Thread: Dealing with old memories that bring up rage

I've been working hard since turning MGTOW to improve my life. I've added another language (French), and I've gotten both my apartment and my car in super clean and organized shape. I've invested in some nice guitars and have improved my playing. Every now and then when I see in the media or wherever that the bullshit dating system is still out there, I usually laugh it off or make fun of it.

However, recently I ran across the FB page of someone I dated a long time back. This woman really fucked me over and humiliated me. At the time, I vowed revenge. However, as part of my MGTOW growth, I've chosen to move on from the frustrations of the past. I've been busy doing that, and I know that's the right thing to do, both in terms of morality and in terms of life improvement.

But this one was a flashback to a huge amount of pain. I'd bet many of us have someone in the past who really hozed us over, where the level of hurt was extremely high and hence the thirst for revenge was powerful. I thought I had put this one in the past where it belongs, but fuck. Once those memories flashed before my eyes, all that pain was back. And my mind went wild with visions of what to do for revenge.

Well, fuck. There's a whole bunch of shit that I've made peace with, and which doesn't bother me anymore. But, obviously, this one was hiding in the grass like a serpent waiting to bite me.

Have you had this experience? Something reminds you something really painful that happened, where you felt intense injustice, and all that shit comes back? What do you do to make peace and move on? I'm not going to do something stupid like showing up on her doorstep and calling her a cunt. I'm really surprised that a negative memory like this could show up so vivid and with so much pain. I want it put behind me so it can't upset me anymore.

The only cure I noticed for people was time.

Eventually you stop giving a shit. It just fades away. You even start questioning what you were mad about, because in most cases, nothing that bad really happened.

Like when I was six I lost a helium filled red balloon. I cried about it like a childless 35 year old thot.

Does a balloon matter? Not in the big picture. But I got over it.

This too shall pass.

My nemesis was riding high after scoring a rich husband and leaving me in the dust. Then her meal ticket died, leading to the letter in my mailbox. I recognized that scrawl straight off, even though it had been ten years. I thought I was still interested, till she started trying to run my life, long distance no less. She had stupidly assumed I was still the same old simp she remembered. It don't matter, I'm sure she has some jerk under her thumb. Only he's not good enough and she remembered how bad her old chump had it for her. For once, she didn't get what she wanted. I told her I didn't love her anymore, and the occasional Christmas card is all she gets.

The surprising thing was how fast those old feelings came back when dug up. I thought they were mostly gone, not quietly waiting in some dusty corner. But there they were. I don't think I ever really hated her, though I was, and am sorry I ever had anything to do with her. Love sucks.

I'm autistic and bad memories comes up frequently, because my brain is always processing thoughts. It's annoying.

Yes it's likely a defence mechanism your psyche deploys to make sure you don't make the same mistake again. It's fine to let the memories resurface, just try to not let the resulting emotions take over. Acknowledge them and send them packing!

You're already halfway home if you are looking at the memory as something to be processed in the current moment, rather than a reality to relive over and over. Since you are in a growth process, you are now a different person than you were back then. When the memory pops up, it can be either a trap or an opportunity for further growth. Now you can look at it from the more advanced viewpoint. It's just a memory, loaded with emotion from a different time and place. Back then maybe you wanted and needed validation from a woman. Today you see the futility of such pursuits. She pops up again to test your current state of mind and resolve. You might be tricked for a moment, but you eventually settle back into your current better state.

The imps of memory do come up over and over. With practice it gets easier to just let them go quickly.

Who knows, you might eventually be grateful she showed you her real face early, before you took the "till death do us part" leap.

Happens to me all the time. I’m going on 8 years after divorce rape, and it still pops up. TBH, for one reason or another, she pops into my head about every day for one reason or another. I’ve kind of made a game out of it, seeing how many days I can go without her popping up in my mind. Most of the time, my internal reaction is “LOL- there she is. Cunt.” And that’s the end of it- I go on with my day.

Once or twice a year (used to be 2 or 3 a year), something will pop up, usually with the kids (all adults now) that kicks me in the nuts pretty good. Usually it boils down to one of her lies to either me or the kids, or my naive ignoring of the blatant signs of her cheating. It’ll ruin me for a day or two and it’s really hard to push past it.

Zagnut is spot on; with time, it gets easier and less frequent.

Had an ex that fucked me up bad.

