Thread: Tired of Nosy Bastards

Just curious, how do you fellas deal with those people in your life who are always prying and being invasive, especially when it comes to women and relationships?

I have no problem setting boundaries with people and have done so (appropriately) with family members, co-workers, even friends, about why I’m not in a romantic relationship and never discuss wanting to meet a woman. I’ve never discussed MGTOW philosophy and pretty much leave my arguments as “just doing my own thing in life right now.” But it seems this certain group of people never let up. Some have even been so bold as to ask if I’m gay. I’ve been in two long-term relationships with women, so I have no idea why they assume that.

I don’t care what people think at the end of the day and can put up with quite a lot of bullshit, but I’m getting really irritated by the gay references and the incessant antagonizing. I’m thinking about cutting off some of these idiots completely. I can’t really do that with co-workers of course. I have to pretend and kiss ass like everyone else to pay the bills. But as for people who are not essential in my life, they can go take a nap on the railroad tracks for all I give a shit.

Does anybody else experience stuff like this?

I don't do interrogatories with anyone, they can go fuck themselves!

Ask them a question in return, do they have lice, crabs, or infectious diseases?

Originally Posted by Societysucksmyass

Does anybody else experience stuff like this?

I was asked once.

If you want to have some light-hearted fun with them, the next time someone asks you if you are gay, say with mirth:

"Why? Do you need me to be?"

I wish I had said that. Would have been fun to have put them on the defensive, if only briefly.

If it's happening enough that you are getting irritated, consider casually giving them the facts to replace what they're thinking.

"After two long-term relationships, I'm taking a break."

Make it sound like it's no big deal. Whatever you do, don't show defensiveness.

Originally Posted by Unboxxed

If it's happening enough that you are getting irritated, consider casually giving them the facts to replace what they're thinking.

Yeah, I’ve definitely brought up my past failed relationships, but people seem to think that all of that is over with and that being with someone should be my priority right now. I’m going to be 40 soon and I can definitely feel the judgment coming from people, even if it’s unspoken. Casual conversations at work about holiday plans or vacations are always awkward when I announce that I’m taking a trip alone. My martial arts school always has events for the kids. I’m the only adult who doesn’t participate in the extracurricular bullshit because I have no reason to. It seemed like everyone had the same reaction when they found out about my domestic status: just a little head nod and a “oh…ok” type of reaction. The conversation ends there and they instantly turn to someone else and start babbling.

In the end, I’m my own man and I’m certainly confident in my ability to live life on my terms and enjoy myself. I guess I’m just annoyed more than anything about how ballsy and invasive some people are. Like these assholes have a right to dictate to me what I should be doing with my life.

It feels great and very refreshing to not kiss the ass of the naive robots that blindly conform to any and all expectations.

To hell with them all.

I just say that I've sworn off of women...too expensive and too demanding, and leave it at that.
As for the homo question, Unboxxed has a good response to that...I usually answer that way,
or I'll say "I'm sorry to disappoint you, but nope." Accomplishes the same thing.

Originally Posted by Societysucksmyass

Yeah, I’ve definitely brought up my past failed relationships, but people seem to think that all of that is over with and that being with someone should be my priority right now.

Yeah, I see what you mean, if they are verbally making a point of your singledom. I had a sister like that. Annoying.

It seemed like everyone had the same reaction when they found out about my domestic status: just a little head nod and a “oh…ok” type of reaction. The conversation ends there and they instantly turn to someone else and start babbling.

Here, though, I'm thinking if they are not single themselves then they simply do not know how to relate to your singledom for purposes of idle chit-chat and therefore have nothing to say back, turning instead to anyone else who can give them something familiar to bounce their next insipid comment off of.

In other words, it's not you when this happens. It's just how people chit chat.

Ya always gotta throw people a bone in this chit chat stuff. That's what they really want when they open their mouths to speak.

