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  1. #1
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    Advice on advice.

    I have a friend. Donít laugh, I know Iím an arrogant SOB but I do actually have friends.

    This one is in turmoil. Heís asking for my advice.

    The situation is complicated, much more so than I can reveal here, but hereís the basic premise:

    My friend is a millionaire. No shit! Iím skint and one of my best mates is a millionaire, I kid you not.

    Well, surprise surprise he got targeted. He married when his woman got pregnant. The kid wasnít his, something she kept from him. Rumours abounded until he finally got a paternity test and now he knows he wasnít the biological dad. Theyíre now divorced. During all this I introduced him to the red-pill (in a very round about way) so heís not totally ignorant.

    But now heís coming to me for advice again. My instinct is to run for the hills Ė why the fuck would I want to get embroiled in such a shitfest? But I canít turn my back either, I like the guy.

    So much for background, hereís the current situation:

    His son has heard from his schoolmates at least some of the story, that his ďdadĒ is not his dad. Heís asking questions Ė ďAre you my dad?Ē

    So far my friend has said he is, but heís unsure if heís doing the right thing and so is asking me, someone who has no kids, and Iím concerned Iím advising him incorrectly.

    My advice to him has been as follows:

    His son is hitting his teens and so needs to know the truth however hard this may be for my friend, if for no other reason than he could end up shagging his half-sister somewhere down the line.

    If heís old enough to ask, heís old enough to know. Perpetuating the lie could result in his son seeing him as being part of some conspiracy against him.

    Then thereís the money. My friend is afraid that should something happen to him that this money grabbing harpy could get her grubby little mitts on his fortune through his kids.

    My advice to him has been to lawyer up. Heís resistant and wants an advocate (me) instead. He distrusts lawyers and I see why but only lawyers can advocate for you properly in the courts. I suggested he find one that has been divorce raped and so may sympathise with his plight.

    Yes, I used the term ďdivorce rapeĒ. Not something I would normally do IRL, but heís been red-pilling for years and so I saw no harm.

    Any advice, for myself or that I can pass on to my friend would be greatly appreciated.

  2. #2
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    Re: Advice on advice.

    The kid has to be told the truth. Sounds like he's going to find out anyway, and there'll be trust issues if someone else tells him. It should work out. As long as the kid knows he's wanted, who the biological father is shouldn't matter much. As long as he's not being lied too anyway.

    The kid's inheritance could easily be put in a trust that he won't see till he's 21, or whatever. Then he'd be an adult and mom wouldn't get anything unless the kid gave it to her.
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  3. #3

    Re: Advice on advice.

    Quote Originally Posted by Jackoff View Post
    I have a friend. Donít laugh, I know Iím an arrogant SOB but I do actually have friends.

    This one is in turmoil. Heís asking for my advice.

    The situation is complicated, much more so than I can reveal here, but hereís the basic premise:

    My friend is a millionaire. No shit! Iím skint and one of my best mates is a millionaire, I kid you not.

    Well, surprise surprise he got targeted. He married when his woman got pregnant. The kid wasnít his, something she kept from him. Rumours abounded until he finally got a paternity test and now he knows he wasnít the biological dad. Theyíre now divorced. During all this I introduced him to the red-pill (in a very round about way) so heís not totally ignorant.

    But now heís coming to me for advice again. My instinct is to run for the hills Ė why the fuck would I want to get embroiled in such a shitfest? But I canít turn my back either, I like the guy.

    So much for background, hereís the current situation:

    His son has heard from his schoolmates at least some of the story, that his ďdadĒ is not his dad. Heís asking questions Ė ďAre you my dad?Ē

    So far my friend has said he is, but heís unsure if heís doing the right thing and so is asking me, someone who has no kids, and Iím concerned Iím advising him incorrectly.

    My advice to him has been as follows:

    His son is hitting his teens and so needs to know the truth however hard this may be for my friend, if for no other reason than he could end up shagging his half-sister somewhere down the line.

    If heís old enough to ask, heís old enough to know. Perpetuating the lie could result in his son seeing him as being part of some conspiracy against him.

    Then thereís the money. My friend is afraid that should something happen to him that this money grabbing harpy could get her grubby little mitts on his fortune through his kids.

    My advice to him has been to lawyer up. Heís resistant and wants an advocate (me) instead. He distrusts lawyers and I see why but only lawyers can advocate for you properly in the courts. I suggested he find one that has been divorce raped and so may sympathise with his plight.