Needless to say she got addicted to heroine, started losing her hair, got anorexic, her family is destroyed, brother in jail. ... Looks like she got hers!

Had an job that fucked me over and abused me.

Needless to say; all their windows got broken by untraceable means... Looks like they got theirs!

I remember everything and never forget.

Her old place, which she dearly loved, is now owned by an old granny who no longer takes care of it. It's now a real dump, easily the shabbiest house in the entire neighborhood. I have considered sending her a picture just to bum her out a little, but never have. I take it as a positive sign. If I still burned for revenge, I'd a done it long ago.

I got off easier than most of you, didn't get hammered by the divorce industry or lose any worldly goods. But it still hurt, and a very large amount of water went under the bridge before I felt human again. As other's have mentioned, it takes a lot of time for some of us to heal.

I hear what you’re saying about those random memories of the past. Occasionally I’ll think of something pertaining to the woman I was in a 10 year relationship with. The bitterness, frustration, and hurt comes back, but it is easily kept at a distance, which wasn’t always the case. I’ve gotten to a position where I can acknowledge the factually good parts of the relationship I had with her. She was great at sex and willing to experiment with a lot of stuff that would disgust a lot of other women, we watched some great movies, we took some nice trips, and ate some kick ass food along the way.

Before I let myself get too wrapped up in the fuzzy, warm moments of the past, I remind myself that the reality of the situation is that she chose to leave (she left the country and never came back). Sitting around and trying to balance the good times with all the rage, pain, and feelings of vengeance wasn’t going to do my health any good, physically or mentally. I then focus on all of the things in my life right now that maybe would’ve never come across my path had she still been in the picture. I think about how I changed as a man in terms of how I approach life and daily tasks and responsibilities.

She chose to leave. Fine. Fuck her. I don’t wish her harm, but I also will not let her consume my life and emotional state. Maybe she’s doing the same or worse to some other poor bastard overseas. Don’t know and don’t care.

Acknowledge the memories and the emotions, but keep your autonomy and control. They are just photographs of a time gone by. You control them, not the other way around.

I can give many examples but I will give one. As you know my ex MIL dropped dead.
https://www.goingyourownway.com/mgto...-in-law-17036/
https://www.goingyourownway.com/mgto...ntitled-17077/

That woman(and her daughter) caused me so much pain. My every thought was about them and pure anger. I'd even wake up angry and was a miserable prick all day. What stopped my red pill rage was this......Expect women to be women. They will only use , abuse, and leave you. You are a store to them. They come to you, get what they need, and then leave without ever thinking of you again until they need something. I stopped and looked at the whole picture. They had horrible hypocritical lives. Fat ass would "tell it like it is" as she'd say but it was her way of insulting you and getting away with it. It didn't matter what it was and if it was years ago and didn't involve her. She use to call me a mean drunk cause I got into a bar fight many years ago. Every time I'd have a beer she'd throw it in my face . If I defended myself then I was gaslit and told "You are yelling". She would trap me by saying "Well didn't you get arrested for fighting someone while drunk?" and I stupidly would say "yeah but..." and she'd say "Well there you go". But the guy she was dating literally beat the shit out of her then 17 year old daughter while drunk. Did she ever say anything to him? Nope. Why? Gina tingles. She always would demand compliance from me and would use everything in the book against me for it. There is so much more but you will never "let it go" cause it'll always be there. It will just become distant as time goes on. The people that hurt/bully others are miserable deep down.

I wish you all peace and happiness. Things do get better and karma does collect.

Tig', there are 3 people in the story you posted. It isn't just you and your monstrous ex. It's a story of you, a girl in your head, and your ex. The girl in your head was worthy of the time and attention and (probably) money you spent on her. She reciprocated the effort you put into the relationship. You could have and would have stayed with her indefinitely. Anyone would be lucky to have her...

Unfortunately, that girl existed only in your head.

She looked indistinguishable from the ex that you were in the actual relationship with. And the ex put all necessary effort into masquerading as that girl in your head, in order to gain the benefits that only the girl in your head deserved. For a while, the two were indistinguishable. In business, this is called fraud.

