Misconception #1. "MGTOWs are bitter that they’ve never had sex."
Most men become MGTOWs after a marriage or a set of relationships. Which means they’ve had sex. But those men become MGTOW because they experience the hollow promise that are today’s relationships with women. Society (and women) sold the idea of a girlfriend or spouse as an asset but after nagging, histrionics, outlandish expectations, and ever-increasing entitlement, they found women to be more of a liability (despite the sex). If you visit the primary MGTOW forums: Happy Bachelor, Going Your Own Way, or MGTOWHQ, you’ll observe that most fall into this camp.
Misconception #2. "Whatever their past life, once a man goes MGTOW, then he abstains."
Generally, MGTOWs avoid one-itis LTRs that are a conveyor belt towards marriage and few MGTOWs get married AFTER taking the red pill. The sexual activity of MGTOWs, however, varies widely. On the main MGTOW forums, some have GFs, some date casually, some are into game, others are even married.
A main observation of MGTOW is that women are overrated. They have always been overrated by society to encourage men to marry and pump out more workslaves. But now the delta between a woman’s actual value and perceived value has taken on comical proportions as female waistlines bulge and they adopt undesirable masculine qualities. This overvaluing of women happens amongst men as well; in that men will judge one another’s value on his ability to court women. It may have been more so in the past that a “quality” man was sought after by women, and so female interest had a true correlation with the actual value of a man. Feminist relaxing of social constraints on female mate selection criteria changes that. There are a lot of decent men on the sidelines and a lot of guys with questionable track records getting plenty of female attention.
But either way, to be a “man” in yesteryear was to “win a woman over” for marriage and today it means gaming a chick into bed. Wheras in the past, being a “Real Man” meant marrying a woman (translation: the man is “good enough” for a woman), today the “Real Man” is measured by his ‘notch count’ and prioritizing the pursuit (translation: man is “good enough” for a woman). The more things change, the more they stay the same. In either case, a man’s value as judged by himself, his peers, and society at large is predicated on his ability to meet a woman’s requirements. MGTOW is calling bullshit on that.
MGTOWs may date or not, but ultimately the importance of “success with women” is lower in their worldview.
Misconception #3. "MGTOWs are not focused on self-betterment; they have given up."
The key point here is that MGTOWs distinguish between Sexual Market Value (SMV) and Actual Value (AV). To define terms, Actual Value is having traits that make for a good person leading a meaningful life; actual ability, actual traits of good character. Let's start with the most basic- character: a fundamentally decent human being. Honest. Trustworthy. Strong. Resilient. Resourceful. These are traits of someone who is a good friend, a good worker, a good person all around to know. Then there are abilities- someone who is intelligent, has practical skills, a sense of humor. Finally, there are what he does- activities, interests, his job. SMV for us are male traits that women find attractive. Now naturally there may be some overlap between the two. But the general sentiment is that today, SMV and AV may be more misaligned than ever. Today, a guy like Kevin Federline is preferred to a guy with Actual Value. Whereas having a full sleeve tattoo may not put you in great position for the corner office, it can help your SMV. There are more examples, but decades ago, having an upstanding character and solid career prospects was more likely to garner female interest than in an era when women are largely in the workforce themselves and where feminism has unrestrained female hypergamy (which was always there) and leads women to unintentionally prioritize qualities in men that would have aided her survival in a pre-civilization era.
MGTOWs separate themselves entirely from the paradigm that a man’s value is related to his ‘success’ with women. MGTOWs focus on life itself and discuss interests such as boxing, boating, lifting, surfing, cars, books, video games, real estate, as well as standard things men talk about like careers and travel. They see self-betterment in two dimensions: improving Actual Value, and enjoying life. Since some MGTOWs are interested in dating, there is talk of what one can do to improve SMV, but that is just part of the discussion.
On “giving up”, many MGTOWs simply don’t find pursuit of women to be all that it’s hyped up to be. Some men don’t mind shit test after shit test and the standard fare of “maintaining” a woman today. Some do. Life is all about investment and return; and that influences how we spend our time. MGTOWs observe that given the nature of women and the trajectory we’re on, greater investment is needed for much lower return. And the cost of even maintaining an investment or portfolio comes at the expense of doing the things one enjoys. Thats why many MGTOWs who’ve come out of relationships aren’t champing at the bit to get back into one.
Misconception #4. "MGTOWs are hermits who are basement-dwellers and shun all social interaction."
“Ghosts” are a subset of MGTOWs who seek to minimize social interaction. But they are only a segment of MGTOW in general. Many MGOTWs are pursuing an active, social life (and have more time to do so).
One reason people believe that MGTOWs avoid society is the “4 Levels of MGTOW” cited on MGTOW.com (and which is also cited on Red Pill’s 2014 direction). These levels include:
Level 1: Situational awareness
Level 2: Rejection of long-term relationships
Level 3: Rejection of short-term relationships
Level 4: Economic disengagement
In reality, suffice to say, many MGTOWs don’t go onto Stage 3 (“Rejection of short-term relationships”), and even fewer go on to Stage 4 (“Economic disengagement”).
There is no central mouthpiece of MGTOW and everyone is free to articulate their philosophies. My view is that MGTOWs lead full lives absent the pressure related to relationships or “success with women” which they see as an over-hyped social imposition. On the forums, you’ll encounter oil company executives, blue-collar workers, musicians -- a wide variety.
Misconception #5. "MGTOWs are angry."
Men enter into MGTOW awareness at different stages. Some do so right after divorce. Given the nature of family courts and their biases, who could blame those men for being angry afterwards? Like with other disappointments, people go through phases of dealing with this one- the false promise often encountered with LTRs and marriage. There is typically: surprise, anger, discontent (with society and double standards), acceptance and then enjoying a red-pill lifestyle absent the need to “man up” and find a soulmate/get married.
Some say MGTOWs express this anger by “complaining” about women. I see it as explaining the nature of women. Because MGTOWs are not blinded by their need to court women, they can often be objective about female dynamics, faulty logic, and irrational nature. As Bill Burr says, “Women are constantly patting themselves on the back for how difficult their lives are and no one corrects them because they want to fuck ‘em.” [I]MGTOWs don’t have this problem and often can be effective on calling women on their BS rather than justify female behavior for any number of reasons.When a man is actively courting women, he is often forced to justify warped female behavior since critiquing it doesn’t aid in his pursuit. It is simpler to characterize it as justifiable behavior (ie: “women can’t be faulted for being women”) rather than acknowledge that certain female behavior has gotten worse, not due to biology but a more hospitable culture to female nonsense in general.
Final thoughts:
Red Pill is a starting point. From the Red Pill, based on our values and preferences, we can go in different directions. Blue pill society has rigged the game against men; and the red pill is about finding the right countermeasures to live life and enjoy it.
The history of the manosphere has been that our sense of pride in validating our own life choice’s have often led us to cut down other men not following the same exact path. It explains the constant one-upmanship that’s taken place in the manosphere. We may not agree with each other’s approach, but hopefully we’ll acknowledge the validity of differing approaches (and the reality of overlap between the different approaches as opposed to their being discrete ‘movements’). To each, his own.
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