Thread: Sex makes you stop thinking about Sex

For various reasons I won't go into, I'm basically homebound. That will change in a week or so.

The part I wanted to write about is not having sex. I've gone 3 weeks without and am starting to go mental. In the sense that I'm thinking about sex a lot more, browsing porn a lot more. And also this lingering ache and dullness; not to the point of depression, but definitely emptiness.

I'm all for masturbation. Even when I'm healthy and having sex, it's a great stopgap. But jerking off doesn't really do it. I think the subconscious mind knows the difference. It's job is to MAKE you serve its biological imperative- in this case of procreation- and if it doesn't see/hear/sense a woman nearby, it doesn't really work. Sure, it's better than nothing. But mentally, it doesn't clear your mind and truly focus on other things like sex does.

Only sex does that.

I recommend having sex. Either with a GF, a FWB- invest whatever little time on a site to set that up. Or better yet P4P. I would say at least twice a month. It's a bit of a cost- $400/month. But it's a very worthwhile investment. Even getting a happy ending seems to trick the body - the body can detect a female presence in a variety of ways including smell and factors that go beyond the senses- and my guess is that the neurotransmitters released on orgasm are different than without one.

I realize some will object to this. So be it. Just be mindful not rationalize "doing just fine" when in actuality, it's been too long since the last time to remember the difference in mental/energy state from one scenario to the other. Sex has to be good obviously for there to be a difference.

But jerking off doesn't really do it. I think the subconscious mind knows the difference.

I must respectfully disagee. I think my countless hand jobs over my lifestime while viewing porn have saved me at least $300,000. I'd rather have the money - my subconscious will just have to deal with it.

I have to disagree as well.

Here are the things I know for sure:
- Masturbation can give you an orgasm
- The orgasm gives the same sensory sort of pleasure. (just meaning how the orgasm feels, not what meaning or significance is attached to it in the mind.)
- After the orgasm, prolactin is released, which makes you less horny, makes your boner go away, etc.

Hmmmmmm, with masturbation, it's more common for the desire to continue looking at/watching/listening to whatever it was you were consuming during the time of masturbation to go away.

It's very telling that if you're around a women (for me anyway), after coming, it doesn't take much encouragement for me to go again. Even if I don't, I still want to be around her, as opposed to the masturbation material.

I fully agree that even a handjob from a woman is different - due to her smell/presence/energy (man that last one makes me sound like a hippy).

It's partially what makes my MGTOW woman drought harder, a drought that exists despite me agreeing with the unfortunate truth that we kind of require this biological interaction with a woman to be truly fulfilled. There's not way around it, though, since outside of using P4P and fat ugly chicks, I could be classed as an Incel, so voluntary celibacy it is.

Three weeks? It's been seven years, can you imagine?

Jagrmeister, if you haven't already, I would advocate trying an erotic hypnosis track. You can find some on Youtube, or various places that have audio online to listen to. I tried it, and found that I was walking around with greater levels of oxytocin that I've ever had from a sexual relationship with a woman. It's not for everyone, but the effects can be mindblowing, since it basically accesses the part of your brain that delivers the same chemicals you get from being with a woman.

If you've never tried it, I'd be happy to send some links to tried and true tracks. I won't post them here, as I don't want the post to be spammy ... but it did wonders for me for a while ...

I once had a dear older male friend have me in stitches laughing over the long winded yarn he told about the need for relief. His point, wrapped in much humor, was valid. Pulling your pud by yourself is OK, but it's effect is limited.

Aside all the social gymnastics getting a willing participant, once you've mounted, it is worth the extra benefit. Much more physical effort with the commensurate health benefits.

It is the difference between an oil change and an engine overhaul. The problem men face is even Jiffy lube can screw up an oil change and few shops are reliable for a proper engine overhaul. Meanwhile, the sludge builds.

No amount of cash makes a difference, much as with women today. It can be found, but it takes a lot of shopping around. Yeah, they want your business but the quality of the service is poor and they have been getting away with it for too long.

Happy motoring!

I know the feeling and I went down the P4P route, only to discover P4P can't give me emotional intimacy. An orgasm is not going to fix that need. So I concluded that I better save the money and focus on other things.

