Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast
Results 1 to 20 of 35
  1. #1
    Senior Member Lester Burnham's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2014
    Location
    California
    Posts
    175
    Reputation
    843

    The beginnings of a plan?

    I'm not sure I want to discuss this yet, but I was speaking to a friend the other day about being unhappy with marriage. As I mentioned in my intro, I've been married for almost 12 years (2nd go around) for most of that I have not been happy being married. Its not that my wife is horrible, as wives go she is probably on the better end of the spectrum, but that I find marriage, even at its best, to be oppressive. The lack of freedom, constant checking in, compromise and sharing.....you guys get it.

    anyway I was speaking to my friend about it and told him that I was unhappy, but my wife hadn't really done anything to make me unhappy and I knew she would be devastated by a divorce, and that I didn't want to hurt her...

    He replied, "you know Grimjack, you are absolutely right. You should stay with her and be unhappy FOREVER!"

    That word really hit home for me.......forever is an awfully long time. Forever.....damn

    So I am now in the beginning stages of developing an exit strategy. Its going to hurt. It'll probably be the hardest thing I've ever had to do.

    I'm not super concerned about splitting assests in a divorce. We rent, all the kids are adults now, and we make close to the same amount of money. I'm more concerned with not getting lured back in......and not feeling overwhelming guilt.....


    Any guys that have been through this that can offer up some advice? it would be much appreciated. I am thinking of a June exit date, which coincides with the time frame for getting my daughter out.

  2. #2
    Senior Member Victor's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2014
    Location
    The Good Ole U S of A
    Posts
    1,150
    Reputation
    3418
    Type
    Neutral

    Re: The beginnings of a plan?

    Does the prospect make you happy, get you excited, and make you optimistic about the future?

    If so, then do it.
    Pain is unavoidable. Suffering is optional.

    "Love is for poets." -- Connor MacLeod of the Clan MacLeod

  3. #3

    Re: The beginnings of a plan?

    How to make tough decisions. Flip a coin. Heads you stay, tails you walk. Give it a toss.

    Then pay damned close attention to your initial gut reaction to the revealed coin face. The initial, instinctive twinge. Then build your decision around what your gut knows is true.

  4. #4
    Senior Member Victor's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2014
    Location
    The Good Ole U S of A
    Posts
    1,150
    Reputation
    3418
    Type
    Neutral

    Re: The beginnings of a plan?

    Quote Originally Posted by WTF View Post
    How to make tough decisions. Flip a coin. Heads you stay, tails you walk. Give it a toss.

    Then pay damned close attention to your initial gut reaction to the revealed coin face. The initial, instinctive twinge. Then build your decision around what your gut knows is true.
    Couldn't agree more - I use this and it's incredibly helpful.
    Pain is unavoidable. Suffering is optional.

    "Love is for poets." -- Connor MacLeod of the Clan MacLeod

  5. #5
    Senior Member Primus_Pilus's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2014
    Location
    Texas
    Posts
    1,097
    Reputation
    5388
    Type
    Supervillain

    Re: The beginnings of a plan?

    .and not feeling overwhelming guilt.....
    About that guilt part ... it's a bag of bricks. All you gotta do is set it down.

    Also consider that the longer you let it go, the worse it hurts for the other person down the line.

    Renting only makes it really easy. Just go get an apartment [setup a mail forwarding for you alone a week before you move], watch her go to work one day and move your stuff one day while she's gone. Leave a note, no forwarding address and just use a phone from then on.
    First date: A job interview in which a slot-c tries to determine a man's financial suitability in relation to its desire for children.
    Oxytocin, more dangerous than heroin.
    I am not going to sacrifice my freedom and wealth for your ideals.
    If she isn't fucking you like a porn star she is fucking someone else like one.

    Women, they're just a bag of bricks. All you gotta do is set them down. - Primus Milton

  6. #6

    Re: The beginnings of a plan?

    Quote Originally Posted by Grimjack View Post
    I've been married for almost 12 years (2nd go around) for most of that I have not been happy being married.
    Was there a particular turning point in the marriage...? Or was it just a slow loss of interest?

  7. #7

    Re: The beginnings of a plan?

    Quote Originally Posted by Ambassador_of_Apathy View Post
    Was there a particular turning point in the marriage...? Or was it just a slow loss of interest?
    I have been in a couple of bad marriages and they were shit from the I dos, or very soon after. What changes is the gradual disappearance of any hope in your heart. This guy has reached that point. It happened to me too. In my just prior marriage I suddenly one day saw the endless streatch of low level misery that was my future, and decided to drop the bomb. Best thing I ever did for myself.

  8. #8
    Senior Member Indianajohn's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2014
    Location
    Indiana
    Posts
    531
    Reputation
    1751
    Type
    Neutral

    Re: The beginnings of a plan?

