• Where is this relationship going?

    Written by Demosthenes









    For those seeking a relationship, what does that even mean? Relationships are about a journey, not a destination.


    Men want a relationship, but women attach achievement goals and destinations to the relationship early on as if they are on a time table and trying to close a deal. That may not be far from the truth.

    If you've dated and they like you, they are looking for something exclusive.

    Once you're 'boyfriend and girlfriend' and they are comfortable that you're on the hook for exclusivity, then they want to know where this relationship is going after several months. Where does it need to go?

    Gifts may extend the time one has in this zone, but its not a very long time until she is going to want to know, where is 'this' going? What is 'this' and why does it have to go anywhere? What she is saying is she expects 'this' to move along a specified path and you're not moving quickly enough. You're supposed to be committing even more now. Your promise of an exclusive relationship is not enough for her, she wants more. She REQUIRES more.

    So you drop two or three months worth of income on a ring and she feels special and everything is again fine, but it will not be long before things change again. You see, she is now your fiance' and that means HER day is coming. The wedding day will be HER day. Not a day for the COUPLE...you are a means to an end. So, In 3 months to a year and a half, your special lady will plan and plan and define everything about HER wedding, around HER.

    Where is this relationship going? Guys...did you even think a relationship was about going somewhere? Nope, well, she's did and she is going somewhere, and she's even going to do you the favor of taking you there, whether you want to go or not, whether you like it or not. She is going to play games, manipulate you with crying, sex, ultimatums, and every other thing she has to to guide you along the path.

    So HER big day comes and you marry in front of friends and family and sign the contract. Congratulations, you are now subordinate to your wife and the state that legally supports her and whatever she may decide. You are now in a three way relationship you thought was only between you and your 'lovely' lady.

    Married life settles into what everyone's life settles into. A routine, of work, and obligations. For now, you two need a house. You are married and can't be expected to live in an apartment after all. Whether or not she is working, things are likely o.k. financially, unless of course, you've assumed a large amount of her debt by marrying her. Marriage is about sharing after all.

    Notice how she's coming home with way more stuff than you every month? Notice how when you do get stuff, there's an inspection to be sure you should have spent the money on yourself? If not, count yourself lucky, but money is money. There is the joint money and there is her money, but there is no 'your money'. If you are stupid enough to think that you have money, you're selfish and domineering. If you're stupid enough to think she also is not allowed to have just her money, you're controlling and disrespectful. You are the guy, and having your own money would be selfish. Her having her own money is 'empowering and liberating'
    and contributed to her independence as a modern woman.

    If you two did not already plan for a baby, give it two or three years if you are lucky and she will be planning for that little bundle of joy. Here comes the baby. Or babies. Here comes depression over bodily changes. Here comes someone who is going to make you think she is the first person ever in the world to have gotten pregnant and to deal with all the issues pregnancy regularly brings.

    So the baby is on the way and she is feeling good and buying baby things. And House things. And you know that the house you got for the two of you is eventually not going to be big enough for the three (or four, or five) of you. If you're still stuck in an apartment, you better be planning on that house, because you can't raise a proper family in an apartment. Save money for your first, or another home down payment if you can, but its unlikely that can happen. You have to get a mini van too. Now that the little one has come along. We'll trade in your car since she needs hers and she can drive the minivan and will allow you to use her car. You may wonder why the mini van is in her name and yours, but her car is still only in her name. If you want it changed to both of you on both vehicles, well, maybe, but that's so trivial of you. There are more important things going on after all.

    So there's all the baby expenses, and the lack of sleep, and she's dealing with 'so much', and the baby weight makes her feel icky, and having sex again even though the doctor says its o.k. isn't what she wants, and you're working hard, and having to do half at home, and feedings at night, and your managers at work are noticing. Even at home you can't get rest. Its fine if she naps but a nap for you is lazy.

