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  1. #1

    Shit Test Discussion: "He treats me right, but I don't love him."

    (I'm not posting this in the Bachelor forum because I'm not looking to date this chick, I just want to discuss the shit test she's giving me)

    I have a one-off sexual history from the past with this girl I still chit-chat with on occasion. We grew up together, so she's not just a random chick I met in a bar or anything, so it's not totally weird that we stay in contact from time-to-time. She's married, and her husband is gone long periods of time with his job.(We all know that this is a recipe for disaster) I never put forth any effort to contact her, she always contacts me, usually once every four months or so.

    In our past several conversations, she has made it abundantly clear that she doesn't love her husband, even though he treats her with respect.(hahahaha..everyone here sees the flaw in her husband's approach) Furthermore, she told me that her first husband(you guys are shaking your head at this) treated her like absolute shit, disrespected her, beat her, but she loved him and would mount him and fuck him if she encountered him in public. She said she knew it wasn't healthy to be with him, and she knows that it is healthy to be with the respectful guy that she doesn't love, but she's still not happy.

    Now, of course, we don't know how much truth there is to the stories about either husband, but what I'm getting at is she has brought this same issue up to me about three or four times now. She's obviously giving me a shit test to try to gauge who I am as a man, or, she's trying to nudge me into taking some sort of action. She really has a sweet deal where her husband is gone most of the time, and she spends his money, so there's really no reason for her to leave him when she has the hookup. I'm pretty sure she works, but is a job-hopper, but she can afford to do so because husband brings home most of the bacon. So, it's obvious that she's either shit-testing me, or bringing this scenario about loving the abuser and not loving the nice guy up because the answers I give her somehow fill her endless need for validation. Generally, I give her a pretty straight-forward answer like "You married someone you didn't love, and you loved someone who abused you, so I don't think your lack of marital bliss is your most crucial issue."

    I don't know, maybe it's a shit-test where she knows I'm long-term single and wants to see if I'll ever make a move if she keeps lamenting about not loving her husband, or maybe she sees abusive Chad Thundercock as her tingles guy, she sees mangina husband as her provider, and she wants to complete her harem with me as some type of middle-ground between. Regardless though, I can't take her conversation at face value. What do you guys think about all of this?

  2. #2
    Senior Member BeijaFlor's Avatar
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    Re: Shit Test Discussion: "He treats me right, but I don't love him."

    I think you've got a good handle on it, Brentus. But I would also suggest, in the words of Tallulah Bankhead, "there's less to this than meets the eye."

    Women are attention-vampires, far more so than are men. They are hungrier than we can imagine to be noticed, to be validated, to be admired. What you might be seeing as a shit-test may simply be a manifestation of that attention-hunger, a desire to siphon attention from everyone she knows or knew. There might be some residual fondness for you as an "old flame," since (as you say) you've bagged her at least once; but I believe that "her endless need for validation" is enough explanation.

    That said, OF COURSE you can't take her conversation at face value. And you needn't.
    "The Red Pill is the start of the journey, not the end." - Chairborne

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    Re: Shit Test Discussion: "He treats me right, but I don't love him."

    I think she just sees you as an emotional tampon/friend to whine/talk to (people do this all the time. they emote and they call someone who can call them down and make sense of things again.) and I think you're over thinking whether it's a shit test or not.

    It has no relevance whatsoever what she exactly meant by that remark since you're not looking to date her.

  4. #4

    Re: Shit Test Discussion: "He treats me right, but I don't love him."

    Quote Originally Posted by ikbenrein View Post
    It has no relevance whatsoever what she exactly meant by that remark since you're not looking to date her.
    It does have relevance because this is a forum to discuss these topics. That's why I posted it. It's just that simple.

  5. #5

    Re: Shit Test Discussion: "He treats me right, but I don't love him."

    Quote Originally Posted by BeijaFlor View Post
    I think you've got a good handle on it, Brentus. But I would also suggest, in the words of Tallulah Bankhead, "there's less to this than meets the eye."

