Thread: A MGTOW's break up

Well, my long-term girlfriend just dumped me. We’ve been together for over 10 years but my MGTOW mindset ensured I never lived with, married, or financially tied myself to her. Thank God for that. She tried like hell to get me to put a ring on it and it’s only been in the last few months that she gave up and let her real personality show through.

Ten fucking years she kept the mask on. It came off when the game was over. Note the game is usually over on the wedding day, but in this case it was when she finally realized beyond a shadow of a doubt that there was no way in hell I was going to ever get married again.

Still, when the mask was on, she was a NAWALT and I was in love with her. Even as a MGTOW, I feel pretty gutted right now. I’ll get better with time, but right now I’m in a bad place.

MGTOW acted like an insurance policy after a car accident. No lawyers are going to be involved in this break up and I won’t lose a dime in the process. But it can’t make all the pain go away. Just limits it to emotional damage only.

Time to re-evaluate my life. Not right now though, I’m too fucked up mentally to make intelligent decisions. Funny, I had a hard time deciding whether to put this in the Ghost or Bachelor forum.(so I pussed out and put it here.) That is pretty well what I have to decide.

Hang tough man. You need to talk we're all here buddy.

Originally Posted by Hoser

She tried like hell to get me to put a ring on it and it’s only been in the last few months that she gave up and let her real personality show through.

Ten fucking years she kept the mask on. It came off when the game was over.
Still, when the mask was on, she was a NAWALT and I was in love with her.
MGTOW acted like an insurance policy after a car accident. No lawyers are going to be involved in this break up and I won’t lose a dime in the process.

Please focus on the positive aspects highlighted above.

By living as a MGTOW, you got a woman to treat you decently for 10 years. Ask around, and you will find that you may have broken a national record. If most men were aware, they would happily got through life having such nice 10 year relationships.

Sure, you will feel pain. Studies show that if you were really in love, you will feel pain at the rate of 90 days for every year you loved her.

What was she like when the mask came off?

Originally Posted by I'm Gone

What was she like when the mask came off?

If you've been in an ltr, then you know. If you don't know, count yourself lucky.

Originally Posted by I'm Gone

What was she like when the mask came off?

Colder, more distant. Bitching about truly trivial stuff.

Sex became 'married sex'. She was just going through the motions and afterwards I felt no better than if I'd just jerked off. When marriage was still a possibility (she thought) sex was fantastic.

We are both in our fifties. I should have mentioned that before. It helps to explain the amazing amount of time she was able to play the game before giving up.

Originally Posted by Hoser

Colder, more distant. Bitching about truly trivial stuff.
When marriage was still a possibility (she thought) sex was fantastic.

We are both in our fifties. I should have mentioned that before. It helps to explain the amazing amount of time she was able to play the game before giving up.

Hmmm...methinks she liked the idea of marrying you and having you support her in her old age. Considering that most women outlive their husbands by 7-10 years, but continue to live in the house he paid for, on the life insurance he paid for, and with the survivor benefits of his pension and social security, single women that age are looking for their "payout."

Women like to think they are "strong and independent," and that they need their own "space," until they have to pay for it, and they will gladly give up independence and their own "space" if they can dependent upon someone else who will pay for their "space."


Sure, if you married her, the bedroom would be dead, and she could be happier living with a female roommate, but a dead husband is the "gift that keeps giving."

Imagine her chagrin in a couple of decades when she discovers that, instead of leaving your paid-off house to her in the will, that you got a reverse mortgage to spend your golden years chasing smooth, supple women in exotic locations.

How often did she bring up the topic of marriage? Did she push for it harder as time went on?

Ten years of loving you wasn't enough for her. Geez, there are people who yearn for love, while others throw it away. If she ever really loved you.

Sorry to hear that, Hoser. MGTOW or not, it still sucks.

Originally Posted by Hoser

Still, when the mask was on, she was a NAWALT and I was in love with her. Even as a MGTOW, I feel pretty gutted right now. I’ll get better with time, but right now I’m in a bad place.

I felt the same way after my ex-gf (first serious girlfriend I had after the divorce) left. And that was only after 3 years.

Originally Posted by Hoser

MGTOW acted like an insurance policy after a car accident.

Very well put. MGTOW isn't going to make the pain from your loss go away, but you'll be able to feel it.

When I went through my divorce, my ex immediately hit with me accusations of domestic violence and then child abuse (which luckily fell on deaf ears, unlike the DV charges), so I was fighting in criminal court as well as divorce court. I had my back up against the wall so much (figuratively) that it was almost a year after everything started that my life calmed down enough where I could finally start processing the loss of my divorce. And talk about confused - I was a mix of pissed, confused, angry,... you name it.

