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  1. #1
    Senior Member Chef's Avatar
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    The Rough Guide to Single Moms

    The Rough Guide to Single Moms!

    Author: Zen King

    I thought I would set down a "rough guide" for men thinking about starting a relationship with a single mom and what some of the ramifications are of dating and entering into a deeper relationship with a single mom could be. Of course this guide does not apply to all women or all men but it will list the main problems I have observed through over the years.

    Contrary to popular media-myth I have yet to meet a single mom who was career driven, carefree, balanced, happy; doing it all type gal as often portrayed in most media outlets. The reality I have seen over the years is usually a stressed out, overworked, debt stricken woman who really had no idea children cost so much in time, effort and money. Their careers are on hold as they need to balance their child with sickness, school activities etc versus moving up whatever career ladder they are on. Most single moms are raising their children with help of an extended family member (usually their mom), a bevy of friends and other single moms they find in support groups. It is usually not a pretty picture at all.

    Somewhere along the way, usually quite quickly they come up with the idea that they need a "partner" to help them in their new enterprise of having a child and the sooner they can get one the better. Realizing they have a bit of a disadvantage with having a child and being in the dating scene they resort to several well known strategies to get a partner.

    One of the first strategies is to engage men who do not have children of their own. This allows the woman to portray the semblance of having and raising a kid is easy and there will always be a balance between their relationship with their partner and their child. Sometimes they will portray themselves as helpless victims, victimized by an evil and absent father they need saving and you can save them. Another popular scheme is to make themselves look accomplished and together by extending their debt to ridiculous levels to portray they are all right and don't really need a partner. There are quite a few more, but like I said, this is a rough guide.

    One of the strategies is to involve the child with the prospective "partner" almost right away and foster a relationship between the man and her child. This allows a lot of leverage on several levels as time goes by. It allows for huge amount of guilt and shame if the man wants to break off the relationship, allows a bonding to take place that is hard to shuck off and other factors... You will hear phrases such as any man who loves me must love my children! etc... All designed to appeal to a man's sense of chivalry and protection. This hopefully facilitates a sense of belonging together and in the end marriage.

    Most single men are unaware of what is going on when they start to date a single mom. It seems that the child is around, but it is pleasant, there is a clear distinction between adult and child time etc, it seems actually for most men, not a bad time at all. This allows the single mom to get the man closer and farther into the relationship.
    What is really going on is a shit-load of help from the single mom's friends and other helpers. Tons of babysitting services, tips on dating, comparing notes and plans etc. No matter what you see as a man there is something else going on do not forget that. Her plan is to eventually get a partner one way or another. You are the prize and she is going to earn it.



    One trait that seems to come to the forefront with most men who are dating single moms is just how wonderful a woman they really are. Most men cannot for the life of them figure out why another man would abandon a woman like her. It has been stated hat single moms are more caring, compassionate, great lovers, excellent cooks, laugh at all your jokes etc they seem to be ideal mates.

    What is actually going on is well planned and orchestrated strategies to get a man into a relationship. I donít know how many men have loudly complained that after marriage they were suddenly now doing most of the cooking, cleaning, and repairing around the house with zero time like they had before. I donít know how many have said it was like night and day after they moved in. The kind compassionate woman the men met had some how now been replaced by a truly different woman, it was like another personality type than the one they married. In short a single mom knows she has to work harder to get a man and she will work harder, but for many the act cannot last that long and the real woman reveals herself. Usually his occurs just after marriage.

    A lot of men though go for it and involve themselves in marriage with a single mom and do not really know some of the problems they will encounter. Here is a short list of several common problems that begin to creep up:


    1. Being a "partner" means you get to pay for half- if not more. I have noticed after marriage a single mom works at dizzying speed to make sure her mans name is on all of the bills. She also will usually demand money also for a huge amount of her child's expenses. It is also expressed as a part of "loving her and showing it". I have seen men putting money away for college for a kid that's not his. Buying ridiculous amounts of brand name clothes, expensive homes etc all in an effort to be in a so-called "family".


    2. The Family you just got into is by invitation only. In most traditional marriages that produce children, the man, woman and child or children make up he basic family unit. In being a step- parent you are not the basic unit. The mother and child together are the basic unit. You are invited in and can be un-invited whenever mom feels it to be so. No matter what is said or mentioned before marriage, you will never come before her child. You will always be in a family and relationship where you come second, maybe third.


