Thread: Why would men get married before 40?

Not saying a man should get married at all, but for those crazy enough to consider — why do they do it before age 40? When I look at the girls I went to school with within a few years of my age…it seems like 90% of them are not close to the same women they were at 18 or 21 or even 25. Most are now horribly out of shape…too much sun bathing…wrinkles from cigs, life in chaos or just what you’d consider crazy/indoctrinated by modern culture.

I’m not too handsome by conventional standards but I could now sleep with plenty of the girls who 20 years earlier wouldn’t have given me the time of day. If I would’ve been one of the guys they did give attention to…I might have been the one that married and had kids with them. I guess sometimes being a late bloomer ain’t so bad.

But what about the football player who married the cheerleader that’s now a super opinionated modern woman that’s 245lb at 5’3”…he’s let himself go right along with her. It looks like part of his soul is gone as he tries to smile in family pictures with the in-laws and everyone at the beach wearing matching polos. The high spots of life are now drinking cheap beer and the football game on Sunday…maybe talking home renovations the wife has planned (which he will pay for) with anyone who will listen.

Anyway, this guy could’ve played the field, managed his money well, took care of himself and never committed/cohabitated until he was 40+. By this point he would know more about himself, life in general, the nature of women and he could’ve seen which women would end up aging more gracefully. He would be in the drivers seat of life.

I will admit — one thing that always scared the crap out me about marriage was thinking about all the 40+ women I knew throughout my life. What if that happened to me and at 35 or 40 I was married to a woman that was in no way attractive to me?

Would I just have to force myself to not think about sex anymore for the rest of my life? Or would my wife still expect sex from me even though she makes my dick shrivel up to nothing. Would it be a situation like my ex’s sister (~37, obese and opinionated) who was telling her mom and my ex that her husband (age 39 and also an alcoholic) hadn’t had sex with her in 6+ months but she found massive amounts of porn on his laptop? You can’t just bring back attraction for a woman you’ve lost it for and who just keeps getting older/bigger/more ornery. Marriage over unless you’re ok with basically never having sex again at age 40 onward.

I’m sorry, but I just couldn’t let my life go like that at such a young age. I don’t know about y’all but I see a lot of men like this that want to do the honorable thing by being what they consider a “good” husband to some ungrateful obese wife yet by age 40-50 they are worn out by life…cock doesn’t work, high blood pressure, on anti depressants, obese, out of shape and probably an addiction problem or two. It’s like their life peaked in their 20s or early 30s and then started falling off a cliff to the point they may rather fade on out by 55 or 60.

Anyway, would you just advise any guy that knows nothing about red or blue pills to just wait until 40+ to even consider marriage? Kinda sad seeing so many married men that are burned out and old by age 40.

Human nature, a man's getting regular carefree sex off an attractive woman and doesn't look at the big picture. He makes dangerous, long term, life changing decisions based on short term feelings and circumstances. Society also tells him that he is doing the "right thing".

It's one of those things where we think we know everything at any given moment in our lives. I once realized, very young, like 17 or 18 when I thought I knew everything, that upon looking back at how dumb I was at 13-14 (when I also thought I knew everything), that I would experience the same thing when I was 22 (looking back at how dumb I was at 17-18). And that this would likely occur for the rest of my life - although with bigger "looking back gaps", like being 40, thinking now I know it all, and how dumb I really was at 30 (again, when I thought I finally figured everything out). This phenomenon has proven true to me time and time again, and is likely quite universal.

For my own experience with a marriage and ending thereof - it doesn't always have to do with getting fatter, although that seems very common. While my wife aged (and had the cigarette wrinkles you mention, much younger than she should have), she always stayed thin and would be considered quite attractive by most men. But it was the ornery/aggressive bitchiness that caused me to lose all interest in her sexually. That also seems to be a very common trait that develops, as too many of us here are well aware of!

Why would men get married before 40?

A young man hasn't been exposed to the social construct they've been born into.

They're like Russian conscripts poorly trained (if at all) facing the full fury of war.

I liken them to young fish in a pond vs. the old ones with hook holes in their lips and and scars from hawks and eagles that lost their grip and didn't eat that morning.

Turning down access to pussy is an acquired skill, we're three steps ahead and see the checkmates, the stalemates, and every possible sequence of attack.

When you're young you see love, when you're older you see the war where love is weaponized to expose you and then destroy you.

The entire game has been forfeited by changing the rules for thee and not for me. Marriage is a grenade to men and a bunker for women, all they have to do is pill the pin and close their steel door.

How'bout a nice cup of FUCK THAT?!?!?

A simple answer: Because it's what's expected of you.

Thank God for MGTOW where we don't have to accept or live with that shit anymore.

