Thread: What do you do when the loneliness hits?

Hi folks,

Leg ulcer is slowly healing - I'm slowly working to get the weight down... but I've also been reading a lot about the insane culture we're in... and it's so damn lonely when I suffered the abuse I did. I was hoping that one day I'd get to be able to overlay the exploitative sexual input I suffered as a kid - but it looks as though it's off the cards as I have SUCH a tall mountain to climb if I stood a chance...

Unless the MRAs win...

Consider how the radfems are doubling down...

How do others deal with the loneliness?

Honestly, it doesn't really get to me much. I used to feel like I was missing out on something by not dating, but I wasn't red pill then and had no job on top of that.

When those kind of doubts arise, it's best to break the routine a little and focus on yourself. I don't know if your condition allows for this, but there's a bike trail near me and it's very peaceful. It runs right by a major tributary to the bay. I even stop and write sometimes.

Bottom line: find something you enjoy and do it. Improve yourself while you're at it and push towards a goal. Nothing like accomplishment to raise that old self-esteem.

Although I'm a bit of a loner, and reasonably independent, the truth is that we all need a bit of compassion from time to time. Especially at times like the one you are having now. I usually have these moments after my seizures. Compassion is not some attractive female emotion, it is a human one.

So when I encounter hardship in my life, and need compassion, I will call my parents, brother or close friends. None of these people live nearby so I can have a shoulder to cry on, but it is easy enough to talk long distance these days. If I’m really in need of help I’ll go to them, or they will pick me up, which I know they will do (that is when you know they are friends).

For me, there’s nothing more to it really. Make sure you have a few close relationships (friendships), and use them, when you are really in need of their compassion. If that's not an option I agree with Devil: take a walk, go see the sunset, ride a bike, have some fun. Some quiet surroundings are always good for the mind. Life is far too beautiful in itself (with or without close relationships) and I always feel happy on the few moments that I actually take the time to notice.

Rub one out, STAY BUSY .... call a man friend up for a chat, go to a move (like Guardians of the Galaxy .... that one was awesome actually) .... engage your hobbies (or take up new ones)

Don't get depressed, get busy.

To sit on rocks, to muse o’er flood and fell,
To slowly trace the forest's shady scene,
Where things that own not man’s dominion dwell,
And mortal foot hath ne’er or rarely been;
To climb the trackless mountain all unseen.
With the wild flock that never needs a fold:
Alone o’er steeps and foaming falls to lean;
This is not solitude; ’tis but to hold
Converse with Nature’s charms, and view her stores unroll’d

But midst the crowd, the hum, the shock of men,
To hear, to see, to feel, and to possess,
And roam along, the world’s tired denizen,
With none who bless us, none whom we can bless;
Minions of splendour shrinking from distress!
None that, with kindred consciousness endued,
If we were not, would seem to smile the less
Of all that flatter’d, follow’d, sought, and sued;
This is to be alone; this, this is solitude.

Perhaps this belongs to a different age, but going into nature always has revitalizing effects on me. I take a partner of any sort ("a friend in my retreat / Whom I may whisper -- solitude is sweet"), when

There is a blessing in the air,
Which seems a sense of joy to yield
To the bare trees, and mountains bare,
And grass in the green field.

When I grew tired of the moving, busy scene of city life which I had inhabited all my life, I solved my "identity crisis" of sorts with a brief sojourn into pastoral scenery, and a volume of Wordsworth's poetry:

Remote from the passions and events of the great world, he has communicated interest and dignity to the primal movements of the heart of man, and ingrafted his own conscious reflections on the casual thoughts of hinds and shepherds. Nursed amidst the grandeur of mountain scenery, he has stooped to have a nearer view of the daisy under his feet, or plucked a branch of white-thorn from the spray: but in describing it, his mind seems imbued with the majesty and solemnity of the objects around him—the tall rock lifts its head in the erectness of his spirit; the cataract roars in the sound of his verse; and in its dim and mysterious meaning, the mists seem to gather in the hollows of Helvellyn, and the forked Skiddaw hovers in the distance.

It may depend on temperament; but I have inherited Wordsworth's as of late:

[T]he evident scope and tendency of Mr. Wordsworth's mind is the reverse of dramatic. It resists all change of character, all variety of scenery, all the bustle, machinery, and pantomime of the stage, or of real life, -- whatever might relieve, or relax, or change the direction of its own activity, jealous of all competition. The power of his mind preys upon itself. It is as if there were nothing, but himself and the universe. He lives in the busy solitude of his own heart; in the deep silence of thought. His imagination lends life and feeling only to "the bare trees and mountains bare;" peoples the viewless tracts of air, and converses with the silent clouds!

