Thread: Is this true about loneliness?

I remember in my 20s, when I was newly away from home, I felt lonely as fuck. And then I sought to handle that by finding a girlfriend, but that was a major hassle. I got plenty of dates, but never felt very connected with any of them, and it seemed next to impossible to land a steady girlfriend.

I would try going to parties, but as the stupid parties, I would feel even more alone. There were people there doing stupid, wacko shit, like drinking games and beer bongs, but I always hated that shit. I refused to do any of that.

One person told me that the opposite of loneliness isn't being with lots of people. The opposite is connection. It might explain why you could actually be together with someone, but still feel terribly lonely. So if you just had a few good friends, and they were people who really understood you, and you understood them, you would feel connected and not lonely. There's no need for a classic romantic relationship.

It seems to make sense. If that's true, then every one of us has a chance to find connection, and we MGTOW are perfectly good with no wife or girlfriend. The woman I know who is a professional cuddler says her clients are always seeking connection, and most of them are married men. If being married doesn't give you good connection, and you feel totally lonely anyway, why the fuck would anyone want to do it?

For me, it has definitely helped to find other men who've had the same bullshit experiences in dating and relationships. I thought I was alone, and maybe I was cursed or something. I remember when I was frustrated out of my mind with how shitty dating was, I thought, "Jesus H. Christ, I was already fed up with this bullshit five years ago." The bullshit is never ending if you keep playing that game. And if you can get better connection by paying some professional woman to cuddle with you or to fuck you, then that shows how sick society is.

I remember it never occurred to me that maybe society was simply fucked up beyond all recognition. In a healthy society, women wouldn't be seeking to use and dump men for economic advancement. They would be seeking that connection that is a basic human need. It's no wonder that so many women make horrible wives when the default position of women is to seek economic advancement via marriage and not connectivity.

Thats the truth. I was the same person in when i was like 18-19 because I didn't have people who could connect with me. I wanted a GF maybe to get close or so but I found out I was wrong. I found 1-2 friends , these were people like I didn't laugh or have entertainment that much in my entire life compared to last 1-2 years alone. It was not vacations,fuckbuddies or luxury dates and etc... It was just pure friendship.
Todays society is like that, there is so much materialism. People are so addicted to artificial likes,escorts,expensive dates,sports cars. My grandpa was a rich guy so I grew up in a rich family where I had good and expensive vacations but I never felt that happiness compared with those friendships. Its so cliche but money can never buy that bond and connection with people because we are social animals,we live and die like wolfs in a pack. Thats why western society is so depressing and hopeless because people are so away from connections but into money,business,expensive vacations and etc..

Some honest guys who married and divorced after several years will tell you they were most lonely while married. Not joking. The point was that the relationship had become so toxic and the wife was so horrible that the husband was essentially alone and unable to rely on anyone, especially after frivorce proceedings started. So there's that.

I’m “alone” all the time. Or what I call “solitude” because I don’t feel alone.

I travel alone all the time. I go places, and just random people are enough for me to get all the socialization I want.

I’ve never felt an urge for “connection” whatever that means, but it does sound fake and gay. Don’t people have voices in their head to keep them company?

What’s so goddamned pressing you need to unload on someone else? You think you being, or seeking, someone to listen to your little issues is a “connection”? Are you desperate to be someone’s emotional tampon?

That just sounds like someone wanting a mommy.

Seriously. What do you actually want a “connection”, which still sounds rainbow pride marching, for?

Originally Posted by DangZagnut

I’m “alone” all the time. Or what I call “solitude” because I don’t feel alone.

I travel alone all the time. I go places, and just random people are enough for me to get all the socialization I want.

I’ve never felt an urge for “connection” whatever that means, but it does sound fake and gay. Don’t people have voices in their head to keep them company?

What’s so goddamned pressing you need to unload on someone else? You think you being, or seeking, someone to listen to your little issues is a “connection”? Are you desperate to be someone’s emotional tampon?

That just sounds like someone wanting a mommy.

Seriously. What do you actually want a “connection”, which still sounds rainbow pride marching, for?

I don't think you understand. I have a good connection with a good friend I knew way back in grade school. We talk on the phone regularly. We don't talk about feelings constantly like a soap opera. We reminisce about our school days and talk about what's going on in our lives. I celebrated with him when he got a truck driving route that he really wanted. He rooted for me when I applied for a promotion. It's just great knowing the guy. I don't call him up every time something upsets me, and he doesn't do that either. We can understand each other without going over every emotion. Recently, one of our other good friends from grade school died. It was good to be able to talk about that with my good friend. We did talk about feelings some then, but it would be weird not to when someone dies. However, most of the time we just talked about what fun things we had done with our late friend way back when, and laughed at his funny pranks.

Having friends is a good thing. I value my friends. They do make life a lot better.

I am alone all the time but never lonely. There was a time where I was lonely and wanted friends. It never works. They are only around when they want something and they don't remember what goes around comes around. What I mean by that is lets say if I had a death in my life then they would tell me to man up and grow a sack but when they had a death in their lives then it was a pity party. I am supposed to listen to them talk about how depressed they are while crying but yet they tell me to fuck off when it was me.

I got to the point I hate being around other people . The only time I feel lonely is when I am around others. I don't want to deal with their bullshit and Captain Save A Hoe is long gone.

As an introvert I’ve always kept a small circle anyway. These days my only friends are my three pals from grad school. I couldn’t give a flying fuck about meeting new people or having more friends. I think the only reason I get along so well with my grad school buddies is that we’re all quite similar in personality.

I enjoy my solitude. I get plenty of social interaction (wanted or not) through work and martial arts classes. I still have those random moments where I’ll see an attractive woman and start doing “what ifs…” I nip that shit in the bud and carry on with my day, happy as a clam to be free, independent, and not have bullshit domestic worries.

This need to feel a “connection” with another person is part of the blue-pill con.

Don’t get me wrong, it feels good to have someone in your life that you can turn to when the shit hits the fan but as MGTOWFOREVER says, more often than not they’re quite happy to dump on you when their lives are in shit, but when the tables are turned they run for the hills.

This “connection with another” shit is emotional nonsense.

Like myself, you’re no spring chicken Tig. How many people have you felt close to over the years? How many of them do you still keep in contact with? 1? 2? 0?

Yet you still feel a connection, right? With someone you no longer know if they’re alive or dead?

If you wish to feel connected, feel connected in the fact that we are all individuals and take joy in interacting other individuals.

Every day is a school day. No-one is who you think they are.

I too have found that the older I get, the more comfortable I am with doing my own thing. I do have good friends and plenty of social interactions at work and as a musician in bands.

It's funny that they say humans need the interaction to be happy, but I've noticed how much easier it is to not have to deal with the energy of others--negative, annoying, or too much (like my Mom haha). I create my own energy just fine. There's plenty to keep me busy. I never get bored and don't understand boredom. I've passed (and probably still passing) through the red-pill bitterness and come out on the other side as aware, peaceful, content, productive and grateful.

It's not always easy when I see a beautiful young girl/woman, the desire is still there but I know all that it entails. I think I've had my share of relationship with women. Coming up on 60, I feel good most days and am grateful for this site. It keeps me on point. This is a discipline.

Originally Posted by TigPlaze

In a healthy society, women wouldn't be seeking to use and dump men for economic advancement. They would be seeking that connection that is a basic human need. It's no wonder that so many women make horrible wives when the default position of women is to seek economic advancement via marriage and not connectivity.

No.

Women seek men for economic advancement, and other things... Remember Briffault's Law? It is the way they are, it's part of Human Nature, you will not change that. When this trait evolved in human evolution it was for her childbearing and rearing. Think of the stone age times.

The connection aspect with a woman is part of the "Disney Dream".... That is just fairy tale stuff, all lies, never going to happen.

Some men... Or maybe a lot of men try to replace their mother with a lover? This is not what women want, women want to be mother to her children not her husband. Women want to take from the husband and give to the children..

As a man I know I will not have a close connection with anyone. If I let my guard down and open up there is always someone willing to take advantage of that. I can't afford that. As a man we are responsible for ourselves and our own actions.

People get mad at "Tradcucks", but we have to remember the entire mentality was different; the framework was different.

Marriage was an alliance between families. Indeed, the first book (be it cursed forever) on Chivalric Love from the 13th Century expressly said in a poem that it could NOT be between a married couple. The Family unit, encompassing spouse, kids, parents, relatives on both sides, as well as neighbors and coworkers/guild members provided companionship and many benefits (and obligations). It was a positive way to exceed in life.

Eventually, Victorian Sentimentality took over marriage. "Free Love" was used long before the 60s, and it referred to romance, rather than family, as the basis of marriage.

Originally Posted by Montauk

People get mad at "Tradcucks", but we have to remember the entire mentality was different; the framework was different.

Marriage was an alliance between families. Indeed, the first book (be it cursed forever) on Chivalric Love from the 13th Century expressly said in a poem that it could NOT be between a married couple. The Family unit, encompassing spouse, kids, parents, relatives on both sides, as well as neighbors and coworkers/guild members provided companionship and many benefits (and obligations). It was a positive way to exceed in life.

Eventually, Victorian Sentimentality took over marriage. "Free Love" was used long before the 60s, and it referred to romance, rather than family, as the basis of marriage.

Trad cucks today are not trad cons, they're just angsty teenagers pretending to be "conservative" while shilling for religion and demanding big government.

Originally Posted by RustyNuts

No.

Women seek men for economic advancement, and other things... Remember Briffault's Law? It is the way they are, it's part of Human Nature, you will not change that. When this trait evolved in human evolution it was for her childbearing and rearing. Think of the stone age times.

The connection aspect with a woman is part of the "Disney Dream".... That is just fairy tale stuff, all lies, never going to happen.

Some men... Or maybe a lot of men try to replace their mother with a lover? This is not what women want, women want to be mother to her children not her husband. Women want to take from the husband and give to the children..

As a man I know I will not have a close connection with anyone. If I let my guard down and open up there is always someone willing to take advantage of that. I can't afford that. As a man we are responsible for ourselves and our own actions.

Of course we're responsible for that. However, it is possible to have very close friends whom you trust. In my life, I have three very close friends, people not related to me, whom I would trust with anything. Then two of my relatives, a brother and a sister, I trust with almost anything. With everyone else, it's less trust, but it's a sliding scale. Some I would trust to house sit or watch my cat, but wouldn't trust with anything financial. Other people are just acquaintances, maybe coworkers whom I trust to do their jobs, but not with anything else.

Originally Posted by TigPlaze

In my life, I have three very close friends, people not related to me, whom I would trust with anything. .

You’re very lucky. Just like me. I have 2. Would trust my life with them. And the best part is, we do not SEEK each others’ company. It just happens like life just happens.

When people talk about "loneliness", they are usually referring to the emotional aspect.

But that is very very insignificant. I think more about the practical aspects of lonliness.

Who will have my back if I go down. Who will take care of me when I can't. I don't mean emotionally, but physically.

But in order to have that physical backup, you have to give much more emotionally and physically. And even then, it is not guaranteed to give you your return what you pay up front.

I was lonely for much of my life….never had any really solid friends. Zero after high school. On the bright side, it allowed me to make money my friend. Numbers always add up whereas people are harder to understand. So while people my age were running around, blowing money, getting drunk, chasing women, etc — I was learning about every topic under the sun on the internet — alone. When I would focus on money, the goal was to have enough to not do things I didn’t like…like work. By about 27 I accomplished that goal.

I’m not sure if having friends mattered or not…those people I knew in school that had friends are now on Facebook complaining about their friends…complaining about their job…complaining about bills…complaining about not getting enough sleep. They’ve become “old people” while I’m basically still on a very long summer vacation.

Gentlemen, remember this: The satisfying feeling of self-sufficiency always eradicates any soy boy feelings of loneliness.

Originally Posted by TigPlaze

Of course we're responsible for that. However, it is possible to have very close friends whom you trust. In my life, I have three very close friends, people not related to me, whom I would trust with anything. Then two of my relatives, a brother and a sister, I trust with almost anything. With everyone else, it's less trust, but it's a sliding scale. Some I would trust to house sit or watch my cat, but wouldn't trust with anything financial. Other people are just acquaintances, maybe coworkers whom I trust to do their jobs, but not with anything else.

You are very lucky to be able to trust people that way.

Men want to or think they should be able to trust his sexual partner (wife/GF) that way, as in the "Disney Dream" That is a major mistake. Women are always testing men to see how strong they are, to share a fear or show weakness and she will loose respect for him. Just one more reason why she should look for your replacement.

I don't have a sister, but after what I now know about female nature, I don't think I would trust one like I trust my brothers. I do not live close to my brothers, so I do not include them as being close or trusting as it has been years since I have seen them.

I only ever did it once as I learned my lesson but the dumbest thing I did was one night at a pub I bought drinks for 4 women just so I could sit with them. Yes, I was young and lonely and I thought somehow they would see me as being a nice guy. I was still naive and of course didn't realize women don't like nice guys! They actually thought I was a sleaze as one of the women was very honest about how she felt.

The irony is I didn't do or say anything sleazy and although my act of buying them drinks was stupid it was also pure of heart. I just didn't know any better at the time.

My attempts at trying to break the cycle of loneliness when I was young always ended in failure and with me feeling even more alone. Instead of fighting it I accepted and became happier. As the Robin Williams quote above, people who make you feel alone are worse.