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  1. #1

    Discussion about practical self-improvement techniques and methods

    Hi! Sorry if I am bugging you out making these threads. I just believe the demographic of this place is the most fertile soil for such discussions.

    Self-help industry is full of charlatans who exploit the emotional vulnerabilities of their audience and rely on pseudoscience and spirituality nonsense to manipulate the minds of whoever consumes their products. However, the concept of improvement itself is "real".

    We are born without instruction manuals and unfortunately most parents are not good at instructing their kin on how to deal with things, leaving the mainstream society to raise us. The same mainstream society that gives us ineffective advice to just about any problem we come across, like how you can just ignore your bullies away or become more docile to your wife to get her to respect you, etc.

    Society also dangerously creates artificial problems and makes them a social construct that people rally under, like the incel movement. I was demoralized by the social media and have eventually started to be on the peripheries of identifying as an incel. It was not until I come across MGTOW in 2016 that I stopped identifying as one. It shifted my perspective by 180 degrees and turned my life around. And I must stress that I had tried to seek help to get out of the incel mindset using just about every mainstream media out there, like family, friends, social media and so on and nothing worked, but when I came across MGTOW, and its vast amount of little details and advice and whatever makes up the base of the online movement just demolished the incel out of me like a knife through butter. It just was REAL advice and not mere COPING.

    I extrapolated from that an important thing, and that is there are appropriate methods and inappropriate methods when it comes to managing problems. A simple unconventional take (like MGTOW) could solve a problem unsolvabld by other means.

    With that context in mind, I am worried about a lot of things, about whether I would succeed in life in general or specifically be able to graduate from the major I've chosen to study.

    I am also struggling to come to terms with things I could never ever change or control, like my genes, from overt characteristics like height, facial structure, and hair to subtle genetic traits like intelligence, mental health, and so on.

    I went to a psychiatrist who put me on Prozac and Olanzapine and then sent me to a clinical psychologist. I found that the clinical psychologist's talk is mundane, ineffective past the initial motivation that eventually wears off as I leave the clinic. There are no practical or objective methods given that have meaning to change how I view the world.

    I have to quickly decide whether or not should I keep going to the clinical psychologist ~ because she costs me $100 a session. The meds the psychiatrist gave me are great, and my interactions with him are limited to dosage-related matters.
    All her arguments to change my perspective failed to address the insecurity that is causing my worry to exist.
    Every form of "don't care"ism feels like a cope and is just a mental construct that does not exist. Just because I read a few words that command me to be "stoic" and not care means nothing. Stoicism does not objectively, physically exist. The way my insecurity is tied to some or whole truth and is making my life unpleasant however is TRUE. Exists. Let's for the sake of argument assume I have erectile dysfunction. No matter how stoic I am about it I WON'T be able to get it up when I want to have sex and no psychologist can make me feel happy about it.

    The consumption of news just fills me with worry about the world as a whole. I feel dread about how racism/climate problems/wars/famines/etc would develop throughout my lifetime. I really just want to chill, and play videogames, but it's like a world war, social calamities or a climate disaster could affect my life at any moment.

    I have one more thing to voice. I have taken this online IQ test (https://test.mensa.no/) which is touted as being one of the most accurate tests on the Internet, and how some people's actual psychologist-administered IQ test resulted differed only by a point or two. I found out my IQ there was 97.
    That's pretty fucking low. It's the largest form of learned helplessness. I started to feel doubt about what could I learn and what I could understand. Are my efforts to read many books gone in vain? Is my attempt at improving my English, and widening my vocabulary also a pursuit of vain? Because someone with 155 IQ could just come and effortlessly outdo me with less than quarter the effort, or worse, being under the IQ threshold of being able to comprehend something important, related to life? I mean it's not really consequential in my life if I don't understand quantum physics, like who cares? So I am talking about real life-practical inability to understand.
    I even started freaking out about how I developed my English. It's not my first language and when I was 10 years old I could only say Hi, Yes or No. Now I am 21 and my English is almost native-level good. So how does my IQ relate to this?