I say, seek things that speak to the "depth, and not the tumult, of the soul". Don't be distracted by the tumult of the vulgar herd -- who cares about them? No need to watch television, to seek them out on the Internet, to have any contact with them.

Staying occupied is the most important thing. "To fill the hour -- that is happiness." It depends entirely on your interests. You could do physical work, read, play a video game, start binge-watching a television show or films, anything. Once a day or two has passed you'll probably feel much better, and can tackle life again. If you need a constant companion, a musical instrument is always great. I use Harmonicas (which are well suited to elegiac sentiments!) but anything works.

internet porn.

it's an easy solution, really. I have a working imagination. case closed.

Originally Posted by Primus_Pilus

Rub one out, STAY BUSY .... call a man friend up for a chat, go to a move (like Guardians of the Galaxy .... that one was awesome actually) .... engage your hobbies (or take up new ones)

Don't get depressed, get busy.

+1 for get busy. I have a LOT of hobbies. Biking. Cross-country skiing when I can't bike. music. Army reserve. Dungeons & Dragons. This forum (yeah, I consider it a hobby now) and one other.

The busier you are, the less you time you have to dwell on loneliness.

Yes, remember the blokes on this grand forum are in your corner and on your side.

I don't get lonely myself but I remember the horrid feeling of isolation and loneliness when I was with my ex years ago, it sucked. No man is an island, and other MGTOW's are great company even if only online.

Originally Posted by alcockell

Hi folks,

Leg ulcer is slowly healing - I'm slowly working to get the weight down... but I've also been reading a lot about the insane culture we're in... and it's so damn lonely when I suffered the abuse I did. I was hoping that one day I'd get to be able to overlay the exploitative sexual input I suffered as a kid - but it looks as though it's off the cards as I have SUCH a tall mountain to climb if I stood a chance...

Unless the MRAs win...

Consider how the radfems are doubling down...

How do others deal with the loneliness?

Loneliness, that's a hard one man. First off, you're not as alone as you think. Online communities, multiplayer gaming, forums, this place, there's a lot of places where people are around and feel the same way that you do.

Anyways, Stoicism, which was originated around the times of the Roman Empire, was the answer for me. Reading the journal of the Roman Emperor Marcus Aurelius helps provide insight into how to live your life. Book called Meditations. The Enchiridion is the manual that was written ~200 years before Aurelius by Epictetus.

That got me on the right track for how to think about being alone. End of the day, society WANTS you to feel alone because they have the solution in the form of a product, or payment plan, or toy.

Leisure time to just spend time sitting around doing jack-shit is what many of the philosophers and great men did in their lives.

So reframe the loneliness as a time to learn more about yourself. Because if you're not comfortable in your own company, you'll be a pretty lonely person.

If you can swing it a pet might just do the trick. They need attention and you have to pay for vet bills, but a good dog can also double as a theft deterrent.

I agree with all others that "staying busy" will alleviate some of this. I argue that human contact is difficult to entirely replace. I would join a hobby or club of some sort if you need interaction.

If it's want for female attention though I would recommend hookers. They charge by the hour and have no hidden fees.

Originally Posted by alcockell

Hi folks,

Leg ulcer is slowly healing - I'm slowly working to get the weight down... but I've also been reading a lot about the insane culture we're in... and it's so damn lonely when I suffered the abuse I did. I was hoping that one day I'd get to be able to overlay the exploitative sexual input I suffered as a kid - but it looks as though it's off the cards as I have SUCH a tall mountain to climb if I stood a chance...

Unless the MRAs win...

Consider how the radfems are doubling down...

How do others deal with the loneliness?

Others have addressed this topic exceedingly well, but I'll chime in and contribute.

I'm alone >=95% of the time. I live alone in the house I own, do not date, have no woman at all in my life, my parents live over a thousand miles away and I only see them a few times a year, and in my full time job I now work remotely from home and travel occasionally and in my teaching position some courses are entirely online and some courses are four hour lectures one night a week. I can essentially do 99% of both my jobs from my home workstation. This saves me substantial expense in commuting, clothing, and meal expenses most others incur.

I literally interact with other human beings in person very rarely anymore. I've found as I've gotten older I just don't like most people and I avoid them. It took some time to accept this is the real me. The most I speak to others in public is either the lectures I've memorized to regurgitate to functionally retarded students or the niceties/small talk I'm forced to say to the cashier at checkout.

However, I stay exceedingly busy. My full time job requires at minimum 50 hours a week, and teaching takes 10 to 20 hours a week depending on course load. In my free time I'm hitting the gym, reading a good book, watching a movie that interests me, going to the beach alone and enjoying the view, soaking in my jacuzzi, or dining alone and having a fine five star meal at a restaurant or preparing it myself with a glass of bourbon and a cigar.

