You agreed to that? Bad mistake on your part. It was her idea, I see, showing how easily women can get past a relationship so important to you.

    Her: I'll just move him to the Friend Zone now. Tra la la, time to go to a party to meet guys...

    Her: We need to just go back to being friends. How the hell does a person just say that unless they were not invested?

    So strange to me, this instant re-categorization is supposed to give you instant healing? Apparently it worked for her.

    What a utility you have been to her. So common. You will remain a utility to her. I can see that. Can you?


    Maybe you can talk again to her years from now, after you have healed from this. Maybe. But right now is not a time to have her around, in any way.

    Cut off communications with her. Terminate the feed. End it. No mas. Finito. You cannot be friends with her. It ain't working.



    On a separate note, North Dakota winters are c-c-c-cold. I hope your basement was finished when you slept in it? Otherwise, I'm going to give you a hard time over that, too.
    The two most important days in your life are the day you were born and the day you find out why. - Mark Twain

    The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation.
    - Henry David Thoreau

    There are 10 types of people in the world - those who understand binary, and those who don't.

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  9. #9
    Senior Member mgtower's Avatar
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    Re: Calling in from ND

    Quote Originally Posted by flying View Post
    Hey guys...could use a little help tonight. She is going out to a big party tonight with a bunch of guys....my gut feel like a knife is going through it. Don't know why...my head is straight but it still hurts. A lot.
    I haven't had that searing hot knife driven through my heart in DECADES!

    I'll tell you one thing truer than true, EVERY woman I EVER had personal encounters with romantic, family, business or politics, have all left that calling card on my soul!

    Intellectually, there's not a woman alive that dealing with isn't metaphorically like juggling steak knives while wing walking an SR-71 Black Bird! I call it Fried Ice Syndrome (FIS).

    It's comforting knowing that I will never experience the hot piercing knives of carelessness and contempt that love blooms flowers in women.

    They have no idea just how far off limits my heart is to them. There's no female footprints in the snow of my ice cold heart, just my tracks from skiing this glacier called life.
    Tower's Book of Survival:

    Rule #401. First you eat the dogs, then you eat the dogfood.

  10. #10
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    Re: Calling in from ND

    Pretending to be friends while saying things she knows will gut you? Some friend.

    Take the high road. Wish her a good life, then throw her out like an old pair of shoes. She's just out to make you feel bad, you got better things to do.

    Or you could tell her friends some jailbait moved into town and your glad she's gone. She'd eventually find your lying, but would probably feel bad till she figured it out. That's kind a rotten, but it's no more than what she's doing to you. Better to write it off, riling her up would just show that her knife work got to you. No use going there.
    Last edited by frog; November 21, 2021 at 3:57 PM.
    Every day I make the world a little bit worse.

  11. #11

    Re: Calling in from ND

    thanks guys...really appreciate it. yep...the basement is cold but I sleep best in 60 degrees...however working from home in the basement sucked. Much better up in the warm light of day now.

    Is every man nothing more than a utility to a woman? has it always been so, even before feminism? Is it truly impossible for a woman to actually love a man or do some of them truly "think" they love a man while lying to themselves?

  12. #12
    Senior Member Resdayn's Avatar
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    Re: Calling in from ND

    Hello and welcome, brother! You said it might be your last time having sex with a female. As a man who hasn't had sex for just over 10 years, I promise that you eventually won't miss it, and will actually forget what it's like. Sure you may crave it again, and again, but nothing squeezes as tight and right as your own hand, lol.
    Lord Nerevar Reborn

  13. #13
    Super Moderator Mr Wombat's Avatar
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    Re: Calling in from ND

    Quote Originally Posted by flying View Post
    Unfortunately, they way things are looking in the world, probably the last sex of my life. It's just too damn dangerous to talk to a girl these days let alone do her if you haven't know her for decades. Tough because I know I only have a few years of performance left judging by how things are going.
    Pfft. That's just the post-breakup blues talking. Wallow in it, by all means, but not for too long.

    Compared to a lot of the other stories here, this is a positive one. A story of a man who dodged a bullet no by accident, but because he identified the danger and saw it coming. Well done.

    Advice? Start thinking about your physical health. Diet and exercise. It's time to start working out, if you don't do so already, or to set some goals and be consistent, if you are not doing that already. The sovereign cure for depression - for men - is working out. Scientific studies and a wealth of anecdotes to back it up.

    The gym is the cure for what ails you right now.

    Oh, and consider taking Vitamin D if you are not in the tropics.

    And welcome to the forum.

  14. #14

    Re: Calling in from ND

    Really appreciate all the feedback here. Your right, I have to get back on the exercise wagon. Been recovering from CV for a couple months and still at about 60% but have to start somewhere.

    Something I realized late last night as I work to get peace with the breakup.

    She said once in a fit of desperation (I think she let it "slip" unintended) that she "doesn't want to be financially responsible for herself anymore because she has had to be that her entire adult life (husband was a loser) and she is tired of it."

    You know, I can understand that. I am tired of it too. I would like to retire and have someone else worry about all my bills as well.