    Sorry for the newspaper, I can't ask these things in real life and by posting this I feel like I took a huge weight off my chest.
    So yeah guys, what practical advice have you got dealing with these problems? What kind of self-help do you believe in, that's practical, real and could be adopted by anyone?
    Last edited by throwawayeh; September 18, 2021 at 5:26 PM.

  2. #2
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    Re: Discussion about practical self-improvement techniques and methods

    You might pick up a nugget or two from these "self helper's", but I wouldn't trust them. Trouble is, if you don't have a problem, they don't have a job.

    Sounds crazy, but being honest with yourself, a lot a people have trouble with that. If you can't, life's going to be a lot harder. I also try to learn from everybody, not just those who obviously have it together. It ain't everyday you can learn from the village idiot, but it happens.
    Last edited by frog; September 18, 2021 at 5:26 PM.
    Every day I make the world a little bit worse.

  3. #3

    Re: Discussion about practical self-improvement techniques and methods

    Quote Originally Posted by frog View Post
    You might pick up a nugget or two from these "self helper's", but I wouldn't trust them. Trouble is, if you don't have a problem, they don't have a job.

    Sounds crazy, but being honest with yourself, a lot a people have trouble with that. If you can't, life's going to be a lot harder. I also try to learn from everybody, not just those who obviously have it together. It ain't everyday you can learn from the village idiot, but it happens.
    I never understood why reading books is considered an essential thing to do. 99% of books fail to deliver on their promises or worse, feed you blue pilled BS. Essential knowledge is learned by experience.

    Books about dealing with problems, like bullying or making friends are written by people who assume everybody is on their level of playing field. The content is never relevant or practical.

  4. #4
    Senior Member Malinois's Avatar
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    Re: Discussion about practical self-improvement techniques and methods

    Solitude is a must-have for me.

    Find out which speed your brain functions best at naturally, and try to set the pace of life in tune with it. Most of the people I come across irl talk fast, walk fast, and hurry up to do everything. It’s like they think that everything they do is a race. I say fuck that shit and try to maintain my inner peace while it seems like everyone is always scrambling.

    Sure, I have my days where I catch myself wanting to fit in, but mostly it comes down to being selfish and looking out for number 1, me, which is vital! Sacrifice is crucial!

    Online IQ tests are more bogus than the real ones. IQ doesn’t test your happiness anyway, and that’s all that matters.

    The hard part is having to rearrange your life situations to revolve around your happiness. Im not all the way there yet myself but, just setting goals and checking them off the list does wonders when the goal brings lasting joy. Each time the victory is sweeter.

    Being able to grab ahold of your own life and physically mold it with your will is the name of the game.

  5. #5
    Member McDudeski McGee's Avatar
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    Re: Discussion about practical self-improvement techniques and methods

    The content is never relevant or practical.
    That's a smart observation. Zoomers live a world where most people grow up as the equivalent of celebrities where nothing is private, everything is online, and someone is always recording something, as if the entire globe was compressed into a small town where everyone knows each other's shit. Celebrities are notoriously not healthy people. To me it seems like a lot of zoomers are beating themselves up as a result of being praised too much (awesome! good job!) and encountering large numbers of people through the prism of social media where everyone selectively puts their best face forward. It is like zoomers have an idea of a perfect life in their head and they feel they can never live up to it, because they're awesome and doing a good job, so there must be something wrong with me. So you're navigating some uncharted territory; some solutions and paths you'll need to invent and discover on your own through trial and error. As a man in my 40s I only have one foot in your reality and don't want to give cringe advice.

