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  1. #1

    You have so much to offer...

    Ever hear this one?

    "You have so much to offer..."

    When people say this, I want to say. I don't think you said what you think you just said. I don't say that, but by the end of a longer conversation (on one occurs), they get the meaning of that statement even if I never said it in those words.

    Post divorce, I've been and get asked; 'don't you want to find the one'?
    My usual response: I already had my 'the one'. Do I get a second?

    'But don't you want to find your soul mate?' is usually the next question.
    This is where I look at them with an expression that says "seriously"?...and then I say the actual word for emphasis and clarity.

    The unspoken truth of things is that far from being confused, people understand exactly what you mean. What they do not understand is why you said it. When I do this, I fail. Yes, you read that right. I fail. I fail to validate their comfortable ideas about how to live one's life. Why do they get mad? I don't lie to them and make them feel accepted and safe for their adherence to the standard life script. I've just made them question themselves far more even as they are asking questions of me.

    Some will argue though. They'll start out sweet and sincere, usually. If they tell you you have 'so much to offer' - read that as, you have resources and obvious potential to be a tool/utility/support mechanism to them/some woman. Invariably, the only things I hear about that a woman has to offer me (where marriage and commitment are concerned) are 'comfort', someone to be with/someone with whom to avoid being lonely, and intimacy/sex. Little else is ever mentioned. On occasion, boobs are also mentioned...

    She has to bring herself in other words. They prefer to pretend that men don't bring similar things to the table and that somehow, their companionship is worth more to me than mine is to them. Well if that's the case, shove off now. I don't need you.

    These people do not realize how hollow and empty they sound as they describe the benefit to my life (of themselves or the woman of which they speak):

    "Oh, we/you two would be great together. I/She'd love the fact you already have a home to 'start out in'.
    --(I'm in the house I will retire in as far as I am concerned).

    "Oh, you'll be going out so much more if you're with me/her. I/She'll make you want to get out of the house!"
    --(I BET! And even if I don't want to leave my home, we all know a domestic violence charge or divorce will alter that)

    "Oh, your car may not have that many miles on it and yes, it's in great condition, but I/she'll see to it that you don't fall out of fashion. See, that's something else I/she can do for you. I/She won't let you fall behind the times.
    --(My car is nearly 8 years old, paid off and very low mileage, but with this new 'great woman' she'll never let me drive an old car and not be 'in fashion'. I have no desire to keep up with the Jones', or anyone else she envies)

    Even if they (now) understand their foolishness in talking about 'the one' or 'another soul mate', they still spout these things without even realizing what they are saying.

    If all else fails, and there is also a child involved (i.e. a single mother or someone trying to set her up), they will even go so far as to tell you what you have to offer to a child (as a father/father figure). They think they are appealing to your innate desire for family, fellowship and Disney happy endings - along with your personal honor and duty, etc. My response is "I don't want another family. I already had one. I'm not interested in another one. If they push me, and I don;t want to share more, I'll let them know they crossed a line. If I do share, they will still understand that they just crossed a very sacred line. This is usually the point at which they are willing to give up. Further pursuit of anything following this usually means you're dealing with someone who wants to help fix what they perceive is broken, never understanding that this (a broken family) is something they can not begin to understand or repair.

    They use the phrase 'you have so much to offer' as if it has something to do with your basic value as a human being. That is the meaning they want you (as a man) to attach to those words. It may even be the meaning they believe they are attaching to those words (at the time). The actual meaning of the words 'you have so much to offer' (when said to a man) is one of utility and financial support.

    Whenever I hear the words "You have so much to offer", what I actually hear is "You would make a good slave."
    Last edited by Demosthenes; March 16, 2014 at 3:51 PM.

  2. #2
    Moderator Chairborne's Avatar
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    Re: You have so much to offer...

    Intriguing - I haven't heard that line "you have so much to offer" in relation to women yet. I've only been going my own way a short while, and I haven't announced anything - most friends and family assume I'm just taking a little break before I volunteer for another turn as a beta-provider.

    But I have heard it before regarding my decision not to have kids. I've known I never wanted 'em, since I first hit puberty. People told me I could make such a great father, that I "have so much to offer" a child. Thing is, I know they're wrong - I'm too lazy and selfish. Maybe that would be a good response to that same question asked about a woman? People want to label men who refuse to provide for a woman as "selfish" - what would be the ramification of just owning the title of selfish and brandishing it proudly?

    I've gotten people to drop the "you should have kids" issue by informing them what a negligent father I'd become. I don't care if they judge me for that, but it sure stops them dead in their tracks and ends the conversation decisively.
    Who's Chairborne? Office worker & Army Reservist, into electronic music, drummer in a jam band, table-top RPGs, bicycling, X-country skiing, biathlon & marksmanship, TV-free for 15 years.

  3. #3

    Re: You have so much to offer...

