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Thread: Women at work

  1. #1
    Super Moderator Mr Wombat's Avatar
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    Women at work

    From reddit.

    Hell - I'll just c/p the whole thing. Maybe we can get a clue as to why this 26/f person is so useless at being a boss. My comments in red.

    Quote Originally Posted by Reddit
    First, some background. I have known this friend (Patricia) for 10+ years and she has trouble communicating with people. She feels like she has to over-explain her opinions and usually makes people feel like she thinks they are beneath her. Many have talked to me about this because they see me as her spokesperson or handler, I assume. People invite me places and ask me specifically not to bring her. I know her parents, and her upbringing has a lot to do with her personality. She has also been fired from literally every job she has ever worked at. Every. (Bit of a red flag, that)


    Also, I help run an organization we were both involved in for years and she is now one of my staff members.


    Anyway, this passed weekend we went on a big trip with the organization and a bunch of good friends. Patricia bombed it. All weekend she was bringing conversations back to experiences only she had, talking down to people without realizing it, and seeming to ignore our friends because she was too eager to share her own thoughts. Her most used phrase is usually "No, you don't understand..." before one of these moments. One friend(Diane) calls her out on it and Patricia shuts down for the rest of the trip. Others keep coming to me and asking what her problem is, and I dismiss it as her being overstimulated and tired. (This is why people see you as her spokesperson and handler. Because you are.)


    Fast forward to the drive home. It is me,Diane, and Patricia in the car. Patricia is awkwardly quiet but still chimes in with her thoughts enough to make it weird. Diane is done. She lets Patricia have it and we go to a rest stop. Patricia is crying and all "what did I do wrong??" so I explain that (basically) the way she speaks to Diane makes Diane feel like Patricia is stuck up and doesn't care about anyone else's opinion. Patricia is stuck on the fact that only diane called her out but I mention that others feel this way too and talk to me about it. This isn't the first conversation we have had about her tone and communication style. She is my staff member and I have had to talk to her a few times about what her role is and how she steps on other staff members, including myself. She doesn't say much during these and has even started to cry, but the conversations didn't help her behavior. Now I am worried about how I will look as the person who advocated for her hiring when everyone turns in their yearly reviews in a few weeks and has negative comments about her. (No shit. You should be.)


    Back to the story.Later on after I drop off Diane, Patricia and I have a long talk about how alone she feels because no one wants to deal with her and her problems with food and body image (I have an eating disorder she knows about (oops - shouldn't have told this person that)) She does plenty of things like go to the gym (does she lift?), meditation, trying to be more social with her roommates, ect but none of it is seeming to help her attitude problem. I've suggested therapy but she shoots it down with 1000s of reasons, and when she point blank asks "what do I do now?" I give her advice and that gets negated too.


    I work a day job, help run the organization on the side, am married, have my own set of issues, and go to college. I love my friend and want to help her but this is emotionally draining me and making others not want to be my friend because I am tied so closely to her (Why yes: people do judge you by the friends you keep. Didn't you know?). I feel like she will never mature and I need to move on, but she works for me and that makes it even weirder. What should I do? Am I being a bitch for wanting to step away?


    TLDR I have a close friend who also works for me and is socially awkward in that she constantly talks down to people. She also has mental problems and no other close friends to talk to. I work a day job, help run the organization on the side, am married, and go to college. I love my friend and want to help her but this is emotionally draining me and making others not want to be my friend because I am tied so closely to her. What should I do? Am I being a bitch for wanting to step away?
    thanks for reading.

    What should you do?

    1 - fire her
    2 - dump her

    Did you know she was a useless, needy sack of shit that had been fired from every job she ever had before you hired her? Then you misused your power to hire/fire people and did a disservice to your organisation. They should fire both of you.

