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Thread: Joke Time

  1. #161
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    The two most important days in your life are the day you were born and the day you find out why. - Mark Twain

    The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation.
    - Henry David Thoreau

    There are 10 types of people in the world - those who understand binary, and those who don't.

    Suitable for bookmarking: www.fakehatecrimes.org and www.breitbart.com/tag/hate-crime-hoax and register-her.net

  2. #162
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    Re: Joke Time

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    Junior Member Right Hand Wolf's Avatar
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    Re: Joke Time

    One Saturday morning, a man was in the garage, trying to figure out why the lawnmower would start, run for a only few seconds at a time, and then sputter to a stop. He had unbolted the fuel tank and was removing the carburetor when his daughter walked in.

    "Daddy, I think something's wrong with Ginger. She's acting funny and keeps trying to run out through the gate."

    So the dad calls the dog over and notices that Ginger seems to be in heat. Dad takes a gasoline soaked rag and wipes down Ginger's hind legs to mask the smell, and then tells his daughter to let mommy know he had to go buy some parts to finish fixing the lawnmower.

    A couple of hours later, the daughter barges into the kitchen and her mother asks what's wrong.

    "Mommy, I think Ginger ran out of gas! The neighbor's dog is pushing her up the driveway!"

  4. #164
    Senior Member Mantis Shrimp's Avatar
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    Re: Joke Time









    "Let the future tell the truth, and evaluate each one according to his work and accomplishments. The present is theirs; the future, for which I have really worked, is mine." -Nikola Tesla

    A man without a woman is like a fish without a hook.

    True facts about the mantis shrimp.

  5. #165
    Senior Member Mantis Shrimp's Avatar
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    Re: Joke Time









    "Let the future tell the truth, and evaluate each one according to his work and accomplishments. The present is theirs; the future, for which I have really worked, is mine." -Nikola Tesla

    A man without a woman is like a fish without a hook.

    True facts about the mantis shrimp.

  6. #166
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    Re: Joke Time

    A son comes back from school and asks his father "Dad, what does gay mean?"

    Father: "It means happy, joyful"
    Son: "Are you gay, dad?"
    Father: "No son, I have a wife."

  7. #167
    Senior Member Eiji's Avatar
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    Re: Joke Time

    something from a random episode of the Muppet Show.....

    Waldorf: What was that??
    Statler: Its called the medium sketch.
    Waldorf: The "medium sketch"??
    Statler: yeah, it wasn't rare and it certainly wasn't well done...
    *both laugh*
    Last edited by Eiji; March 28, 2018 at 9:02 PM.
    "I live in freedom, under my own flag." - Captain Harlock

    "Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic." - Arthur C Clarke

    "Who's the more foolish? The Fool? Or the Fool who follows him?" - Obi-wan "Ben" Kenobi

    "In servitutem redigi non recuso" - Latin (translates to "I refuse to be dominated.")

  8. #168
    Senior Member Eiji's Avatar
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    Re: Joke Time

    here's another that might be remotely funny if it wasn't true.....
    Q: whats the difference between a psychologist and a psychiatrist?
    A: about 40 dollars an hour
    "I live in freedom, under my own flag." - Captain Harlock

    "Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic." - Arthur C Clarke

    "Who's the more foolish? The Fool? Or the Fool who follows him?" - Obi-wan "Ben" Kenobi

    "In servitutem redigi non recuso" - Latin (translates to "I refuse to be dominated.")

  9. #169
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    Re: Joke Time

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  10. #170
    Senior Member Eiji's Avatar
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    Re: Joke Time

    Quote Originally Posted by LastPriory View Post
    pheh.. a woman tries that on me, she'll find mine has a "detour" sign on it... and on that, I am NOT joking...

    (come to think of it... "meatatarian" sounds so much more dignified than "carnivore"...)
    Last edited by Eiji; June 14, 2018 at 8:21 PM.
    "I live in freedom, under my own flag." - Captain Harlock

    "Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic." - Arthur C Clarke

    "Who's the more foolish? The Fool? Or the Fool who follows him?" - Obi-wan "Ben" Kenobi

    "In servitutem redigi non recuso" - Latin (translates to "I refuse to be dominated.")