You'd be surprised how much more time and money you have when you don't have to carry the dead weight that is a twat or rugrat. Next time you feel lonely try to keep it in this context, that you have the independence and freedom to do what you want and not be encumbered by someone else who is likely unappreciative anyway.

Trust me, over time the loneliness fades. It doesn't grab you as often or as hard as it once did. You simply become used to doing things by yourself. Appreciate and enjoy your life, and cherish the freedom and ability to do what you want, when you want, and solely for you.

If you still get loneliness often, a pet also helps tremendously. Dogs and cats are capable of unconditional love that a woman could never provide. A pet doesn't care if you're rich or poor, young or old, tall or short, fat or skinny, or white or black, feed them and love them and they will love you back. It's truly beautiful.

People will disappoint you, lie to you, use you, and betray you. By yourself, you are only responsible for you. Remember to be good to yourself. You owe yourself that.

Godspeed alcockell.

It doesn't bother me much. I do have my son half the time though and my daughter on weekends, so it isn't as if I'm alone all that much.

In the past when I was lonely, it was really important for me to force myself to socialize, which isn't natural for me at all. I'm not in AA anymore (courts don't track it anymore), but it did help me a lot when I had the tendency to just hole myself up in my apartment with my porn, booze, and video games. I learned to stop thinking about myself so much and instead focus on how I could help others.

I guess if you can find some kind of outlet with other like-minded people, it could only help.

(Note: I have no problem with porn, video games, and booze. But taken to an extreme, they can mess with your head.)

Loneliness comes in a few different forms. I'll explain my forms of loneliness, and how I usually get over them.

The one I contend with the most is the pair bonding loneliness. We're told we have to be in a relationship to make it through. I'm being told this right now, as we speak, in school. I hear all these Biology majors going on about how it would be impossible to do without a significant other [paying all their bills]. Engineering majors are almost universally spoken for; A single guy in Engineering is actually uncommon. This Spring and Summer would have been more tortuous ordeals, but I elected to start correcting for untreated depression. I'm 29 years old, which means that whatever's going on is not going to be affected by continued post-puberty growth, and I can start from a working base model of myself, so I figured it's time to go ahead and demand the help I'm owed as a taxpayer. Removing lust and the peaks and valleys (the former a side effect, the latter the intent) lets me think much clearer, and lets me rationally analyze my pair-bonding instinct despite the ridiculous hormones abound. I get around this by keeping myself busy and reappropriating what happiness actually is to me.

I grew up wanting to be just like my father. A hard-working man who wanted to do nothing but help, protect and love his family. An identity based on how well he can perform his role. He was not a perfect man; I would dare call him what he himself says he is: a bad example, most of the time. This was very, "Do as I say, not as I do." And this one time, he was right to. My father was the ultimate and only exception to the rule. I reappropriated what happiness meant to me, because "making and having a family" is not possible given the current climate. My dad is making it happen right now, sure! But then again, he's raising 3 girls, and one of them made the other two. The way it taxes him is fucking incredible, and my dad has admitted in the past that he has a framework now that he didn't have when we were kids: A family to fall back on. I might actually be responsible for helping him live longer than he should, simply because I'm around to be around him. But you see, this is what makes him happy. Being a father makes him happy. I can't be like my father though. My identity can not include "making and having a family", because I can't derive happiness from that when I've had plenty of chances to do so in life, and failed to be able to achieve it. I can't do that when the market for the women I want does not exist. So I decided that happiness will now include something I would have previously had to sacrifice: Improving myself so I can be the absolute best me I can be. That's what now makes me happy, because I can derive happiness in achievement.

The second kind of loneliness is something that could be harder to relate to, based on your childhood: Familial loneliness. The idea that you're alone because your family is too far away. The answer I chose for this one was my idea of stoicism: Becoming comfortable with the company of myself and no one else. My dad has warned me about this, after all. And I was probably raised to be able to do so, because when the chips are down, you are all that you have left. The world moves forward by the risk and sacrifice of those who had nothing but themselves left. That's how he raised us, after all, being unable to request reciprocal altruistic debt from either his parents, or his in-laws. Someday, that's gonna be me too. The world will only move forward as long as I continue moving. The only way I'm going to continue moving, is being comfortable with my own company. It's different, but you can train it to fill the same hole.

The way I combat loneliness is by giving serious consideration to my health (and using drugs to augment [NOT REPLACE!] my capability), enforcing rationalization in feelings of pair-bonding loneliness, and being comfortable with the company of me so that I don't get depressed by familial loneliness. However, this is based on having the capacity to be able to do these things, which may or may not be possible based on your upbringing; I simply don't know how effective such advice will be. In lieu of that, we're here. I'm here.

Active hobbies that are challenging and you enjoy that have a social aspect to them (the group hangs out before, during or after the activity).