Thread: Need advice... how should i play this

Hi Guys,

Won't bore you with details, but the woman I referenced in my intro left a phone message half hour ago saying " she misses me terribly, misses hearing my voice and hopes I call her back "

Obviously she is trying to pull me back in as an orbiter, presumably she is still getting pumped and dumped and women don't want to know her so she's reaching out for my validation and attention.

Not sure whether I should ignore and maintain NC or message back something along the lines of
" you know what I want from you so I suggest you get on a plane and meet me for a weekend, and bring a bottle of something but I have no interest being " friends " with you "

What do you all think ?

Only you will know the correct answer.

I would go for option 1, just ignore her. If you agree, it might even be an idea to text her back saying not to contact you again, otherwise you might get another message.

But if all you are after is a bit of action, I guess it would be OK to go for option 2. Just as long as you are using her and not the other way around.

Option 1 is far less risky than option 2 IMO.

thanks guys, appreciate the sound advice

No point unless you are going to bang. And that ain't going to happen if you don't know how to close.

A likely scenario is that you set up some sort of meeting and she flakes.

In any case - do not be sucked into a four hour phone conversation. Do not play txt ping-pong. Electronic communication is for setting up IRL meetings. If you start having long txt, email, or facebook conversations - she's plate-spinning and you are just one of the plates.

Okay mylife4me here is the thing, as you know we are either an alpha which means all the good sex. A beta provider, which means we are good enough to extract resources from and even get sex, just not the good or fun sex. Now the last one is orbiter, meaning that you are no more than an emotional tampon. Trying to move from orbiter position to alpha is almost impossible. When she sees you as an orbiter that means emotional tampon and validation also whatever resources she can extract from you. Unlike the beta provider this woman has usually very little to no sexual interest in an orbiter. Basically the orbiter is used for everything she can without giving a single thing in return.

The easiest way to handle her is to stay no contact with her. However if you want to find out and maybe even bang her then I would suggest doing the following. You have to first make it very clear that your not an orbiter with her anymore ever again. So start off by texting her (do not call shows too much interest) and telling her you are busy with another woman that you have an FWB thing going on with (mind you only do this if she is not able to see your daily activities). Then let her know that you might call her in two to three weeks when things calm down a bit. Don't go into any details about our fantasy woman, you want to let her imagination run wild. However at the same time you don't want her to think that this fantasy woman is someone your serious with. At this point it will really piss her off, someone else is marking her territory and she is loosing ground so she will step up her game. If she is willing to look at you as something else than an orbiter she will start texting a lot and asking questions, you may get a few calls. Don't answer the calls and only text her back the following day. When she is asking direct questions about the other woman or what you are doing with her (and she will if she wants you) simply don't give her any real info. Use phrases like "a gentlemen never kisses and tells" or "well that is a bit personal and wrong to talk about" things like this. If she asks where you two go out at, simply say "Well we prefer to stay in and focus on each other". Let her stew with this for about 2 weeks to a month. I would suggest by the third week giving her hints that the fwb is tapering off. Now after at least 3 weeks this is when you tell her "okay I have some alone time now so you can call me if you like". Notice you are not calling her, you are saying that it is okay for her to call you, once again making her work for it. Again never answer any questions about fantasy woman that is an fwb, always infer and be vague about the fantasy woman. However also make it known that your fantasy woman is just some friendly chit chat and lots of banging, again no details on what you were doing in bed with her. Doing this makes her mind wander so she thinks you were having hot monkey sex with this fantasy woman when in reality you were beating off to porn. If the woman starts to bitch about the last guy she was with or starts using you as an emotional tampon cut her off. Let her know that things are great for you and that your sorry things are went bad for her. Follow this up with something like this "if you want to move forward with me you need to be able to cut your past loose, otherwise your just using me". Now you have shown her you are not an orbiter and that she is gone without a second thought. When it comes to actually dating her again the first few dates you go dutch with her. She needs to learn that she has to give in the relationship even if it is only an fwb. She is use to using you and not having to give in return, so you give very little until you see her giving.

Always remember that when it comes to talking on the phone control the situation. Give her permission to call you, never let her talk about problems with an ex or something like that. Question her why she is interested in you and what her intentions are. Let her know that your interested in banging her, however also make it known that anything less is just using you and she can find that someplace else. I blew one woman's mind that considered me to be an orbiter. Mind you she is a very good looking woman, however one day I told her "Yea I have fun hanging out with you, truthfully I think you and I can have a lot of fun in bed together. However you and I would never work in a relationship. We would work pretty good as FWB's but that is about it, even then I'd be careful with that because you would get too attached to me". Simply blew this chicks mind, did not hear from her for two weeks then she kept calling and texting and would not leave me alone for months.

Oh just so you know if this gal is not interested in you at all except what she can use you for. After you send that first text telling her your busy with an fwb, she may question it a little, however she will mainly just drop it. In other words you probably will not hear from her again. That means your an orbiter to her and nothing more, so you know she is only interested in using you then. However if your getting texts spread out over 2 weeks, now she feels someone else is playing on her turf. Truthfully once I am boxed as an orbiter I ignore trying to take it farther and I am really careful how I even allow a woman like this to use my time. I never give any services such as fixing a PC, car, etc for free. Even going out to coffee she buys her own damn cup. Trying to get into the alpha camp with a woman after being an orbiter is very tricky and you have to stay on top of it. However I would never run it longer than banging her a few times. A woman like this is always trying to figure out how to take without giving. Eventually she will think her pussy has you hooked and start playing her games again. So like I said, I suggest just avoiding this one, however I laid out some details on how you can find out if she is willing to break off a piece for ya. Mind you I am an armature compared to some of the guys here. So if they have a better solution for you I would suggest following that. Anyhow I hope it works out for you and I wish you well my friend.

