Thread: Why do married men try to set you up with a woman?

Originally Posted by Jesse Custer

I didn't think "happily married" men exist. If they say or show they are, its a façade.

Back in the 80s, at work, a few male coworkers on separate occasions told me, out of the blue, "Don't ever get married".

That's all they'd ever say. Guys were tight-lipped about their marriages, looking back.

One of those guys owned a large spread, maybe a lot of ranch-type work to be done on weekends, and he lamented that, when it came to getting things done, his three daughters were "as worthless as tits on a snake." I've never forgotten that phrase.

A coworker friend and after-work drinking buddy, who would refer to his wife of many years as his bride ("I'm taking my bride out to dinner tonight") was sitting with me at the bar at our usual watering hole when he said, out of the blue and in his usual deadpan, "I almost came over to your house last night."

I did not know him after hours except for stopping off at the bar after work. I didn't even think he knew where I lived. I said, "Really? How come?"

Men of few words, we both were.

Silence. Take a drink of beer. More silence. Sitting at the bar, you're not facing each other. Kinda like a confessional booth without walls, I imagine.

Eventually, he says, "She'd get me for abandonment." He'd been thinking in his silence. Take a drink of beer.

That was the end of the "discussion". Being young and single, I didn't know what he meant with his last comment. I decoded things later:

1) They had a big fight.
2) This wasn't their first big fight but was the one to make him almost act on his options. Almost.
3) He planned to stay with me overnight, likely for a short stay.
4) Abandonment is a legal tactic she could employ against him for staying elsewhere overnight, because they had two minor children.

Even if he needed to get away to cool off, versus staying there until it escalated into someone hitting someone, it's abandonment. Gee whiz, they say "walk away" but then if ya do, they gotcha there too.

He stayed with her. Last heard from him, briefly of course, 13 years ago when he was age 71, saying he has wonderful grandchildren.

So that was the time I got a glimpse into a stoic married man's life.

My experience seems to be a bit different to many I’ve read here. Both women and men have tried to corral me.

With women, it tends to be direct. “You need a woman. I know someone you might get on with.” – the set up. Often they don’t even bring the subject up, they just invite you and your set-up to the same night out and continuously throw hints, even to the point of trying to embarrass you into asking her up to dance or some such. The implication being there must be something wrong with you if you don’t.

We all know this to be bullshit coercion, but we all know it to be true.

What surprised me was the blokes.

Sitting as a bar prop talking to other guys, every now and again one would pipe up: “You’re missing out on so much. Yeah it is difficult at times but the benefits outweigh the downside.”

And there’s me sitting with my beer, not a bother on me thinking (and sometimes saying) “If it’s that good, why do you spend so much time in this pub away from your so called loved ones?”

This usually shut them up.

Once, many moons ago, one of the guys actually said to me “You know, you could make some woman very happy.” As if that should be my goal.

I just stared at him and said something akin to: “Yeah, while she was making me miserable just like you.”

I agree with others here. Misery likes company - it justifies their own mistakes and behaviour.

These days should the subject arise, which admittedly is rare, I just ask them: "I thought you liked me, why the fuck would you wish something like that on me?"

He's lonely and he wants to trap you to his fate. And likely not very bright.

One thing to consider is how well your mate knows you. Most of us ghost to some degree but your friends should know your position, more or less.

My (admittedly few) friends would not try setting me up. They'd know it ain't welcome.

Two things in recent posts

Like Unboxxed, I was warned about marriage in the 80s. Despite the warnings, I was married 90% of the time since. Jack O answered it, when we were coerced by society into thinking something must be wrong with us if we werent married

My generation was coerced, I was too blind to notice then

Fresh out of high school and a drinking buddy set me up with his cousin. It went okay but she was still in high school and suddenly my next year of life was being roadmapped and scheduled around HER school activities. I noped out of that idea!

I don't recall any married man seriously trying to set me up with some gal even back when I was looking. It's just not on most guy's radar and one aspect of guys dating is that we do it alone. Guys setting up other guys with gals is just fail.

Originally Posted by FrankS

Two things in recent posts

Like Unboxxed, I was warned about marriage in the 80s. Despite the warnings, I was married 90% of the time since. Jack O answered it, when we were coerced by society into thinking something must be wrong with us if we werent married

My generation was coerced, I was too blind to notice then

Yes, coercion. I was in a long back-and-forth conversation on reddit a few years ago, defending MGTOW against all comers (what a trip that thread was, I was hip-deep in blue pill mud, all alone, slugging away), when the female moderator, no apparent spring chicken, had the audacity to play ignorant to the fact of peer pressure on a man to get married! I chastised her well on that, reminding her of what she already knows.

But, it did make me wonder how much time has to pass before newer females have zero awareness of the peer pressure on men back then, and with no feminist motivation to ever inform them? I think we are already there, de facto, anytime women play dumb.

Originally Posted by Unboxxed

Yes, coercion. I was in a long back-and-forth conversation on reddit a few years ago, defending MGTOW against all comers (what a trip that thread was, I was hip-deep in blue pill mud, all alone, slugging away), when the female moderator, no apparent spring chicken, had the audacity to play ignorant to the fact of peer pressure on a man to get married! I chastised her well on that, reminding her of what she already knows.

But, it did make me wonder how much time has to pass before newer females have zero awareness of the peer pressure on men back then, and with no feminist motivation to ever inform them? I think we are already there, de facto, anytime women play dumb.

Actually, they're not playing, they are...

Originally Posted by mgtower

Actually, they're not playing, they are...

Yes they are. And yet they ensnare so many guys. What does that say about men?

STUPID and misinformed!

Originally Posted by Jackoff

Yes they are. And yet they ensnare so many guys. What does that say about men?

STUPID and misinformed!

No, we have two neuro spinal cords that leads to two separate heads, it all depends on which head does your thinking and choosing.