Thread: What's the best way to decline a blind date request at work?

My female boss is trying to set me up on a blind date. I don't date by choice and design. What is the best way to decline this without harming my working relationship with her? In my experience, I've found that when you turn a women down (in anything) she usually turns vindictive in one way or another and will hold it against you. Maybe this one won't, but why risk it? That's why I want to be smart about this.

If this wasn't work, this would be a simple one word answer (no). Maybe I'm overthinking it? Maybe no story is necessary and just a simple, no thanks, I'm not interested right now will suffice?

After she brought it up, when I came home that day I started sending out job applications. I don't expect much luck because it seems like everything needs a vaccine which I refuse to get.

Just say "no".

Most of your concerns should be addressed by stopping it at the source, the female boss.

What she's doing is classic sexual harassment and if you're at a big company, you can sue for big bucks and formally complain.

Now, of course, that can cause animosity.

If you need a passive out, then get all the information a person wants to set you up with, and decline based on <reason>. This puts the blame on you and not them, because as we know, women cannot handle being wrong, criticized, or have their hypocrisy being pointed out. She's so entitled that she doesn't realize that if genders were flipped she'd be fired and the company sued in a heartbeat.

The other question is how little does she think of you? I'll assume as little as possible. She'd only be trying to set you up with someone to offload a problem onto you. Probably some desperate uggo.

This logically. In what world does a woman, unless she's utterly horrible, need to be set up on blind dates? I had this happen once at work with a Japanese boss who was trying to set me up with some immigrant female friend who was in the US off the boat looking for white American beta buxx to sponsor her.

Typical technique. Your boss's reason may differ, but it's NOT for your benefit, but for hers. You barely are relevant to the reason. You're just a product to solve someone else's problem.

A simple no. A simple putting it off. A simple get all the information and reject....or my absolutely favorite, lying your ass off. Just bring up that you met some chick over New Years at a party that caught your interest and you're focusing on her.

People really over estimate the value of lying to abusers. They feel all moral and masculine thinking you shouldn't do that, then wonder why they have life problems. Women have zero problem lying endlessly, like why they want to hook you up with a friend that is somehow completely incapable in the modern age of swiping on someone, so why shouldn't you benefit form it?

Take Dang Zadnuts advice and lie your ass off. You just found somebody.

How often does a blind date work out anyway? Far as I know, never. No woman anybody tried to set me up with wanted anything to do with me.

I agree with everything you say. She sent me pictures. It's the daughter of her best friend. She's alright looking, I'll be honest. Comes from a good family, has a good career, blah, blah, blah. Matters not to me. She's in her late 20's... I knew right away it's just to find her some schmuck. It's that time for baby rabies to kick in anyway. If a women has to be set up with someone, there must be a huge catch.

Again, not that I care because I have zero interest in relationships. All I want is to get past this without it affecting my livelihood. There's a higher chance she takes this personally than not.

Don't delete the photos she sent you! Just decline her offer and if she keeps asking put a complaint into HR. What she is doing is extremely unprofessional and inappropriate. You have a solid harassment claim but only if she keeps asking after you decline.

My plan is to ignore it. Just simply pretend like nothing happened. Hopefully she'll forget about it (or take the hint) and life goes on as normal.

If she pushes it further, I'll make up a story about how I got back together with an old friend during New Year's.

Thanks for the advice guys. Even if I was blue-pilled, I would have to be insane to date based on a set up, and worse yet, where work is involved. I'm sure there's a catch because mathematically there has to be. There's no way a decent woman has to be set up with someone unless she's a psycho. Even if she was a unicorn, I'm a guy that doesn't pursue relationships or even casual dating/hooking up. I just want to stick to myself and not be bothered.

Also, I hate when people try to mix work and personal life. I just want to do my job and go home. I don't want to be friends.

Lots of things in play.

- A blind "date based on a set up." This is how people met their spouses two generations ago. This involved vetting and pre-screening by third parties by parents in settings such as work, church, civic organizations, bowling leagues, etc. This actually worked, when we had functioning communities, and not just rows upon rows of wage-slave barracks for atomized hyper individuals who grunt at each other in public but spend most of their time interacting with people (sort of) via ever smaller screens.

Risks: see below. Possible reward: you meet your soulmate...or the woman that is going to put tiny hairline fractures in your pelvis by making love to you like a crazed weasel...or you next ex-wife.

- You say "no" to your boss, she holds it against you. It ends with workplace tension, or you getting fired, or her getting fired, or you suing.

- You say "yes." The date goes badly, and she badmouths you to her mom, who badmouths you to your boss, who holds it against you.

- You say "yes." You have a nice, but bland date. She finds you "corny," or "boring," but disappointed you are not rich/handsome/famous but willing to commit. No further date requests follow.

