Thread: Are you ever treated as less than for not being married?

The conditioning runs deep. I feel frustrated at family gatherings or other meetups that so many people look at a man as incomplete if he's not married. I know it shouldn't bug me, but the programming is deep-seated. All growing up, I always envisioned being married with kids like my dad was. However, I had no way of knowing how shitty the dating and marriage system was, and that it would keep getting worse.

Have you guys been able to feel good about yourself, even at family gatherings where people will wonder why you're not married?

I avoid those gatherings (never a people person anyway), and the ones I've been forced to attend I take pleasure and satisfaction in my knowledge of their lives and the lies they all live. I don't seek them out or force conversations, they come to me, and I love when they walk away dejected that the praise they intended on heaping on me to make them feel good about themselves as a means to inadvertently lessen me in their eyes is utterly rejected. I don't need your praise or validation on how to live my life, stay your ass over there. In short, I don't really care.

Most of my family's dead or lives far away. One's I do see like me the way I am. Friends would have a stroke if I showed up with a woman on my arm.

Some coworkers might of sneered long ago, though not to my face. It eventually became a non issue when they saw how little women thought of me and they then decided I was hopeless loser.

A friend's husband who didn't know me said something dumb a few months ago, so I guess some people still wonder. But anyone who knows me wouldn't believe a word of it, so it's all good far as I'm concerned.

Don't get me started, yes, and it used to piss me off and I would confront the disrespect head-on and forthwith! I demand respect whenever it's lacking! Oh, BTW, it's women that do all the disrespecting and going so far as slandering! It never comes from men, that game is strictly female manipulation! I have a couple narcissists in the family that I cut out of my life permanently.

If I can't be respected, then I simply won't be in that realm or associate with that person. Life is much better when your associates don't piss you off. I don't play that game of seeing who can piss higher up on each other's leg!

My friends don't need to boost their egos, they're the real thing, they like me, start where egos end!

It baffles me how someone can shit on someone else unapologetically, then expect time to heal the wound, when in fact it's no different than covering a wound without disinfecting, then wondering why gangrene set in?

Treated less for not having a car.

Treated less for not having a job.

Treated less for not having a gf.

Treated less for not having wife.

These things are materialistic and temporary.

The worst thing is not believing in yourself in spite of whatever others think and not knowing when to tell them to go fuck themselves! We're not pin cushions, doormats, and handi-wipes, not until we allow others walk allover us, poke at us, and wipe their feet on us.

He who avoids the most shit tests WINS!

Assholes hang around toilets (people that take shit), and if you ask me, they deserve each other!

I may have a low social IQ or awareness or something, but I don't notice any disrespect.

If anything, when I talk to married people, I get the impression that the man is a little bit jealous of my freedom. They say, "What are you up to?" and I say, "I'm going to the west coast for the summer - way too hot here" or "I'm spending the winter in Asia" and then I ask them, "What have you and the missus and the rug-rats been up to?" to which they reply, "Oh you know, same ol'. Just workin'".

If there was any disrespect I didn't pick up on, the juxtaposition of our lifestyles revealed by our life updates totally undermines it or makes it obvious that the core emotion from which it sprung was jealousy.

Of course you can travel with a GF/wife, but in my experience, women have a very hard time ditching their network for any extended period of time, so it's hardly possible to vagabond correctly if you're not MGTOW.

I have been shamed to the point where everyone jumped on me for "gittin no pussy". It used to hurt but i don't care anymore. I just cut people like that out of my life. Why bother having them around if all they do is treat me like shit? Fuck em.

When you have an emotional reaction because of what other people think of you, you are:

1. Giving them power over you.

2. Communicating to your subconscious that they are above you, because you wouldn’t be influenced by the opinion of somebody below you.

It’s just mental weakness.

I have absolutely zero interested in what anybody thinks of me, unless there is a financial incentive involved.

For example, I care what my clients think of me as a professional, because they pay me and I want to have more new clients.

In my private life, I simply do whatever I want and I pay zero attention to the petty opinions of others.
When I am at a social gathering and I don’t like what people say or do, I just tell them to their face that they can go fuck themselves.

My family understands that I will never be married and not have kids, due to my abnormal autistic life. My mom even says that married life with not be a good thing for you. I agreed. I don't even have a job; my supplement business sucks; I live on small disability deposits. Besides, after going to the zoo a few days ago, I was reminded to why I can't stand little kids and women: they're too noisy and annoying! I'm the kind of guy who likes peace and quiet, unless I'm listening to music.

