
Originally Posted by
Hiaslayer
Hi guys, so this is my introduction then.
Up to when I was 25 I was a virgin, have never even kissed a girl. So I met this girl, 21 at the time, and completely fell in love. Turns out later that she was also a Virgin despite her being quite pretty. Not a stunner but solidly pretty, cute, charming etc. After 6 weeks she has to move out of her dorm as the term ends so she moves in my one bed student apartment with me. She is still in her bachelors degree, I'm in my masters. She soon is about to graduate and ponders about to do a master in my country as there are no student fees. I tell her about 50k that I will get from my grandfather soon which she could use as a loan to do her masters. She declines after some thinking time.
I decide to move to her country during uni. After one year into the relationship she falls pregnant. She tells me that she missed a pill. She is working low paid jobs at that point, I am still studying. We decide to have the child as we do not need to worry about the money. She misscarries and we decide to try again and she misscarries again. We decide that we do want a child and she delivers our son in week 25 +5 (for all who do not know, this is an extreme premature birth with health impact risks for the child being very high during the icu stay). I finish my degree during that time and we move with a 100% healthy child to her country. The time fearing for our son's life was very tough for both of us. We stood by each others side like a solid unit and it was a great bonding experience for our relationship. Clearly this was true love. Our son leaves the hospital with cero health issues. We move back to her country me promising her I will find a job close to her parents. Turns out there are no jobs for me there and we have to move to the other end of the country, 400 miles away from her parents with who we were living for a short period. She does not want to go at all costs but gives in and we move.
The job there is decent but not super highly paid. It has great prospects though (me getting promotions quickly and also becoming director with a significant share holding at some point). The 50k from my grandfather haven't been paid out so my father lends us money to cover our lifestyle and because he thinks we must need it with our son. She buys, buys and buys stuff for our son. My salary goes on her account as I had not opened one yet. At this point it turns out that she has severe money issues that she has not previously told me about. Several thousand pounds (15-20k) in consumption debts and 21k in student loan debts and I ( by asking my dad) have to cover her first court counter letter that she can't afford to pay at that point. I flip out as all her lies unveile.
From that point the arguments start. She holds against me that I dragged her away from her family, I hold her accountable for her spending and financial issues. Her parents get involved siding with her. My parents know nothing about her debts and her spending but see that we are financially struggling. They say that my wife needs to start her career now as our son is two years old. Her opinion is that she needs to stay with him at home and gets confirmation from her parents. Due to that we start to struggle more and more financially. I decide to marry her as I hink this is what I have to do with a child and thinking things will get better once being married.
I was fairly confident in the relationship, stood up for myself when we argued but inside I was still the insecure 23 year old introvert fearing I would never find anyone if I leave her, plus obviously the moral aspect with our son. I was just too nice. I propose to her and she is over the moon. We decide to have a nice wedding in a little castle that we once visited on a weekend. She says she would be happy with a wedding just at the registration office but we decide against it. She plans the weeding and goes completely berserk. Does not stop spending and basically blows what was remaining of the 50k. I tell her to stop now as we are running out of money but she doesn't. We argue to the point that I need to tell my parents everything what's going on. My father tells us not to get married. We need to sort our finances out first. We still get married and as my father sees the type of wedding (very fancy location, food, cake, the whole thing) is not happy and is in a bad mood during the whole day knowing that he basically financed this by giving us the 12k plus knowing that the 50k are gone as I told him and were are deeply in debt. Her friends ask what's wrong with him. She makes out that he is just a grumpy man. He even leaves the scene without saying goodnight to anyone. I was really upset but he and my mother were the only guests that truly knew what was going on.
We fly to Spain in our honeymoon. Nice hotel, nice food, no sex and lots of arguments. On one evening I was pulled on stage being blinded by the spotlights so I could not see anything, staring into the crowd not being able to recognise anyone. Turns out that my wife caught me on tape checking out another woman during this. Later she even got confirmation from her mom as she is watching the tape. I thought I was in a movie which, well, I kind of was. We leave back home and the next 2 1/2 years are summed up by crazy spending (yolo attitude) and making more debts which are kept behind my back. Not only are the 50k gone, the 12k that my father borrowed us are still owed to him plus she keeps making more debts. She opens a childminding business that would have gone bankrupt several times if I would not have bailed her out of her mess. She makes a decent income but her incapability of managing her accounts and private spending turn that businesses venture into a financial nightmare. She keeps claiming that she saved us as with just one income we could not survive. I Have to mention that from a £1050/m apartment we had to move to a £1400/m house so she could childmind in the firste place. At some point I thought it was getting better, she saved for a car, I could put 5k aside (at that point we had strictly separate finances). Then she bought the car for 5k,turned out she only had 3k, and the rest was coming from an overdraft. The following three months my savings were burnt because she did not have any cash to run her business and for more car expenses. Her spending never stopped.
She even made debts in my name signing with my signature on the credit cards behind my back, so basically identity fraud. This was two months ago and was the straw that broke the camels back. I obviously found out but she doesn't know that. Before all that we tried counselling which did not work. It is all my fault and I had to change which I did but the points I brought up she denied, neglected and did not work on them at all.
Over the years she started to turn my son against me to the point where he throws a door stopper at my face and proudly runs back to mummy and tells her very proudly with a laugh how he just hurt his father (with four years old). I have a very good, loving and caring relationship with my son, he respects me, does what I say, loves me back and we have a lot of fun.... When my wife is not at home. As soon as she is in the house which is 95% of the time it is a nightmare. I cannot teach him my values, I cannot tell him off etc. because I am always shouting and overreacting. This is what she claims. During the door stopper incident I flip, grab our son, put him on his bed and give him a telling off that he never had before (I did not hit him, which I have never done and never will). She threatens to call the police on me. I leave the scene for my own safety.
I also got obsessed with dave Ramsey (Google if you don't know but basically he is a money management guru) but she does not care about it saying it is all nonsense. In 7 years we sat down once to make a budget and she followed it not even for a week. After having found out the identity fraud I decided to get a divorce as I'd rather get out now after 2 1/2 years than in 20 years with still no assets but an inheritance that my parents worked their back sides off for so she can take half of it. I will have a legal consultation with a lawyer on Tuesday. She does not know that. She wrote me a goodbye letter that I accidentally found that basically states that it is all my fault and she is not to blame for anything. I overheard her skyping with a friend telling her what a mean and nasty person I am (and yes, I was that from time to time) and that she's going to leave me and that I will see what I am losing.
She headed off to her parents with me telling her she can't because we are in lock down. She went anyway, I did not care and told her this, she was fuming. After 30min she came back and asked me if this is it. I told her yes, this is the end of our relationship. She withheld a cry and left. After another 30min she came storming back into the house telling me she will stay, she will pay the rent from now on and that she already talked to the landlord and that I have to move out.
Basically from now on she is a strong woman and she is the boss. Since we are in lock down she kept lying to me that she has no money but she continuously purchased stuff. Decoration, tools, toys, garden stuff etc. Things that you just do not need when you are in lockdown with money worries. Apparently her father is coming tomorrow as it's her birthday.
I hope you made it to the end. Cheers for reading
Hiaslayer