I've been known as a conversation killer when some of the things I might say in a conversation gives no one anything to build off of. So, I gotta stay in the familiar zone. In the common zone. Do you announce your singledom plans without being asked first? Ha, that's a bone they choke on! LOL

Whenever you get the gay question, always give mixed signals. Never deny it. Shake your head no and say yes. Or ask them if I come across as gay and just have fun with where the conversation goes. It it gets really squirrely always fall back to the "I can neither confirm nor deny your accusations". If it gets really personal, just go with your dad and mom don't think so. The reason, this is a very very very inappropriate question no matter the context. So you give it back to them.

With relationships, I always go with the "I'm blending in with you sheep" response. So say that you haven't found the right woman and she is sure to come around soon. Give the impression that you are not living it up chilling in your house eating snacks enjoying the peace. Make it seem like you can't find your queen and are dying to find her and kiss her feet lol.

Originally Posted by opensource

Whenever you get the gay question, always give mixed signals. Never deny it. Shake your head no and say yes. Or ask them if I come across as gay and just have fun with where the conversation goes. It it gets really squirrely always fall back to the "I can neither confirm nor deny your accusations". If it gets really personal, just go with your dad and mom don't think so. The reason, this is a very very very inappropriate question no matter the context. So you give it back to them.

Ha, I like your equanimity.

Joke 'em if they can't take a fuck.

"I'm not gay but my boyfriend is."

Originally Posted by Societysucksmyass

But it seems this certain group of people never let up. Some have even been so bold as to ask if I’m gay. I’ve been in two long-term relationships with women, so I have no idea why they assume that.

They are gay and want to know if you are up for it. A simple "sorry, man - I'm straight" is all that's needed.

Over the years I have had many comebacks to the relationship question. One of my standard go-to answers to why I'm not in a relationship is "I'll get in a relationship when I find a good woman, so far no luck".
The insinuation that you're gay is just silly, it's their feeble attempt at humor I guess. "Not last time I checked" is a good non-confrontational answer.

Originally Posted by Chris007

One of my standard go-to answers to why I'm not in a relationship is "I'll get in a relationship when I find a good woman, so far no luck".

Yeah, I like that!

If they ask if you're gay, simply tell them, "Ask my Gynecologist". That should set them back on their heels.

Originally Posted by Unboxxed

Ha, I like your equanimity.

Joke 'em if they can't take a fuck.

"I'm not gay but my boyfriend is."

Cheers Unboxxed, you just gave me my first laugh-out-loud of the day.

The whole gay comment thing is because they're so blown over by the V that they simply can't understand why anyone wouldn't think like themselves.

The only reason they can come up with is that you, or I, must therefore be gay. They lack intelligence and true inquisitiveness. They are simply sheep following the herd straight to the knacker's yard.

Or, alternatively, they're just winding you up for the hell of it. A bit of fun at your expense. So as others have said turn it back on them.

Generally with nosey bastards though, I disentangle myself with any sort of meaningful conversations with them. I'll talk about the weather and little more.
Another favourite line of mine if a guy makes such a statement is "Why do you want to know? Are you cruising for a little man-on-man action?"

The whole gay comment thing is because they're so blown over by the V that they simply can't understand why anyone wouldn't think like themselves.

The only reason they can come up with is that you, or I, must therefore be gay. They lack intelligence and true inquisitiveness. They are simply sheep following the herd straight to the knacker's yard.

Or, alternatively, they're just winding you up for the hell of it. A bit of fun at your expense. So as others have said turn it back on them.

Another favourite line of mine if a guy makes such a statement is "Why do you want to know? Are you cruising for a little man-on-man action?"

Generally though with nosey bastards I disengage from meaningful conversation and talk of little more than the weather.

I just say "I'm not a fan of modern relationships" and "relationships aren't worth it to me these days". They always push for more but then I say "apologies, I'm a pretty private person, I hope you can respect my boundaries" and then that shuts them up because they don't want to be seen as disrespecting someone's boundaries.