    Women are attention-vampires, far more so than are men. They are hungrier than we can imagine to be noticed, to be validated, to be admired. What you might be seeing as a shit-test may simply be a manifestation of that attention-hunger, a desire to siphon attention from everyone she knows or knew. There might be some residual fondness for you as an "old flame," since (as you say) you've bagged her at least once; but I believe that "her endless need for validation" is enough explanation.

    That said, OF COURSE you can't take her conversation at face value. And you needn't.
    I agree with this. It does seem like the typical validation fishing, but the fact that we do have a history and she keeps repeating it again makes it seem like there may be somewhat of another element to it. It's all just for the sake of discussion since I don't date, and we'll never get the whole story because she's an unreliable source, but I just find it interesting to try to discuss the nuances of these situations.

  6. #6
    Senior Member Malinois's Avatar
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    Re: Shit Test Discussion: "He treats me right, but I don't love him."

    Quote Originally Posted by BrentusBeast View Post
    It does have relevance because this is a forum to discuss these topics. That's why I posted it.
    I think he meant that it has no relevance because it's coming from an obviously hypergamous woman's mouth...AWALT

    I wouldn't even entertain her conversations. Not only is it a waste of your time and energy, as it can distract you but, there's even a real chance that just talking with this type of woman can cause you other problems.

    My opinion: She is just another example of what women really are anymore...And every second you engage in conversation with her validates her ways.

    This is why I avoid "friendships" with women, amongst other reasons...My conditioning and brainwashing makes me feel good when a woman leans on me for her validation...Not good...

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    Re: Shit Test Discussion: "He treats me right, but I don't love him."

    This girl still wants to ride the dick with random guys. Although she knows that financially she can't go independent by herself so she leeches off this guy. I would lose respect for her. Unfortunately women prefer the love they feel they deserve. Being treated bad is what makes them feel good.

  8. #8
    Senior Member SaltySpoon's Avatar
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    Re: Shit Test Discussion: "He treats me right, but I don't love him."

    On a smaller scale, I've lived through the same situation.

    A few years go, this girl, who was a good friend of mine, caught her boyfriend cheating on her and broke up with him. She then switched from spending all day praising his glory to telling me how much of a pig he was. A few days later, she told me she had stayed awake until 3 in the morning chatting with him. Soon enough, that became a daily habit. "Didn't you think he is a pig?" I asked, and she replied with a "I do I do, but..." and moved on to describe their conversations down to the detail (something in between goofy and cheesy).

    At first I actively tried to help her out since she was asking for my advice, but I quickly understood it was futile. She would nod and praise how good of an idea it was, to then go ahead and fuck it up yet again, coming to me to complain the day after. Eventually I gave up and just replied to the drama with whatever bullshit I would come up with in the spot. It made no difference. I ended so fed up with the drama I stopped paying attention or even looking and her, and that is when she finally noticed I was there and got mad at me. When I confronted her with the fact that she was blatantly ignoring me, she said:

    "I just think out loud. I need someone to listen to it." A short while after, they were a couple again.


    I don't think she's teasing you. She just can't get over Chad and regrets hooking up with his current husband, and she needs someone to know. The fact that you are being as bold as you are and she isn't bothered by it is proof enough that she doesn't really care about what you have to say, she just needs you to listen. Stop even paying attention to her constant complains, and only then you will get a chance to channel her train of thought into something productive. Right now she's the main character of her own Greek tragedy, and trust me, you don't have a leading role in it.
    It's the nature of time that the old ways must give in
    it's the nature of time that the new ways come in sin,
    when the new meets the old it always ends the ancient ways
    and as history told the old ways go out in a blaze.

  9. #9

    Re: Shit Test Discussion: "He treats me right, but I don't love him."

    Quote Originally Posted by SaltySpoon View Post
    On a smaller scale, I've lived through the same situation.