    Yes, I used the term ďdivorce rapeĒ. Not something I would normally do IRL, but heís been red-pilling for years and so I saw no harm.

    Any advice, for myself or that I can pass on to my friend would be greatly appreciated.
    First, I would let him know that you've got some advice, but any decision has to be his and his alone, and he's not obligated to follow your advice. I agree with Frog that the kid should be told the truth. It's better for him to know it early rather than later. The later it gets, the more deceived he'll feel. I would do it something like this:

    "There are different kinds of dads. There are biological dads and there are step dads. [Explain the difference.] Either kind can love their kids very much, and I love you very much. I'm your step dad."

    It's probably inevitable that the kid will feel he's been deceived -- because he has. But if it's framed in a way to show that he won't be losing any love from the step dad, I think that's better.

    I also agree with you that the dude needs to get a good lawyer's advice. A lawyer will know the ins and outs and the bizarre quirks of the law where he is, something that none of us here could know.

  4. #4
    Administrator Unboxxed's Avatar
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    Re: Advice on advice.

    Has your friend been a dad to this boy? Is there a relationship there that he wants to keep? If yes, then I'd say that he would want to supply an answer that would provide the genetic truth while emphasizing the emotional truth.

    I've only known my step-dad. He's my dad, never thought of him differently. I hope that for his son.
    The two most important days in your life are the day you were born and the day you find out why. - Mark Twain

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  5. #5

    Re: Advice on advice.

    So he's been living as a cuck supporting this kid instead of leaving the country as a millionaire?

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    Re: Advice on advice.

    Quote Originally Posted by frog View Post
    The kid has to be told the truth. Sounds like he's going to find out anyway, and there'll be trust issues if someone else tells him. It should work out. As long as the kid knows he's wanted, who the biological father is shouldn't matter much. As long as he's not being lied too anyway.

    The kid's inheritance could easily be put in a trust that he won't see till he's 21, or whatever. Then he'd be an adult and mom wouldn't get anything unless the kid gave it to her.
    I agree with both of these. The kid has already heard it, he deserves the truth.
    He could set up trust that distributes at different intervals at different ages. They are pretty flexible.

  7. #7

    Re: Advice on advice.

    I'm going to go against the grain here and recommend you don't get involved with the situation and avoid giving an opinion.

    In my own personal experience I have never benefited from offering an unsolicited opinion, and rarely benefited from offering a solicited opinion. And BTW, I realize the irony in my posting an opinion here on the forum. The situation you are describing is a nasty one that isn't yours, and you don't want to get blamed for something down the track. I'd just tell him to think about what he wants, and to see a therapist to explore his options.

  8. #8

    Re: Advice on advice.

    BINGO!

  9. #9
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    Re: Advice on advice.

    I see a recurring theme here that Iím giving him the right advice; that the kid deserves to know the truth.

    Thank you.

    Since my friend found out the truth for himself some years ago Iíve been telling him that this day would come, yet he still isnít prepared. This is understandable. I mean just how do you tell someone that their mum is a slag?

    Quote Originally Posted by Unboxxed
    Has your friend been a dad to this boy? Is there a relationship there that he wants to keep? If yes, then I'd say that he would want to supply an answer that would provide the genetic truth while emphasizing the emotional truth.
    Absolutely he has been a true dad to him and wishes to continue this relationship. I think this is his fear, that his relationship with his son (and he is his son that he has raised since birth regardless of the genetic truth) will be severely impacted by revealing what happened.

    So what did happen?

    As far as I can tell they dated, they got engaged and they married. All during this time (including after marriage) she was riding the C.C.

    She got pregnant and convinced my friend it was his and they wed. An age old story, and a sad one at that.

    If my friend is to be truthful to his son about his origin then the question of why he split from his mom is sure to appear. He doesnít wish to lie to his son, but he doesnít want to add to his sonís problems. The last thing he wants is for his son to feel responsible for his parentís break up. He isnít, but will a young mind understand this?

    Quote Originally Posted by thenamelessone
    I'm going to go against the grain here and recommend you don't get involved with the situation and avoid giving an opinion.

    In my own personal experience I have never benefited from offering an unsolicited opinion, and rarely benefited from offering a solicited opinion. And BTW, I realize the irony in my posting an opinion here on the forum. The situation you are describing is a nasty one that isn't yours, and you don't want to get blamed for something down the track. I'd just tell him to think about what he wants, and to see a therapist to explore his options.
    Exactly. This is part of my dilemma. I avoided all this shit in my personal life so why the hell would I take on such a responsibility for another?