    I'm in the same boat but my wife is disabled and we have been married for 30 years.

    BDG really frowns upon guys leaving a disabled spouse when you've been married as long as I have. I haven't figured out a exit strategy yet. But my daughter is gatting married in a couple of months. For right now, that is what I am focusing on.

    Afterwards, we'll see.
    No matter how attractive a woman is. No matter how beautiful she is. Somewhere, out there, some guy is sick of her shit.

  9. #9
    Senior Member Lester Burnham's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2014
    Location
    California
    Posts
    175
    Reputation
    843

    Re: The beginnings of a plan?

    I can't think of any one "Aha" moment.....I know I've been unhappy overall for a long time. That's not to say there haven't been good times, because there has. Its more a constant undercurrent of unhappiness. Even when things are good, you are still tolerating drama and nonsense. The unending compromise, acquiescence, the realization of "is this as good as it gets?"

    Between my Mother, 1st wife, and 2nd wife, I've lived with women for basically 43 of my 45 years on this planet. Even the most well intentioned devoted woman is operating from a position of her wants and needs coming first. Most men are taught from a very young age to suppress their wants and desires to do "whats right" or more accurately, what women believe is right.

    its an almost impossible habit to break.

    I think MikeDiver is close to how I feel. I haven't lost hope that my wife loves me, because I believe she does. I have lost hope that her love will pull me into happiness. I know it is not her responsibility to make me happy, it is mine. And I have no hope that happiness can be derived from giving so much of yourself away. Which is what is required of you in marriage.

  10. #10
    Senior Member Lester Burnham's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2014
    Location
    California
    Posts
    175
    Reputation
    843

    Re: The beginnings of a plan?

    low level misery is a very apt description. Its tolerable, but why tolerate it?

  11. #11
    Senior Member Victor's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2014
    Location
    The Good Ole U S of A
    Posts
    1,150
    Reputation
    3418
    Type
    Neutral

    Re: The beginnings of a plan?

    Something you might try before you make an irreversible choice - just stop sacrificing. I am not saying to be an ass - but to decide what you want in life, and to not compromise on it. You can still do things for her, but do so because you want to, not out of obligation. If you find that you never want to, then you have also learned something.
    Pain is unavoidable. Suffering is optional.

    "Love is for poets." -- Connor MacLeod of the Clan MacLeod

  12. #12
    Senior Member Malinois's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2014
    Location
    Hellinois, USA
    Posts
    746
    Reputation
    3889
    Type
    GhostY-BacheloR

    Re: The beginnings of a plan?

    Man, that is pretty tough...

    My dad went through two similar marriages and now he's confused why he's miserable with his live-in girlfriend...

    To me it's obvious. He's being milked and hen-pecked just enough that he holds out hope that things have to get better if he keeps trying...

    Thing is, when he was in between divorces, he didn't know what to do...He was programmed all his life that if he didn't have a woman that he wouldn't be a man...

    His foundation is built on female dependancy/ approval...I think he would sink himself if he had to go alone...I hope I'm wrong...

    Just make sure that whatever you choose to do, do it right...She might already smell what you're brewing...

    I've never been married and don't have any kids that I know about but, I've been in the middle of this stuff most of my life...

  13. #13

    Re: The beginnings of a plan?

    Another useful trick I've learned is the "give a shit" test. Any time you encounter a stressful situation, stop and ask yourself, "Do I really give a shit about this?" Quite often, the answer is "No." And the stress evaporates. If "Yes", then why? Again, there is rarely a valid, rational answer, and the stress dissolves. As you practice this more, you may find fewer and fewer stressors in your life, and you'll have more energy to deal with problems that you do actually care about.


    John

  14. #14

    Re: The beginnings of a plan?

    Quote Originally Posted by Grimjack View Post
    low level misery is a very apt description. Its tolerable, but why tolerate it?
    Quote Originally Posted by Malinois View Post
    To me it's obvious. He's being milked and hen-pecked just enough that he holds out hope that things have to get better if he keeps trying...

    Thing is, when he was in between divorces, he didn't know what to do...He was programmed all his life that if he didn't have a woman that he wouldn't be a man...

    His foundation is built on female dependancy/ approval...I think he would sink himself if he had to go alone...I hope I'm wrong......

    Yes, this is the reason. Looking back on the miserable marriage and talking about it to others they always ask, "How long did this last?", and then they ask why I didn't bail sooner. I tell them it takes time for hope to die. It is the frog in the frying pan of cool water that slowly heats up. The pain is never so sharp that you can't handle it, but eventually (if you have a spine) you ask why you should put up with it.