    Where is this relationship going again? So where should a relationship go? Relationships do not have to go anywhere. They are not a destination. They are a journey. The problem is, men don't know the stopping points, or even realize there was ever a final destination planned by his lovely lady.

    Well, your lovely lady does get in the mood again and for a time genuinely may just enjoy the sex, but you see, that baby is now older, and things are still routine. Where's the exciting life and having it all she was promised? You have a lot to live up to mister! Why can't you deliver?! You're not making her happy. You're boring because you try your best to keep the bills paid, but that's not exciting. She wanted children, and wanted to marry, but she's not getting the fulfillment she expected and that is your fault, not hers.

    Either she becomes pregnant (again), or you two fight over another baby and more children come or they don't, but time passes and the little one(s) start school and life is even more routine and she wants to work or doesn't...or both but either way, you've been an obstacle to either goal. Remember that. You just never support her the way way she needs and you don't 'validate her feelings' and 'make her happy'. You did realize that her happiness or lack of it is your fault. You're responsible for your own, and hers. Don't expect her to be accountable for her choices or her happiness. That would be controlling and expecting too much of her, and domineering men like that need to understand how horrible they are for having any expectations for their own happiness in marriage.

    Ever how long it takes now, you're at the point where this relationship is still on a path to somewhere, but guys, trust me, you don't want a relationship that has to go somewhere. Why? Because at this stage, if the relationship can not mature and settle down into acceptance of itself (by her), then the place where this relationship is going is not into continued marital work and effort, but to divorce.

    Yes, if and when she decides this is not what she wanted out of life, she needs no other reason than all the discontent 'you' have heaped upon her poor fragile self to file for divorce and empower herself into a better life. A life without you. She knows this will solve her problems. Her friends even told her so.

    She should get the house because she and the kids need a place to stay. She'll also need the minivan, but the car is in her name so you'll work something out in court, maybe. She's going to be alone now that she can't handle how boring you are so she might need alimony and she definitely needs child support too. Most of the furnishings should stay. You're a man, and would not deprive your child(ren) would you?

    Even if no dirty tricks or false accusations of domestic violence occur, and even if you are the biological father of the children and have not been cheated on and lied into believing another man's children are yours, you're now an outcast from your own family and might get to see your children 4 days a month at most, and that is if you are lucky and she doesn't try to keep you from seeing them whenever possible.

    Now you see where the relationship was going. She had a path, and expectations and she ticked off the major goals on her list right down to the preplanned disappointment in you for ruining her life by being a boring provider who could not make her happy rather than making her feel special, and excited all the time. She never took responsibility for her happiness or feelings, but she has definitely taken you.


    This article was originally published in forum thread: Where is this relationship going? started by Demosthenes View original post
    Comments 17 Comments
    1. Kyojiro Kagenuma's Avatar
      Kyojiro Kagenuma -
      Men should read this.
    1. comedian's Avatar
      comedian -
      The final destination for a relationship or marriage 2.0 is chains. They are forged link by link. The first committal is exclusivity. Now you've got a GF. The next link in the chain is forged by an engagement ring. The next is getting married. Now you're in a threesome, you, her and .gov. And .gov is the alpha male. And there are other links to the chain too.
    1. FapMaster's Avatar
      FapMaster -
      I know an empty thought bubble is more accurate for a woman, but we really need to put a man in chains in her thoughts... or a horse pulling a plow maybe
    1. Phathack's Avatar
      Phathack -
      "She REQUIRES more"

      Well thats nice, I hope she finds its because shes not going to get any more what she alread gets from me.