    I had more latchkey GenX issues, where figuring out things for yourself was easy since that was daily reality; my problems were more like being given a blank piece of paper and told to draw something, without knowing what to draw, asking help from Boomers and being told naive stuff that would get you destroyed irl --

    Tell her about it
    Tell her everything you feel
    Give her every reason to accept
    That you're for real
    Tell her about it
    Tell her all your crazy dreams
    Let her know you need her
    Let her know how much she means
    Am I really making a new complaint? Samuel Butler's 1903 novel The Way of All Flesh was about a man trying to navigate the emerging modernist world in the Gilded Age with the bogus Victorian values he was taught that didn't work anymore. So I think you're onto something perennial -- we have to go our own way our own way lol
    Last edited by McDudeski McGee; September 18, 2021 at 7:06 PM.

  6. #6
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    Re: Discussion about practical self-improvement techniques and methods

    Quote Originally Posted by throwawayeh View Post

    I have one more thing to voice. I have taken this online IQ test (https://test.mensa.no/) which is touted as being one of the most accurate tests on the Internet, and how some people's actual psychologist-administered IQ test resulted differed only by a point or two. I found out my IQ there was 97.
    That's pretty fucking low. It's the largest form of learned helplessness.
    I don't understand. What is learned helplessness and what is it you are saying is the largest form of it?

    I started to feel doubt about what could I learn and what I could understand.
    How about you take the opposite approach and tackle life? There's a lot out there to learn and to understand. We all face this.


    Are my efforts to read many books gone in vain?
    Depends. Are you reading what interests you or are you reading what you think you are supposed to read, even if it alienates you from the joy of reading? Read what interests you, and maybe once in a while try a book that is not your cup of tea, just to see what's in it. Reading is supposed to be enjoyable, too, not just forced ingestion.


    Is my attempt at improving my English, and widening my vocabulary also a pursuit of vain?
    I've always admired people who know more than one language. I know only English. Ask yourself, if you had not learned English, what would you have missed out on? Seriously think about that, and then re-ask yourself if your effort in this area is worthwhile or not.


    Because someone with 155 IQ could just come and effortlessly outdo me with less than quarter the effort, or worse, being under the IQ threshold of being able to comprehend something important, related to life? I mean it's not really consequential in my life if I don't understand quantum physics, like who cares? So I am talking about real life-practical inability to understand.
    They say there is always someone who can kick your ass. And guess what? There is always someone smarter than you and me. Only assholes try to make others feel like lesser people, and assholes come in all ranges of IQ.

    Yes, who cares if you don't understand quantum physics. Enjoy that there are people who do. I don't understand music and am always amazed how musicians create new tunes, including the various instruments that they do, to bring beauty to the world. I still can't get over the fact that Paul McCartney wrote lyrics in his teens and early twenties that conveyed such a sense of maturity and understanding of the world and its peoples, yet it took me into my mid-30s and beyond to fully grasp what he knew in his teens and twenties. Why didn't I know those things at his age? Why was I so delayed? Where was I?

    I even started freaking out about how I developed my English. It's not my first language and when I was 10 years old I could only say Hi, Yes or No. Now I am 21 and my English is almost native-level good. So how does my IQ relate to this?
    Doesn't that tell you that your perception that a high IQ is necessary to have ability and achievement is a flawed assumption?

    I think you know the answer. You learned a second language to the point of native-born. You know the answer but just need to hear it from others, I'd say.

    You've read elsewhere that I'm in Mensa. Here are two Dilbert comic strips from many years ago that I had clipped and kept on my refrigerator. They are hilarious to me because they are so true.





    Take the message from the first cartoon and notice in the second cartoon the man's line of work. Life is a combination of personal effort, opportunity, luck, geographic location, timing, factors like immediacy of need (family, medical, emergencies), Divine Providence, and who knows what else.


    Quote Originally Posted by throwawayeh View Post
    I never understood why reading books is considered an essential thing to do. 99% of books fail to deliver on their promises or worse, feed you blue pilled BS. Essential knowledge is learned by experience.

    Books about dealing with problems, like bullying or making friends are written by people who assume everybody is on their level of playing field. The content is never relevant or practical.
    Then go with things that are relevant or practical, yes? Let those be the books you read, yes?

    If what you believe is working for you, run with it. If the whole world thought the exact same way, how boring life would be. There might not ever be musicians, for instance.