I understand how it feels after you just had sex. But I love the feeling of waking up next to a person I really care about much more. And I'm on this forum because I know that's a pipe dream...

Yeah, unfortunately it really is a gigantic lie we've been fed (waking up next to a person that cares about us the same way). It's ironic that a lot of MGTOW who haven't had sons yet are the very ones who would have taught those sons the truth about the world. And yet, it's not us who will have them, it's the White Knight/Blue Pill/Mangina Simps who will perpetuate that lie. (Those ones and people who want to sell movie tickets and books by filling fictional stories with that kind of thing).

Originally Posted by EternalBachelor

I must respectfully disagee. I think my countless hand jobs over my lifestime while viewing porn have saved me at least $300,000. I'd rather have the money - my subconscious will just have to deal with it.

If you feel you have as much drive, confidence, and are as upbeat as you've been or as are others, then by all means, save the money. Few can escape the biological consequences shown over and again by testimony and science however, whatever one might cliam.

The truth is that your mind needs different things at different times of your life. It like craving for carbs one day and then the next day you want some refreshing fruit. Ideally, intimacy and sex is the pinnacle, but given how women are becoming less feminine that is hard to come by.

I wonder if it is just me, so I often ask men that are a decade younger than me in their early 20's. Porn doesn't diminish their sex drive, but shitty females attitude definitely will though. But since most of these young men never experienced intimacy and sex it seems like a foreign concept to them almost. We truly don't know what the long term ramification of this will be, but it definitely will change how we view things in the future.

I always believe that variety is important, which is why I went from not being sure about p4p to now being more open minded toward it. But p4p obviously fills a certain craving and intimacy fills an entirely different void.

With that said, I know men that don't care for intimacy at all while for other men sex can't happen without intimacy. I tend to be in the middle on this as sex is mechanical to me, but sometimes to break it up some level of intimacy is needed to give some meaning behind it.

The same could be said about regular exercise.

"Sex lowers your blood-pressure response to stress for days, according to a small study. For two weeks, 46 volunteers "kept diaries of how often they engaged in penile-vaginal intercourse (PVI), masturbation," or other "partnered sexual activity." Then they were assigned public speaking and measured for stress. Results: Those who had PVI "were least stressed, and their blood pressure returned to normal faster than those who'd only masturbated or had non-coital sex. "

This is borne out by own experience. And many others. This is why I recommend a "regular" when it comes to p4p. You do get an oxytocin release; there is a comfort and rapport and the body doesn't know the difference between a GF and escort. There's no doubt in my mind that confidence goes up and stress goes down with sex -- and it's all biological; it's all science.

If you're the type where it doesn't make a difference more power to you. I do want to assert however if it's been too long for you to make the comparison, you owe it to yourself to do it and see the difference. Never pursue sex because society says "your manhood depends on it". But on the flip side, don't lie to yourself and assert masturbation and sex are the same in defiance of your own personal experiences of the difference between the two.

It is different for me. I don't miss the sex if I have no succes with any women for some weeks/months. My left and right hand take care of that.
What I miss some of the stuff around it. This moment when you can feel how she is craving for you, when her face lights up the moment she sees you, when you can see her heart pumping like crazy... Or the moment when you feel her compled trust and she just lets herself go.
This are moments I really miss sometimes. Although I know this moments never last.

Originally Posted by QuiteHappy

It is different for me. I don't miss the sex if I have no succes with any women for some weeks/months. My left and right hand take care of that.
What I miss some of the stuff around it. This moment when you can feel how she is craving for you, when her face lights up the moment she sees you, when you can see her heart pumping like crazy... Or the moment when you feel her compled trust and she just lets herself go.
This are moments I really miss sometimes. Although I know this moments never last.

Yeah I thought p4p was just a mechanical release but the more I think about it it is more than that compared to masturbation. But that level of intimacy of vulnerability is definitely missing when you are only interested in a mechanical release.