Damn Prisoner,

I really appreciate you taking the time to reply so thoroughly. We have hooked up half a dozen times previously so she must have had some attraction even if only to be acted on when she was feeling lonely or unappreciated ( being ignored basically ) by her BF or fuck buddy.

Yeah even if I invite her to get down it will be short and not in conversation, probably email. Then again the way I was disrespected I shouldn't bother.

Maybe that's why I want to see her just to fuck her and then forget about her like she did me

I can keep this real simple; once a woman is ejected from your life, never let her back in. It doesn't matter if you have been banging her like a screen door in a hurricane or if you never got to hold her hand. My policy is no contact. Where I have violated that rule (and I have been stupid many times in life) I have regretted it deeply. No reply; no response.

Prisoner, that is absolutely brilliant. I'm bookmarking this.

I once had an ex who called me to 'see how I was doing' after about a year. I made up a girlfriend story, but then I told the ex that I wished she could teach my current girlfriend how to have sex.
The hamster kicked into overdrive then, she had to come give me some to show me what I was missing. Scandalous behavior.
Anyways, the point of this story was to say the drama (for days) that followed was definitely not worth the piece of ass, I should have ignored the call.

Good luck, brother

mylife4me I take the time out to write stuff like this in hopes that it will help you and other men here. Like I said I am no expert on dealing with women, however I am happy to share what I do know or feel is right. I have gained an amazing amount of knowledge from other men on this site and use it in my life everyday. I try and give back as much as I can since other members, new and old here have given me so much. I appreciate your kind words to me it is nice to know that I have been helpful in some way. Truthfully their are a lot of men on this site that I do look up to and value their input, actually too many men on here to list.

There has been some fantastic advice given here, particularly from Prisoner!

Like Mike and Fap, I can honestly say though that whenever I have allowed a woman from my past to re-open contact with me, it has never been a beneficial or positive experience when all was said and done.

Personally I think it's a bad idea to tell a woman you have a FWB. It may just make her jealous and try to claim that you raped her. Why play games? I dislike that kind of shit. I don't like games played on me why would I do it with someone else. Be honest and upfront at least. I would tell her it's me not you think. It is about you, you don't want to get close to her but you don't have to explain that. You can tell her you think she's great just that you aren't compatible with her.
Personally I really dislike the pump and dump shit. I can guarantee if some guy did with a family member I would have a long talk with him. It's a moral issue, this is not how men should act. Nothing wrong with FWB as long you set up the rules upfront. You should state if there's any kind of feelings involved that you will bail out. I think it's better thing to do.

Treating others like you want to be treated is the way to go not some silly game. Sorry but I will never respect anyone who act like this, men or women.

It's not alpha or beta. There's the omega too.


An omega would txt her: I'm not your beta orbiter.


If she asks what that is, tell her Google is her friend.


Omegas don't need the social constructs and social acceptance of filling an alpha role. And get basically access to the pu$$y like alphas do.


Go Omega on her. Urban Dictionary: omega male This is actually a really great definition on urbandictionary no less.

Maintain no contact. Although I can imagine it's tempting to go the other route.

Definitely don't contact her. Prisoner's idea sounds like far too much hard work and effort.

Originally Posted by Mikediver

I can keep this real simple; once a woman is ejected from your life, never let her back in. It doesn't matter if you have been banging her like a screen door in a hurricane or if you never got to hold her hand. My policy is no contact. Where I have violated that rule (and I have been stupid many times in life) I have regretted it deeply. No reply; no response.

This is exactly how it played out. Only wish I had the sense to follow this advice. It is disheartening to realise how easy you can slip back in to old BP behaviour and you were right , I do regret it and have undone 6 months of good work.
I still have a lot to learn

Well you have to remember that the advice I gave was if he wanted to see if she was going to think of him as anything but an orbiter. A couple of times in my post I stated that I would simply walk away and not answer her texts or calls. The reason is once I cut ties with a woman they remain cut. So what I laid out was simply if he chose or wanted to see what is up with this twat. I would not try something like this because it would interfere with my video game time too much. I am sure all of you here can understand how important video game time is.

Men get validation from sex. Women get validation from attention. If you're just getting stung along, or have to jump through tons of hoops just to get a little nookie there--No Contact is the only way to go!

If she can't do her part and bang you, then give her zero attention.

She's been demeaning to you by putting you in the intellectual whore category. The Ladder Theory

Originally Posted by MrWombat

In any case - do not be sucked into a four hour phone conversation. Do not play txt ping-pong. Electronic communication is for setting up IRL meetings. If you start having long txt, email, or facebook conversations - she's plate-spinning and you are just one of the plates.

Exactly! Phones are only for setting up dates. Let some other fool be her GWAP (Girlfriend With A Penis)

The best way to win is not to play. Next.