    Intelligence is not a matter of trying to prove how smart you are. Intelligence is succeeding with what you think.

    If your thoughts aren't working for you, throw them away and get new thoughts.

    Don't be maladaptive by hanging on to ideas that make you suffer. If anything, use them to propel you to something better.

    Be who you are. Find others who are like you.
    Attached Images Attached Images
    The two most important days in your life are the day you were born and the day you find out why. - Mark Twain

    The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation.
    - Henry David Thoreau

    There are 10 types of people in the world - those who understand binary, and those who don't.

    Suitable for bookmarking: www.fakehatecrimes.org and www.breitbart.com/tag/hate-crime-hoax

  7. #7

    Re: Discussion about practical self-improvement techniques and methods

    Quote Originally Posted by Malinois View Post
    Solitude is a must-have for me.

    Find out which speed your brain functions best at naturally, and try to set the pace of life in tune with it. Most of the people I come across irl talk fast, walk fast, and hurry up to do everything. It’s like they think that everything they do is a race. I say fuck that shit and try to maintain my inner peace while it seems like everyone is always scrambling.

    Sure, I have my days where I catch myself wanting to fit in, but mostly it comes down to being selfish and looking out for number 1, me, which is vital! Sacrifice is crucial!

    Online IQ tests are more bogus than the real ones. IQ doesn’t test your happiness anyway, and that’s all that matters.

    The hard part is having to rearrange your life situations to revolve around your happiness. Im not all the way there yet myself but, just setting goals and checking them off the list does wonders when the goal brings lasting joy. Each time the victory is sweeter.

    Being able to grab ahold of your own life and physically mold it with your will is the name of the game.
    "The hard part is having to rearrange your life situations to revolve around your happiness." Such an abstract statement but it's scary how much your life changes if you seek to implement it...

    You start ditching toxic relationships, spending less money and even introspecting on seemingly banal things like how you haven't been listening to music you like or you haven't played an old classic video game, i have never thought about life in this way. I am seriously going to question whether something makes me happy or not.

  8. #8

    Re: Discussion about practical self-improvement techniques and methods

    Quote Originally Posted by McDudeski McGee View Post
    That's a smart observation. Zoomers live a world where most people grow up as the equivalent of celebrities where nothing is private, everything is online, and someone is always recording something, as if the entire globe was compressed into a small town where everyone knows each other's shit. Celebrities are notoriously not healthy people. To me it seems like a lot of zoomers are beating themselves up as a result of being praised too much (awesome! good job!) and encountering large numbers of people through the prism of social media where everyone selectively puts their best face forward. It is like zoomers have an idea of a perfect life in their head and they feel they can never live up to it, because they're awesome and doing a good job, so there must be something wrong with me. So you're navigating some uncharted territory; some solutions and paths you'll need to invent and discover on your own through trial and error. As a man in my 40s I only have one foot in your reality and don't want to give cringe advice.

    I had more latchkey GenX issues, where figuring out things for yourself was easy since that was daily reality; my problems were more like being given a blank piece of paper and told to draw something, without knowing what to draw, asking help from Boomers and being told naive stuff that would get you destroyed irl --


    Am I really making a new complaint? Samuel Butler's 1903 novel The Way of All Flesh was about a man trying to navigate the emerging modernist world in the Gilded Age with the bogus Victorian values he was taught that didn't work anymore. So I think you're onto something perennial -- we have to go our own way our own way lol
    Scary, your comment made me reflect on something. My desire to look fashionable intellectually and materially has the lion share as being the reason of why I feel like I could've had had more IQ, better genes, better environment, etc.

  9. #9

    Re: Discussion about practical self-improvement techniques and methods

    Quote Originally Posted by Unboxxed View Post
    I don't understand. What is learned helplessness and what is it you are saying is the largest form of it?



    How about you take the opposite approach and tackle life? There's a lot out there to learn and to understand. We all face this.