The pain you feel is from the loss of the girl in your head. She is worth mourning. She was a good woman, and her loss is worthy of the disappointment and pain. But your ex is just some dog shit you stepped in on the mistaken assumption that it was a Persian rug. She is barely worth the effort it takes to scrape off your boot and keep walking. You don't get mad at dog shit for being dog shit. I mean, you can get mad that you stepped in it, sure. But you know that getting mad at it, even acting on that anger, is not going to turn the dog shit into solid ground. It makes no sense to step in dog shit, get mad at it, and then kick the remaining pile of dog shit. No matter how mad you get, or how hard you kick it, it will not convert that dog shit into a Persian rug.

Try not to take it personally. I know that's difficult, but hear me out: This is not a Persian rug that diabolically turned itself into dog shit when it saw you about to step on it. It didn't transform itself into dog shit just in order to fuck up your day in particular. It was always a pile of dog shit NO MATTER WHO STEPS IN IT.

be disappointed about missing out on the Persian rug you thought you were walking into. Be disappointed about the temporary delay in your mission created by having to stop and scrape it off your boot. But don't stand around kicking dog shit while screaming at it for not being a Persian rug.

You are a grown man. You are a mgtow, and you are way above that ...

I can understand the rage but I would say be thankful for it. If it hadn't been for that experience (and I'm sure many others) you very likely may have not 'seen the light.' You could be shackled to an anchor in a marriage, treated like a slave and drowning in an ocean of rising expectations that some woman places on you.
Or you could be chasing tail on some dating app longing to find that unicorn, wasting time and money on women that have a roster spot open and are probably going to make you wait to sleep with them. After the date, she'll let you give her a hug and then go over to Chad's house on the way home and get pounded into a mattress.

I've been divorced twice and I'm thankful for both of them because they helped formed the mosaic of my seeing the true nature of women. Evidently I had to learn the hard way but I did finally learn. You learn a lot more from losing than from winning. It's the scar tissue from those experiences that keeps me from being tempted to try to play the game again.

You have your freedom and that is priceless and if it took some tough lessons along the way to get it, the cost was well worth it.

For some reason my contempt for bullshit has grown to extreme hatred for ANYONE trying to play me.

It feeds off of the reminders of things I’ve let pass me by from terrible decisions made by putting faith in the wrong people, rather than stupid shit I’ve felt in my heart…

Sometimes I bark at people, like security guards or cops if they’re eyeballing me while I eat a sandwich at the park…I’ve become very unfriendly and cold…

I still can’t believe that my dogs were better people than most women I’ve ever known…

I usually am in a positive mood however, probably because of the absurdity of it all…

Poker-faced, ruminating thoughts, but easily provoked into smiling with my eyes, yet begging to be smashing something…Don’t start no shit won’t be no shit lol…

I’ve crossed in to the territory where the word “cunt”, effortlessly rolls right off my tongue…And, apparently my “vibe” is scary, probably because I don’t react like a heard animal, like just about everyone around me…At times to my own detriment tho…

Most of the guys I know, are waking up slowly, in their own way, or are struggling with thirst and trying to fill that slot with pussy.

It pisses me off more that I can’t just tell them what I know, than any cringe thing that has happened between me and some hole…

The cringing still creeps, but it isn’t anything compared to the venom I’m harboring for the perpetuators of the blue-pilled world…

Being considered “a joke”, or an easy mark, a chump, or being stereo-typed by what kind of car I drive, is not my problem…

Try to guilt-trip me…Even my Mother knows better…

Same here. Every one or two days, there's this one particular ex that keeps popping up in my mind.

Its painful. But i keep reminding myself that pussy is the most expensive and most damaging thing in the world.

That, and focusing on the things that matter to me.

In the past it bothered me... I went a personal quest to find out why some relationships last and most don't... I swallowed TRP and then came the rage toward all the women that lied to me (avoided the truth) about female nature... Once I understood it was all a big scam, that that is the way women are and it has been going on since the beginning of time, I calmed down. The signs were all there, but I was thinking with the wrong head wishing I could have a Disney Dream...

For sport I "People watch", knowing TRP truths I watch people make a fool out of themselves, at a party or a pub... Very entertaining... It's a game and I am in second row seating...

When i feel intense amount of emotional pain, from past memories, in the end I always succeed to use my Resilience to gather the strenght to do ever better and it motivates me to continue on my track and on my purpose. I think that's one of those things that keeps me motivated, sounds strange but it is what it is.

I don't think pain ever goes away, what changes is what explaination we give to it.

My first post here.