    For the guy talking about his father, I am probably in your father's generation. As bad as things are now, as far as the MSM and the matrix programming of blue pill men in general, it was much worse in the old days. I share your father's conditioning. I know better, but that doesn't always make the difference it should. We men should do what we can to deprogram the helpless AFCs in the world. This is a thankless and often futile task, but it is the work ahead of us. Once you have been given the glasses to see that they live, your obligation is to pass them on. For me this has been mostly working with my sons. Let me say that the mask has fallen off of women much more so now than it was in my youth. It is a hell of a lot easier for young men today to see what is going on and fight against the system. The millennials have several advantages, even if they feel ill used by us boomers.

  15. #15

    Re: The beginnings of a plan?

    Would it be strange to suggest that you may want to pick a different, later date? If you don't want to hurt your wife, the disappearance of your daughter from the house coupled with your escape may be a little too much, and may put the whole family in turmoil.
    And when her lips so sweetly move
    The soul such height attain,
    You're free, yet would no longer rove
    But lay you down in chains.

  16. #16
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Feb 2015
    Posts
    891
    Reputation
    1566
    Type
    Ghost

    Re: The beginnings of a plan?

    clean up your online profiles and any identifiers. make sure that her friends relatives can't kill or mame you, or get you fired.

    i don't know how old your daughter is and stuff, but you could move away and change your name as well.

  17. #17
    Senior Member Indianajohn's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2014
    Location
    Indiana
    Posts
    531
    Reputation
    1751
    Type
    Neutral

    Re: The beginnings of a plan?

    Quote Originally Posted by Victor View Post
    Something you might try before you make an irreversible choice - just stop sacrificing. I am not saying to be an ass - but to decide what you want in life, and to not compromise on it. You can still do things for her, but do so because you want to, not out of obligation. If you find that you never want to, then you have also learned something.
    ^This

    This is what I am just starting with now. I'm trying to look out for me first. I have put my family first for so long I forgot how to put myself first. I'm still not very good at it.

    The other thing is that if I leave, I will most likely wind up living in poverty due to hefty alimony payments. So like the old saying: "it's cheaper to keep her".
    No matter how attractive a woman is. No matter how beautiful she is. Somewhere, out there, some guy is sick of her shit.

  18. #18

    Re: The beginnings of a plan?

    Quote Originally Posted by Indianajohn View Post
    The other thing is that if I leave, I will most likely wind up living in poverty due to hefty alimony payments. So like the old saying: "it's cheaper to keep her".

    Consider moving. There are non-alimony states (Texas, for one). Have a "midlife crisis" sell out, move, go on a "drinking / gambling binge until you liquid capital is gone (into a fruit jar somewhere) and with any luck, she'll do the divorcing.

    Yeah, this plan's absurd on it's face, but it's really no more disruptive than the typical divorce, viewed from five years down the road. Port Aransas / Matagordo is really awsome.

    My point is, look at alternatives. They do exist. You're seeing things from a blue-pill perspective. It's forced upon you with the awesome power of gynocentric culture. And wealth is really only useful when it insures peace and joy. Those are yours for the taking any time.

  19. #19

    Re: The beginnings of a plan?

    Consider any widows you know that had seemingly happy marriages, and how long it took them to get over the loss of their husband. In my experience, they tend to get over it fast.

    In other words, if you died today, chances are your wife would be living happily with scarcely a thought about you within a few weeks. She'd be over the shock and on with her life.

    Is the rest of your life worth a few weeks of hers?

  20. #20
    Senior Member Primus_Pilus's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2014
    Location
    Texas
    Posts
    1,097
    Reputation
    5388
    Type
    Supervillain

    Re: The beginnings of a plan?

    Definitely move to Texas ... no alimony is the rule unless she has been a housewife for the last 10 years. In which case spousal support may come up in the divorce. But the nice thing? Only takes 60 days to establish residency. So you have a mid-life crisis, move to Texas and tell her it's for a work project / anything.

    Establish residency and then file for divorce FIRST!
    Because then the divorce is established in a better territory instead of that communist, vagina-worshipping, gynocentric shithole called California

    Good luck if you decide to do it.
    First date: A job interview in which a slot-c tries to determine a man's financial suitability in relation to its desire for children.
    Oxytocin, more dangerous than heroin.
    I am not going to sacrifice my freedom and wealth for your ideals.
    If she isn't fucking you like a porn star she is fucking someone else like one.

    Women, they're just a bag of bricks. All you gotta do is set them down. - Primus Milton


Similar Threads

  1. Replies: 67
    Last Post: October 6, 2014, 2:07 PM
  2. Have a plan to Avoid Assassin Nerve Gas
    By jagrmeister in forum Random (Non-MGTOW subjects)
    Replies: 8
    Last Post: February 19, 2014, 2:04 PM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •