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  1. #1
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    Dealing with new female co-worker

    I am required to spend some time training her. She just started and I already know about her problems at home, her medical history, and her recent relationship history. How do I make myself look "undesirable" as a relationship prospect? I don't want to be in a position where she's hitting on me and I have to reject her. That may not even happen but you never know.

    Best not to share any details of my personal life even if she has no problem sharing details of hers, eh? I am trying to be accommodating without going overboard.


    I think I'm on my way out the door anyway (voluntarily, for other reasons). So basically cooperate and teach her as much as she wants to learn? She'd get promoted over me anyway when the time comes.


    Any tips would be appreciated!

  2. #2

    Re: Dealing with new female co-worker

    Pretend to have major money problems. Babble on about having had to have your electricity restored after you could not pay it. Pretend that you have some 30K in credit card debt and/or student loans. Even if you have a nice place, tell her you rent a cheapy basement apartment in a run-down neighborhood. Complain about how long it took the landlord to get rid of the rats. Eat super cheap food like ramen noodles or mac'n'cheese for lunch.

    If she thinks you're broke, that's the perfect mate repellant. If you are prosperous, do whatever you can to hide the wealth. If you drive a nice car, pretend like you're borrowing it from your brother or sister, or worse yet, your parents.
    Last edited by TigPlaze; November 10, 2021 at 9:42 PM.

  3. #3
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    Re: Dealing with new female co-worker

    Quote Originally Posted by TigPlaze View Post
    Pretend to have major money problems. Babble on about having had to have your electricity restored after you could not pay it. Pretend that you have some 30K in credit card debt and/or student loans. Even if you have a nice place, tell her you rent a cheapy basement apartment in a run-down neighborhood. Complain about how long it took the landlord to get rid of the rats. Eat super cheap food like ramen noodles or mac'n'cheese for lunch.

    If she thinks you're broke, that's the perfect male repellant. If you are prosperous, do whatever you can to hide the wealth. If you drive a nice car, pretend like you're borrowing it from your brother or sister, or worse yet, your parents.
    Hard to do though when she probably has an idea how much I make assuming the boss hasn't outright told her. I see where you are going though. I can say I have a lot of expenses - complain about commuting costs (gas and tolls), student loans, broken furnace (then again maybe better to say apt instead of house), etc. I wonder if I should bitch and complain about medical ailments (my knees are bugging me, my back hurts, I'm tired, allergies, etc). I eat cheap food for lunch so I have that down already.

    I'm also going a bit overboard acting nice and geeky. Figure that could make her feel accepted so she doesn't get insecure while squashing any possible romantic interest.

  4. #4

    Re: Dealing with new female co-worker

    Quote Originally Posted by Brock View Post
    Hard to do though when she probably has an idea how much I make assuming the boss hasn't outright told her. I see where you are going though. I can say I have a lot of expenses - complain about commuting costs (gas and tolls), student loans, broken furnace (then again maybe better to say apt instead of house), etc. I wonder if I should bitch and complain about medical ailments (my knees are bugging me, my back hurts, I'm tired, allergies, etc). I eat cheap food for lunch so I have that down already.

    I'm also going a bit overboard acting nice and geeky. Figure that could make her feel accepted so she doesn't get insecure while squashing any possible romantic interest.
    Great points. Being whiny about every little ailment or problem will go a long way toward turning her off.

  5. #5
    Senior Member ResidentEvil7's Avatar
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    Re: Dealing with new female co-worker

    I agree. Make yourself sound invaluable. Make yourself sound worthless guy who can barely get by in life. Or do what I do to repel people who approach me, I pretend to be gay. That tends to shut them up.
    It's a man's world and we need to take it by the throat and make it give us what we desire.

  6. #6
    Senior Member TheRecipe's Avatar
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    Re: Dealing with new female co-worker

    Quote Originally Posted by ResidentEvil7 View Post
    I agree. Make yourself sound invaluable. Make yourself sound worthless guy who can barely get by in life. Or do what I do to repel people who approach me, I pretend to be gay. That tends to shut them up.
    The gay approach can sometimes backfire, I'd use that as a last resort.
    Marrying a woman is like taking a shit upside down every day for the rest of your life. Don't do it!

  7. #7
    Senior Member mgtower's Avatar
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    Re: Dealing with new female co-worker

    Quote Originally Posted by TigPlaze View Post
    Great points. Being whiny about every little ailment or problem will go a long way toward turning her off.
    "Fuck off and die" works the fastest, last the longest, and the main reason why I'm employed by me!
    Tower's Book of Survival:

    Rule #401. First you eat the dogs, then you eat the dogfood.

  8. #8

    Re: Dealing with new female co-worker

    Quote Originally Posted by Brock View Post
    Hard to do though when she probably has an idea how much I make assuming the boss hasn't outright told her. I see where you are going though. I can say I have a lot of expenses - complain about commuting costs (gas and tolls), student loans, broken furnace (then again maybe better to say apt instead of house), etc. I wonder if I should bitch and complain about medical ailments (my knees are bugging me, my back hurts, I'm tired, allergies, etc). I eat cheap food for lunch so I have that down already.

