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  1. #1

    So my mother messaged me the other day....

    My mum messaged me online the other morning telling me she had just got her nose pierced.. she's 53 , I said what the hell and she replied with nipples next.. that bit I hope was a joke.

    I got drunk that night and had a rant at her calling her the whore of Babylon amongst other things.. she said shes having a midlife crisis while laughing, I said what so your going to live to 107? She basically said I was a bit harsh.. this was on messenger.

    I still resent her for treating my dad like shit when he was dying of cancer.. she was cheating on him and stole everything he left me and that's the short story.

    I kind of feel a little bad about ranting at her about the nose piercing. It just annoys me because when she was with my dad she was very conservative.. we never went on an airplane, wasn't allowed any pets.. she wouldn't have thought twice about getting a piercing or tattoos.

    Yet she remarried.. with the affair. Caused me unnecessary hardships, she gets 2 dogs... A tattoo and a piercing and goes on an airplane for the first time! She lives far away from me now as she abandoned me after my dad died.
    I'm one of these people who hold a grudge and can't seem to let go.. and that affects my mental well-being.

    I have a small family, most of them have died and it's just my mother really.. she's the typical woman, she's after financial stability, sex and puts men above her child. It's toxic.. no wonder I suffer mental illness myself.

  2. #2
    Senior Member MGTOWFOREVER's Avatar
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    Re: So my mother messaged me the other day....

    Let your mom do what she wants to do. You can't control others. If you wants to get all pierced up then its her life, body , & money.

    The way she treated you & your dad is beyond horrible and Im truly sorry. You said you were drinking when you vented. That is good & bad. Good because alcohol lowers inhibitions and lets you let loose. Bad because you didn't say it with a clear mind so people dont take you seriously thats why she started laughing. Talk to her face to face in a public place like a restaurant and clear the air. If she doesn't want to do that then you did nothing wrong and she is the one left with egg on her face.

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    Senior Member Primus_Pilus's Avatar
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    Re: So my mother messaged me the other day....

    Quote Originally Posted by Born-A-Redpill View Post
    I still resent her for treating my dad like shit when he was dying of cancer.. she was cheating on him and stole everything he left me and that's the short story.
    Your first mistake was not blocking this evil out of your life and from your social media.
    Second mistake is engaging it.

    Solitude can be a beautiful gift to yourself. Don't be afraid to be generous to yourself either.
    First date: A job interview in which a slot-c tries to determine a man's financial suitability in relation to its desire for children.
    Oxytocin, more dangerous than heroin.
    I am not going to sacrifice my freedom and wealth for your ideals.
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  4. #4
    Senior Member Opaque's Avatar
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    Re: So my mother messaged me the other day....

    It sounds like you are going through a rough time sir. Mothers are always praised, since ancient times, but the matter of fact is many of them are ignorant or just don't care much for their children.

    My mother also made sexually inappropriate remarks, quite often actually and I always wondered why? She is trying to make a husband out of you. Mothers usually do this to their sons, they usually don't care much about their sons, then when she is alone and you have financial freedom, all the sudden you are a 'wonderful son'.

    Keep the relationship if you have to, but at a distance which is comfortable for you. Take good care of yourself and most importantly stay safe and do not waste quality long hours with her.

  5. #5

    Re: So my mother messaged me the other day....

    Quote Originally Posted by Opaque View Post
    It sounds like you are going through a rough time sir. Mothers are always praised, since ancient times, but the matter of fact is many of them are ignorant or just don't care much for their children.

    My mother also made sexually inappropriate remarks, quite often actually and I always wondered why? She is trying to make a husband out of you. Mothers usually do this to their sons, they usually don't care much about their sons, then when she is alone and you have financial freedom, all the sudden you are a 'wonderful son'.