- You can ask to split the check after an expensive dinner. That will make her mom ask your boss if they are paying you enough.

Or she is looking for a beta provider to rescue her from having to work the rest of her life to accumulate the $2.4 million she will need saved up the pay for the last 20 years of her life.

Originally Posted by sam luis obispo

Lots of things in play.

- A blind "date based on a set up." This is how people met their spouses two generations ago. This involved vetting and pre-screening by third parties by parents in settings such as work, church, civic organizations, bowling leagues, etc. This actually worked, when we had functioning communities, and not just rows upon rows of wage-slave barracks for atomized hyper individuals who grunt at each other in public but spend most of their time interacting with people (sort of) via ever smaller screens.

Risks: see below. Possible reward: you meet your soulmate...or the woman that is going to put tiny hairline fractures in your pelvis by making love to you like a crazed weasel...or you next ex-wife.

- You say "no" to your boss, she holds it against you. It ends with workplace tension, or you getting fired, or her getting fired, or you suing.

- You say "yes." The date goes badly, and she badmouths you to her mom, who badmouths you to your boss, who holds it against you.

- You say "yes." You have a nice, but bland date. She finds you "corny," or "boring," but disappointed you are not rich/handsome/famous but unwilling to commit. No further date requests follow.

- You can ask to split the check after an expensive dinner. That will make her mom ask your boss if they are paying you enough.

Or she is looking for a beta provider to rescue her from having to work the rest of her life to accumulate the $2.4 million she will need saved up the pay for the last 20 years of her life.

This is a great analysis. Because I don't want to roll the dice to find out, is why I've decided to leave that circus forever. Statistically the odds are against me. My life has some emptiness, sure, but it could be a whole lot emptier. No need to be greedy and get burned. Be satisfied with what you have.

Tell your boss that you're not in a place in your life for a relationship right now. Tell her that you're focusing on yourself and want to achieve inner peace and self-awareness before dipping your toe in the dating pool. Women respect that shit and she'll leave you alone.

Best to not talk about your personal life with co-workers to begin with.

Originally Posted by nameless

Also, I hate when people try to mix work and personal life. I just want to do my job and go home. I don't want to be friends.

This

Women are more likely to want to mix work and personal life from what I've observed. I know more about a female co-worker who started with our group recently based on information she's volunteered (without me even asking) than all of the men in the group combined.

Ideally we could be friends with co-workers and have a good time with them. It sucks to have to spend so much time around people you can't be too friendly with but as Tom Leykis says, anything you say can and will be used against you.

in your situation, when I can see a problem coming, my favorite move is to just 'duck'. That is, I don't stand and confront and openly fight the problem. I don't just wait for impact and try/hope to recover. The most efficient path is the path of least resistance. the most efficient way out of this is to convince your boss to change her mind about this. You have popped up on her target radar. Easiest move is to just duck back down off of it.

You could tell her you are too broke, sick, tired, busy, autistic, sterile... whatever you want. Just make it "too" something to be target-worthy anymore. The message is that her attempt to set you up is an undeserved complement about your date-worthiness. You don't have to over do it. No need to tell her you have AIDS or herpes or a meth addiction. But choose something that makes you undateable but, (since it is your boss) not something that makes you unemployable.

Telling her you already have another girl you are preoccupied with would work, but it would risk sending the message that you are in fact dateable, but that she (or by extension her friend) can't have you. That could be dangerous.

Perhaps best to just say you've had some bad luck investing lately and that you won't really have money for nonessentials like dating for another couple years, or until Bitcoin returns to its previously projected rate of rise to its 200 day moving average... yada, yada, yada... (As long as it's some type of investment that she knows nothing about).

I lean toward the financial excuse because in my 4 decades of studying women, I have found that nothing repels them more effectively than, "I don't have any money...". Like fucking kryptonite. If you need to refuse women without risking them feeling rejected (and wanting revenge), then you need to make them believe that the end of the relationship is their idea!

Good, you're applying jobs. Use it as a backup. Can't be too careful. Women do not know the fuck they're doing in the work place. Especially female bosses. In my experience women bosses want to use you for their own gain, and they're usually selfish type. Women bosses are fucking out to get you. The younger they are, the worst bosses they are.

So, either plan for an exit if you already said "NO". And if she doesn't accept your BIG FAT NO, apply for jobs. Hang around for few more weeks, plan it perfectly, and when you're stable in your second job, ghost the bitch, don't even leave a two week notice. What for? These fucking people don't give two shit about you. They only care about the fucking money.

