Thread: At a Men's Bible Study I was asked why I haven't been in touch with my "living" children.

I have two living daughters.

1. My eldest I have seen once in her life (over 23 years ago), and
2. One I have never, ever seen.

I told the men that,

1. They never bothered to look for me, and
2. I am not going to chase all over creation for someone that never looked for, or cared for me after she became an adult.

They can't comprehend that you can't really care for anyone you never really knew.

Originally Posted by The Captain

They can't comprehend that you can't really care for anyone you never really knew.

Are they saying what they would do in your circumstances?

I'm inferring that they think you should, what, track your daughters down and do that thing where you try repeatedly over many years to establish something, enduring rebuffs?

Or do they stop themselves before that?

I'm not trying to stir, but are you the only one at Bible Study who offers imperfection? I have had problems earlier in life thinking I was the only one at church who could get as street-real as I did. It was one of the reasons that led me to drop out of attendance.

Ha, I was too candid for Alcoholics Anonymous meetings, if you can believe that.

Originally Posted by Unboxxed

Are they saying what they would do in your circumstances?

I'm inferring that they think you should, what, track your daughters down and do that thing where you try repeatedly over many years to establish something, enduring rebuffs?

Or do they stop themselves before that?

I'm not trying to stir, but are you the only one at Bible Study who offers imperfection? I have had problems earlier in life thinking I was the only one at church who could get as street-real as I did. It was one of the reasons that led me to drop out of attendance.

Ha, I was too candid for Alcoholics Anonymous meetings, if you can believe that.

Angry woman at the alter and dual standards on men vs. women brought me to my last day in attendance, which has nothing to do with my faith or lack thereof but rather everything to do with scripture! There's no bigger louder mouths on earth than unruly women! Wherever they are, I'm not, and that's the only remedy!

Originally Posted by The Captain

They can't comprehend that you can't really care for anyone you never really knew.

Ultimately, it's okay for others to not comprehend your reasoning.

They have the right to question it. But you are not obligated to explain.

Originally Posted by Anarchist

Ultimately, it's okay for others to not comprehend your reasoning.

They have the right to question it. But you are not obligated to explain.

Anarchist,

You registered August 2021 and this is your first post. You are the same person as recent new member BobbingForBunions.

As your Intro is posted under that username, I am banning this one.

We do not allow multiple usernames or sock puppet accounts.

Originally Posted by Unboxxed

Are they saying what they would do in your circumstances?

I'm inferring that they think you should, what, track your daughters down and do that thing where you try repeatedly over many years to establish something, enduring rebuffs?

Or do they stop themselves before that?

I'm not trying to stir, but are you the only one at Bible Study who offers imperfection? I have had problems earlier in life thinking I was the only one at church who could get as street-real as I did. It was one of the reasons that led me to drop out of attendance.

Ha, I was too candid for Alcoholics Anonymous meetings, if you can believe that.

I won't lie, or concoct some cockamamie story. The truth is what it is. I am a flawed man (sinner) as we all are.

I don't hate women, I just can't live with one. Having been abused by my mother (both physically and psychologically) as a youth, I have no patience with them. My mother cruelly abused my father, both physically and mentally. (The woman was bat$#it crazy). She would violently punish us with a religious fervor in an effort to correct us.

When she used corporal punishment as a venue to vent her frustrations, it permanently damaged the men in our family. As we grew older, her physical abuse intensified. You can believe me when I tell you the "the belt" (buckle-end first) was horrifically painful.

She was a shining example of both cruelty and denial.

Originally Posted by The Captain

I won't lie, or concoct some cockamamie story. The truth is what it is. I am a flawed man (sinner) as we all are.

I don't hate women, I just can't live with one. Having been abused by my mother (both physically and psychologically) as a youth, I have no patience with them. My mother cruelly abused my father, both physically and mentally. (The woman was bat$#it crazy). She would violently punish us with a religious fervor in an effort to correct us.

When she used corporal punishment as a venue to vent her frustrations, it permanently damaged the men in our family. As we grew older, her physical abuse intensified. You can believe me when I tell you the "the belt" (buckle-end first) was horrifically painful.

She was a shining example of both cruelty and denial.

Well, I wasn't asking that you elaborate on yourself, sir. I was asking about your Bible Study classmates.

I don't care about anyone who doesn't care about me.

Ever since I started living like that my life has become a lot better. I don't feel unappreciated and left behind. People who don't understand this are usually the ones benefiting from others caring about them more than they do.

Originally Posted by The Captain

I have two living daughters.

1. My eldest I have seen once in her life (over 23 years ago), and
2. One I have never, ever seen.

I told the men that,

1. They never bothered to look for me, and
2. I am not going to chase all over creation for someone that never looked for, or cared for me after she became an adult.