    Depends. Are you reading what interests you or are you reading what you think you are supposed to read, even if it alienates you from the joy of reading? Read what interests you, and maybe once in a while try a book that is not your cup of tea, just to see what's in it. Reading is supposed to be enjoyable, too, not just forced ingestion.




    I've always admired people who know more than one language. I know only English. Ask yourself, if you had not learned English, what would you have missed out on? Seriously think about that, and then re-ask yourself if your effort in this area is worthwhile or not.




    They say there is always someone who can kick your ass. And guess what? There is always someone smarter than you and me. Only assholes try to make others feel like lesser people, and assholes come in all ranges of IQ.

    Yes, who cares if you don't understand quantum physics. Enjoy that there are people who do. I don't understand music and am always amazed how musicians create new tunes, including the various instruments that they do, to bring beauty to the world. I still can't get over the fact that Paul McCartney wrote lyrics in his teens and early twenties that conveyed such a sense of maturity and understanding of the world and its peoples, yet it took me into my mid-30s and beyond to fully grasp what he knew in his teens and twenties. Why didn't I know those things at his age? Why was I so delayed? Where was I?



    Doesn't that tell you that your perception that a high IQ is necessary to have ability and achievement is a flawed assumption?

    I think you know the answer. You learned a second language to the point of native-born. You know the answer but just need to hear it from others, I'd say.

    You've read elsewhere that I'm in Mensa. Here are two Dilbert comic strips from many years ago that I had clipped and kept on my refrigerator. They are hilarious to me because they are so true.





    Take the message from the first cartoon and notice in the second cartoon the man's line of work. Life is a combination of personal effort, opportunity, luck, geographic location, timing, factors like immediacy of need (family, medical, emergencies), Divine Providence, and who knows what else.




    Then go with things that are relevant or practical, yes? Let those be the books you read, yes?

    If what you believe is working for you, run with it. If the whole world thought the exact same way, how boring life would be. There might not ever be musicians, for instance.

    Intelligence is not a matter of trying to prove how smart you are. Intelligence is succeeding with what you think.

    If your thoughts aren't working for you, throw them away and get new thoughts.

    Don't be maladaptive by hanging on to ideas that make you suffer. If anything, use them to propel you to something better.

    Be who you are. Find others who are like you.
    >I don't understand. What is learned helplessness and what is it you are saying is the largest form of it?

    Psychologists tout IQ as being the scariest psychometric that foretells both your academic/material aptitude (how much $ you can make and how complex of a task you can learn) and immaterial success (charisma, social success, etc).
    So knowing that you have an IQ between 97 and 110 (let's say 105) just kills the motivation to put effort beyond the effort of sustenance (doing the bare required minimium).
    e.g. "My IQ's 102. No matter how hard I try to grind at my job, I am not going to perform better than my colleague who has a higher IQ" "My IQ's 97. I don't think I am smart enough to hold a political opinion of my own."
    So simply put, you accept your average aptitude with your tail between your legs.



    >How about you take the opposite approach and tackle life? There's a lot out there to learn and to understand. We all face this.
    That's not a matter of choice.

    We all have to do this. Me waiting for my university courses to start in October is part of trying to carve a more stable life for myself.



    >Depends. Are you reading what interests you or are you reading what you think you are supposed to read, even if it alienates you from the joy of reading? Read what interests you, and maybe once in a while try a book that is not your cup of tea, just to see what's in it. Reading is supposed to be enjoyable, too, not just forced ingestion.

    Mix of the two. I've never liked the classics, especially since I have read the works of a sociologist from my country who said that the preaching of the philosophers and kings is hypocritical, because these people live in an ivory tower and are not in touch with everyday life, so their works is nothing but mere preaching done by a leisure class who probably had slaves do their bidding, so their writings and their affirmations and viewpoints do not apply to the lay person reading their works. Think about Melinda Gates making a book about some mundane woke issue while you are starving somewhere in Africa.

    I prefer practical and simple books that are applicable to me. Books that address issues that I have. What use is a book - or anything - that doesn't address me?




