Thread: Is the single motherhood epidemic a byproduct of women's "bad boy" fetishes?

First off, if calling single motherhood an "epidemic" sounds like hyperbole, consider the following facts:

------------------------------

https://singlemotherguide.com/single-mother-statistics/

Single Mother Statistics

Once largely limited to poor women and minorities, single motherhood is now becoming the new “norm”.

This prevalence is due in part to the growing trend of children born outside marriage — a societal trend that was virtually unheard of decades ago.

About 4 out 10 children were born to unwed mothers.1 Nearly two-thirds are born to mothers under the age of 30.2

Of all single-parent families in the U.S., single mothers make up the majority.

According to U.S. Census Bureau,3 out of about 12 million single parent families in 2014, more than 80% were headed by single mothers.

Today 1 in 4 children under the age of 18 — a total of about 17.4 million — are being raised without a father4 and nearly half (45%) live below the poverty line.5

[Continued...]

------------------------------

Although there are obviously many causative factors at play, after decades of first-hand observation I'm more convinced than ever that one of the primary reasons for this epidemic is the ongoing obsession that young women have with "bad boys."

This raises the question: what exactly is a "bad boy"?

If you want a good laugh, read the following article, in which the author (Marc Summers) identifies "37 Bad Boy Traits Women Love that Nice Guys Don't Have":

-- http://www.majorleaguedating.com/tra...oys-nice-guys/

Now don't get me wrong. There are clearly some kernels of truth in that article. But it's obviously skewed, because Summers is peddling "products" that he's trying to convince his target audience -- namely sexually frustrated millennials -- will enable them to score with hot chicks, if only they'll purchase those products. Like any other smart businessman, he knows how to skillfully make people believe there's something they absolutely must have, and that only he can provide it to them (for a price, of course). The "free advice" he gives is the equivalent of a drug dealer giving out "free samples" of what he knows will make a guaranteed percentage of people come back for more.

Taking a page from the bad-boy playbook, allow me to "cut through the bullshit" and explain in simple terms what a bad boy really is:

A spoiled rotten, 13-year-old punk in a grown man's body.

They come in different colors, but (exceptions to the general rule notwithstanding) all look and act basically the same.

There's the inner city type, of course:



And in areas like the one I live in, they tend to look like this:



That (for the most part) is who millions of dimwitted females in this country can't spread their legs wide enough for.

Inevitably they get pregnant. A year or so later they're (surprise!) "single mothers" raising their children on their own. Then, out of desperation, they go looking for guys like this to play the role of Captain Save A Hoe:





Only they're discovering, to their horror, that increasing numbers of these "nice guys" are going MGTOW, and that the time-tested technique of dangling their worn-out vaginas in front of them like a carrot on the end of a stick simply doesn't work anymore. The guys they used to "friend zone" are now friend-zoning them.

Poetic justice, is it not?

Keep all the above in mind while reading the following...

https://therationalmale.com/2012/07/...ted-new-daddy/

Case Study – Wanted: New Daddy

By Rollo Tomassi

I love Post Secret. Anytime I have humanitarian doubt about hypergamy or the twinges of sentimental wishes for a kinder, gentler, fem-centrism all I have to do is read the current week’s offerings of anonymous ‘secrets’ and, without fail, all doubt fades away to callous certainties. Ahhh, le sigh...

I’ve delved into the single mother cottage industry topic before, but in light of a recent PM and last week’s Wall discussion I thought I’d entertain this comment:

Wow. I have read some very interesting posts. I need some help and since most of you seem to be honest and not out to hurt anyone, here goes…

The Facts: 29, Female, Divorced mom of two toddlers, works full time, working on building self-esteem, being happier. Not seeking permanent relationship; however, not interested in whoring out.

I have met several men I am interested in and we talk and possibly hang out. What I am scared of is them thinking I am daddy shopping. I also don’t want to be left and laid. I am willing to “buddy up” but I do expect a friendship beyond the sex. How do I approach or have a discussion with a man telling him my time is rare, but still communicate my expectations of casual hangouts and fooling around? I am a woman and yes there are nights where he would need to engage with me in mind blowing sex. There may be a bad day at work where I just need a beer buddy. It is difficult for a woman with self respect to blow and go so thats not my intent.

I tried the honest approach, but never heard from him again. I gave it one more shot (different guy) and time will tell. Ive never been in this type of relationship before. I respect myself too much to engage in a one night stand only. Any ideas?