    Keep the relationship if you have to, but at a distance which is comfortable for you. Take good care of yourself and most importantly stay safe and do not waste quality long hours with her.
    I think this is wise.. I know my mistakes, when I have been at my lowest my mother has manipulated me into thinking I need her.. she is very manipulating and vindictive..
    She also asked me once of I've done anal sex, which I found weird.. then she made a cringed face & said forget it I don't want to know.

    My issue is why did she feel the need to tell me about a nose piercing.. I think it's because she knows I'd disapprove, I think it's just mind games which is why I mentioned it, it is true, she can do what she likes... However she is always after validation from me and is upset with criticism. Toxic as our relationship has been it is still my mother.. I just wish she wasn't so dumb.

  6. #6
    Senior Member mgtower's Avatar
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    Re: So my mother messaged me the other day....

    Bro, let it go! We have no control over what others do, the only control we have is the control we maintain over ourselves, I'm no expert either, I have a weakness for holding grudges because grudges are really unresolved issues, throw them in the waste basket.

    I too have lost relatives only to have other relatives shit on their memory with some of the harshest things to say off the top of their tongues and YES you can bet they're women!

    I found letting go and leave things as they be has worked out best for my own mental health, just accept it and move on while blotting it from your thinking, don't let it have free rental space in your head!

    Make a habit of this and it will appear that you're the only one with mental stability in a room full of lunatics! Don't let what others say of do move you emotionally, sent that voltage back to ground!

    The only peace we have is the peace we find within ourselves. Tranquility is a personal thing that can only be achieved from within.

  7. #7
    Senior Member Joetech's Avatar
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    Re: So my mother messaged me the other day....

    Jeezus She sounds like the kind of mom you should stay away from. Talk about too much information...if a woman gets her titties and pussy pierced her son is NOT the one to brag to about it. She must have been stoned as hell when she texted you.

    Well, try to look at the bright side, if there is one. God gave you that mother because He knew none of the rest of us could handle being her son. Lucky you!
    "Don't follow in my footsteps. I stepped in something."

  8. #8
    Senior Member Resdayn's Avatar
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    Re: So my mother messaged me the other day....

    Quote Originally Posted by mgtower View Post
    Bro, let it go! We have no control over what others do, the only control we have is the control we maintain over ourselves, I'm no expert either, I have a weakness for holding grudges because grudges are really unresolved issues, throw them in the waste basket.

    I too have lost relatives only to have other relatives shit on their memory with some of the harshest things to say off the top of their tongues and YES you can bet they're women!

    I found letting go and leave things as they be has worked out best for my own mental health, just accept it and move on while blotting it from your thinking, don't let it have free rental space in your head!

    Make a habit of this and it will appear that you're the only one with mental stability in a room full of lunatics! Don't let what others say of do move you emotionally, sent that voltage back to ground!

    The only peace we have is the peace we find within ourselves. Tranquility is a personal thing that can only be achieved from within.
    Yes, that's what all the crazies think Haha!
    Lord Nerevar Reborn

  9. #9
    Super Moderator Mr Wombat's Avatar
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    Re: So my mother messaged me the other day....

    Quote Originally Posted by Born-A-Redpill View Post
    Yet she remarried.. with the affair.
    It's part of growing up to realize that to your parents, the house you grew up in was just the house they were living in at the time. And that to your mom, you dad is just the relationship she was having at the time. But there it is.

  10. #10

    Re: So my mother messaged me the other day....

    Quote Originally Posted by Mr Wombat View Post
    It's part of growing up to realize that to your parents, the house you grew up in was just the house they were living in at the time. And that to your mom, you dad is just the relationship she was having at the time. But there it is.
    They were married..! What I have learned is nobody can be trusted. After 25 years I thought I knew my own mother.. I was wrong and that hurts me, the deception of the woman character astonished me, never again will I go out my way to please one.

  11. #11
    Senior Member MGTOWFOREVER's Avatar
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    Re: So my mother messaged me the other day....