    But for the first time in my entire life, I am not sweating finances every day. (because I am not married or paying for a divorce) To go back under that kind of pressure for not just her but her grown irresponsible kids as well...I truly think it would kill me in the literal sense.

    to give her the lifestyle she wants:

    1. allow her to not work or work as a "hobby"

    2. build her the dream house she literally draws out on paper every few days

    3. furnish the dream house

    4. insure and upkeep the dream house

    5. fund constant remodel projects on the dream house

    6. fund her girls vacations

    7. bail out her kids whenever necessary

    8. cover all of her living expenses

    9. have enough money in the bank to ensure this same level of living for her after I am dead so that she can feel "secure"


    I figure I would need to have a couple million in the bank and make about $500k a year. Unfortunately, I am just not that guy and I never will be.

    I spent my best years of youth and strength working to build something that I then gave away in 2 divorces.

    Yep, I lost it all, went and rebuilt and then lost it all again plus going into debt on the divorces. More important, I lost all those years and now I don't have time to make it back up. I will work until I die just to survive.

    I just don't have it in me to do carry it all again for the 3rd time.

    When I look at it objectively, after 4.5 years I know what she wants, I know what will make her happy (for moments in time, she has never learned to be content) and it is a millionaire.

    The last year I paid for all her food, both home and eating out, all her vacations, all her car repairs, all her hair and nails...now that I think about it, man am I ashamed. She wasn't even willing to get her hair done for me...unless I did it. Wow.

    It starts out so innocently...then they just take and take and take a little more each day. Man did I dodge a bullet.

  15. #15
    Administrator Unboxxed's Avatar
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    Re: Calling in from ND

    Quote Originally Posted by flying View Post
    she "doesn't want to be financially responsible for herself anymore because she has had to be that her entire adult life (husband was a loser) and she is tired of it."

    You know, I can understand that. I am tired of it too. I would like to retire and have someone else worry about all my bills as well.
    Hmm. Myself, I cannot understand that, for anybody. I will always want to support myself. I would never support another human being who simply wanted to let me. I dislike mooching. Even in retirement, I support myself. That's the MGTOW life anyway.

    I've never been like most people who say Ugh to paying bills. I am happy to pay my bills. It feels good to pay them. It means I am solvent and can fulfill my contracts. Continually doing this means I don't overextend myself. These thoughts are the intangible things I keep around.

    If someone else paid all of my bills, in time I'd likely turn into a selfish, inconsiderate person, like your ex, draining the soul of another.


    I just don't have it in me to do carry it all again for the 3rd time.
    That is an asset, not a deficit. If you think about it, no man should budget his life to do it even for the first time.


    The last year I paid for all her food, both home and eating out, all her vacations, all her car repairs, all her hair and nails...now that I think about it, man am I ashamed. She wasn't even willing to get her hair done for me...unless I did it. Wow.
    And, you gave her the best part of your house while you worked and slept in a cold basement.

    Your candor here is good to see and is appreciated.

    When a man loves a woman,
    He'll spend his very last dime
    Tryin' to hold on to what he needs.
    He'd give up all his comforts
    And sleep out in the rain,
    If she said that's the way
    It ought to be.

    -Percy Sledge


    MGTOW has its own lyrics.
    The two most important days in your life are the day you were born and the day you find out why. - Mark Twain

    The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation.
    - Henry David Thoreau

    There are 10 types of people in the world - those who understand binary, and those who don't.

    Suitable for bookmarking: www.fakehatecrimes.org and www.breitbart.com/tag/hate-crime-hoax

  16. #16

    Re: Calling in from ND

    It is amazing the clarity that comes from a little time and separation. You start remembering all those little red flags that gave pause, but you passed over.

    Today I remembered when she yelled at me, "your going to have to spend some money to have me" when I asking what happened to our 50/50 agreement on expenses.

    Then I remembered she always had money for the things she wanted to do...but never for the things I wanted to do...and never for the things "we" wanted to do.

    then there was the ever present get out of jail free card for anything I asked about "I don't have the money for that, if you want to do that you will have to pay for it (for both of us) or you can just go by yourself"

    what is really crazy as I look back is how it changes so dramatically with time. at the start everything is going to be 50/50 "partner" type arrangement and somehow 4 years later the guy is paying for everything. it is REALLY incredible.

    She hasn't made any money for 4 years...she just went from one get rich quick scheme to another burning through her savings. If she now goes and gets a real job it will prove she was just counting on me to backstop her when she runs completely out of money.

    But honestly, I expect her to catch a beta millionaire and be married in less than a year.

    Guys, we had been friends for over 20 years. She had been a loyal and good friend during that time. I truly thought she was different. Even if she wanted to, I just don't think they can beat the thousands of years of DNA inside them. At the end of the day, even if they don't realize it they are takers. They just can't help it.

  17. #17

    Re: Calling in from ND

    Quote Originally Posted by flying View Post
    Even if she wanted to, I just don't think they can beat the thousands of years of DNA inside them. At the end of the day, even if they don't realize it they are takers. They just can't help it.
    That's a fantastic attitude that'll save you from sinking low enough to start hating on her or any other woman. It's a waste of time and energy.
    It'll allow you to start again from scratch and rebuild the best life for yourself.

    Eddie Haskell's comment on giving yourself at least a few months is a lot more real than a week or so. You had Oneitis with her and it takes a hell of a long time for those chemicals to wear off in men. Always remember, we're the romantic ones pretending to be realists.
    It'll probably take more than a few months and in some ways you'll always have residual feelings.

    As harsh as it sounds, it's best to brick wall her now. Any contact will only be an opportunity for her. You'll figure that out soon enough.
    Welcome to the forum

  18. #18

    Re: Calling in from ND

    Every day that passes brings clarity. The power of the P cannot be overstated. It blinds and confuses.


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