From what I read it sounds like I am pretty much screwed. Im not single resulting from some kind of feminist movement crap. I like a guy to challenge me etc. I am a single mom because I am divorced from a bad person (cheater, abusive). I don’t seek a relationship because I know the majority of men don’t want the “baggage” of my babies. Additionally, I don’t want to risk hurting my kids. They are first. I am all they have and in a way they are all I have. All I want is an adult. If it progresses to more so be it. If not then that’s cool too. I don’t want to be viewed as just a piece, that is where the honesty comes in.

A lot of what gets offered for women in her position is usually the standard fare about single mommies and how guys perceive them. Baby-daddy issues, scheduling, substitute father interviewing and how single guys are “supposed” to react to them. All of this is valid of course, but after reading her own take of her own situation, I’m not so sure she’s really aware of (or is in denial of) her own conditions.

This woman is a textbook example of what I call Proactive Infidelity. According to her longer account she’d knocked it out with the Bad Boy (abusive, cheater) who was a “challenge” and got her excited. I’m going to do her the favor of assuming both her children were by him and if one is now 4 y.o. this would mean she was at oldest 24 y.o. when she became pregnant. Now that the Bad Boy has proven himself unreliable in sharing parental investment responsibilities, the guy she does end up in an LTR or marriage with necessarily MUST assume the Bad Boy’s responsibilities and liabilities.

New Daddies and Independent Women®

It’s essential to the single-mother rationale that they convince themselves they aren’t shopping for a “new daddy”. The fem-centrism of today’s social structure already has a long and well established framework ready to enable the most predictable of hamster spins. She’s an “Independent Woman®”, she “makes her own damn money” and ‘walks like da boss, talks like da boss,…” etc. The Independent Woman® brand is one of the most versatile social conventions because it covers so many situations. Blanket rationales like epithets of ‘Misogynist’ or ‘Homophobe’ pale in comparison to the usefulness of the Independent Woman®.

The Independent Woman® is unassailable and any contrary deviation from it leads back to the circular argument of patriarchal men’s selfish oppressions – feminism’s favorite trope. She “don’t need a man”, but she needs a Man. The real tragedy is the desperation apparent in the false pride. The truth is she needs a Man, her children need a Man, in spite of the pretentiousness fem-centrism has conditioned into her. But her decisions have left that Daddy position open to the lowest bidder.

The undeniable, unavoidable truth is that whether or not this is a conscious effort on her part, this is what the next guy, usually the Nice Guy, MUST deal with. Mr. Dependable, Mr. Loyal supporter/provider has no other choice but to assume parental investments that were never his. She bred with the Bad Boy and the Nice Guy raises her children. Any woman who can pull this off hits a bio-evolutionary jackpot.

The good news for her is that there are countlessly reinforced social conventions specifically designed with the latent purpose of making such a Nice Guy (essentially a proactive cuckold) think he’s a martyr and held to be in the highest regard of manhood for “looking past” her situation and “loving her for who she is.” Rest assured she’ll eventually attract a beta so conditioned to forgive her past indiscretions (essentially justifying and rewarding them) in exchange for the sexuality he’s been deprived of for so long. Her marginal intimate acceptance will only affirm his AFC beliefs and his “stepping up” to parent her kids will make him tolerable when he’s not as exciting as the Bad Boy was.

Now all that may sound harsh, but it’s important to understand just how tough a road single mothers have to hoe. If laid out in harsh realistic terms, most women don’t willingly want to be saddled with an AFC marriage of convenience, and neither do they want to be locked in with an abusive Bad Boy, so what do they do?

First, they need to understand where they’re at and how they got to be who they are now. They’ve hit the Wall by default.

Own your indiscretions ladies, own your mistakes. Being a single mother, despite the feminized social conventions, doesn’t make you a hero; it makes you a statistic. As I stated originally, any guy that accepts you intimately MUST deal with you as a single mother. This means he MUST accept your schedule, your children’s schedule, their father’s schedule, both family’s schedules, and the emotional fallout from all this. The feminine imperative has taught you to believe you’re entitled to expecting him to want to be with you (even if this is just as a fuck buddy) in preference to a single, childless, generally younger and more sexually available woman. She’s your competition. And in spite of all this he’s expected to still be the Man, by denying his sexual predilections in favor of your circumstances.