  11. #171
    Senior Member Eiji's Avatar
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    Re: Joke Time

    here's another one from that "You cant do that on Television" show... locker jokes again... (the theme for that one episode was the military)
    boy: My dad is trying to stop the draft..
    girl: but there hasn't been a draft in years...
    boy: are you kidding? My dad has gone thru five miles of weatherstripping, and our house is as cold as ever...
    "I live in freedom, under my own flag." - Captain Harlock

    "Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic." - Arthur C Clarke

    "Who's the more foolish? The Fool? Or the Fool who follows him?" - Obi-wan "Ben" Kenobi

    "In servitutem redigi non recuso" - Latin (translates to "I refuse to be dominated.")

  12. #172

    Re: Joke Time

    Women's rights.
    In the future there will be robots.

  13. #173
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    Re: Joke Time

    It Snowed Last Night..

    8:00 am: I made a snowman.
    8:10 - A feminist passed by and asked me why I didn't make a snow woman.
    8:15 - So, I made a snow woman.
    8:17 - My feminist neighbor complained about the snow woman's voluptuous chest saying it objectified snow women everywhere.
    8:20 - The gay couple living nearby threw a hissy fit and moaned it could have been two snow men instead.
    8:22 - The transgender man..women...person asked why I didn't just make one snow person with detachable parts.
    8:25 - The vegans at the end of the lane complained about the carrot nose, as veggies are food and not to decorate snow figures with.
    8:28 - I was being called a racist because the snow couple is white.
    8:31 - The middle eastern gent across the road demanded the snow woman be covered up .
    8:40 - The Police arrived saying someone had been offended.
    8:42 - The feminist neighbor complained again that the broomstick of the snow woman needed to be removed because it depicted women in a domestic role.
    8:43 - The council equality officer arrived and threatened me with eviction.
    8:45 - TV news crew from ABC showed up. I was asked if I know the difference between snowmen and snow-women? I replied "Snowballs" and am now called a sexist.
    9:00 - I was on the News as a suspected terrorist, racist, homophobe sensibility offender, bent on stirring up trouble during difficult weather.
    9:10 - I was asked if I have any accomplices. My children were taken by social services.
    9:29 - Far left protesters offended by everything marched down the street demanding for me to be arrested.

    Moral:

    There is no moral to this story. It is what we have become, all because of snowflakes.
    The two most important days in your life are the day you were born and the day you find out why. - Mark Twain

    The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation.
    - Henry David Thoreau

    There are 10 types of people in the world - those who understand binary, and those who don't.

    Suitable for bookmarking: www.fakehatecrimes.org and www.breitbart.com/tag/hate-crime-hoax and register-her.net

  14. #174
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    Re: Joke Time

    Attached Images Attached Images
    The two most important days in your life are the day you were born and the day you find out why. - Mark Twain

    The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation.
    - Henry David Thoreau

    There are 10 types of people in the world - those who understand binary, and those who don't.

    Suitable for bookmarking: www.fakehatecrimes.org and www.breitbart.com/tag/hate-crime-hoax and register-her.net

  15. #175
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    Re: Joke Time

    Attached Images Attached Images
    The two most important days in your life are the day you were born and the day you find out why. - Mark Twain

    The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation.
    - Henry David Thoreau

    There are 10 types of people in the world - those who understand binary, and those who don't.

    Suitable for bookmarking: www.fakehatecrimes.org and www.breitbart.com/tag/hate-crime-hoax and register-her.net

  16. #176
    Senior Member Eiji's Avatar
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    Re: Joke Time

    what does an amoeba use to call for a pizza?
    a "cell" phone...
    "I live in freedom, under my own flag." - Captain Harlock

    "Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic." - Arthur C Clarke

    "Who's the more foolish? The Fool? Or the Fool who follows him?" - Obi-wan "Ben" Kenobi

    "In servitutem redigi non recuso" - Latin (translates to "I refuse to be dominated.")

  17. #177

    LOL pic of the day

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  18. #178
    Senior Member Hoppes#9's Avatar
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    Re: Joke Time

    My Ex asked me to take her somewhere she had never been.......I showed her the damn kitchen!

  19. #179
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    Re: Joke Time

    I stole this one, but it's kind of funny.

    An Air Force Colonel flying through Iceland found he was running late, and was talking to the enlisted puke that was slowing him down. After a few minutes the man had a question for the officer. Colonel, I'm an Airman, I got no rank. I'm stationed in Iceland and I'm pumping shit out of your airplane. What are you going to do to me to make it worse?
    Every day I make the world a little bit worse.

  20. #180
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    Re: Joke Time

    A ten-year-old boy walks into a drugstore, picks up a box of tampons, and takes them to the checkout.

    "Son, what the heck are you going to do with these?"

    "It says on the box if you use them, you can play tennis and swim and ride a bicycle, and my little brother can't do any of those."


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