    Also I have stated before on this site that often people have come to me for advice and I have given it freely. Later they came back and thanked me. Later still they tend to turn against me.

    I donít know why this is, but I suspect that they are embarrassed that I know shit about their personal life that they would rather forget and seeing me is a never-ending reminder.

    This is a bit different though.

    As I said this situation is complicated, more so than I can say. My friend has no-one in his life that he can trust with such an undertaking except me. Whilst not using these terms heís talking about my having power of attorney in his kids (plural) trust funds and being executor of his will. This is a HUGE responsibility, with HUGE risks to myself involved and one I will not enter into lightly, hence my asking for advice.

    I simp for no-one. I take pride in this stance. I feel though like Iím being played as the ultimate simp in this case. However, a friend is a friend. Someone that has shown you kindness and voluntarily helped in your hour of need is not something I can just dismiss.

    Loyalty begets loyalty.


    Why does he trust me so much?

    Thereís a question and a half!

    Weíve know each other upwards of 20 years. During this time Iíve always been honest with him even when this caused, umm, division??? He knows I have principles even if he doesnít always share them.

    Also, as Iíve said Iím pretty much skint and have seen some very hard times, some of which he has witnessed. Never once did I play on our friendship or try to milk him.

    Should I undertake this he knows (insofar as anyone can know the motivations of another) that because of my principles I would never act out of self-interest.

    Money means little to me and he knows this to be true because of my actions. Actions speak a lot louder than words.

  10. #10

    Re: Advice on advice.

    Quote Originally Posted by Jackoff View Post
    As I said this situation is complicated, more so than I can say. My friend has no-one in his life that he can trust with such an undertaking except me. Whilst not using these terms he’s talking about my having power of attorney in his kids (plural) trust funds and being executor of his will. This is a HUGE responsibility, with HUGE risks to myself involved and one I will not enter into lightly, hence my asking for advice.
    You gave advice to him, and now you're seriously thinking about getting personally involved in his drama.

    If you become power of attorney you are likely going to have to deal with harassment from his wife and extended family.

    I feel though like I’m being played as the ultimate simp in this case.
    He's trying to delegate his responsibilities on to you. "Hey, I have a real difficult decision to make about whether I should tell *my* son he's not my biological child, do you think I should tell him?"
    and
    "Hey, my wife might come after my money in a divorce, can you become power of attorney to draw some of the heat away?"

    If he needs someone for the power of attorney, he can hire someone in the legal field. He's a millionaire, he can afford it. So what if he doesn't entirely trust them, just because you don't entirely trust the medical field doesn't mean you try to push your friend into performing surgery on you.

  11. #11

    Re: Advice on advice.

    Women really don’t have any morals do they, then again if they did they would be less efficient I guess.

  12. #12
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    Re: Advice on advice.

    Quote Originally Posted by thenamelessone View Post
    You gave advice to him, and now you're seriously thinking about getting personally involved in his drama.

    If you become power of attorney you are likely going to have to deal with harassment from his wife and extended family.
    True. The thought of harassment from his wife and extended family doesn’t bother me that much, then again I’ve no idea how bad this could be.

    What you didn’t mention though was harassment from his kids, and their potential families wanting to get their mits on the trust funds before it’s due to them.

    Quote Originally Posted by thenamelessone View Post
    "Hey, my wife might come after my money in a divorce, can you become power of attorney to draw some of the heat away?"
    They’re already divorced. That deal is done. He’s concerned about what happens should he die. This hardly qualifies as drawing away the heat.

  13. #13
    Super Moderator Mr Wombat's Avatar
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    Re: Advice on advice.

    If he’s old enough to ask, he’s old enough to know.
    Agreed.
    My advice to him has been to lawyer up. He’s resistant and wants an advocate (me) instead. He distrusts lawyers and I see why but only lawyers can advocate for you properly in the courts.
    Your friend is a naÔve fool who has never been in court. They are set up so that if you don't pay a lawyer, you get steamrolled b/c the judge is not allowed to tell you when you are making a huge mistake.
    They’re already divorced. That deal is done. He’s concerned about what happens should he die.
    Oh. Oh, ok - that's different. And that explains why he doesn't trust lawyers.

    He needs to write a will. And if he wants to leave money to the kid, he would be wise to leave it in trust somewhere where his wife can't get at it.
    Last edited by Mr Wombat; September 19, 2022 at 9:00 AM.