I'm on the cusp of being too old for people to necessarily care whether I'm in a relationship or not but if anyone brings that up to me, my answer would simply be:

"Thanks for your concern but I enjoy my drama free life too much to fuck it up with anything. I'm going to the local bar on Friday, can you get a hall pass to join me?"

When you are single it's the women that ask/shame when you are going to get a GF/wife...

After the marriage has crashed and burned, you are divorced....

When married men find out you are no longer in a relationship, they kind of look at you and maybe a sly remark like, "Why didn't you look after her?" To married men, it's the man's fault the marriage broke down.... I have learned this is a waiting game until their marriage breaks down... Women just look at you like you are disease ridden.

I found criticism harsher after the marriage ended than before.

1) Back in the 80s a married woman at work was throwing a party at her house and this became known in the office, no big deal, but she figured I would feel snubbed by her for not being invited, as she and I had known each other for awhile, having both moved from another state where we had worked together before. So maybe she thought I would notice she invited only her new coworker-friends or something. Anyway, she pulled me aside and sincerely explained to me that she was inviting only married couples because the dynamic is different with only married couples than when singles are there. I knew what she meant but I didn't care that she didn't invite me; I didn't know her outside of work anyway and just didn't care. Besides, she was right. It sounded like she wanted the kind of scene where couples would sit around and role-play their married status in their conversations, show off their spouses, etc. As a single, I would stick out like a sore thumb, making them have to break role to include me in conversation, likely. Ha, women cannot role-play if Unboxxed is drawing the men away to the garage to hit the beer. LOL

But what I remember is that she saw a discrete difference between married people and single people.

I'm not gonna fault her. She was all right. I liked her. She was pretty classy in style and dress, a cut above how the other female coworkers dressed. She never swore. Funny, when it came time for us to go on strike, she knew I was strong union and she pulled me aside to try to find out just how mad I would be at her if she crossed the picket line. I explained to her that all of us had ample time to prepare and save money and she has two incomes for this preparation, being married, whereas I have only one income yet I am able to do it. I'll never forget that she tried to explain the severity of their financial situation by saying that when they entertain at their home, they now have to resort to pouring cheap wine into expensive-looking bottles to fool their guests! She was so sincere when she explained that, her voice got down to a whisper!

Well, God bless her. That makes twice that she was concerned over my opinion of her.


2) Other than that, and the one time my oldest sister ragged on me about when-am-I-gonna-get-married until I told her to knock it off, nobody has ever made it apparent to me if they valued me less because single. And, now that I am older, my peer group is largely single again through divorce or death of spouse, so nobody bothers with caring about it. I lunch monthly with other retired folks and the married ones don't give a shit if you are married or not. I think we are just happy to be treated well and to have friends at all.

Originally Posted by Unboxxed

1) Back in the 80s a married woman at work was throwing a party at her house and this became known in the office, no big deal, but she figured I would feel snubbed by her for not being invited, as she and I had known each other for awhile, having both moved from another state where we had worked together before. So maybe she thought I would notice she invited only her new coworker-friends or something. Anyway, she pulled me aside and sincerely explained to me that she was inviting only married couples because the dynamic is different with only married couples than when singles are there. I knew what she meant but I didn't care that she didn't invite me; I didn't know her outside of work anyway and just didn't care. Besides, she was right. It sounded like she wanted the kind of scene where couples would sit around and role-play their married status in their conversations, show off their spouses, etc. As a single, I would stick out like a sore thumb, making them have to break role to include me in conversation, likely. Ha, women cannot role-play if Unboxxed is drawing the men away to the garage to hit the beer. LOL

But what I remember is that she saw a discrete difference between married people and single people.

I'm not gonna fault her. She was all right. I liked her. She was pretty classy in style and dress, a cut above how the other female coworkers dressed. She never swore. Funny, when it came time for us to go on strike, she knew I was strong union and she pulled me aside to try to find out just how mad I would be at her if she crossed the picket line. I explained to her that all of us had ample time to prepare and save money and she has two incomes for this preparation, being married, whereas I have only one income yet I am able to do it. I'll never forget that she tried to explain the severity of their financial situation by saying that when they entertain at their home, they now have to resort to pouring cheap wine into expensive-looking bottles to fool their guests! She was so sincere when she explained that, her voice got down to a whisper!