    Quote Originally Posted by Born-A-Redpill View Post
    They were married..! What I have learned is nobody can be trusted. After 25 years I thought I knew my own mother.. I was wrong and that hurts me, the deception of the woman character astonished me, never again will I go out my way to please one.
    That's your problem. You go out of your way to please women. They see that as a weakness.

  12. #12
    Senior Member Opaque's Avatar
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    Re: So my mother messaged me the other day....

    Quote Originally Posted by Born-A-Redpill View Post
    I think this is wise.. I know my mistakes, when I have been at my lowest my mother has manipulated me into thinking I need her.. she is very manipulating and vindictive..
    She also asked me once of I've done anal sex, which I found weird.. then she made a cringed face & said forget it I don't want to know.

    My issue is why did she feel the need to tell me about a nose piercing.. I think it's because she knows I'd disapprove, I think it's just mind games which is why I mentioned it, it is true, she can do what she likes... However she is always after validation from me and is upset with criticism. Toxic as our relationship has been it is still my mother.. I just wish she wasn't so dumb.
    Yup, sounds familiar. Keep your distance and keep a healthy boundary. It will take you some years to figure this out, so don't be over-critical to yourself.

    The mind-games you talk of, she is doing it to see how you would react, like how a husband would react to his wife doing something he clearly disapproves of. It is highly likely that she is doing something she knows you would disapprove of and she wants to be told off. She is basically trying to make a husband/father out of you, someone she can get 'parental guidance' from.

    But EVEN IF YOU CAN provide 'parental guidance' you are her son and that is not your role.

    It took me years to stop telling my mother to not do this or that. Even if she asks, I pretend not to know.

  13. #13
    Senior Member mgtower's Avatar
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    Re: So my mother messaged me the other day....

    Quote Originally Posted by Opaque View Post
    Yup, sounds familiar. Keep your distance and keep a healthy boundary. It will take you some years to figure this out, so don't be over-critical to yourself.

    The mind-games you talk of, she is doing it to see how you would react, like how a husband would react to his wife doing something he clearly disapproves of. It is highly likely that she is doing something she knows you would disapprove of and she wants to be told off. She is basically trying to make a husband/father out of you, someone she can get 'parental guidance' from.

    But EVEN IF YOU CAN provide 'parental guidance' you are her son and that is not your role.

    It took me years to stop telling my mother to not do this or that. Even if she asks, I pretend not to know.
    I can't agree more! I'd like to add; "how to react", cold as ice, unmovable, cemented in resolve from any and all manipulation, in other words let those relationshits go, no matter who it is, each assault deserves further stepping away in spite of human emotional weakness, tame the emotions with concrete laws you follow, or just cut your fucking heart out and eat it, works for me! I never endure cycles of pain, I don't go over the same old ground full of thorns, I guide them away by self leadership because it's a servant they're after, not a friend.

    Indecisiveness has lost entire civilizations, what are our chances against indecisiveness?

    Don't get talked out of that which you're unwilling to step into, ignoring the warning signs before hand always leads to regret.

    Gotta go, have a great day fellas!

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    Re: So my mother messaged me the other day....

    This from Opaque caught my attention:

    Keep the relationship if you have to, but at a distance which is comfortable for you. Take good care of yourself and most importantly stay safe and do not waste quality long hours with her.
    I sympathise with your situation. I had a very toxic mother. She was very conservative – didn’t drink, didn’t go out with the ‘girls’, went to church but what a mouth she had on her. Nothing any of my family did for her was ever good enough and she would constantly try to manipulate each of us in turn into doing her bidding.

    Being the youngest of the family by some margin I clearly seen the effect she was having on my family and left home as soon as I was able, however I made the mistake of giving her my telephone number.

    She would ring a few times per week saying stuff about my family designed to get me on her side in order to help her to manipulate others. And ALWAYS on a Friday evening just before I was going out, seemingly just to put a downer on me so I wouldn't enjoy myself.

    In my mid 20’s I eventually had to change my phone number and tell her I could no longer afford to keep my telephone connected. We both knew it was a straight up lie but what could she do!