It doesn't have to be a woman to cause rage. Being screwed over at a job, as happened to me years ago, could trigger it as well. To my later regret, I had been a hard worker and loyal to the company, but then certain things changed not just for me, but for other long-term employees. If it tells you anything, after 10 years there I walked in one day and quit with no notice.

The main thing that has helped is, you guessed it, time. I'm older and have mellowed. Staying far away from the place since leaving has helped too.

Yes we all have our haunting mistakes however If I get mad and rage I feel that IM giving them the influence. The no longer matter so I have no reason to rage. I feel sorry for them as they will always wonder what happened to me as women minds often work. I took myself off all social media several years ago, so I'm not seen by them or anyone else.

Originally Posted by TigPlaze

I've been working hard since turning MGTOW to improve my life. I've added another language (French), and I've gotten both my apartment and my car in super clean and organized shape. I've invested in some nice guitars and have improved my playing. Every now and then when I see in the media or wherever that the bullshit dating system is still out there, I usually laugh it off or make fun of it.

However, recently I ran across the FB page of someone I dated a long time back. This woman really fucked me over and humiliated me. At the time, I vowed revenge. However, as part of my MGTOW growth, I've chosen to move on from the frustrations of the past. I've been busy doing that, and I know that's the right thing to do, both in terms of morality and in terms of life improvement.

But this one was a flashback to a huge amount of pain. I'd bet many of us have someone in the past who really hozed us over, where the level of hurt was extremely high and hence the thirst for revenge was powerful. I thought I had put this one in the past where it belongs, but fuck. Once those memories flashed before my eyes, all that pain was back. And my mind went wild with visions of what to do for revenge.

Well, fuck. There's a whole bunch of shit that I've made peace with, and which doesn't bother me anymore. But, obviously, this one was hiding in the grass like a serpent waiting to bite me.

Have you had this experience? Something reminds you something really painful that happened, where you felt intense injustice, and all that shit comes back? What do you do to make peace and move on? I'm not going to do something stupid like showing up on her doorstep and calling her a cunt. I'm really surprised that a negative memory like this could show up so vivid and with so much pain. I want it put behind me so it can't upset me anymore.

Why not move to some other place. You know i am also experiencing the same thing. Although i had dogged the bullets in terms of female bullshit, but one guy in my life deserves to get messed up. There is one enemy in everyone's life. In yours it's a relationship matter, in my it's a question of self respect and any man would go for revenge to get his self respect back. My enemy had tainted my name and reputation, you name it, everything. So here's what i have tried to avoid revenge. Cause this revenge could land me in prison or have my enemy after me if i left him half finished. So my main motivation is i can't see people close to me in tough situation. They don't deserve to see their loved one in jail or trouble for something that happened long ago when i didn't have a moustache. At the same time i won't be able to get over the guilt of seeing them in trouble because of me. So i dropped my revenge plan which was far more sophisticated then you can imagine. I had policemen, corrupt journalist in my plan, i had studied lot of criminal cases for 5 years. Followed up so many criminals stories and how they got away. It all norrowed down to luck and money and i didn't have either one. So it was better to drop the plan, For years i have been evading it. I have even left that country to forget about it with time and believe me i have but not entirely. Prior to my withdrawal from that country, i had relocated to so many places to move away from enemy, cause if enemy remains in sight for long then revenge is inevitable. So i moved to about 5 different cities far away from that city and finally moved out from the country. So i am still fighting for my own life, cause if i had gone for the execution of my plan, then it would've been the end for me not for my enemy. I mean obviously for him too. But it would be my close ones who will suffer the aftermath after my plan. So pointless and i am not alone, you would think it's like you and me. Hell everyone fucks up at once sometime in his life but that doesn't mean the end. It's only a circumstance through which we must get out ethically like writing a story and creating near death or tough circumstances for protagonist. From which he must prevail, same way in real life we messed up and created those scenarios unknowingly, through them we must prevail not like the way which i had planned to few years back. But through logically. I can say i have prevailed. I tried everything, this thing even makes me go ahead and take further risks in life. Cause if i am focused on career, on my future which will happen surely and not the past which is only a mere memory. Look at me now, do i look hurt. Am i hurt? no! I am big guy with beard and moustache which i didn't have when i had messed up. So focus on what will happen cause that's what is real, the future no matter how much you avoid it but it will happen and we will rise and shine, won't be bothering about a memory cause we don't live in memory, we create memory.

So as long as you're trying to forget about it. You're still prevailing.