    I'm also going a bit overboard acting nice and geeky. Figure that could make her feel accepted so she doesn't get insecure while squashing any possible romantic interest.
    If it's hard to fake being broke, another angle is to simply appear to be a cheapskate and not willing to spend money on frivolous stuff. "I'm heading to lunch. I'd invite you but my Burger King coupon only allows for one Whopper meal at half price"... "You like this shirt? Thanks I got it at a thrift store for $1.98"..

    I've actually applied this technique. Nothing is more of a turnoff for most women than financial rationality..

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    Re: Dealing with new female co-worker

    Honestly – keep it professional!

    You say she has just started and you already know all this stuff about her???

    It’s nice to be nice, but from what you say this one sounds like she has problems that she’s looking for a white knight to sort out on her behalf. Don’t be the fall guy. Don’t become invested in ANY way.

    Work is work and play is play.

    When she starts to talk about her personal life, don’t admonish her just bring things back to the job at hand. Don’t engage in what might be considered a private life.


    Keep private life and professional life distinct and separate. She’ll quickly get the message that you’re not the one to sort her personal problems.


    This may sound severe, but you don’t have to be nasty about it. Just bring all conversations back to the work issues at hand.

    Being friendly at work is fine, but people dumping their problems on you isn’t.

    Her problems are her problems. If you can help with a kind word that’s fine, but she’s not your responsibility.

    Whatever you do don’t become invested.

  10. #10
    Administrator Unboxxed's Avatar
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    Re: Dealing with new female co-worker

    I recommend not sharing any details of your personal life even if she shares hers. There only one way that can go, when mutually sharing personal details, and that's not where you are saying you want to go. Don't feed the troll.

    I always keep it so professional that it is easy for me to stay professional no matter what is said to me. I speak only to the business matter at hand, I "don't hear" innuendo and implied comments. In these ways, I make myself emotionally unavailable before, during, and after these concerns.

    Ok, I wrote all of this BEFORE I saw what Jackoff wrote above, and let's notice how similar his and my responses are.

    BTW, are you training your replacement?
    The two most important days in your life are the day you were born and the day you find out why. - Mark Twain

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    - Henry David Thoreau

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  11. #11
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    Re: Dealing with new female co-worker

    Just keep being cold and professional. Eventually, even if she isn't good at picking up hints she will get bored and exhausted and understand.

  12. #12
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    Re: Dealing with new female co-worker

    Quote Originally Posted by BeenThereDoneThat View Post
    If it's hard to fake being broke
    Yeah especially if she knows I'm single and knows how long I've worked there. Not that I am rich by any means or anything close to it.

    Quote Originally Posted by BeenThereDoneThat View Post
    another angle is to simply appear to be a cheapskate and not willing to spend money on frivolous stuff. "I'm heading to lunch. I'd invite you but my Burger King coupon only allows for one Whopper meal at half price"... "You like this shirt? Thanks I got it at a thrift store for $1.98".

    I've actually applied this technique. Nothing is more of a turnoff for most women than financial rationality..
    That is true. Even my mom is like this. She told me some time ago that I should "upgrade" my house even though that wasn't the best choice financially. She has even called me "cheap" before for being hesitant to spend on unnecessary stuff.

  13. #13
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    Re: Dealing with new female co-worker

    Quote Originally Posted by Jackoff View Post
    Honestly – keep it professional!

    You say she has just started and you already know all this stuff about her???
    Yep. I didn't ask to hear any of it. Part of it was being involved in a 3 way conversation with her and the boss that I couldn't escape from. And then she gave me more information (unsolicited) later.

    Quote Originally Posted by Jackoff View Post
    It’s nice to be nice, but from what you say this one sounds like she has problems that she’s looking for a white knight to sort out on her behalf. Don’t be the fall guy. Don’t become invested in ANY way.

    Keep private life and professional life distinct and separate. She’ll quickly get the message that you’re not the one to sort her personal problems.

    This may sound severe, but you don’t have to be nasty about it. Just bring all conversations back to the work issues at hand.

    Work is work and play is play.

    When she starts to talk about her personal life, don’t admonish her just bring things back to the job at hand. Don’t engage in what might be considered a private life.
    I've actually had to establish this boundary with MEN that I work with. The men in the group are Millennials and they have no problem talking about their personal lives. I think I kinda stick out because I avoid talking about personal stuff.

    Sometimes I think I'm perhaps being too much of a stiff. It makes work less fun (not that it's fun anyway) but I've been burned in a previous job and I've seen other people burned by talking too much. Anything you say can be used against you.

    Quote Originally Posted by Jackoff View Post
    Being friendly at work is fine, but people dumping their problems on you isn’t.

    Her problems are her problems. If you can help with a kind word that’s fine, but she’s not your responsibility.

    Whatever you do don’t become invested.
    Thanks for the heads up. If nothing else, she may be looking for a sounding board for her problems. It's very easy to fall into that trap. For whatever reason, I attract people like this like flies attract shit - people that whine about their problems and don't do anything about them.