Interestingly enough the porn viewing habits between men and women shows something even more significant. Most men view female pornstars that have average weight/height dimensions aka the average healthy woman and in social settings or somehow the porn scene involves an every day scenario (eg office, home, club, work, etc). Women are the polar opposite in that they view porn with the extreme dominance aspect (apex males) in unorthodox settings as their fantasy. And it is not the every day normal life but the rare circumstances (eg Fifty Shades of Gray) that causes arousal in women when viewing porn.

So yeah for men sex is a mechanical release to a degree, but in porn viewing they like the fantasy of intimacy. For women the intimacy is important, but their fantasy entails a lot of mechanical dominance being asserted over them as well.

It is interesting to think about it and how main stream society has it wrong about what men and women want from sex.

Originally Posted by ForeverGhost

Hmmmmmm, with masturbation, it's more common for the desire to continue looking at/watching/listening to whatever it was you were consuming during the time of masturbation to go away.

It's very telling that if you're around a women (for me anyway), after coming, it doesn't take much encouragement for me to go again. Even if I don't, I still want to be around her, as opposed to the masturbation material.

I fully agree that even a handjob from a woman is different - due to her smell/presence/energy (man that last one makes me sound like a hippy).

It's partially what makes my MGTOW woman drought harder, a drought that exists despite me agreeing with the unfortunate truth that we kind of require this biological interaction with a woman to be truly fulfilled. There's not way around it, though, since outside of using P4P and fat ugly chicks, I could be classed as an Incel, so voluntary celibacy it is.

Three weeks? It's been seven years, can you imagine?

Jagrmeister, if you haven't already, I would advocate trying an erotic hypnosis track. You can find some on Youtube, or various places that have audio online to listen to. I tried it, and found that I was walking around with greater levels of oxytocin that I've ever had from a sexual relationship with a woman. It's not for everyone, but the effects can be mindblowing, since it basically accesses the part of your brain that delivers the same chemicals you get from being with a woman.

If you've never tried it, I'd be happy to send some links to tried and true tracks. I won't post them here, as I don't want the post to be spammy ... but it did wonders for me for a while ...

I appreciate that you had the balls to post something really personal like that. I basically agree with jagr's OP but I also like erotic audio as well. Thought I should post about it since you mentioned it. I find that audio has an intimacy factor which can't really be reached by regular porn. Seems like it feels more ego-validating to me anyway. I like both but I find audio ultimately more satisfying. Problem is there's not much out there in the first place, so the same handful of tracks can get boring after a while.

things like this is why I keep seeking a cure for sexuality itself.... its as good as a disease...

Jerking off is like eating a potato chip when your body wants a salad.

Your body is screaming "I NEED FOOD!"

But instead of giving it something with nutrients, you keep feeding it junk food.

P4P may not be the wholesome salad, but more like having a chili dog.

A salad is like an actual girlfriend, or "the girlfriend experience."

Doing drugs doesn't make you stop thinking about drugs but it can make you an obsessed addict. Sex is a drug, hitting the brain similarly to cocaine. Try not watching porn or ejaculating for a few weeks. The animal lust will start to subside. No wonder monks are the happiest people in the world.

personally... I've gotten to the point where my sexuality (which I still think is toxic) has been held against me so much..
well... I'll put it this way.. if one kind of sexuality has to go... why not just get rid of all of it?? (put simply.. favoring one kind over another is favoritism... and there's NOT going to be any of that on MY watch..)
and as I have said before... why bother with sex if "artsem" has rendered the whole thing functionally obsolete???

If you read my thread on my first adventures on P4P: I put a calender on the fridge and marked the date I'm going back. And this actually stopped me thinking about sex. Because its something to look forward to. Not something elusive out of reach. So instead of thinking from a viewpoint of scarcity, its anticipation now.

I just glance that at that calender a few times, remember how it was last time I did P4P and the urge goes away. It's a cheap mind trick I play on myself but it works for me. So maybe one can't really stop thinking about sex. But you can change how you think about sex and your attitude towards it.

I just read my first post in this thread from a few weeks ago and its like I did a 180 turn.

so... you need sex to stop thinking about sex....
but to get the sex, you need to stop thinking about sex in the first place.. (or you're "only wanting one thing")....
can you say "Catch 22"????