    "You have so much to offer..."
    Yes, yes I do. My value as a partner and mate is not the problem though.

  4. #4
    Senior Member jso's Avatar
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    Re: You have so much to offer...

    I refuse to offer without getting something of value in return.

  5. #5
    Senior Member Grenade001's Avatar
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    Re: You have so much to offer...

    Quote Originally Posted by Chairborne View Post
    Intriguing - I haven't heard that line "you have so much to offer" in relation to women yet. I've only been going my own way a short while, and I haven't announced anything - most friends and family assume I'm just taking a little break before I volunteer for another turn as a beta-provider.

    But I have heard it before regarding my decision not to have kids. I've known I never wanted 'em, since I first hit puberty. People told me I could make such a great father, that I "have so much to offer" a child. Thing is, I know they're wrong - I'm too lazy and selfish. Maybe that would be a good response to that same question asked about a woman? People want to label men who refuse to provide for a woman as "selfish" - what would be the ramification of just owning the title of selfish and brandishing it proudly?

    I've gotten people to drop the "you should have kids" issue by informing them what a negligent father I'd become. I don't care if they judge me for that, but it sure stops them dead in their tracks and ends the conversation decisively.
    At least few of you guys here get asked constantly by family and friends why you aren't married yet and why you haven't had kids yet, AT AGE 21 (you have no idea how annoying this can be). I usually outline how I am a University student and I haven't got the time.

    While I make decent coin from night work, I would have to par back my lifestyle in order to buy a house and still have a decent savings rate. One would need to have a bloody lot to offer just to even get some half decent woman nowadays. Personally the cost to benefits ratio doesn't cut it for me and even if there was a nice girl out there, she wouldn't be in my city or even in the country.

  6. #6

    Re: You have so much to offer...

    At least few of you guys here get asked constantly by family and friends why you aren't married yet and why you haven't had kids yet, AT AGE 21 (you have no idea how annoying this can be).
    It gets vastly more annoying when you pass 30 because they try so much harder.

  7. #7
    Senior Member Northman's Avatar
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    Re: You have so much to offer...

    I refuse to offer without getting something of value in return.
    Funny how when i was trying climb myself outta the big hole she dug for me.A lot of woman treated me like something they were trying to scrape of their shoe.Years later i am doing quite well.And those same gals come sniffing around.Ha Ha Fuck you !
    It's understandable on their part,they want money.I was so far in debt i had to look up to see zero.Just gals being gals.

    Well lets see some examples from seperate special little snowflakes.

    1. She pays for credit cards with credit cards
    2. She bitches cause the apartment manager said he would start proceedings if she keeped paying her rent late.
    3. She can fit her big ass in 200 dollar jeans but not keep her vehicle running.
    4. She bitches about lending her car and being in debt because of her do nothing family members.
    Etc.Etc.These are all gals i know from my travels or friends of friends. The sad part is they will find somebody to take it all on if they can climb on top of her once in awhile.

    Stay strong my friends.Woman are dream killers,they require more financial support than anything you'll ever wanna do.Did you read that young bucks?well read it again.You have dreams,wishes,wants( i hope ) well hook up with princess and watch them all blow away like dead leaves in a cold breeze.Pump and dump.Cash and carry.Whatever gets you by.Careful with the porn it can really mess some people up.You better be using birth control(condoms).YES! every single time.If you use the pull out method (just say no)while she is walking away with your unborn babys all over her,you take her hand and into the shower you go.it makes it all romantic and shit.

    Remember you are number one nobody can make you happy except you.Don't trade it all in for someplace to occasionaly keep your dick warm.Lease,rent never buy it's a highly over valued market.

    And before i climb down from my box.The single mom part.
    You will only be a provider you will never be there father.it may take a few years,but things will change and pretty soon you'll start hearing.You never really loved my kids!.You're not there father! You will be chopped off at the knees on family decisions.
    Trust me on that one.Sure there are probably happily ever after out there.But where?

    As always gents.Your mileage may vary.

  8. #8
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    Re: You have so much to offer...

    Quote Originally Posted by Demosthenes View Post
    Ever hear this one?

    "You have so much to offer...""
    First sign to run, lol.

  9. #9
    Super Moderator Mr Wombat's Avatar
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    Re: You have so much to offer...

    Quote Originally Posted by Demosthenes View Post
    Oh, you're car may not have that many miles on it and yes, it's in great condition, but I/she'll see to it that you don't fall out of fashion
    God damn! Someone actually thinks this is an argument?

  10. #10
    Senior Member Cro-Magnon's Avatar
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    Re: You have so much to offer...

    Quote Originally Posted by 0xNull_Xipher View Post
    First sign to run, lol.
    " Run to the hills, run for your life" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=geHLdg_VNww

  11. #11

    Re: You have so much to offer...

    I'm 43. I think to women I've known at work of a similar age to me. Maybe it's because I've always worked in IT, and was my cohort the last one through who actually had a sense of accountability?
    And techies generally have more of that logical level-headed view?