  14. #14
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    Re: Dealing with new female co-worker

    Quote Originally Posted by Unboxxed View Post
    I recommend not sharing any details of your personal life even if she shares hers. There only one way that can go, when mutually sharing personal details, and that's not where you are saying you want to go. Don't feed the troll.
    Yeah. There is a guy the group that tends to repeat what others say. I'm guessing she would do the same. I rarely say anything bad about anyone, just keep to positive, even when others talk shit about people. There's nothing good that comes out of it.

    Quote Originally Posted by Unboxxed View Post
    I always keep it so professional that it is easy for me to stay professional no matter what is said to me. I speak only to the business matter at hand, I "don't hear" innuendo and implied comments. In these ways, I make myself emotionally unavailable before, during, and after these concerns.

    Ok, I wrote all of this BEFORE I saw what Jackoff wrote above, and let's notice how similar his and my responses are.
    That's usually the way I roll. With her, I was surprised by how much she was willing to reveal. It's easy to fall into the trap of reciprocating a little bit to maintain some rapport. I have no problem training her and teaching her the job. I think we can have a good working relationship as long as I help her out and we stay on track.

    I don't really want to close myself off completely because that leads to an uncomfortable work relationship especially in situations when were the only two working together. I'll just be respectful, polite, maintain control of our interactions, and help her as much as I can while keeping her at a distance.

    Quote Originally Posted by Unboxxed View Post
    BTW, are you training your replacement?
    Not in the short term. We're really shorthanded and she's replacing someone who left awhile back. Maybe in the long term. A good portion of the job does'nt require knowing rocket science but I have a niche that would take her years to learn. She'd likely be promoted over me but I wouldn't expect her to take my job.

  15. #15

    Re: Dealing with new female co-worker

    Quote Originally Posted by Brock View Post

    That is true. Even my mom is like this. She told me some time ago that I should "upgrade" my house even though that wasn't the best choice financially. She has even called me "cheap" before for being hesitant to spend on unnecessary stuff.
    It may be a different topic, but my mother is where I got my first observations of what I consider financial foolishness. She has spent most of her adult life focused on consumer goods. She's now 85 years old and still dreaming of new cars and a remodeled kitchen. Seeing this and recognizing it as an ultimately unfulfilling way of living is a huge part of why I've been "going my own way" for decades.

  16. #16
    Member Chris007's Avatar
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    Re: Dealing with new female co-worker

    Brock, whatever you do, don't become an emotional tampon for her. She just wants you to absorb all her problems before she flushes you down the toilet.

  17. #17

    Re: Dealing with new female co-worker

    Like others have said, just stay strictly professional. I've done this throughout my career. I'm always helpful, especially if a supervisor asks for something to be done. I also train almost every new employee. I never let them babble (male or female) for very long about personal things, I never volunteer information about myself and I ignore all flirting. I'm sure most of the girls that have tried either think I'm an oblivious moron or I'm gay. Either way is fine with me. I wouldn't be the first dude to be oblivious to flirting, and I don't care if they think I'm gay. Hell, our top dude in the organization is gay. I don't attend any outside work functions either. It's never been a problem, because everyone knows me as a great worker and a pleasant enough coworker. No one can complain about my work, especially the people that matter, and I have a knack for engaging in the mindless chit chat that dominates offices without talking about myself. "How was your weekend?" "Oh that's great, well have a good one!"

  18. #18

    Re: Dealing with new female co-worker

    Quote Originally Posted by mgtower View Post
    "Fuck off and die" works the fastest, last the longest, and the main reason why I'm employed by me!


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    Re: Dealing with new female co-worker

    Quote Originally Posted by Chris007 View Post
    Brock, whatever you do, don't become an emotional tampon for her. She just wants you to absorb all her problems before she flushes you down the toilet.
    Duly noted.
    Hopefully I find a new gig before she flushes me down the toilet.

  20. #20
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    Re: Dealing with new female co-worker

    Quote Originally Posted by Toolband89 View Post
    Like others have said, just stay strictly professional. I've done this throughout my career. I'm always helpful, especially if a supervisor asks for something to be done. I also train almost every new employee. I never let them babble (male or female) for very long about personal things, I never volunteer information about myself and I ignore all flirting. I'm sure most of the girls that have tried either think I'm an oblivious moron or I'm gay. Either way is fine with me. I wouldn't be the first dude to be oblivious to flirting, and I don't care if they think I'm gay.
    That is how I normally roll. I recall instances where it seemed like women were competing to get my attention. If they think you're gay, that may not be a bad thing in today's PC climate.

    Quote Originally Posted by Toolband89 View Post
    I don't attend any outside work functions either. It's never been a problem, because everyone knows me as a great worker and a pleasant enough coworker. No one can complain about my work, especially the people that matter, and I have a knack for engaging in the mindless chit chat that dominates offices without talking about myself. "How was your weekend?" "Oh that's great, well have a good one!"
    I'm not a fan of outside work functions. What excuse do you give them not to attend?


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