    3. No matter what you think her ex is going to be there forever. In just about every case the childís father does not seem to be in the picture during the dating and courtship stage but seems to suddenly show up after. The reality is he was always there, your partner just never mentioned it. The father will most naturally want to have a relationship with his child and he is going to be quite involved most of the time. Just about every time you will be dragged into the endless bickering and fights they have and you will not be liked by him "its only natural remember" also be sure to take into account the grandparents, uncles and aunts and all the family functions you will be attending with him, his child, his ex (your partner) and his side of the family. Get used to being uncomfortable.




    4. Her kid will most likely not like you very much. Let's face it you're sleeping with their mom and most of the time the child will see you as a roadblock to his parents getting back together. Most likely the mom has made you the giver of discipline in the relationship, being the man and all which results in the kid hating you. Or after watching the child run amok for weeks after you arrive you change junior's schedule to include some discipline and then you also hated even more. An amazing amount of men involved with single mothers report how the child hates them, but he can keep buying gifts to try to win their affection. Some call it the ATM effect of diminishing returns.


    5. All that time you had together with your new love will end after marriage. The number one job of a single mom is simply to be a mom. She is not a party girl, hiker, camper, biker, clubber etc. Just be prepared for a frontal assault on your time and money after marriage. You will find your weekdays taken up with homework, PTA meetings, suppers at home, and early bed times. Weekends will be the time for the childís extra-curricular activities and other activities. If a single man is wondering what happens ask any father of children how their time is spent, it will not be on hobbies. You will hear endlessly the phrase "we are a family now and this is what a family does" of course your idea on family will differ, but it is her family and she will make the choices.


    6. You will wonder what happened to all your money. Most men involved with a single mom report that their money seems to dry up. Children are expensive- expensive like most men have no idea. Between school supplies, clothing, vast amounts of food, babysitters if you ever want to go out, medications, fees, sports, supplies, toys and such; well, there will be little left.
    As a footnote there is also another ploy by some single moms that men also forget about. The childís father is paying for a lot of these things. Quite a few men have reported that their wife or girlfriend was getting them to pay for such things as sport fees, equipment, university funds, school supplies and such but at the same time getting the childís father to pay for these things also. Double billing, also called fraud, is quite common but it does allow the single mom to have almost zero expenses for her child as two men are now paying for junior.
    Another ploy that is quite horrific was a man whose wife owned a home and he moved in with her and her child. Although he fixed it up, paid half the mortgage and expenses- she had willed the home to her children. When confronted she said since she would be dead she did not care if he had a home or not, her child came first. So be careful with matters of money. Very careful.


    7. You will never really be accepted. I have observed time and time again the heartbreak of a step parent as the child gets older. After putting them through school, providing a place to live, food, getting the child all kinds of gifts and honestly really caring about the child and such I keep hearing this one story over and over. The time comes for a grad or a wedding, the step parent thinks he might be lauded for his sacrifices but instead is shunted to a back seat or not invited as the child invites mom and dad to the party; and thanks them for all their love and work. Usually there is not even an acknowledgment of effort.




    8. You will now be part of the single momsíī network. Be prepared to help out all her buddies as they helped her out. Endless weekends and nights of babysitting the other single moms kids so that they too may date and get a man. You will also discover why 75% of all people in jail come from single mother households. Try not to have any expensive items around.




    9. Now that the single mom is now married she will need to impress her single mom friends with her new found happiness. Her happiness will usually include a new home in a good neighborhood, new clothing, new items for the home, new car etc; there is an unwritten law it seems among a lot of single moms that they compete ruthlessly with their friends. If she does get married she needs to show them her new found prestige. Be prepared for huge new expenses.


    10. You will have no time for errors. A lot of single men get involved with the single mom and her kids when the child is a bit older. Being inexperienced with children becomes a huge burden as the single man has no time to learn parenting skills; and mistakes are not readily forgiven nor forgotten when a kid is 4 compared to 14.


    11. You may think it ends, but it never does. I know many men whose single mom wife promised them a completely different life after junior turned 18 or so. At the beginning of the relationship it looked like just a few years and then total privacy and freedom. Then years later they found out that junior is going to go to university for 6 years after taking a gap year off and not worry about a job as he will live at home. After that the story usually is that the child gets married and has kids and needs a ton of babysitting services. The dream of trips abroad, moving to a nicer place etc. evaporates for most men. They just wind up being early grandparents. The other option that happens a lot is the girls have children early and stay at home. Not only is the man taking care of his wife's child he also has to care for her grandchild now!