Originally Posted by BrainPilot

in your situation, when I can see a problem coming, my favorite move is to just 'duck'. That is, I don't stand and confront and openly fight the problem. I don't just wait for impact and try/hope to recover. The most efficient path is the path of least resistance. the most efficient way out of this is to convince your boss to change her mind about this. You have popped up on her target radar. Easiest move is to just duck back down off of it.

You could tell her you are too broke, sick, tired, busy, autistic, sterile... whatever you want. Just make it "too" something to be target-worthy anymore. The message is that her attempt to set you up is an undeserved complement about your date-worthiness. You don't have to over do it. No need to tell her you have AIDS or herpes or a meth addiction. But choose something that makes you undateable but, (since it is your boss) not something that makes you unemployable.

Telling her you already have another girl you are preoccupied with would work, but it would risk sending the message that you are in fact dateable, but that she (or by extension her friend) can't have you. That could be dangerous.

Perhaps best to just say you've had some bad luck investing lately and that you won't really have money for nonessentials like dating for another couple years, or until Bitcoin returns to its previously projected rate of rise to its 200 day moving average... yada, yada, yada... (As long as it's some type of investment that she knows nothing about).

I lean toward the financial excuse because in my 4 decades of studying women, I have found that nothing repels them more effectively than, "I don't have any money...". Like fucking kryptonite. If you need to refuse women without risking them feeling rejected (and wanting revenge), then you need to make them believe that the end of the relationship is their idea!

Sooo much wisdom, here.

I would add a twist. Instead of Telling her you already have another girl, tell her you have another boy.

Tell her you are a very private person, you are pursuing another guy, and that you haven't "come out" at the office because you are aware of how anti-gay the higher-ups are and you feared for your job. Tell her not to share this information with your co-workers.

You are instantly un-fireable, because now you have double grounds for a law suit. Your boss will stop trying to fix you up. If she is discrete, she won't tell her bosses or your co-workers. If she does, they, too, will have to walk on eggshells. If there is a promotion available, they will need a really good reason for not giving it to you. You have become bullet-proof.

You have got some good advice. I think I am late to the party.

But here are my two cents-
Just tell your boss that you have a massive loan to pay-off and hence you aren't looking for any serious relationship until you are financially more stable.

Make sure you say something that she cannot easily trace (like student loan, etc).
Say that your mom/dad had a loan that you are contributing to.

As others have mentioned, financial instability is a big turn-off for women..
She will not only back-off but will never try to set you up with anybody else ever again.

Originally Posted by nameless

My female boss is trying to set me up on a blind date. I don't date by choice and design. What is the best way to decline this without harming my working relationship with her? In my experience, I've found that when you turn a women down (in anything) she usually turns vindictive in one way or another and will hold it against you. Maybe this one won't, but why risk it? That's why I want to be smart about this.

If this wasn't work, this would be a simple one word answer (no). Maybe I'm overthinking it? Maybe no story is necessary and just a simple, no thanks, I'm not interested right now will suffice?

After she brought it up, when I came home that day I started sending out job applications. I don't expect much luck because it seems like everything needs a vaccine which I refuse to get.

As you say, women don't like hearing "no". So, don't say that directly.

Rather, tell your boss that you've been seeing a girl for a couple weeks, you like her a lot and you don't want to risk messing things up with her.

The wrong thing to do is say you don't date, you're single by choice, blah blah blah. Because that's just asking for trouble. You also probably can't go to HR about this either. You should be able to, of course. Because HR was designed partially to eliminate dating/sex stuff in the workplace. But we know who controls HR and who HR was designed to protect. And it's not you. So, HR won't be of much assistance here, I'm thinking.

So, all you can realistically do is hide your power level. Don't wear your knowledge of female nature on your sleeve. Just lie and say you're seeing someone already.

But if you want to be super creative, you can claim to not even be straight. Back in the old days, I claimed to be gay in an interview because I suspected it would improve my chances of getting the job in a super PC workplace like that. And it worked like a charm too. Plus, aside from making me virtually untouchable by their HR, it obviously had the benefit of making female co-workers unlikely to bother me.

I guess my friend took that as a challenge because he pretended to be a trans-man in one place he worked. He said his biggest challenge was remembering to use the stall in the men's room. Otherwise, he said it was a piece of cake. Nobody even asked him about his love life because, he said, nobody wanted to go there and open up that potential can of worms.

Point being, you've got options.

Thanks for all the advice guys, I really appreciate all of it.

I can't use the poor finances card even though it's a good one. The problem is I am employed for my expertise with money so saying I'm struggling personally with it would not be a good thing.

I also can't bring myself to say I'm "gay", or something similar (or worse like "I'm actually a trans woman"). I feel like it would be a self-induced attack on my very being. I'd rather keep my self-dignity than my job by supplicating in that way.

