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Thread: BPD

  1. #1
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    BPD

    Looking for some advice. A buddy of mine is going through a divorce from a BPD nightmare. Iíve never seen anything like it. Sure, she was an insufferable, imperious bitch before. Now sheís a demon-gone-nuclear. If it werenít for his kids he said heíd commit suicide. If anyone can offer insight and support Iíll try to get him on this board, or at least read it. Iíve seen this train wreck unfold. But obviously only he could tell the whole story. Personally, my takeaway would beÖdonít get married when youíre twenty-three fucking years old. No matter how much sex she offers or how much money her daddyís got.

  2. #2
    Senior Member BeijaFlor's Avatar
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    Re: BPD

    If you've been reading this board, especially New Member Intros, you've probably seen a lot of similar horror-stories from our members. I haven't been there myself -- never married, no children, never even shacked-up -- but God help your buddy.

    You might also have him check out Dr. Tara Palmatier's A Shrink For Men website.
    "The Red Pill is the start of the journey, not the end." - Chairborne

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    Re: BPD

    Quote Originally Posted by BeijaFlor View Post
    If you've been reading this board, especially New Member Intros, you've probably seen a lot of similar horror-stories from our members. I haven't been there myself -- never married, no children, never even shacked-up -- but God help your buddy.

    You might also have him check out Dr. Tara Palmatier's A Shrink For Men website.
    I hear ya bro. Poverty and celibacy look better than ever.

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    Re: BPD

    Couldn't quote you chapter and verse, but far as I know, they can't be fixed. Too bad the kid's are going to tie your friend to his ex till their grown. She will no doubt make him pay dearly.

    Bat shit crazy's what us non professional's call it. I had a run in with one once. Tore me a new ass, she did. It's real easy fall for their charm's. trouble is it's all an act, they can look like anyone they want.

    All your pal can do is have as little to do with her as possible. She'll never get better. There's another forum that must have 800 pages on this topic. I feel bad for your friend. Try and make him realize nothing he did or didn't do made a bit of difference. He was screwed from the start.

    Took me a long time to get better, and I didn't have kid's.
    Every day I make the world a little bit worse.

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    Senior Member Nuggets's Avatar
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    Re: BPD

    I hope your friend can get some semblance of peace soon. Please keep trying to get him on the board, that's what we're here for - he shouldn't be trying to get through it alone.

    I can't relate to the divorce or marriage, but my last LTR definitely had multiple undiagnosed disorders, and that soul-draining relationship permanently fucked me up. The wall will not treat her kindly, and she's too dysfunctional to have a healthy relationship with a man, so I just pray to god that I never hear from her again.

    Divorce court is not good for men, but maybe there's a way to demonstrate how unfit she is for parenting. He should gather as much evidence against her as humanly possible.
    "The hours of folly are measured by the clock; but of wisdom, no clock can measure" - William Blake

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    Senior Member Victor's Avatar
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    Re: BPD

    If he's down enough that he would commit suicide if it weren't for his kids, then my advice is to try to help him with that -- because you can't help him with her. Remind him of enjoyable things that you have done together before, places you have been, and get himi focused on being able to do those things again afterwards, without her. God bless, you're a good friend.
    Pain is unavoidable. Suffering is optional.

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    Re: BPD

    I tend to view these people like drunks. A fun ride, but their going to crash and drag you down too. It's to late when you find out, because by then you've got drunk and screwed, thus insuring another generation.

    What make's bat shit crazy women dangerous, is their ability to appear as a snowflake. Not just your snowflake, anybody's snowflake. Sound's crazy, but they can. A blue pill guy's toast from the start. They might be nut's, and turn into awful people. But before that happen's, her and some guy are going to start another generation of crazy.
    Every day I make the world a little bit worse.

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    Re: BPD

    Thanks for the replies. It's appreciated. Looking back I can now see her MO. She found a quiet, decent, nice guy. Someone laid-back, who got along with everyone. Then dug her claws into him. Like she had some uncontrollable instinct to poison his soul. Chilling.

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    Senior Member Malinois's Avatar
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    Re: BPD

    I've been your friend, but began raising her spawn and almost made a few of my own...

    What he needs is to just keep a safe distance so he can coordinate and execute a flawless exit strategy...Maybe he can work some OT or pick up something part-time...

    He needs you. You see the shit that most likely everyone else doesn't because he has to act accordingly and walk on eggshells...Convince him not to be too hasty if he's not ready for extreme fallout...

    One of his major battles is with himself in his own head. These cunts are MASTERS at mind games that can get him into a Stockholm Syndrome and/or PTSD...

    He needs to be able to breathe, right now he's probably jumping through her hoops, since she KNOWS that she owns him...

    Get him to consult a divorce attorney, a female one that specializes in crazy bitches...He might even need to record conversations or video if she's getting violent/suicidal behind closed doors...

    The fucking head games these bitches play are extreme...I like your description of his soul getting sucked away-CUZ THATS WHAT IT IS!

    He needs to get the ball in HIS court ASAP! Some guys have luck using Game on their BPD...But, he has to be able to understand that he can't help her with her mental problems...He has to hit eject in his heart even while getting his his ducks in a row for a clean break...AND, she can't catch wind of his plans so he has to play his cards VERY carefully...It's not an easy road...

    You might have to mourn the loss of your friend. Some guys don't make it and most don't even realize they can...