    12. You will have nothing to show for it. In the end when most men have their own children the work and effort is well worth it. The men did their best and raised a family, continued a line, get grandchildren etc. As a step-parent you have contributed as much but you have nothing. Nobody carries on your name and most men realize they are not even ever thanked for their sacrifice.


    13. The legalities can kill you. There have been numerous cases where a man has divorced or left a single mom and then found himself liable financially for her child. Although not the father he will be responsible for child payments, extra fees and most certainly university far after they are 18 check the laws out, it's a raw deal. Couple that with some alimony and you get the whole effect of being a divorced and homeless dad with not one child of your own.
    In the end women have asked for their freedom to make their own choices now for decades. I would advise all single men to let single moms make their choice of having a child by themselves and then live with it. Donít involve yourself with these women under any circumstances. It can be in many ways, the death of a man.


    Well itís a rough guide and you were warned.

  2. #2
    Senior Member BeijaFlor's Avatar
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    Re: The Rough Guide to Single Moms

    A rough guide ... to a rough ride.
    "The Red Pill is the start of the journey, not the end." - Chairborne

    "Our most dangerous enemies are men who have no loyalty to men." - William Noy

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  3. #3
    Senior Member mr.jr's Avatar
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    Re: The Rough Guide to Single Moms

    In my case, never has this cliche ever been more appropriate or chilling: 'Been there, done that' - younger members, take heed of this guide and consider it carefully.

  4. #4
    Senior Member Chef's Avatar
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    Re: The Rough Guide to Single Moms

    I can corroborate every single word from first hand experience.

  5. #5
    Senior Member Mars's Avatar
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    Re: The Rough Guide to Single Moms

    My previous girlfriend was a single Mom and I can therefore provide my own comprehensive guide on how to have a successful relationship with them.


    The Complete Guide to Single Moms by Mars


    1. Don't go there.

  6. #6
    Senior Member Mars's Avatar
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    Re: The Rough Guide to Single Moms

    In all seriousness, that was a good article though.

    I remember when I was dating this bitch, she was upset because she only had one child and her other friends had two or more. I look back and laugh at how naive I was. Her new partner is a veterinary student. The poor guy doesn't even know what he's in for and could do SO much better.
    Last edited by Mars; March 30, 2014 at 12:09 AM.

  7. #7
    Super Moderator William Noy's Avatar
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    Re: The Rough Guide to Single Moms

    Quote Originally Posted by Chef View Post
    Contrary to popular media-myth I have yet to meet a single mom who was career driven, carefree, balanced, happy; doing it all type gal as often portrayed in most media outlets.
    So, err, what happens if you meet and thoroughly vet someone, and conclude that she does, in fact, fit the media archetype?
    Luck is what happens when preparation meets opportunity. --Seneca

  8. #8
    Senior Member BrotherJ's Avatar
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    Re: The Rough Guide to Single Moms

    That still isn't good. The fact is that you cannot be both career-oriented and family-oriented at the same time. Men have been carrying the can for society all these millennia by sacrificing family time in exchange for doing the jobs that need to be done. Women have been "sacrificing" the dangerous, less desirable positions in exchange for staying at home with their children. It's important that there is someone on each side of the fence, but you can't do both effectively. There is no way that any human being can do two things as well as they can do one. No one person has ever had it all. That's just a myth.

    So, if the woman is career-oriented, then she is sacrificing her children. If she is family-oriented, then she is sacrificing whatever potential she could have spent on a career. Men have never had both and women can't have both now, regardless of what crap may be televised, because it simply isn't possible. It's an unreasonable expectation that is assumed to be true by a generation of dolts who seem to honestly believe that all women are naturally superhuman.
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    Super Moderator William Noy's Avatar
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    Re: The Rough Guide to Single Moms

    Quote Originally Posted by BrotherJ View Post
    That still isn't good. The fact is that you cannot be both career-oriented and family-oriented at the same time. Men have been carrying the can for society all these millennia by sacrificing family time in exchange for doing the jobs that need to be done. Women have been "sacrificing" the dangerous, less desirable positions in exchange for staying at home with their children. It's important that there is someone on each side of the fence, but you can't do both effectively. There is no way that any human being can do two things as well as they can do one. No one person has ever had it all. That's just a myth.

