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  1. #1

    Daily dose of Vitamin S(mile)

    Wife: " I know you've been shagging someone behind my back you filthy cheating bastard. I've packed up all my things and I'm leaving you. I'm going to live with my sister"

    Me: "That's fine, no worries I'll see you when you get here"

  2. #2
    Senior Member mgtower's Avatar
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    Ghosted by law and order.

    Re: Daily dose of Vitamin S(mile)

    LOL!
    Tower's Book of Survival:

    Rule #401. First you eat the dogs, then you eat the dogfood.

  3. #3

    Re: Daily dose of Vitamin S(mile)

    I was at the opticians the other day.

    “I got cum in one of my pupils recently, should I be worried?” I asked.

    “I think you’ll be fine.” He replied.

    “That’s a relief. Her parents were banging on about telling the Headmaster and the Police.”

  4. #4
    Member Chris007's Avatar
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    Sep 2021
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    Worry free

    Re: Daily dose of Vitamin S(mile)

    Wife went for her yearly medical check-up. When she got home she said to her husband:

    "My gynecologist told me I can't have sex for a while"

    Her husband looked at her and asked:

    "OK, but what did your dentist say?"

  5. #5

    Re: Daily dose of Vitamin S(mile)

    Quote Originally Posted by Chris007 View Post
    Wife went for her yearly medical check-up. When she got home she said to her husband:

    "My gynecologist told me I can't have sex for a while"

    Her husband looked at her and asked:

    "OK, but what did your dentist say?"
    LOL!

  6. #6
    Senior Member happybachelor's Avatar
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    North UK
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    Bachelor, Monk, Enigma

    Re: Daily dose of Vitamin S(mile)

    I knew my girlfriend was cheating on me when she texted me saying "I'm out for dinner with my friend Emma"
    Because Emma was lying beside me in bed!

    My wife thinks I'm cheating on her with our babysitter...
    I think she's just bitter because she's never been able to have kids...

    My girlfriend accused me of cheating
    I told her she was starting to sound like my wife.
    Alpha male with a warrior spirit.
    Christ consciousness.
    Anarchist.
    When men choose not to believe in God, they do not thereafter believe in nothing. They then become capable of believing in anything.


  7. #7

    Re: Daily dose of Vitamin S(mile)

    Q) what's the definition of stalking?

    A) It's when 2 people go for a long romantic walk together, but only 1 of them knows it...

  8. #8
    Senior Member
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    Bumfuck, Egypt
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    Ghost

    Re: Daily dose of Vitamin S(mile)

    Two Martians land outside a gas station one night. They walk up to the gas pump, where the first Martian goes "take me to your leader." The pump remains silent. The Martian repeats his request, but the pump is still silent. This guys pissing me off, goes the first Martian. If he don't talk, I'm going to blast him. "Don't do that", says the second Martian, he looks bad. "I'm not afraid" says the first Martian, "Take me to your leader." He gets nothing, so the first Martian pulls his ray gun and shoots the pump. It blows up, and they land about a block away. While getting up and dusting themselves off, the first Martian says, "Damn, he was bad, how'd you know that?" The second Martian goes "anybody who can wrap their dick around their waist and stick it in their ear has got to be bad."
    Every day I make the world a little bit worse.

  9. #9

    Re: Daily dose of Vitamin S(mile)

    Damn it !
    My latest 2 books have got rejected by every publisher I've tried. It seems like I may have to shelve my manuscripts for "Feminists are angry because they can't get cock" and "The illustrated history of cotton farming" until the social climate changes.

  10. #10

    Re: Daily dose of Vitamin S(mile)

    My 3 favourite things are eating my girlfriend and not using commas.


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