    Have a place for him to crash, give him a spare key...Things will get worse before they get better...

    He's gonna need a good friend...

    I just went through similar with a friend of mine...I talked him out of eating a bullet on the grounds that his boys will always be his boys...Ten years, 30 years from now, they will be there and the pain and fear he's feeling, will fade away over time...

    Let him know what Hoovering means in the BPD community and how to notices it...

    Good luck...

  10. #10
    Moderator Thomas Covenant's Avatar
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    Re: BPD

    I hear ya bro. Poverty and celibacy look better than ever.
    If you're celibate, poverty is not very likely!

    How much of a man's expenditure can be linked to a woman in some way? Most of it, I would say.
    I work in financial planning. I am interested in metal (all kinds), miniature painting and PC gaming. I live in Scotland.

  11. #11
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    Re: BPD

    Quote Originally Posted by Malinois View Post
    I've been your friend, but began raising her spawn and almost made a few of my own...

    What he needs is to just keep a safe distance so he can coordinate and execute a flawless exit strategy...Maybe he can work some OT or pick up something part-time...

    He needs you. You see the shit that most likely everyone else doesn't because he has to act accordingly and walk on eggshells...Convince him not to be too hasty if he's not ready for extreme fallout...

    One of his major battles is with himself in his own head. These cunts are MASTERS at mind games that can get him into a Stockholm Syndrome and/or PTSD...

    He needs to be able to breathe, right now he's probably jumping through her hoops, since she KNOWS that she owns him...

    Get him to consult a divorce attorney, a female one that specializes in crazy bitches...He might even need to record conversations or video if she's getting violent/suicidal behind closed doors...

    The fucking head games these bitches play are extreme...I like your description of his soul getting sucked away-CUZ THATS WHAT IT IS!

    He needs to get the ball in HIS court ASAP! Some guys have luck using Game on their BPD...But, he has to be able to understand that he can't help her with her mental problems...He has to hit eject in his heart even while getting his his ducks in a row for a clean break...AND, she can't catch wind of his plans so he has to play his cards VERY carefully...It's not an easy road...

    You might have to mourn the loss of your friend. Some guys don't make it and most don't even realize they can...

    Have a place for him to crash, give him a spare key...Things will get worse before they get better...

    He's gonna need a good friend...

    I just went through similar with a friend of mine...I talked him out of eating a bullet on the grounds that his boys will always be his boys...Ten years, 30 years from now, they will be there and the pain and fear he's feeling, will fade away over time...

    Let him know what Hoovering means in the BPD community and how to notices it...

    Good luck...
    Wow. That is some profound insight. Sorry for what you've been through. We've been trying to help him with a grand strategy. But (mercifully) none of us have been through this before. The one thing I can think of is that her parents are furious with her for ripping apart her family and certainly won't be bankrolling a long drawn-out divorce. And she (nor he) definitely cannot afford one either. If only someone could strike fear into that monster's heart. I think that's the only emotion she would understand. I probably shouldn't say too much. But this girl is from a stable, intact family. And a large extended family who welcomed him into the fold. As incredible as it sounds now, when he got married I sort of envied him. But I suppose you have to judge people as individuals first.

  12. #12
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    Re: BPD

    Quote Originally Posted by Thomas Covenant View Post
    If you're celibate, poverty is not very likely!

    How much of a man's expenditure can be linked to a woman in some way? Most of it, I would say.
    You're absolutely right. No excuses. I need to get my ass in gear.

  13. #13
    Senior Member Insidious_Sid's Avatar
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    Re: BPD

    Tell him to use female nature to his advantage and hire a viper of a female divorce lawyer.
    - Feminism is Cancer.
    - Where have all the good men gone? Away. Far far away... from you.
    - NAWALT? Maybe, but EWALT means Russian Roulette is a much safer bet...

  14. #14
    Senior Member Azure Nomad's Avatar
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    Re: BPD

    Basically he needs to have a plan A, B, C, D, E, etc. But the first step is that he has a clear mind that he has to leave such a situation. Without that clarity of mind, you can't execute an exit plan and the divorce lawyer will say the same thing as well.

    If he is in a state where recording is allowed he must do this.

    Tell him to use a journal to document certain conflicts on a daily basis. Also tell him to make this journal in ink and if he makes a mistake writing simply put one line through the word but leave it without using white-out. The court will recognize the authenticity of a journal done in ink most of the time.

    Make sure that he has female family members coming over to baby sit his kids or a female friend periodically to have a third party at the home as much as possible. This should be documented as well in the journal with times and dates in ink.

    Definitely hire a female divorce lawyer.

    He has to have a get out of dodge stash of money in case he has to crash at a hotel or friends house and have some spare clothes in a bag with other basic necessities. If you can offer him a place to stay and a key that would help.

    If he has to take the kids with him without the wife he has to go to public places like the mall. Document this in the journal (with ink) and tell him to take lots of pictures showing the state and condition of the children. Most pictures have time stamps. Make sure to quickly upload those photos to the web in case his phone is destroyed or confiscated by police.

    He has to resist physical contact with his wife. Any physical contact will brings in the boys in blue at the discretion of the BPD wife.

    Verbally arguing with a BPD is a losing battle and when this starts, he should leave immediately. If he has his get out of doge bag it should be ready to go.

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    Re: BPD

    Thanks for sharing


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