Eh, I don't know what happened here with the repeated post. My guess is I edited the first one and somehow it got submitted as a new post.

It could have something to do with the VPN I use. Sometimes it changes my IP on the fly and I have to re-login.

This is the "present year."

Learn to play the game to your advantage. When they pry, when they make you uncomfortable, when they ask if you are gay, write it down. Document it. Get time, date, names of offending person and witnesses, and circumstance. Just say, "this line of questioning makes me uncomfortable." But always be ambiguous.You are documenting so this so you can go to Human Resources and show a "pattern of behavior," a "hostile work environment," "bullying," "tolerated by supervisors." That you expressed "discomfort," but that these "microaggressions" was allowed, even participated in, by your supervisors.

Make sure you have dozens of incidents. When you go in for your annual medical check up, mention to your physician how these workplace outrages were impacting your sleep and making you feel depressed. Make sure the doctor documents it and suggests treatment.

Lay the trap. The key is to have lots of documentation, and that you mentioned at least once to a supervisor that the inquiries into your private/sex life, as well as the "gay taunting" bothered you.

When you need that promotion, or when you want to negotiate for that raise, or when you already have been hired at that newer, better paying job, spring your trap. Go into Human Resources and provide all the documentation. Hint that you are talking to a well known lawyer and the relevant government agencies with the power to fine them.

Extract what you can.


https://www.docformats.com/da-form-1594/
I recommend downloading the above form. It has places on it for relevant, but easily forgettable details, and you can always write on the back of the page the circumstances.

In one of these HR fights, the person with more details wins.

I recommend watching the first half of the movie "Gone Girl" for a lesson in how to commit 'Administrative Violence."

I had the same issue especially during my 30s, one evening the local, average looking, gutter trash single mother started paying me a bit of attention. I was instantly accused of being gay because I wasn't drooling all over her like a lost puppy.

An old school friend who came down the pub once a month used to give me the "it's about time you settled down" speech every time we met. Since his wife cheated on him he hasn't said a word.

I noticed this problem has declined a lot since I entered my 40s, for many settled down friends the honeymoon stage is over and grim reality has set in. I have expanded my social circle in recent years via meetup and most new people who I meet seem to automatically assume I'm divorced/separated for some reason which is a good thing.

It's interesting to note that if I tell someone that I still live at my dad's house having never moved out I often get a negative comment or facial reaction.
Yet if I lie and say I'm back living at my dad's house after a relationship breakup that's somehow more acceptable.

This is the "present year." Learn to play the game to your advantage.

When they pry, when they make you uncomfortable, when they ask if you are gay, write it down. Document it. Get time, date, names of offending person and witnesses, and circumstance. Just say, "this line of questioning makes me uncomfortable."

But always be ambiguous. You are documenting so this so you can go to Human Resources and show a
"pattern of behavior,"
a "hostile work environment,"
"bullying,"
"tolerated by supervisors."

That you expressed "discomfort," but that this "harassment" was allowed, even participated in, by your supervisors. Make sure you have dozens of incidents.

When you go in for your annual medical check up, mention to your physician how these workplace outrages were impacting your sleep and making you feel anxious and depressed. Make sure the doctor documents it and suggests treatment.

Lay the trap. The key is to have lots of documentation, and that you mentioned at least once to a supervisor that the inquiries into your private/sex life, as well as the "gay taunting" bothered you.

When you need that promotion, or when you want to negotiate for that raise, or when you already have been hired at that newer, better paying job, spring your trap. Go into Human Resources and provide all the documentation. Hint that you are talking to a well known lawyer and the relevant government agencies with the power to fine them.

Extract what you can.

https://www.docformats.com/da-form-1594/
I recommend downloading the above form. It has places on it for relevant, but easily forgettable details, and you can always write on the back of the page the circumstances.

In one of these HR fights, the person with more details is the most convincing.

I recommend watching the first half of the movie "Gone Girl" for a lesson in how to commit 'Administrative Violence."