    I told one of my brothers my new number, just in case, and swore him not to tell anyone. As for my mother, I would dutifully visit every Sunday until the day I left town. I never did give her my phone number again.

    As Opaque said, I kept the relationship going (with all her faults, she was still my mother) but strictly on my terms, and even then it wasn’t easy.

    If you can be strong of mind and keep your temper you will most certainly be happier and better off in general.

    Good luck to you.
    Last edited by Jackoff; August 10, 2019 at 11:38 AM.

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    Senior Member Insidious_Sid's Avatar
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    Re: So my mother messaged me the other day....

    Quote Originally Posted by Primus_Pilus View Post
    Your first mistake was not blocking this evil out of your life and from your social media.
    Second mistake is engaging it.

    Solitude can be a beautiful gift to yourself. Don't be afraid to be generous to yourself either.
    If this sounds harsh, it's only because it's true.
    - Feminism is Cancer.
    - Where have all the good men gone? Away. Far far away... from you.
    - NAWALT? Maybe, but EWALT means Russian Roulette is a much safer bet...

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    Senior Member Insidious_Sid's Avatar
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    Re: So my mother messaged me the other day....

    Quote Originally Posted by Mr Wombat View Post
    It's part of growing up to realize that to your parents, the house you grew up in was just the house they were living in at the time. And that to your mom, you dad is just the relationship she was having at the time. But there it is.
    More truth serum. You guys are on fire tonight.
    - Feminism is Cancer.
    - Where have all the good men gone? Away. Far far away... from you.
    - NAWALT? Maybe, but EWALT means Russian Roulette is a much safer bet...

  17. #17
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    Re: So my mother messaged me the other day....

    I'll repeat this advice till I'm no longer able. I've said it before about daughters, but your mothers are also to be included in this. Your wife may rip out your heart, but your daughter (or mother) will pick it up and use it like a crayon to write "fuck you" on the sidewalk.

    As the eldest son, my mother used to use me as her emotional tampon. I heard endless complaints about men in general, and my father specifically. I hated my dad for a long time because of these lies. My biggest regret in life was not figuring all of this out earlier. Maybe I could have done a bit to red pill him before he died.

    As the eldest, I would listen to my mom and absorb all of her venom. I went decades, offering her financial advice etc...

    She now has Alzheimer's. Out of all her children, I was the first one she forgot.

    You are nothing but a utility to her. It's an even harsher red-pill than when you figure out your wife, or women in general. Learning that your mother and any daughters you have view you exactly the same as every other woman can be truly devastating.

    To me it sounds like you need to go through the anger stage all over again my friend. Get it out of your system, and then say goodby to your mother forever. I DISAGREE COMPLETELY with the "still she's your mother" sentiments expressed above by others. She's just like every other woman in your life. She views you as a resource only the biological hooks at her disposal are even deeper, just like with our daughters.

    Women all know this, and they will use these hooks to their full advantage. Walk away my friend. Blood be damned.

  18. #18
    Senior Member Jackal's Avatar
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    Re: So my mother messaged me the other day....

    Looks to me a manual case of projection, she basically tells you the things she would have liked to say to your father.

    Her new life involves pets, airplanes, tatoos and piercing while her previous one didnt despite she probably wanted them...now she is somehow taking a revenge on your father through you since he is dead and you are the only thing he connected to him.

    My best suggestion for you is to do the same thing I did which is basically get rid of any toxic presence in your life wheter its your former best friend or your own mother.

    Toxic people are those who dry your energy or worse yet inoculate negative one on you...wondering why your father got a cancer, not trying to be an assh0le but good changes are negativity was there among other things.

    I know it sounds drastic but you definitely dont need a middle aged woman, your mother to talk you about anal sex, there are so many wrong things about it that goes beyond being creepy.

    Do yourself a favour and get rid of her FOREVER, change phone number and block her on any social media.