  2. #2
    Administrator jagrmeister's Avatar
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    Re: Women at work

    An interesting situation. When we hire someone, we feel an obligation to help them succeed (quite apart from how it reflects on us); they are not our "kids" but it's the role of any manager, one you feel more acutely when you pick them out. It's hard to get people to take constructive criticism. That's just how they are. Man or woman. Always more true when it's about their natural personality (not their work).

    Coaching is a hard thing to do; there's a reason good business coaches cost $200/hour or more. I've had one and I can tell you I didn't make it easy on her; for some things yes, but for accepting how certain people perceive you? You have to couch it in a way the person is willing to accept; give them real alternatives and strategies, let them also lead the discussion so they can get to self-discovery. He shouldn't have said see a therapist; that's insulting. If she's worth it, the company can hire her a business coach or she can hire one herself.

    As for how gender relates to it, its the old white knight instinct: you brought a woman on your team, and you fed her to the wolves? That instinct keeps us from doing what Jack Welch says we always do too late - fire her.

    Some of you may be wondering -- who is this Jagrmeister guy? Have a look at some of my posts from MGTOW Forums--> Jagr Archive (collection of my articles)



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  3. #3

    Re: Women at work

    Some people can't be helped/don't want to be helped/don't want to learn/don't want to grow up. If you do what you can and offer advice and they heed it not, move on. If they will not learn from your good intentions or the good intentions of others, they will simply have to learn the hard way. Everyone's best friend, Consequences, will be their best friend and teacher and help them grow up. It's no longer your problem. Move along. You, and the rest of us, have a life to live.

  4. #4
    Senior Member Primus_Pilus's Avatar
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    Re: Women at work

    Quote Originally Posted by crystalsox View Post
    Some people can't be helped/don't want to be helped/don't want to learn/don't want to grow up. If you do what you can and offer advice and they heed it not, move on. If they will not learn from your good intentions or the good intentions of others, they will simply have to learn the hard way. Everyone's best friend, Consequences, will be their best friend and teacher and help them grow up. It's no longer your problem. Move along. You, and the rest of us, have a life to live.
    You can't save everyone
    Not everyone wants to be saved
    Don't try to save those who will drag you down
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    Re: Women at work

    Lol, how did the guy ever think that it would be a good idea to hire her? I'm smelling a bumbling fool who's on the wrong side of 51:49, it's more like 95:5 for him. He supports her and all she does is leech off his energy and willingness to help.
    I've met several females in my lifetime that wanted me to emotionally support them or provide help for them. But they're shit out of luck because I've stopped giving a crap. I don't owe them anything and I don't have the energy or the time to look after leeches.

  6. #6
    Super Moderator Mr Wombat's Avatar
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    Re: Women at work

    Quote Originally Posted by Aintdealingwithyoshit View Post
    Lol, how did the guy ever think that it would be a good idea to hire her?
    This guy as a she - a 26 y/o she, at that.

    You know, I'm coming around a bit. Maybe this Patricia person is just a very lteral-minded, technical brained person. I wonder how she goes communicating with guys.

  7. #7
    Senior Member Nasir Jones's Avatar
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    Re: Women at work

    There is no winning.
    You hire women, business goes down.
    You don't hire women, sexism lawsuits start flying around.
    My advice is to hire women who look like they don't seek attention or talk to much. Usually wear black and comfy cloth. I find these women to be the least annoying and most productive.
    Sad, but one day our kids will have to visit museums to see what a lady looks like.

  8. #8
    Senior Member Delmore Schwartz's Avatar
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    Re: Women at work

    Quote Originally Posted by Primus_Pilus View Post
    You can't save everyone
    Not everyone wants to be saved
    Don't try to save those who will drag you down
    Help those who deserve help
    Some cannot be helped and will only drag you down
    Let them drown.

    To sensual vices she was so abandoned,
    That lustful she made licit in her law,
    To remove the blame to which she had been led

    - Dante Alighieri - Inferno
    Time is the fire in which we burn

    Delmore Schwartz (the original, not this internet manifestation of his ghost)



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