    >I've always admired people who know more than one language. I know only English. Ask yourself, if you had not learned English, what would you have missed out on? Seriously think about that, and then re-ask yourself if your effort in this area is worthwhile or not.

    A lot. I would have stayed religious, I would have not gone MGTOW, I would have not been able to make so many friends, and I would have had a skewed perception of how the Western world is like. I would have been blue pilled and not red pilled.



    >They say there is always someone who can kick your ass. And guess what? There is always someone smarter than you and me. Only assholes try to make others feel like lesser people, and assholes come in all ranges of IQ.

    It's a complicated story. My mother raised me to be an overachiever and a perfectionist. She wanted me to become a surgeon, and drilled into my head since I was 4 years old that anything less than a surgeon is subhuman. I was raised to literally, and I mean it, literally only value my worth as a human being as my ability to become a doctor. I felt like I was not a human being up until I meet my mother's mold. When I became 18 (I am 21 now) I just realized that I don't like medicine at all, and I don't like suffering for nothing. I always liked pharmacies and how pharmacists are respected. Clean, polite, well-spoken and respected. I wanted to be in their shoes. They literally only fill meds and live a low-stress life. It's like pharmacists are some modern day Diogenies, sitting in a pharmacy making observations. So I majored in Pharmacy after I graduated out of high school and in October I'll get to study what I like. My parents understood, but I still feel like my value as a human being lies with my IQ. My mother wired me to think like this.



    >Intelligence is not a matter of trying to prove how smart you are. Intelligence is succeeding with what you think.

    If your thoughts aren't working for you, throw them away and get new thoughts.

    Don't be maladaptive by hanging on to ideas that make you suffer. If anything, use them to propel you to something better.

    Very strong words. Striped to the bare minimum, my goal in life is very basic and simple: get my degree in Pharmacy, get the apprenticeship period done, and start my own Pharmacy and live a life of leisure, in a quiet town that is higher middle class and peaceful, so I can just exist peacefully.

  10. #10
    Administrator Unboxxed's Avatar
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    Re: Discussion about practical self-improvement techniques and methods

    Quote Originally Posted by throwawayeh View Post
    Psychologists tout IQ as being the scariest psychometric that foretells both your academic/material aptitude (how much $ you can make and how complex of a task you can learn) and immaterial success (charisma, social success, etc).
    So knowing that you have an IQ between 97 and 110 (let's say 105) just kills the motivation to put effort beyond the effort of sustenance (doing the bare required minimium).
    e.g. "My IQ's 102. No matter how hard I try to grind at my job, I am not going to perform better than my colleague who has a higher IQ" "My IQ's 97. I don't think I am smart enough to hold a political opinion of my own."
    So simply put, you accept your average aptitude with your tail between your legs.
    These psychologists omitted the many variables that I mentioned earlier, variables which drive most people's directions in life. I know they know it is not a guaranteed straight line between IQ and $uccess. It would be ridiculous for them to think so. I bet it was not they who described this psychometric as "scary" as that would be unhelpful. My economics teacher solidly believed there should be no minimum wage. Now, that's scary. He was living in his own little mental world where supply and demand operates in some apparent unencumbered perfection, human cost ignored, no doubt a viewpoint brought about by his intense scholarship of it. That's an economics teacher for ya. These psychologists also opine in an impractical vacuum.

    Do you plan on fulfilling their expectations?

    Average IQ is not an impediment. Society has a variety of occupations and roles meant for various and all types of people. We each find what we like, or what pays the bills, and off we go, swimming with our own little school of fishes.

    I could tell psychologists a thing or two about how the world is stacked against those with high IQ, spiting their little crystal ball. Everybody has their story about fitting in.
    The two most important days in your life are the day you were born and the day you find out why. - Mark Twain

    The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation.
    - Henry David Thoreau

    There are 10 types of people in the world - those who understand binary, and those who don't.

    Suitable for bookmarking: www.fakehatecrimes.org and www.breitbart.com/tag/hate-crime-hoax


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