      NEXT
    1. Cro-Magnon's Avatar
      Cro-Magnon -
      A brilliant description of getting sucked into a horrible predicament. A great example of incrementalism.
    1. Homertoeclipper's Avatar
      Homertoeclipper -
      I'm convinced women don't experience "love", but they "love the way you make them feel" at a certain point in time. Once you stop (in their eyes) making them "feel" good, then it's over.
    1. not_bob's Avatar
      not_bob -
      Met my current Gf about 4 years ago. I made it clear from the beginning that this wasnt an exclusive thing, about 6 months in she came up with the whole "You dont respect me enough" or the classic "I deserve better" - so I stopped talking to her, refused her calls and texts for about a month, she came back sheepishly asking for forgiveness. Being a real man and knowing I am in charge of my relationship I forgave and we got back together. 2 years down the road and she tried it again with a twist, giving the sad story trying to get me to feel bad and take care of her. Once again I showed her the door and told I dont play those kinds of games.

      We are still together but she understands very clearly that I will never marry, that her living in my house (happening this month) is not a free ride to be lazy and she still needs to work and pay her own bills. I demand that she pay rent but I will hold it for her with the express understanding that the rent is her escape money meaning that when the time comes she has enough cash to move out of my house. I told her we might make it 3 years before its time for you to move. Of course all of this just breaks her little girlie heart but as I have explained to her many time - I dont care, I don't allow myself to be manipulated and refuse to allow her to think that this is forever.
    1. BeijaFlor's Avatar
      BeijaFlor -
      Quote Originally Posted by not_bob View Post
      Met my current Gf about 4 years ago. I made it clear from the beginning that this wasnt an exclusive thing, about 6 months in she came up with the whole "You dont respect me enough" or the classic "I deserve better" - so I stopped talking to her, refused her calls and texts for about a month, she came back sheepishly asking for forgiveness. Being a real man and knowing I am in charge of my relationship I forgave and we got back together. 2 years down the road and she tried it again with a twist, giving the sad story trying to get me to feel bad and take care of her. Once again I showed her the door and told I dont play those kinds of games.

      We are still together but she understands very clearly that I will never marry, that her living in my house (happening this month) is not a free ride to be lazy and she still needs to work and pay her own bills. I demand that she pay rent but I will hold it for her with the express understanding that the rent is her escape money meaning that when the time comes she has enough cash to move out of my house. I told her we might make it 3 years before its time for you to move. Of course all of this just breaks her little girlie heart but as I have explained to her many time - I dont care, I don't allow myself to be manipulated and refuse to allow her to think that this is forever.
      I hope you have a vasectomy ... I hope you have a renter's contract ... and I seriously hope you reconsider before you move her in. And, in all honesty, I believe you've manipulated yourself into a situation that could very readily become a trap.

      Since you're brand new here - this being your first post - I will repeat the core advice of Going Your Own Way:

      Don't marry.

      Don't cohabitate.

      Don't impregnate.


      If you go through with allowing her to move in - I wish you good luck, and I'm afraid you'll need it.
    1. RudeDog#25's Avatar
      RudeDog#25 -
      Quote Originally Posted by Kyojiro Kagenuma View Post
      Men should read this.
      What a great short story of an endless hell until you are freed by divorce and can find yourself happier than you have ever known with few possessions and complete freedom. The commitment is bad enough, marriage is truly an institution!
    1. William Noy's Avatar
      William Noy -
      Quote Originally Posted by Phathack View Post
      "She REQUIRES more"

      Well thats nice, I hope she finds its because shes not going to get any more what she alread gets from me.

      NEXT
      You know what? I require more too. I require unwavering loyalty. If you can't give me that, you're not worth the grime on sole of my shoe.
    1. Chukhed's Avatar
      Chukhed -
      7 years into our messy relationship {filled with her bitching, mocking, drinking, and abuse}, she angrily asked, "When are you going to get your shit together and marry me?!?". My reply was, "With that attitude? Never!"
    1. MaxGold's Avatar
      MaxGold -
      Quote Originally Posted by Homertoeclipper View Post
      I'm convinced women don't experience "love", but they "love the way you make them feel" at a certain point in time. Once you stop (in their eyes) making them "feel" good, then it's over.
      I have considered this also. I have wondered if women are actually incapable of loving a man, and then developed my theory for this. It is based in evolution, and since women are the weaker gender, they are easily dominated and taken. And considering humanities history of nearly continual war women would often have to change allegiances when they were 'taken' as spoils of war by the victors. Therefore having strong ties to any man would be detrimental to their ability to survive. In summary, women have needed to be able to change allegiances due to war. These traits served them well during wartime but not during times of peace. Gee, after writing that I am beginning to wonder if I am thinking like a feminist. Maybe I need to give this some more thought.