    So, if the woman is career-oriented, then she is sacrificing her children. If she is family-oriented, then she is sacrificing whatever potential she could have spent on a career. Men have never had both and women can't have both now, regardless of what crap may be televised, because it simply isn't possible. It's an unreasonable expectation that is assumed to be true by a generation of dolts who seem to honestly believe that all women are naturally superhuman.
    Well, you're right, there are complaints from the kids about use of after-school care, so obviously some sacrifices are made. I guess I meant, is there a set of specific predatory behaviour vis-a-vis men that this sort of woman might exhibit?
    Luck is what happens when preparation meets opportunity. --Seneca

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    Senior Member BrotherJ's Avatar
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    Re: The Rough Guide to Single Moms

    The most common predatory tactic is the old bait-and-switch. She'll lure a man in with what he thinks she'll give him and, once he's legally committed, switch to whatever she wants. After that, she has all the power and her plan is the one that always ends up happening no matter how he feels about it. A woman who is already partially weighed down and aging will use the same tactic, but she'll have to make the bait much sweeter (probably some crap about how having more experience means she can give better blowjobs).
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    Senior Member Eiji's Avatar
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    Re: The Rough Guide to Single Moms

    pheh... I'd never date single moms... but thats mainly because I'm really no good with kids (in regards to being in a "parent" role...)...
    "I live in freedom, under my own flag." - Captain Harlock

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    Senior Member Eddie Willers's Avatar
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    Re: The Rough Guide to Single Moms

    Lazarus Thread!

    Even if I am seeing it for the first time that I recall.
    I do believe I told of a work colleague about to get entrapped and cleaned-out by a single mom (with the de rigeur tats and facial piercings) - I shudder when I see him look at her with such an obvious moon-face; and I keep quiet.
    A gun-toting, weed-smoking, gray-bearded redneck with a Masters - old and dangerous.

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    Senior Member Malinois's Avatar
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    Re: The Rough Guide to Single Moms

    This is "Sticky" material...

    Wish I could "like" and "rep" with the iphone...

  14. #14

    Re: The Rough Guide to Single Moms

    I have posted this on a non-MGTOW Fourm that was a politically orientated forum. The response was a mix of bewilderment and shock at how accurate Zen was.
    "Traditionalism and Feminism are two sides of the same Gynocentric Coin".-Turd Flinging Monkey

  15. #15

    Re: The Rough Guide to Single Moms

    Men love women.
    Women love (their) children.
    Children love puppies and bunnies.
    An escort is a woman you occasionally financially support only when she has sex with you.

    A date is a woman you occasionally financially support in the hope she will have sex with you.

    A wife is a woman you constantly financially support even when she is not having sex with you.

    An ex-wife is a woman you constantly financially support with alimony so she can have sex......with someone else.

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    Re: The Rough Guide to Single Moms

    Remember in crazy CA if the child becomes attached to you that means you're on the hook for child support, even if the relationship doesn't work out!

  17. #17
    Senior Member mgtower's Avatar
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    Re: The Rough Guide to Single Moms

    Quote Originally Posted by nantan View Post
    Remember in crazy CA if the child becomes attached to you that means you're on the hook for child support, even if the relationship doesn't work out!
    So, California is a leader in assigning responsibility to the nearest walking wallet? In that case I say walk on the other side of the street, otherwise you could become a state sanctioned orphanage within a half mile!

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    Re: The Rough Guide to Single Moms

    Originally Posted by Chef

    Contrary to popular media-myth I have yet to meet a single mom who was career driven, carefree, balanced, happy; doing it all type gal as often portrayed in most media outlets.
    Quote Originally Posted by William Noy View Post
    So, err, what happens if you meet and thoroughly vet someone, and conclude that she does, in fact, fit the media archetype?
    If she's so carefree and happy, why is she looking for a relationship? To me this simply indicates that some women are better at covering their true intentions than others.

    Test for "is a single mom looking for a relationship being deceitful?" - She's a single mom looking for a relationship!
    "Do not go where the path may lead, go instead where there is no path and leave a trail." - Ralph Waldo Emerson

    All we can do is keep ourselves from all those who don't deserve it. Ė Dave Matthes

  19. #19
    Senior Member Joetech's Avatar
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    Re: The Rough Guide to Single Moms

    Chef, you left out the part where the single mom's kid moves back in with mommy, gets knocked up by another Chad, and then, well, you know the rest...
    "Don't follow in my footsteps. I stepped in something."

  20. #20

    Re: The Rough Guide to Single Moms

    Here's one he left out: try divorcing the single mom, and the 'one phone call' she makes will include a claim that you are sexually abusing her children. Lots of people in jails who were abused as children, and now looking for the opportunity for some payback. Get locked up under that charge and you'll be lucky to even survive to trial...


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