They can't comprehend that you can't really care for anyone you never really knew.

Did you fill them in on the background? Let them know why you never saw your daughters, except for one time, 23 years ago? There must be a backstory there -- divorce, complete loss of custody, woman absconds with kids, alienates them from you, etc. -- something like that. Maybe if they understood that context, they'd get it.

Originally Posted by The Captain

They can't comprehend that you can't really care for anyone you never really knew.

Maybe you shared too much? I always resort back to that saying "Better to remain silent and be thought the fool than to speak and remove all doubt.

The people that go to church and in your group are likely a lot different than the Paster of the church. I had a unique experience in my 20's to room and board with a Paster and his family. Him and his wife were down to earth, tell it like it was. I will never forget it and treasure those memories. I am not religious, never was, they were taking advantage of cash income every week, I was enjoying the great meals and insight into married, and in a pastor's life.... If you need to, seek out a private moment with the pastor, he will be understanding, don't force your views on others.

People love to tell stories, it's entertainment. It is also attention seeking, that why women love talking.... As a man it is better to sit back and listen, (be entertained). Let the other's talk... sidestep difficult questions.

Everyone has their own battles; everyone will handle those battles differently. Don't take someone else's advice that isn't in that battle with you.

You’re going to hate this, but it needs to be said.

Men’s Bible Study Class?

So, you’re looking for reason in religion?

Wrong place to look! Religions, ALL religions, are full of inconsistencies.

Just so you know, I’m atheist.

(Edit: Just for clarification I was brought up Catholic, I even served on the Altar as an Altarboy, and no I wasn't molestested in any way.)


I feel I have to point out the growing religious theme on this site. Maybe it’s something that comes and goes but it has nothing to do with MGTOW and it certainly has nothing to do with truth (the red pill).

Originally Posted by Unboxxed

Ha, I was too candid for Alcoholics Anonymous meetings, if you can believe that.

I was kicked out of an Introverts Meet Up group because I didn't attend any meetings! I am serious.

Originally Posted by The Captain

I have two living daughters.

1. My eldest I have seen once in her life (over 23 years ago), and
2. One I have never, ever seen.

I told the men that,

1. They never bothered to look for me, and
2. I am not going to chase all over creation for someone that never looked for, or cared for me after she became an adult.

They can't comprehend that you can't really care for anyone you never really knew.

I can relate. I don't feel close to any of my family. I lost contact with my father 3 decades ago and I recently learned he passed away in May. I was still sad and it still effects me and I guess I am mourning him in my own way. The thing is I only knew him up until contact was lost. I have little information on what happened to him and what his life was like after that.

I thought about trying to find him a few times but I am very male in that sense perhaps. I kept wondering what the point was, if he even wanted contact with me if I did find him. If it would be constructive etc. I get why contact was lost, it was mutual, I have always led a loner existence even as a kid living at home.

I didn't know my grandparents very well either, even my maternal ones who practically raised me. I would ask my grandmother questions and she would give vague and sometimes simple made up answers. I figured I was annoying her.

When they passed, I didn't feel a great deal. I didn't know them, I don't even know my grandfathers birthday because we never celebrated it. I don't know my Uncle's birthday for the same reason.

Anyway, the point of my rambling is things can be more complicated with families than a lot of people realize. Not every family is a hallmark card and not everyone gets a happy ending.

And "Family" is a just word. Unless you have an actual connection it is meaningless.

Originally Posted by Kryptic

I was kicked out of an Introverts Meet Up group because I didn't attend any meetings! I am serious.



I can relate. I don't feel close to any of my family. I lost contact with my father 3 decades ago and I recently learned he passed away in May. I was still sad and it still effects me and I guess I am mourning him in my own way. The thing is I only knew him up until contact was lost. I have little information on what happened to him and what his life was like after that.

I thought about trying to find him a few times but I am very male in that sense perhaps. I kept wondering what the point was, if he even wanted contact with me if I did find him. If it would be constructive etc. I get why contact was lost, it was mutual, I have always led a loner existence even as a kid living at home.

I didn't know my grandparents very well either, even my maternal ones who practically raised me. I would ask my grandmother questions and she would give vague and sometimes simple made up answers. I figured I was annoying her.

When they passed, I didn't feel a great deal. I didn't know them, I don't even know my grandfathers birthday because we never celebrated it. I don't know my Uncle's birthday for the same reason.

Anyway, the point of my rambling is things can be more complicated with families than a lot of people realize. Not every family is a hallmark card and not everyone gets a happy ending.

And "Family" is a just word. Unless you have an actual connection it is meaningless.

Your story is so close to my own it's uncanny.

Thank you for posting this.