Your fundamental acknowledgment and showing a constant genuine appreciation for the sacrifice he makes to accommodate your past is essential to any LTR you have in the future. I’m not saying that your kids shouldn’t be your first priority – they absolutely should – but it is imperative that you know and demonstrably appreciate ANY guy who’d make the concession to still entertain you intimately after knowing this.

A lot of women love to gnash and wail about how they’ve become undateable after they’ve acquired single-mom status. Actually, no. There’s a whole modern world that’s teeming with AFC providers, with Cap’n Save-a-ho Martyr Mentalities just itching to get at the reverent pussy they missed out on for most of their 20’s and are more than willing to follow the feminine meme and convince themselves that single mommies are just victims of the Jerks they knocked out their kids with.

Daddies & Buffers

Understand, single mommies are another form of Buffers. The deductive logic is that they’re ‘easier’ due the their conditions and the risk of rejection lower (particularly when rejection-phobic or in a dry spell), but the potential long term ramifications are never worth the effort incomparisson to childless women. Rejection is better than regret.

The problem with actualizing your fantasy encounter with a MILF is in the ‘M’ part of the acronym – ‘Mother’ – ergo, a single mommie with all of the very “real world” baggage that goes along with that. I’ve tapped my share of older women when I was in my 20s and I can tell you that the sex was no more or less extrordinary than the younger women (at least in terms of performance) I’ve been with. The only major difference? I never had to worry about 22 year old single girls finding a babysitter for a night or had to be concerned with her making too much noise during sex so as not to wake up her son in the next room. Nor was I concerned about it being “her weekend” to have the kids.

It’s very easy to assume single mothers are victims by default – some are, most aren’t. Trust me, a majority of single mothers are single for a reason – and it’s not always because of their Jerk BFs or deadbeat husbands. The common belief is that MILFs encourage an idea that they are more sexually available; you’ve got to ask yourself, why would they be motivted to be more sexual while single than when they we’re married or in an LTR? They become motivated to be sexual and hit the gym when single, but wouldn’t make the same effort when married, why? Because the guy wasn’t worth it OR because she became comfortable, he lost interest, became fed up, and she’s prompted to be more concerned with all that in order to achieve a long term security with another man that necessitates she do so?

Don’t get me wrong, there are attractive women in their 30s & 40s but these are uncommon exceptions to the rule. The social reinforcement of the MILF fantasy is just a modern extension and evolution of the “she’s still got it” social convention with the latent purpose of leveling the playing field for 30-40 something single mothers unable to sexually compete for the same calibre men with 18-28 y.o. women. The harsh truth is that a beautiful, sexually available, single woman in her mid 20’s is at a decided advantage for sexual selection than a single mother entering her 30’s who’s encumbered with all the responsibilities of being a parent. Schedules of Mating issues aside, even when both women are equally attractive and equally sexually available, the childless woman is still at an advantage because she comes with less liabilities and represents a “fresh start” in comparison.

Women’s sexual value naturally declines as they ages – it serves an older woman’s purpose if she can redefine sexuality as her conditions change through life, and convince herself and society that she’s correct and genuine. Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore may epitomize this fantasy, but in reality, there are thousands of women filling gyms across the country for every Demi Moore convinced that they “still got it” while every year a new crop of 22-24 y.o. hotties commands the attention of the same men they’re competing for. This is just the natural extension of the ‘Have It All” lie that women have been sold for the last 50 years. Men only too eagerly buy this convention as well because it facilitates a Buffer for them and (presumedly) presents an easier route to getting laid. Therefore it is also in their interest that the myth and the Buffer be reinforced.

In brief, Jagr had the BEST phrase EVER for what Rollo calls "proactive cuckold" (which is great, but Jagr surpasses the rarely beaten Rollo with his classic "pulling a REVERSE CUCKOLD on yourself" sentence in one of his articles/posts.

Why would a man without kids volunteer to PAY to raise ANOTHER MAN'S bastard spawn? (No offense to those born of single mothers, I am not putting down the kid, but the mother for putting him in an uphill battle...it was not that poor kids choice to not have a full-time father!)

I have read a lot of Rational Male but had not read this article. Thanks for post/thread, Single Tax! Perhaps it will save some poor guy from being a beta bux in that whole Alpha FUX/Beta BUCKS, BABY, tee HEE HEE paradigm.

These women expect a man to put them first.

A single mother will never put a new man in her life first.