"Hope. It is the quintessential human delusion, simultaneously the source of your greatest strength and your greatest weakness." -The Architect in Matrix Reloaded

They hope their old lady won't turn into an obese, entitled troll and they hope that their marriage won't become a pride swallowing siege that descends into a form of slavery.
Both hopes go against probability and common sense.

This is from someone who did the family thing back when I was young and foolish...it's a lot easier to do the physical part of "raising the kids" when you're younger. Much like the OP, I don't recommend marriage, but some aspects of it are easier when you're younger. In my case, I became a father at 29. In my 30's, I was running beside my daughter's bike, helping her keep upright while she learned to ride. I remember thinking that this would have been a lot easier if I was 5 years younger. I could just about imagine doing the same thing if I was in my 40's. It was the same thing with the late nights when she got sick...going with very limited sleep was a lot easier in my 20s than it was in my 30s.

I'm not suggesting fatherhood to anyone; I dearly love my daughter but things could have so easily turned out so much worse than they did. However, being a father takes a great deal of effort and energy. While there are plenty of guys out there that are fit and capable in their 40's and 50's, there's no denying that there's more energy in your 20's and 30's.

Not trying to shoot down the OP's point; you gain wisdom and perspective when you get older. But in a perfect world where marriages last and it's all about the children, there's something to be said for youthful energy. This is why I shake my head when I hear about women having their eggs frozen; even if the procedure works, the eggs are actually viable when you're ready and you can somehow carry the kid to term, who's going to raise the kid? Who's going to run the miles it takes to teach the kid how to ride a bike, sleep on the hard ground during the camping trips and stay up all night when the flu has the kid barfing until sunup? Popping the kid out is the easy part; it's the decades it takes to turn that little, squalling mass of skin into a person that's difficult and tiring.

Mr Wombat has from time to time mentioned this. If a woman waits till her late thirties to have a kid, that means raising a teenager in your fifties. Does anyone think this is a wise idea? It don't sound very good to me.

The real question is why would women wait until 28+ to get serious about marriage. Yes, waiting more lets them find out the winners. But waiting just gets more men like us to say naw.

The time to lock up the men is when they are young and dumb.

I’d go the other direction. You should do it as early as possible.

In this scenario the assumption is the absolute only reason to get married is children. Better to grow together and have children YOUNG because even hitting thirty you’re not going to want to deal with two year olds.

And by forty? Forget about it.

Grandkids in your forties maybe. But first mutated children? Pass.

IF you were somehow forty and wanting a 20 year old bride explicitly to have babies and who did 100% of the child care “maybe” but that’s not happening in the west. So enjoy the villages in SE Asia somewhere.

It's the conceived pressure that each man is under. Most of the time before the age of 40, men haven't figured out themselves or the world yet and are on a journey learning these things. Sometimes by pure luck and or design a man won't get married but most of our brothers do because they haven't had enough experience in life. They still believe in the one, the unicorn etc and they want families. As mentioned earlier, its expected of you.

Basically, it's a lack of experience, knowledge and also balls full of cum....

Originally Posted by DangZagnut

I’d go the other direction. You should do it as early as possible.

In this scenario the assumption is the absolute only reason to get married is children. Better to grow together and have children YOUNG because even hitting thirty you’re not going to want to deal with two year olds.

And by forty? Forget about it.

Grandkids in your forties maybe. But first mutated children? Pass.

IF you were somehow forty and wanting a 20 year old bride explicitly to have babies and who did 100% of the child care “maybe” but that’s not happening in the west. So enjoy the villages in SE Asia somewhere.

What if a man up until 40 is having fun and managing his money well? It’s possible he could be wealthy by 40 and have been with a countless number of women during his physical peak. Plenty of time to accumulate experience/knowledge too.

On the other hand, a man that marries at say 25 and has kids will likely be on the traditional path where he slaves away at work to fund the ungrateful wife (didn’t really know how to pick one) and kids that basically hate him. He’s sexless, stressed, addicted and burned out by 40. He never really had a chance to get ahead much. Very good chance he’s also divorced and lost half of everything he worked for (plus child support and alimony). Thus, he’s in the work grind until he’s 70-75 or dies from a heart attack.

The 40 year old man could have enjoyed life, took care of himself and accumulated enough money so that he’s set for life. He knows about the world and likely has more insight into female behavior. He may also have enough money to easily pay for childcare or even a nanny. So the time he does spend with the kids is enjoyable…and health wise he could be in much better condition than the 40 year old who went the traditional route. Look at all the 40 yr old dads (and women) out there that look like fat slobs who have given up on life…eating massive amounts of junk, drinking beer and watching football is basically life.

Originally Posted by TigPlaze

A simple answer: Because it's what's expected of you.