  12. #12

    Re: You have so much to offer...

    1. She pays for credit cards with credit cards
    It's amazing how few people (women tend to be notorious for it) don't understand the concept of debt.

    And techies generally have more of that logical level-headed view?
    That's my experience as well in the technical sphere. The female programmers and IT specialists I've known were all responsible while the vast majority outside that field seem to ignore consequence.

  13. #13

    Re: You have so much to offer...

    Goes to prove that this Userfriendly panel is true - whether male or female, a geek is a geek.

    http://ars.userfriendly.org/cartoons/?id=20000702

  14. #14

    Re: You have so much to offer...

    The corollary is this - http://www.hongkiat.com/blog/dating-geeks/

    AKA "how non-geek women see geeks - as walking ATMs, slaves, malleable utilities". FUCK THAT.

  15. #15

    Re: You have so much to offer...

    My base rate of pay is 118k. I have my house paid off. I have considerable investments. I look ten years younger than my actual age. I'm reasonably attractive and have done martial arts for over a decade, so I'm no fat body. The only thing going against me is that I am a classic introvert - unless I am drunk, of course. To date, this and my three years of "Red Pill Knowledge" is all that has saved me from being looted.

    I know I have a shit load to offer. Not only material wealth. I know that I would be a dedicated and involved father as well.

    But I've also been married once before. Thank God there were no children from said marriage. I know what would be in store for me, if I were to change my mind and capitulate to the expectations of society. I know what beastly forms of pain await for men who have made the same mistake as me.

    I know what it's like to consider making love to a 12 gauge shotgun, just to end the pain. And this is sans the obligatory family breakdown that is the current scourge of the west. I am pretty sure that I'd be six feet under, if subject to such horror. So much to give. So much to have taken away.

    So. Yes. I know how much I have "to offer"; but I also understand the compensation I would receive in return for my "offering".

    Hell. On. Earth.

  16. #16
    Senior Member
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    Re: You have so much to offer...

    I'm going to change the meaning of soul mate; a nice bloke who loves good jazz! And yes, I would like find one.

  17. #17

    Re: You have so much to offer...

    So much to offer .. and so little i like to give

  18. #18
    Senior Member Grenade001's Avatar
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    Re: You have so much to offer...

    Quote Originally Posted by ubermensch View Post
    My base rate of pay is 118k. I have my house paid off. I have considerable investments. I look ten years younger than my actual age. I'm reasonably attractive and have done martial arts for over a decade, so I'm no fat body. The only thing going against me is that I am a classic introvert - unless I am drunk, of course. To date, this and my three years of "Red Pill Knowledge" is all that has saved me from being looted.

    I know I have a shit load to offer. Not only material wealth. I know that I would be a dedicated and involved father as well.
    As an introverted young man myself, I always thought it was a curse at how I had to make untold efforts in courtship. Now I see it as a blessing and it has allowed me the opportunity to take on overtime at work and continue to save and invest and make something of my life. I have no doubt that I would have made a good father, following the example my father bestowed onto me. The landscape isn't conductive to a stable, conservative family life and I know I would be in a minority for wanting a more conservative upbringing for my children. I couldn't handle the fact that other men would be hitting on my wife, that I would have to work overtime on my marriage, like I am on notice at work. It is much easier reporting to a manager than it would be to a wife (even my ex-girlfriend was difficult to please).

    That is why I am working on myself because that is all that I know I will have permanently. I am in full control of my life, warts and all, and I would not have it any other way. I have wants, dreams and ambitions on where I see myself in ten, twenty years and I am working towards that. Some say that your twenties are your best years obviously never worked hard enough to have the means to enjoy their lives until the grave. I would much rather have the means later than live off scraps in the present (and most likely future).

  19. #19

    Re: You have so much to offer...

    After the sexual abuse I suffered at school, i've had to spend 30 years out of time and not inconsiderable effort on me and still have a long way to go with getting weight back down after 3 decades of traumatic eating. Experienced the worst of women back at 13 during the abuse, and with undiagnosed at the time Asperger Syndrome... I didn't stand a chance.

    Managed to claw through by the skin of my teeth, could have ended up throwing myself off a local cliff, it was that bad. Almost died from pneumonia, sleep apnea in 2011...

    Got my career going though, and am on over 30k pa. Almost got debts sorted as well.

    Such a shame that I was derailed at preadolescence, and the legal and moral landscape collapsed to enable the chav contingent who derailed me. Cf Just Four Guys piece about the 1980s SMP.

    But at least I was there at the start of the home computing revolution etc.

  20. #20

    Re: You have so much to offer...

    When they try to bring up any of those week arguments, I laugh and ask "What if I'm happy being alone?" And they tend to look like someone just smacked em silly.
    In the end, I will always prefer to walk alone, simply because I enjoy the peace and freedom of my free will. -Me


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