    A few years go, this girl, who was a good friend of mine, caught her boyfriend cheating on her and broke up with him. She then switched from spending all day praising his glory to telling me how much of a pig he was. A few days later, she told me she had stayed awake until 3 in the morning chatting with him. Soon enough, that became a daily habit. "Didn't you think he is a pig?" I asked, and she replied with a "I do I do, but..." and moved on to describe their conversations down to the detail (something in between goofy and cheesy).

    At first I actively tried to help her out since she was asking for my advice, but I quickly understood it was futile. She would nod and praise how good of an idea it was, to then go ahead and fuck it up yet again, coming to me to complain the day after. Eventually I gave up and just replied to the drama with whatever bullshit I would come up with in the spot. It made no difference. I ended so fed up with the drama I stopped paying attention or even looking and her, and that is when she finally noticed I was there and got mad at me. When I confronted her with the fact that she was blatantly ignoring me, she said:

    "I just think out loud. I need someone to listen to it." A short while after, they were a couple again.


    I don't think she's teasing you. She just can't get over Chad and regrets hooking up with his current husband, and she needs someone to know. The fact that you are being as bold as you are and she isn't bothered by it is proof enough that she doesn't really care about what you have to say, she just needs you to listen. Stop even paying attention to her constant complains, and only then you will get a chance to channel her train of thought into something productive. Right now she's the main character of her own Greek tragedy, and trust me, you don't have a leading role in it.
    Your story about talking things through with women who had the apparent Hitler boyfriend who they would never break completely up with sounds exactly like what I wasted so much time doing in the past. That's actually one of the main things that illustrated to me that something wasn't right about how I thought the world operated versus how it operated in reality. When you see that same nonsense play out in exactly the same way several times, you have to eventually grasp the truth, and you're for the better when you do.

    I agree with your last paragraph too because the fact that she's unflappable when I get borderline red pill with her shows that she's not really concerned about me personally, she's just concerned about having "someone" to vent to. I'm pretty much a faceless caricature for her to paint with her baggage. This is essentially what I was getting-at in the original comment I made about me being some middle-ground in her harem. I still think there's another element to it. Even though I'm not Chad Thundercock, I'm closer to it than mangina husband, so she's probably playing more than one hand at a time. Regardless though, being played for validation or as a utility in a harem built on narcissism isn't a good place to be. We know for a fact that she's playing this hand regardless of what else is in play, so I'm with you guys on that 100%.

  10. #10
    Administrator Unboxxed's Avatar
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    Re: Shit Test Discussion: "He treats me right, but I don't love him."

    Quote Originally Posted by BrentusBeast View Post
    but what I'm getting at is she has brought this same issue up to me about three or four times now.

    What do you guys think about all of this?
    She's bringing it up until you give her the response/conversation she is hoping for.
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  11. #11

    Re: Shit Test Discussion: "He treats me right, but I don't love him."

    What do you guys think about all of this?
    Sure.......Break off all contact with this eternally needy, slow poison, human parasite because sooner or later your life will be diminished in some form or fashion by her.

    This woman is exactly the type of woman a MGTOW should be avoiding all interactions with - let her perform her "shit tests" on another.

    RUN..........
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  12. #12

    Re: Shit Test Discussion: "He treats me right, but I don't love him."

    Quote Originally Posted by Unboxxed View Post
    She's bringing it up until you give her the response/conversation she is hoping for.
    This is why I was thinking it was a shit test! She keeps bringing the issue up in the same context over an extended period of time, so she either wants to hear the same answer over-and-over again, or if she's not shit testing, she's shit-monitoring.

  13. #13
    Senior Member Azure Nomad's Avatar
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    Re: Shit Test Discussion: "He treats me right, but I don't love him."

    She is probing her options. As long as you keep it close to the vest and are as cool as a cucumber on a summers day you will be fine. Bu Eternal Bachelor is right that sooner or later you might have to cut your losses if she continues to focus on this singular issue.

