Thread: I have no desire for women anymore, because of my mother. I'll get laid, once in a while. But women in my life more than a fling, is not gonna happen.

There must be some agency that could help, but I have no idea which one. Any kind of medical service is costly, paying yourself for long enough to get the job done is likely to be out of reach. There must be some kind of free clinic where you live, I'd ask them, or any other medical professionals you come across. They might know something.

One councilor told me it was easy to hate old so and so, because he was the opposite of my father. True enough, but I hated the guy cause he wouldn't leave me alone, not because he couldn't compare with the old man.

Originally Posted by UnKnownSurviving

I just might pay for therapy. Get the word out.

I am feeling some of the pains with my mother that you are having with your mother. The last couple weeks she has stomped on what nerve I have left. My father passed away almost 3 years ago. My mom now lives alone about 500ft from me. I do all of her house maintenance, all of her yardwork, and drive her every where she needs to go because she doesn't have a drivers license. Whenever she needs anything, I have to drop everything I have going on and take care of her. If I tell her I can't do what she needs at that exact moment, she gets this sad defeated look and mumbles how she will try to do it herself or find someone to pay. Now that I'm a single father, my hands are pretty damn full most of the time seeing where I work over 50 hours a week every week.

Also I'm constantly getting from her all the things I am doing wrong in my life and raising my son. If there is ever a week that I can't get to cutting the grass on Friday like she wants, I hear how my father wouldn't be happy that the place is going to hell. This is all coming from my mother that had rather party after I was born, and let her parents raise me.

Right now she has pushed me to where I need to talk to a therapist a couple times a week, but I don't have the time to actually do it. I'm about to snap.

GDash, awful as it sounds, you're going to have to call mom's bluff unless you'd rather see councilors until she dies.

When she questions your parenting skills, tell her she raised you how she wanted, and you'll do the same for yours. If she don't like it, tough.

If she complains about the yardwork or whatever, say since nothing you do is good enough, from now on you'll be there when you get around to it. When that's not good enough and she mentions finding someone to pay, tell her to go ahead. I bet you'll find she has no plans for that. When she tries to shame you, tell her your grown up now and it's your right to run your life as you see fit.

What your mom's doing is wrong. Good people of either sex don't act this way, you're being used. I suppose my advice could blow up and make things worse, but I don't see how you can let her keep plying her trade and not lose it sooner or later.

My pal has three sisters. Two were raised by their worthless mother, and they are no better than she. The third daughter was rejected by mom and raised by her grandparents. She is the pick of that litter, and it's not even close. Sounds like you dodged a bullet too.

Originally Posted by GDash

I am feeling some of the pains with my mother that you are having with your mother. The last couple weeks she has stomped on what nerve I have left. My father passed away almost 3 years ago. My mom now lives alone about 500ft from me. I do all of her house maintenance, all of her yardwork, and drive her every where she needs to go because she doesn't have a drivers license. Whenever she needs anything, I have to drop everything I have going on and take care of her.

What makes you think that you have to drop everything and cater to her every whim? She keeps doing it because she gets away with it.

Originally Posted by Brock

What makes you think that you have to drop everything and cater to her every whim? She keeps doing it because she gets away with it.

I feel guilty if I don't, she is in her 60's and widowed, and she is my mother. Even though she was a really shitty one, she is still my mother. I think she has pushed me to the point that I don't care who she is or what she says anymore. I've got too much going on.

Originally Posted by GDash

I feel guilty if I don't, she is in her 60's and widowed, and she is my mother. Even though she was a really shitty one, she is still my mother. I think she has pushed me to the point that I don't care who she is or what she says anymore. I've got too much going on.

We knew that's what it was.

I think a good start would be to remind her that your grown up now, yet she's still treating you like a kid.

Originally Posted by Jackoff

Many jurisdictions will have laws about who can describe themselves as therapists, not so much counsellors.

A fine distinction, but an important one. 'Therapy' is a medical term, and a person who offers therapy is offering medical services. 'Counselling' just means 'to give advice'. There's never any shortage of that, says anonymous internet dude unironically.

Originally Posted by GDash

I have to drop everything I have going on and take care of her. If I tell her I can't do what she needs at that exact moment, she gets this sad defeated look

Man, you have to put a stop to this. Take it from one that suffered the same fate for many, many years.

Eventually, when the “sad defeated look” stopped having the wanted effect it turned to accusations of “You’re not a good son.”

When that didn’t have the wanted effect it just turned to bile and indiscriminate insults.

Why? I’d be lying if I said I knew for sure, but one thing is certain it should not be tolerated.

Since this is something I’ve only heard about from mothers I’d suspect it’s about their own insecurity and fear, understandable maybe but it’s no reason for you to upturn your own life which has its own pressures.

Don’t be afraid to tell her straight – I have my own life and my own problems and fuck you if you can’t accept that.

Originally Posted by Jackoff

Man, you have to put a stop to this. Take it from one that suffered the same fate for many, many years.

Eventually, when the “sad defeated look” stopped having the wanted effect it turned to accusations of “You’re not a good son.”

When that didn’t have the wanted effect it just turned to bile and indiscriminate insults.

When sad and defeated don't work, nor do bile and insults, she'll probably move to plan "B". There she'll say she's sorry, that she was wrong and will never do it again. But the first time you aren't looking, she will. Least that's my guess, it's what a lot of people would do.

His last two years my father got mean from some undiagnosed ailment. He was never like that before. He'd just keep going till you were pissed. If it would have been just him and me, he wouldn't have seen me more than a few times a year. But I couldn't avoid him without hurting mom, and I couldn't go there. So, for two years my visits were short, and I didn't say much. You might have to do something similar if mom won't cooperate.

Originally Posted by frog

When sad and defeated don't work, nor do bile and insults, she'll probably move to plan "B". There she'll say she's sorry, that she was wrong and will never do it again. But the first time you aren't looking, she will.

And it's this constant changing and swapping of manipulative tactics that keeps one confused enough to keep paying the piper.

See them all the same, as one singular manupulative tactic, with one singular goal in mind, that takes on many guises. It won't be long then before the truth outs.

I got plans for this year, and the next few years. I've been working on film courses, screenwriting, and been writing stories. Right now, I'm aiming to save for a car, or do a down payment for a car. I want to go to Texas, visit, and considering for a job as a ranch hand, for a story i'm working on.
Right now, I'm in Washington State, working and seeking other job.

So, I have plans for this year, and the next couple years. I want to get my shit together, before I leave for Texas. My goals are to lose weight, finish writing couple of screen plays, and many other things that I find are important to me, like hobbies.

It's that one of my goals is cut my mom off, and learn to be fully on my own. I think single mothers a handicap for sons. I'm going to be living as a single bachelor for a long time. I enjoy my freedom too much than to get get married or be tied to anyone, especially my mother.