      But anyway, maybe it's just me being bitter, but I don't think women can love anybody other than themselves and children, women seem incapable of loving a man.
    1. alexross's Avatar
      alexross -
      I know of some buddies that fell into this trap, and you know what they deserve every aching botter second of it. They opened up the cage and let the serpent in to suck them dry out of their resources.
    1. robinovjackman's Avatar
      robinovjackman -
      Agreed
    1. cisskow's Avatar
      cisskow -
      Nice job, for some of us this is well timed info, and clear insight into most of how women plan it.
      For those less fortunet in digesting the whole meaning of this message, soon you will understand, as those of us long in the tooth know,,,the best learned lessons in life are those that hurt and test your best metal and if your lucky you'll see offerings of methods and paths to rebuildable semi peacful future
    1. LastPriory's Avatar
      LastPriory -
      Quote Originally Posted by comedian View Post
      The final destination for a relationship or marriage 2.0 is chains. They are forged link by link. The first committal is exclusivity. Now you've got a GF. The next link in the chain is forged by an engagement ring. The next is getting married. Now you're in a threesome, you, her and .gov. And .gov is the alpha male. And there are other links to the chain too.

      The next generation marriage contract must be optionally renewable, so as to
      reduce the number of links to the chain men and women must drag while working on behalf
      of the state, themselves, while there is no mutual agreement which specifically benefits
      both the individual and the group for which anyone volunteers to serve.

      The year of Jubilee.

      Hallelujah.

      LP
    1. Bullpin's Avatar
      Bullpin -
      Quote Originally Posted by BeijaFlor View Post
      I hope you have a vasectomy ... I hope you have a renter's contract ... and I seriously hope you reconsider before you move her in. And, in all honesty, I believe you've manipulated yourself into a situation that could very readily become a trap. Since you're brand new here - this being your first post - I will repeat the core advice of Going Your Own Way: Don't marry. Don't cohabitate. Don't impregnate. If you go through with allowing her to move in - I wish you good luck, and I'm afraid you'll need it.
      I am new here and this is my first post. I have not dated for many years. It is not what I wanted but it is what I do. I have known a few guys who let their girlfriends move in but with a rental agreement and receipt every month for rent paid. Has anybody come across this situation as to how family court deals with this? Does the rental agreement and rent paid protect a man when their are no children involved?
  • Sign-up for "Red"!

  • Recent Forum Posts

    mgtower

    Re: The Killing Fields and Climate Change Greta ...

    Life is great when your biggest indecision is weather or not to make Baa Baa meatballs, or Bambi Habenero sausage? You can bet they're going on my custom

    mgtower Yesterday, 11:17 PM Go to last post
    Knarley Bob

    Re: The Killing Fields and Climate Change Greta ...

    I do hope that you get to enjoy your goat first.....

    Knarley Bob Yesterday, 10:03 PM Go to last post
    Prophet of Truth

    Re: Intro requirements

    Yeah, I agree with frog. Some of them are genuine, they do need a space to air their problems. How of many us here are anonymous? Feminists can go parading

    Prophet of Truth Yesterday, 8:18 PM Go to last post
    mgtower

    Re: The Killing Fields and Climate Change Greta ...

    Climate change and the whole CO2 thing is bullshit! I don't see any of my fires starving for oxygen! And I'm sure as shit not turning blue! I'll be worried

    mgtower Yesterday, 7:25 PM Go to last post
    mgtower

    Re: I Found A Unicorn.

    Just saying, be careful what you wish for!

    mgtower Yesterday, 7:10 PM Go to last post