  14. #14
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    Re: Shit Test Discussion: "He treats me right, but I don't love him."

    Quote Originally Posted by BrentusBeast View Post
    This is why I was thinking it was a shit test! She keeps bringing the issue up in the same context over an extended period of time, so she either wants to hear the same answer over-and-over again, or if she's not shit testing, she's shit-monitoring.
    Well, I'm suggesting that she does not want to hear the same answer over and over again, but that's what you keep giving. So, she keeps asking, thinking what are the odds that you can keep giving the same answer over and over, that sooner of later you will vary off course and into the territory that she imagines for you.

    Whatever is her basis, I know damn well that she is quite conscious of her repetitiveness on this, and of your same answers. I just know.
    The two most important days in your life are the day you were born and the day you find out why. - Mark Twain

    The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation.
    - Henry David Thoreau

    There are 10 types of people in the world - those who understand binary, and those who don't.

    Suitable for bookmarking: www.fakehatecrimes.org and www.breitbart.com/tag/hate-crime-hoax

  15. #15
    Super Moderator Mr Wombat's Avatar
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    Re: Shit Test Discussion: "He treats me right, but I don't love him."

    Quote Originally Posted by BrentusBeast View Post
    In our past several conversations,
    And there's your problem right there.

  16. #16

    Re: Shit Test Discussion: "He treats me right, but I don't love him."

    Quote Originally Posted by ShogunRonin View Post
    This girl still wants to ride the dick with random guys. Although she knows that financially she can't go independent by herself so she leeches off this guy. I would lose respect for her. Unfortunately women prefer the love they feel they deserve. Being treated bad is what makes them feel good.
    Women have an insatiable need for Protection, Provision, Entertainment, and Validation.

    Most 1st World Women do not have to worry about marauding barbarians, so they live in a crèche of Protection the civilization men built and fought for grants them.

    This woman has Provision. She has a beta-male provider for direct provisioning, and a system of family courts, a gynocentric lawmakers, and social welfare programs that her beta-male pays for via taxes to provider her a 'safety net' and 'parachute.' She will outlive her beta-male provider by 10-15 years and like a flea that still sucks the last drops of blood off a dead host, will happily spend his social security and life insurance checks.

    But she is bored. And she wants Entertainment. Sometime we call it her need for "drama." "Entertainment/drama" is conflict, risk, or danger that OTHER people experience. Want something that will fascinate a woman? SOMEBODY else's misfortune, like a divorce, or a break up. They are quickly bored by large tragedies that require understanding history, or science, or economics. They will flip the channels past documentaries of Greek financial collapse, or why the bank notes in their purses have lost 80% of their value in their lifetimes, or why most of the billions pored down the African rat hole has only made government bureaucrats and foreign aide dispensers rich to get to the latest antics of their favorite celebrity.

    (The feminization of men means that decades of mass media has dumbed us down so much that some of us can get very excited over the meaningless "battles" of our favorite sports teams but cannot grasp the nature of the chains that bind us...so we gossip about millionaire sports "heroes" like women do about soap opera characters.)

    This woman is looking for Entertainment. Her need for drama is such, that even when she has all her needs are met, when she has the set-up she has worked so hard to get, she looks around and says to herself "This is perfect. But now, I'm unfulfilled (which really means "I'm bored!") ....how can I put this all at risk?"

    On Mad Men, Don Draper said it best. "What is 'happiness?' 'Happiness' is what you feel the moment before you say to yourself 'I want more happiness!'"

    The chance to experience the attention of other men beside her beta provider also brings in the aspect of Validation. The quickest way to get rid of a woman is to unmask her. The moment she looks into your eyes, and she realizes that "the spell" that she has cast over you has faded, that you see her for what she really is, she looses all interest. That is why so many women wish that they were celebrities, even if that celebrity is based on having released a murky sex tape. They confuse attention with adulation. We now have a generation of girls that, when given the choice between being unknown and being famous, even for something as droll as being used as a sperm receptacle for somebody famous - say a politician - they will choose fame every time.