Well, God bless her. That makes twice that she was concerned over my opinion of her.


2) Other than that, and the one time my oldest sister ragged on me about when-am-I-gonna-get-married until I told her to knock it off, nobody has ever made it apparent to me if they valued me less because single. And, now that I am older, my peer group is largely single again through divorce or death of spouse, so nobody bothers with caring about it. I lunch monthly with other retired folks and the married ones don't give a shit if you are married or not. I think we are just happy to be treated well and to have friends at all.

Unboxxed, you're too nice with kind hearted assumptions of others!

The reason single dudes aren't invited is because we need a wife to go along with a pair of car keys to throw in the basket!

Are you sure you're from the bay area?

Originally Posted by Unboxxed

Anyway, she pulled me aside and sincerely explained to me that she was inviting only married couples because the dynamic is different with only married couples than when singles are there.
...

Besides, she was right. It sounded like she wanted the kind of scene where couples would sit around and role-play their married status in their conversations, show off their spouses, etc.

Ooh I would have told her where to stick it.

Inviting one single to a couples party would be hard on the single guy and I could understand that explanation, but to throw an only couples party smacks of something only women could come up with.

When a guy throws a party he invites his mates. He gives not two fucks whether they're attached, single, gay, straight or any other denomination society tries to impose. They're his mates and they're welcome.

I think my friends who are married are a little jealous. They have kids and I have kids but I'm divorced. I can sense the exhausting marital grind that they are caught in when I talk to them. The stories they tell are usually venting and reveal a lot of angst, resentment and dysfunction. I think they envy the fact that I don't have to live with the 'marital bureaucracy' and never have someone to answer to.

My family is completely neutral on my relationship situation which is all I can ask them to be. Someone a few years ago asked me when I am going to get married again and I answered "not before the the sun engulfs the earth." It was all in good fun. My family is very spread out so we only see each other every year or two. Nobody in my family really has an opinion on what I'm doing and I live far enough away that I can tell them only what I want them to know.

I got treated less from the age of 25 onwards when friends slowly started "settling down".

I noticed after the age of 40 fewer and fewer settled people were asking "the question", obviously after the honeymoon part of their relationship had passed.

Many new people I meet seem to assume I'm divorced.

No, because I don’t allow abuse. If some disrespects me for something as simple as that, I find his or her weakness and exploit it.

Sure. Mostly in indirect ways, from the media and general culture, not directly from individual people. They probably think judgmental thoughts in their head ("oh, he's not in a relationship, how sad"), but they don't verbalize them. That's fine with me. I have judgmental thoughts in my head about them that I don't verbalize, too, lol.

I've learned to deal with the media/cultural messages. I did a lot of reading about "singlism" (bias against singles, stereotyping) that helped (Bella DePaulo's work in particular).

Things are getting a lot better for single people. It used to be much worse, with marriage being the default for 95% of people and bachelors/bachelorettes being the clear outlier/weirdoes. But now singlehood is on par with marriage, numerically. People's options have opened up a lot. Marriage isn't the only socially approved option anymore. People who act like it is are generally the trad-con types.

My worse difficult is in the job market. Yeah, people look down sometimes not too much, sometimes being "funny"

I really don´t care as long I can do my work but unfortunately it´s not always the case.

This used to bother me too. But I realised what it is all about. I don't mind the random comment here or there but when someone is pushing the agenda it comes off really desperate.
I see it as a desperate move for validation. Someone saying "you would be happier if you married and had kids" while looking beat down and lost, simply looks like a desparate man looking for validation.
These guys are trying to get you married in order to prove to themselves that them getting married was really the best decision they made even if they are desparate.
Those who are truly happy in their marrige tend to ask the question like "do you have a gf" and drop it after you answer with something like "i am not interested at the moment.

For women doing this, they often want to get an emotional reaction out of you and make you feel uncomfortable. Kind of like a shit test. Don't fall for it.

After I realised that this I stoped caring about it. And others stopped bugging me about it.

Misery loves company.

My family is dead and the married people around me seem jealous when I decide to drive, or fly to San Diego/Mexico for "emotional decompression". I have a great, wholesome time and enjoy food and bring back inexpensive fragrances (Eau De Toilette sprays at 3 for $10 USD).

I really don't give a flying fig about other couples. Why should I punish myself by hanging around people that seem miserable?

Meh.