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    Re: Advice on advice.

    As far as becoming a guardian and repelling legal pirates, that's worrying about something that might never come to pass. Sure, it could happen, but more like you'll both see the kid grow up. Cross that bridge when you come to it.

    Millionaire or no, I feel sorry for someone who has only one trustworthy friend in the entire world. Not much of a people person, is he? I'm not either, but I got friends.

    Jackoff, I think fate has delt you a Joker, and it looks like you're stuck. Sure, you could walk. But if your friend die's, both his wish's and his kid's future go down the toilet. When you get done figuring it out, my guess is you'll help.

    There needs to be a few conditions though. I hate lawyers, but you absolutely have to have legal advice on this. Your friend must know some fellow rich people, they might know where to find the kind of solicitor you need. And you two need help. Far as I know, powers of attorney expire when the person dies. As the executor of his will, you got that covered, but to ride herd on the kid you have to be the guardian too.

    If you can find the solicitor you need and get your friend's wealth put into a trust then it should be smooth sailing...

    My family's big on denial too, it's only a river in Egypt. So I understand where your friend's coming from. But he's got to pull his head out this time. Wombat's right, without legal representation the system will tear your friend a new ass.
    Last edited by frog; September 19, 2022 at 3:11 PM.
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    Re: Advice on advice.

    After thinking about it, I see something your friend hasn't twigged too yet. Should he die while his son is still underage, custody will revert to the mother, no matter how little your friend thinks of the idea. There's no way around it, so it doesn't look like Uncle Jackoff's parenting skills (or lack thereof) will ever be put to the test.

    This would mean the ex getting child support from the estate, and I suppose she'd take you to court for more if she could. Still, a well-done trust ought to minimize the damage. Only other choice is to not die while his kid is underage. Your friend better be careful. When do you become an adult in Ireland anyway? Is it eighteen, or twenty-one?
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  16. #16
    Senior Member MGTOWFOREVER's Avatar
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    Re: Advice on advice.

    Quote Originally Posted by ftdjc1 View Post
    Like Frog said, the kid has to be told. Lies just build up until they pop, and everybody gets to feel betrayed.

    I agree with you but I know of a situation like that. The kid(who is now 28) was raised to believe the guy raising him is his father. They do look alike no doubt about it. Let's just say his mom had a type. But there is no way he is the dad. She met him while she was already pregnant. All his life he was lied to and doesn't know it and never will. The real father died of cancer about 6 years ago. All types of fraud was committed while he was a minor including step dad claiming him on taxes while real dad was getting butt raped in court for support.

    But here is what I don't understand. How do you keep it from the kid when he reaches 16? At 16 you need your birth certificate, social security card, etc to apply for a job , get your license, taxes, etc. Parents are listed on the birth certificate. They are also listed on other documents that mention your birth and overall existence.
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    Senior Member Azure Nomad's Avatar
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    Re: Advice on advice.

    I agree with the others that if he wants to maintain a relationship with the kid he has to tell him the truth. If he is just a guardian that is raising him till he is of legal age then he doesn't have to involve himself.

    But here is my advice for your friend. Regardless of what path your friend chooses he must be decisive and have a plan in place. If he is uncertain of a certain path then that is self explanatory. Don't go down that path.

    Trust your gut instincts as a man as it rarely fails you if you have hardened yourself from outside forces that are sideshow distractions.

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    Re: Advice on advice.

    The kid has to be told the truth, man.

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    Re: Advice on advice.

    Quote Originally Posted by frog View Post
    When do you become an adult in Ireland anyway? Is it eighteen, or twenty-one?
    Age of Majority

    The age of majority is the age at which a child becomes an adult and acquires full legal capacity. It means that a person can engage in legal activities and is liable for any contractual obligations.


    The age of majority is 18 years in all EU Member States except for Scotland, where children are considered to have full legal capacity from the age of 16 years.

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    Re: Advice on advice.

    Quote Originally Posted by MGTOWFOREVER View Post
    But here is what I don't understand. How do you keep it from the kid when he reaches 16? At 16 you need your birth certificate, social security card, etc to apply for a job , get your license, taxes, etc. Parents are listed on the birth certificate. They are also listed on other documents that mention your birth and overall existence.
    In this case I’d say my friend’s name is on the birth cert. I don’t know that for sure but they were a couple when she danced her little dance. He believed the kid was biologically his for a number of years even after marriage.

    The whole thing had a great impact on his decision to wed.


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