So I've thought about this and my plan is as follows:

1. Pretend it was never brought up. There's a chance she might forget about it or take it as a hint.
2. If she brings it up again, tell her that I feel it's important to commit yourself 100% to a relationship and that I'm unable to do that with the ongoing pandemic. I don't want to begin something if I can't do it right and now is not a good time, even though her recommendation looks like a great girl.
3. In case she still applies pressure after the above, just keep declining, "no thanks, not right now", "no, I'm sorry, I just can't". Not afraid of this because there's no way she can convince me to go down a path I don't want to go down on.

The biggest problem is she's somewhat of an "alpha" female so chances are she already promised something to that girl/her mother. If that's the case, she's going to lose face because she'll be someone who doesn't end up doing what she said she could/would. If that happens, that's on her. Not my problem.

I don't hate my boss, I've only worked for her for about three years, and then again you can never truly know someone. She treats me pretty well so I have zero desire in harming her over this in any way (although as weird as it sounds... she's different around me, almost likes she attracted to me. I know what it's like when women come on to you, and I get the same vibes here). Technically, I'm flattered in a way (even though there's always ulterior motives). But with that in mind, can you imagine if the roles were reversed? And an older, male boss went to his subordinate, younger, female employee and said he'd have a great match for her?

In my view, it shouldn't be a big deal, but society has twisted everything horribly.

And that is I why I've said to hell with women. I don't even need to have sex. I've reached a point where there's literally nothing a woman can do to control me. I just live my life doing what brings me inner fulfillment. The only women I care about anymore or have any contact with are my immediate family (mother, etc.). I would do anything for them. They're as pure hearted and real as it gets. The only thing that gives "unicorns" any sort of credibility in my mind. But they certainly don't exist amongst the younger population anymore, that's for sure.

A simple diplomatic phrase like "Beat it, c**t"...

will probably not work in your situation. I would just wait it out, very politely saying no until it goes away.

Originally Posted by nameless

Thanks for all the advice guys, I really appreciate all of it.

I can't use the poor finances card even though it's a good one. The problem is I am employed for my expertise with money so saying I'm struggling personally with it would not be a good thing.

I also can't bring myself to say I'm "gay", or something similar (or worse like "I'm actually a trans woman"). I feel like it would be a self-induced attack on my very being. I'd rather keep my self-dignity than my job by supplicating in that way.

So I've thought about this and my plan is as follows:

1. Pretend it was never brought up. There's a chance she might forget about it or take it as a hint.
2. If she brings it up again, tell her that I feel it's important to commit yourself 100% to a relationship and that I'm unable to do that with the ongoing pandemic. I don't want to begin something if I can't do it right and now is not a good time, even though her recommendation looks like a great girl.
3. In case she still applies pressure after the above, just keep declining, "no thanks, not right now", "no, I'm sorry, I just can't". Not afraid of this because there's no way she can convince me to go down a path I don't want to go down on.

The biggest problem is she's somewhat of an "alpha" female so chances are she already promised something to that girl/her mother. If that's the case, she's going to lose face because she'll be someone who doesn't end up doing what she said she could/would. If that happens, that's on her. Not my problem.

I don't hate my boss, I've only worked for her for about three years, and then again you can never truly know someone. She treats me pretty well so I have zero desire in harming her over this in any way (although as weird as it sounds... she's different around me, almost likes she attracted to me. I know what it's like when women come on to you, and I get the same vibes here). Technically, I'm flattered in a way (even though there's always ulterior motives). But with that in mind, can you imagine if the roles were reversed? And an older, male boss went to his subordinate, younger, female employee and said he'd have a great match for her?

In my view, it shouldn't be a big deal, but society has twisted everything horribly.

And that is I why I've said to hell with women. I don't even need to have sex. I've reached a point where there's literally nothing a woman can do to control me. I just live my life doing what brings me inner fulfillment. The only women I care about anymore or have any contact with are my immediate family (mother, etc.). I would do anything for them. They're as pure hearted and real as it gets. The only thing that gives "unicorns" any sort of credibility in my mind. But they certainly don't exist amongst the younger population anymore, that's for sure.

If there's one thing women are great at, it's holding onto something that happend years or months ago and never letting it go.

Skip #1 and go straight to 2 on your list lol.

DZ said it well, just lie and say you're already into another chick. Done, easy.

You chose to work for a female and now you seek advice? That's like purposely getting a disease and then asking what to do about the symptoms. You've caused your own doom, live with the consequences and be damned.

-Pardon, I'm amending this. I actually would be honored to work for a female -if she earned her position. What I'm attempting to say is, if one chooses to work for the communist corporation -then be damned!