When I went through the breakup with my gf years later, it was tough, but much easier by comparison. Like you, I never put a ring on it. And I missed her when she left. She had found a BBD, someone who she thought was more of what she wanted. There was no legal battle. No lawyers involved. And I was able to just process the whole thing, without feeling like I was going to loose my mind.

Originally Posted by Hoser

Time to re-evaluate my life. Not right now though, I’m too fucked up mentally to make intelligent decisions.

When you're ready, you will. And when you do, you should definitely celebrate it. You can now do those things she didn't like you doing. If you want to drink with your buds until the sun comes up, you can. If you want to buy that classic car that she thought was a waste of money, you can. If you want to take that hiking/camping trip through the Rockies that she thought was too dangerous, you can.

One thing that helped me through it, was making a list of things I wanted to do - books I had always wanted to read but never had time, items I wanted to buy but never had money/time to learn to use, hobbies I wanted to get into but never had, and looking into classes for things I wanted to learn how to do. I focused on being more "me".

At any rate, good luck to you, man. Hang in there. Because it gets much, much better.

Wow i'm expecting this coming in due time she's a NAWALT but she knows my stance on marriage as I tell her damn straight, coming up 4 years, keep her as a FWB, I have my place and she has hers, best way, I guess we all get our turn of breaking up, when you're out through the other end of it all and starting seeing clarity others take their turn, the sufferings of attachment.

They can't just stay "as is" they always seem to want more and spoil it, whether it's to co habitate or marry, they always spoil it and can't just enjoy the simplicity of just being together, money comes No.1 and presides over the love that they profess to be the No.1 important factor.

Originally Posted by sam luis obispo

Hmmm...methinks she liked the idea of marrying you and having you support her in her old age. Considering that most women outlive their husbands by 7-10 years, but continue to live in the house he paid for, on the life insurance he paid for, and with the survivor benefits of his pension and social security, single women that age are looking for their "payout."

I understand why you'd think that, since it's so common. But she made more money than me and had a ridiculously generous pension. (Government employee, of course.) Honestly, I would have been better off financially if I married her. (Other than losing control of the outflow, something I vowed I'd never let happen. I'll never be in debt again in my life. I know that because I control the spending.) Believe me, she ran the numbers enough times to try and sway me.

I'm sure you've all heard the saying 'women don't love you, they love what you can provide.' Well, we think that means money, but not always. She didn't need my money. She wanted me to fill a role. The role of 'husband'. To show her friends she can get another (first one left her) and to have someone to do the social roles. I felt like an actor who could be swapped out at any time. I'm hurt, but not in the least surprised.

Originally Posted by Ambassador Of Apathy

How often did she bring up the topic of marriage? Did she push for it harder as time went on?

In the sweet spot of the relationship, say the first couple years, often. That is when we are the most vulnerable. The sex is great, she likes all the same free-time activities you do, why wouldn't I put a ring on it? (Despite watching football with me for years, she asked me once how many tries they have to get a first down. Faking interest until she doesn't have to anymore.) It never let up until about a year ago.

I visited MGTOW sites like a heroin addict visits the methadone clinic to keep my resolve up.

Originally Posted by Hoser

She wanted me to fill a role. The role of 'husband'. To show her friends she can get another (first one left her) and to have someone to do the social roles. I felt like an actor who could be swapped out at any time. I'm hurt, but not in the least surprised.

I just don't get this with women, they seem to 'fluff' marriage up for more than it actually is, as if there is a meaning of love with it all, your essentially cutting a business deal and a trap. 50% fail and 72% fail when family blending is involved (she doesn't like me quoting these hard facts).

I always remember my girlfriend saying on more than one occasion about a relative of hers and how she gave her then boyfriend the same ultimatum of being married by a set time or she was off, and indeed she did eventually go, my girlfriend seems to admire her for this, i'm intrigued why and it only makes me think she has the same ideas.

Originally Posted by Hoser

I visited MGTOW sites like a heroin addict visits the methadone clinic to keep my resolve up.

Me too i think it keeps you on the straight and narrow and not lose track of logical thinking when oxytocin is buzzing around.

Keep your chin up brother, the way she acted at the last of it would have been the way she acted after marriage.
I always missed my LTR's more than I thought I would after the breakup.
Maybe that's just a man thing, missing something after it's gone.

Originally Posted by Hoser

I'm sure you've all heard the saying 'women don't love you, they love what you can provide.' Well, we think that means money, but not always. She didn't need my money. She wanted me to fill a role. The role of 'husband'. To show her friends she can get another (first one left her) and to have someone to do the social roles. I felt like an actor who could be swapped out at any time. I'm hurt, but not in the least surprised.