The man would be lucky to hit the top ten after:
1. her,
2. her children
3. her family
4. her pets
5. her job
6. her car
7. her hobbies
8. her phone
9. other activities and/or obligations

What man wants to be that far down on her list of priorities?

Too many wives have children and then put the children first over the husband/relationship. That's strong indicator of the death of that relationship was well.

but a man, be he never married, or divorced, is supposed to choose to marry someone who will never make him an important priority in her life other than for complaining and bitching about what he can provide for her?

No.

No man should think so little of himself and what he deserves that he agrees to simply become a willing utility slave for a woman who will never truly appreciate him, let alone truly love him.

And for those who are too blue bill to agree to common sense:
But again, hey, if someone disagrees. If you're going to man up and do this to yourself and everyone else is wrong, that's cool. It is your choice. If that's the choice you want to make for yourself, you do just that. The misery you are setting yourself up for, the drama, the disdain and contempt you'll endure will be of your own making...maybe not, you'll have help. But you'll be the one who condoned it, who allowed it and who chose it.

Go right ahead. She may not be like that. Enough women are. Never forget that she can choose to be 'like that' any time she wishes and you will be SOOL - shit out of luck.

S.C.A.M. - That spells Marriage.

Originally Posted by Ace Francis

Why would a man without kids volunteer to PAY to raise ANOTHER MAN'S bastard spawn?

To paraphrase a famous meme:

Because Vagina

That's Why

Thanks for post/thread, Single Tax! Perhaps it will save some poor guy from being a beta bux in that whole Alpha FUX/Beta BUCKS, BABY, tee HEE HEE paradigm.

That was precisely my intention. Thanks for recognizing it.

I write this (below) as I failed to see her write anything about wanting a guy taking over "duties" or to pay for anything. In fact I thought I saw something completely opposite to that in her writing.

From what I read, she is asking for a "Playmate".

This a step up from a Fuck-Buddy: Someone to: Fuck her, & to sometimes do stuff with, when she has spare time.

Most likely she is lost in how to take care of her kids. Most likely she has been practicing "Emotional Incest" -- forcing the kids to be empathetic with her when she is emotional distraught --- which is HIGHLY DAMAGING to the well-being of those kids.

But feminism won! GREAT!!! So who gives a shit about the well-being of the kids, particularly boys. (sarcasm)

Her having a Man would likely go a long way towards stopping the damage & HURT she is doing to her children. But it would do little for her in the long run, unless she is far more "grown up" than she sounds.

And what does she bring to the table for the Man? (But we'll leave that alone, as she didnt post to a dating site.)

BUT: Bet she can't mtn bike. Bet she can't run, or even jog. Bet she can't play cards. Bet she can't motorcycle. Bet she can't lift weights. Bet she can't remodel a house. Bet she can't build a computer, discuss philosophy, mow the yard, or even just wash the F'n car.

She may not know it,, yet: But what she wants is a fuck-buddy that "validates her" (also known as a "Playmate") ... But she is so weak-minded she doesnt know it. And she sure as hell doesnt want to be accused of being sleazy and having a fuck buddy by anyone.... particularly by herself.

But, who am i?

p.s. the ONLY reason she is not asking for more than a Playmate is that she will NEVER, not ever, get more than that. Hypergamy people, Hypergamy.

How do I approach or have a discussion with a man telling him my time is rare, but still communicate my expectations of casual hangouts and fooling around? I am a woman and yes there are nights where he would need to engage with me in mind blowing sex. There may be a bad day at work where I just need a beer buddy.

IOW: me, me, me. What if an evening comes and she wants sex and he wants a beer buddy? What about the converse?

Irrespective of what's on offer here, you know what's not? Love. Now ain't that something to think about.

Oh ps: Rollo correctly identifies Post Secret as a wonderful resource for those in need of red pills, especially those with a mind to distribute them. Compact little images requiring very little thought to understand, internet and social-media friendly, and each one someone's "lived experience".

Originally Posted by flailer

Most likely she is lost in how to take care of her kids. Most likely she has been practicing "Emotional Incest" -- forcing the kids to be empathetic with her when she is emotional distraught --- which is HIGHLY DAMAGING to the well-being of those kids.

But feminism won! GREAT!!! So who gives a shit about the well-being of the kids, particularly boys. (sarcasm)

Well reading that hit me like a ton of bricks because that describes my life growing up perfectly (not with a single mom, though). Yes, "emotional incest" is the best way to describe it. Wow