Thank God for MGTOW where we don't have to accept or live with that shit anymore.

I now understand why husbands are called grooms. Because men are groomed with lies since birth.

I got married cause I believed the lies. I was taught to be a beta provider. Once I was married I realized that women are do as I say not as I do. Marriage was the worst thing to ever happen to me. It took me almost a decade to recover. All the different types of courts just isn't worth it .

I admit I was young, dumb , and full of cum. It was more lust than it was love. It's true the hot sex stops once you are married. My ex wife has really let herself go but she still has the mentality that she deserves the best.

I'm much happier now living alone.

No more drama or wasting money on stupid shit. I will never date ever again. It's even worse now at my age. I'd be expected to pay for her debts, her kids, her bills, and whatever cupcake wanted. Only for me to get a swift sledgehammer to the balls. No thanks.

Why would you get married at 40? Would you really like to have two kids by 45 and have them leave the house by 65? Do you want to raise kids in you 60s? Sounds like a early grave sentance.

Men used to get married early for this reason. No one wants to have to drive their kid to high school in 60s.

Also if you choose to build a fammily, it will be the most important part of your life. So why wait until 40 to start building the most important part of your life?

Of course today it doesn't work at all but this I think are the main reasons for it.

I think a fine man who has accumulated some wealth, such as our bud Eddie here, can have a harem/roster of whores and still save a lot more than having a wife. He can ask our esteemed member FangBlade about dollar to nut ratio for further deets. Therefore, sex CAN NEVER be the logical and economical motivation to get married at 40.

Companionship? HA.

That leaves kids.

Now if our buddy Eddie wants to leave his fine genes in this clown world, that can be only a reasonable reason to get married at 40. Does he want kids, is the question that might be baffling some of us. Cheers!!

Becoming a parent later in life is more physically taxing, so many other guys agree.

The really harebrained women who used IVF and other means to get pregnant after menopause, in their late 50s and older, have complained in online stories that keeping up with a toddler at age 65 is exhausting. Well, no joke. The ones you see with these complaints generally regret having a child that late in life. Similar principles apply to older men.

Back in the day it was said that the only way a man could secure a constant supply of sex was through marriage. But that is the lie sold to young men because as we all know brothels have existed for hundreds and thousands of years. We also know that women did have affairs and that rich men did have mistresses.

So when people say traditional marriage back pre 1960s was a fair exchange for a man receiving sex and a woman receiving resources they assume the best case scenario.

Now back in the day older men with resources would have children but they did NOT raise the children so that is eliminates the dilemma of raising a teenager when you are in your 50s, 60s, or even 70s.

In the modern era and current paradigm having children when you are younger as a man is more advantageous if you are poor with resources.

One of the big reasons men get married before 40 is because it's regarded by society as one of the stepping stones to 'adulthood', much like getting a job and having kids is. If you don't get married and have kids and choose instead to continue spending your free time partying or playing computer games, then a lot of people consider you to be a 'Peter Pan'. 'Growing up' usually involves getting married and having kids for both men and women, although this cultural norm is thankfully changing all over the world, especially in Western nations.

Many people also do have a desire for companionship and propagation of their genetic line. Part of this is biological, and part is instilled by society. Whether cohabitating and pumping out kids is a sensible thing to do is an entirely different question.

Originally Posted by Witch Doctor

Why would you get married at 40? Would you really like to have two kids by 45 and have them leave the house by 65? Do you want to raise kids in you 60s? Sounds like a early grave sentance.

Men used to get married early for this reason. No one wants to have to drive their kid to high school in 60s.

Also if you choose to build a fammily, it will be the most important part of your life. So why wait until 40 to start building the most important part of your life?

Of course today it doesn't work at all but this I think are the main reasons for it.

I don't see the big deal with driving your kid to high school in your 60's.

Personally I'd think that if men were going to get married and have children, they should do it later in life.

For a start, I don't think most 20 year olds are mature enough to raise kids, and I'm not just talking about this generation. If you've just left the nest you've had no time to individuate, reflect on your own upbringing, consider what you want out of life, and learn about the world. You don't know shit about how the real world works but want to raise a kid to survive and thrive in it? That's like the blind leading the blind.

Waiting until later in life also helps relieve the financial burden. If both parents are working full time they don't get to spend much time with the kid, it has to be put in day care or spend time with extended family members, which sort of defeats the whole purpose of having a kid.

Having kids later in life also helps a man build up their career. I've seen too many examples in my life where a young adult is offered some sort of career opportunity that they had to knock back because their wife refused to move, or it would be too onerous because they had kids.

I know Tom Leykis used to say something very similar, men should achieve their dreams before they get married and have kids.