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    Re: Shit Test Discussion: "He treats me right, but I don't love him."

    Quote Originally Posted by BrentusBeast View Post
    It does have relevance because this is a forum to discuss these topics. That's why I posted it. It's just that simple.
    Oh don't get me wrong, we can discuss it and her behaviour may have various explanations, but is it really interesting for your situation right now, for the way you go about things with her? That's what I meant by relevance. From how I interpreted it you're not really into her and she has other options now. At least she's not flirting with you aggressively so that you need to run and hide.

    So what's there to do?
    - In four months you may talk with her again (or not, whatever you like)
    - She may make the same remark again
    - You can do whatever you want with that remark (ignore it, talk about it, wipe your ass with it, again, whatever you like)

    Whatever is going on in her head: I don't see an immediate problem for YOU.

    As for what's going on in her head, I think Saltyspoon is right: she just wants someone to listen.

  18. #18

    Re: Shit Test Discussion: "He treats me right, but I don't love him."

    Quote Originally Posted by ikbenrein View Post
    Oh don't get me wrong, we can discuss it and her behaviour may have various explanations, but is it really interesting for your situation right now, for the way you go about things with her? That's what I meant by relevance. From how I interpreted it you're not really into her and she has other options now. At least she's not flirting with you aggressively so that you need to run and hide.

    So what's there to do?
    - In four months you may talk with her again (or not, whatever you like)
    - She may make the same remark again
    - You can do whatever you want with that remark (ignore it, talk about it, wipe your ass with it, again, whatever you like)

    Whatever is going on in her head: I don't see an immediate problem for YOU.

    As for what's going on in her head, I think Saltyspoon is right: she just wants someone to listen.
    I see where you're coming from now. My apologies for the misinterpretation. You're right too, there are no immediate ramifications for me no matter what she's thinking. All cards on the table, if she divorced and threw herself at me, I'd probably fuck her, but I'm not going to put any effort whatsoever into it. I was that way more so than most guys before I was MGTOW, and I'm even more that way now. That won't happen with her though because we don't even see each other. Our "friendship" does have other facets to it where I really enjoy the conversation, so that's why I take her sporadic calls. If she started making some type of play for me, it would most definitely be time to run for the hills. The last thing I need to do is get destroyed by a vine-swinging, Chad-thirsty, hypergamous, endless sinkhole that needed to be filled with validation. I've been destroyed by one female where I ignored the warning signs, and no woman in the world is worth going through even 1/10 of that again. I learned my lesson.

    With the women in my life, I'm kind of going ghost layer-by-layer. I went cold turkey with all of the demon twats right off the bat when I went MGTOW, and since then, I've filtered them out little by little. I of course went cold turkey by cutting off all of the effort I put forward, so some of them weren't too difficult to shake off. When you turn off the validation well, many of them show their true colors immediately and move-on unassisted. At this point, there are only a few stragglers left, and I don't see any of them in person. She's one of the stragglers, and will eventually find some simp to be her enthusiastic lapdog, and I'll just keep on truckin.

  19. #19
    Junior Member Iregular's Avatar
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    Re: Shit Test Discussion: "He treats me right, but I don't love him."

    If she is not that good of a friend just tell her you don't want to get involved in that dramatic crap. Friends have shoulders of compassion sure but if she isn't tight with you then tell her you don't need that shit.

  20. #20

    Re: Shit Test Discussion: "He treats me right, but I don't love him."

    Quote Originally Posted by Iregular View Post
    If she is not that good of a friend just tell her you don't want to get involved in that dramatic crap. Friends have shoulders of compassion sure but if she isn't tight with you then tell her you don't need that shit.
    I wasn't asking for advice, I just wanted to start a discussion about what her motivations could potentially be.


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