    I can tell you for sure that all the success I had in my life happened far away from my toxic family, while I was a kid I failed each and any single thing I did while being restless and stressed 24/7.

  19. #19

    Re: So my mother messaged me the other day....

    I won't go into much detail on my own story, other than to say that about 30 years ago, I had a very similar mother to yours: Toxic, manipulative, emotionally parasitic and highly vindictive when she didn't get what she wanted.

    When I found it impossible to succeed at anything in my own life while shouldering the emotional baggage from hers, I became unable to serve as her emotional tampon... just once. She immediately turned on me. It was so abrupt, and so over the top vicious that I just retreated from her in a kind of daze. Somewhere in that fog (that same fog that you are in now), I got the idea in my head that I needed a break, and arbitrarily chose 30 days of zero contact. I had business in my own life to take care of, and I needed that time to get it done. I expected to miss her, because I thought (like you) that for all her pathology, she was still my mother. But, that 30 days came and went... and I did not miss her. I decided to give it another 30 days of zero contact, and I got some more business in my own life taken care of successfully.

    Somewhere in there, I stumbled onto a book called 'Toxic Parents' by a psychologist named Susan Forward. Setting aside for a minute that it was was written by a woman, I read that book and realized from it clearly how horribly my mother had failed as a parent. I would have been better off with a robot mother, or no mother at all. And as I came to understand how toxic she was (there's not a better word for it), I came to regret having waited as long as I did to abandon her. 8 weeks turned into about 10 years...because my life got continuously better, and I never did miss her. The harsh truth of it was that she had never given me anything to miss. j

    The process of her screwing me up, me withdrawing from and ultimately abandoning her happened over a much longer period of time than I may have made it seem here. It was a highly unpleasant, but very necessary time for me. Here are some things that I learned that might help you start sooner than I did, and progress through it faster than I did:

    1) You DO NOT OWE a relationship to ANY person! You are free to abandon any relationship, at any time, for any reason, or for no reason at all, other than that you feel like it. How you feel matters that much. It matters way more than DNA or a shared name. It matter way more than what anyone else thinks or says.

    2) All healthy relationships are voluntary. You find yourself with a bad gut feeling from any relationship... some feeling you would not voluntarily agree to feel? That's a sign that you are in it as a result of some non-voluntary reason. Obligation, debt, manipulation, concern about what other family members might think or say... etc. The list of those non-voluntary reasons does not contain any healthy ones that will be beneficial to you. And so, the relationships you have will be based on the merits of each person's behavior, and how you happen to feel about it. When women make decisions based only on how they feel, it's called intuition. When men do it, it's called instinct. Your most reliable instincts are designed for self preservation. You may have been trained to ignore them while your mother and others manipulated you into situations and relationships you would never have volunteered for. That training can be UN-learned. Your instincts are still there. In fact, I believe that you are here to get confirmation that those instincts are correct.

    So here I am promising you that they are. And if you have been trained to ignore them so well, for so long that you are having a hard time getting your mind around the idea of just abandoning your mother altogether, then try this: don't abandon her altogether. Don't take that piece of advice.

    But try this one: give yourself a break for 30 days, or 60 days, or some distinct period of time that you choose, and that you DO NOT ask permission for FROM ANY OTHER PERSON.

    For 30 or 60 days, go zero contact, focus your energy on yourself and things you want to accomplish, and then just see what your gut instincts tell you.

    See if you find yourself missing her.

    If you don't, repeat for another 30 days... as many times as you feel like it.

  20. #20
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    Re: So my mother messaged me the other day....

    Even if women have changed, toxic moms are nothing new. My father had a extremely hard time when young, yet he still talked freely to me about most of his life. But not his mom. He didn't bad mouth her. But it was plain something was wrong, and I never did find out what. He left home early and moved far away, leaving mom in the past. He only saw her a few times after that, never called, and mom did the Christmas cards. She was pretty much dead to him, and he wasn't usually like that.
    Every day I make the world a little bit worse.


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