Yeah that's what I was thinking after reading that she waited 10 years before bringing in the ultimatum. Very very very few women could be that patient. But it just tells you how important the 'married' label is to women. Their entire personal identity is wrapped up in it because it's supposed to signal to the world that they're worthy people. Anyway, if you're capable of handling things that well for a decade, then you'll be fine, whether you want to date or take a break for a while. That's the beauty of being a man

Originally Posted by Hoser

Ten fucking years she kept the mask on. It came off when the game was over. Note the game is usually over on the wedding day, but in this case it was when she finally realized beyond a shadow of a doubt that there was no way in hell I was going to ever get married again.

I overheard a conversation of four women recently. They were talking about a mutual friend. Apparently she had been with the man she "loved" for 4 years and he was unwilling to commit. One of them explained that she had gave him an ultimatum and he still refused. She then left and found another guy and was married withing 6 months.

I thought yea that sounds like true love.

A sad fact the fairy tales leave out- for women even if they're head over heels for you emotionally , cash and status is king. The money comes first, always.

Love doesn't conquer all.Us males tend to lose our shit when the hormones hit. Well be cool in the gang, playing the game proper until we meet Girl X. Then the reproductive system goes bonkers and says THAT ONE,YES BANG HER NAOW! and we just toss everything out the damned window.Reputation, money, status, power ,heck entire empires have been lost because a dude caught the pair bond.

Women-emotional or not-dont let that happen. She'll look you dead in the eye, yearn for you with all her being....and marry someone else because he hath more sheckels.

Personally, I think as men the hardest thing well ever do is to adopt the same attitude women do regarding coupling-only indulge in the feels when there's a payoff.Our biology keeps saying "Fuckit " and its a hard drug to ignore.

It is a testament to the male pair bond that even after she's shown hostile intent , we sometimes still want her anyways.That will be a hard connection to sever no matter how Redpill a man is.

Originally Posted by Hoser

Colder, more distant. Bitching about truly trivial stuff.

Sex became 'married sex'. She was just going through the motions and afterwards I felt no better than if I'd just jerked off. When marriage was still a possibility (she thought) sex was fantastic.

We are both in our fifties. I should have mentioned that before. It helps to explain the amazing amount of time she was able to play the game before giving up.

LOL yeah she was already older and wiser ...at about 40 yo they realise that they aint shit without men

Originally Posted by RATM

I overheard a conversation of four women recently. They were talking about a mutual friend. Apparently she had been with the man she "loved" for 4 years and he was unwilling to commit. One of them explained that she had gave him an ultimatum and he still refused. She then left and found another guy and was married withing 6 months.

I thought yea that sounds like true love.

Talk about the "disposable man!"

It get back to what Hoser said: "She wanted me to fill a role. The role of 'husband'. To show her friends she can get another (first one left her) and to have someone to do the social roles. I felt like an actor who could be swapped out at any time."

When women want something, they will "swap out," vine swing, and go for the Bigger Better Deal with the emotionless, calculating, and ruthless detachment of a battlefield general deciding some of his troops were "expendable," a large corporation laying off workers and moving the plant overseas, or a mafia don ordering the death of a potential informant.

To a woman who has decided she wants a husband, "It is not personal, its just business." Unlike men, women can fall "out" of love with you in an a day, an hour, even a minute. Like the mafia godfather, the ultimatum in woman in RATM's example made an offer her lover of 4 years "could not refuse," boxed up all her "love," put a new wrapper on it and went from introduction, to seduction, to incarceration of a new man in less than six months.

Now this might seem lightening fast for most of us. But for women it is not. The six month man was probably not a complete stranger. Women always have a "back up" man among their soft harem of beta orbiters. In fact, when you are with a woman, she is constantly comparing you to men who were with their mother, men they used to know, men who are with their friends, men they meet at work, men they see on TV....well, every other man on the planet.

Hoser talked about the "unmasking." One woman who tried to latch onto my brother was over educated but lacked any real job skills. She was able to vine swing from eviction to moving in with my brother in just a few weeks. What a match! He, a surgeon with a successful practice. She, a broke girl with a spotty resume and a need for sugar daddies. She was able to maintain the mask and hide her drinking problem for a year and a half, but that was not long enough to convince him to marry her. The mask came off when she had vodka too close to taking her anti-alcoholism medicine and went to the emergency room with convulsions. She spent a week in the hospital. Realizing that he wasn't going to make her a doctor's wife, she went through her rolodex and was hooked up with an old flame by the end of the month, sending back letters about how she found her "true love."