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  1. #1

    I Guess It Was Only A Matter Of Time

    So my mom and I got into a fight and are not speaking to one another. It started before I went to work and she got mad at me for leaving out the toothpaste and said she wasn't my maid (honestly where the hell does she get this stuff from?) and I flipped out because she typically does this a lot. I will forget to do something or I will forget to put something back and she'll get mad. So I finally snapped and said "Oh great this again. You always do this!" pretty much she went on a rant about how I appreciate nothing she does and acted like me wanting to move out was a crime.

    A day or two ago I mentioned that my New Years Resolution was to move out and get a place on my own. She at first seemed okay with it and now I am starting to think she provoked the whole argument because I'm beginning to see a pattern and at first I thought I was crazy but the more and more I think about it the more it makes sense. First she provokes me then I snap then she paints herself as the victim and I feel bad. Literally I'm just starting to realize this, I mean not only that but I started noticing more and more that she'll get on me for not having a license and all that but the moment I say "Fine I'll take the driving test." she'll make an excuse and this another thing I've noticed she'll "encourage" me to get a license and "suggest" that I move out then the moment I start thinking about it something happens that makes it more difficult and I put it off.

    I mean part of me wants to chalk it up to paranoia but literally a lot of my mother's behavior now that I've looked at not as a son but as a MGTOW is clearly very controlling I mean it's really fucked up the more I think about it. She controls everything and is always telling me what to do never mind that I work the night shift as soon as I'm home from work after working for nine hours she'll typically ask me to do something. Not once has she ever shown an ounce of respect for my own job. I mean it's okay if I'm a little late for work but she gets pissed if she is.

    I'm just done I don't care anymore I am going to move out no matter what and take control of my life. It was only a matter of time before I had to face the truth.

  2. #2
    Senior Member Malinois's Avatar
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    Re: I Guess It Was Only A Matter Of Time

    If you can, move out now.

    She is going to raise hell if you do and she's going to raise hell if you don't...

    The only thing you're guilty of is needing peace. You can do it...Think of the peace.

    I'm pushing 40yrs old and it's nearly impossible to tolerate my mother or my grandmother because the both henpeck...It's like they know exactly what buttons to push to make you feel terrible and they wield that weapon with no shame...like soul-sucking energy vampires...

    The trick is, is to not let them. You need to establish a personal boundry, and defend it. When you move out expect a lashing out...

    My mother threatened terroristic acts if I didn't visit her this year. My grandmother told me I was scum because my new job is blue-collar when I visited her...

    I guess my new policy is more distance...I suggest you do the same...

  3. #3

    Re: I Guess It Was Only A Matter Of Time

    If you can possibly afford it financially . . .

    Live Alone. Live Alone. Live Alone. LIVE ALONE. (Are we clear?)
    “If your happiness depends on what somebody else does, I guess you do have a problem.” (Richard Bach)

  4. #4
    Senior Member Nuggets's Avatar
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    Re: I Guess It Was Only A Matter Of Time

    I'm living with my parents right now for a few more months temporarily. It's definitely not a good situation to be in as a man in today's society (if you're a woman, then it's 100% OK with everybody, no problem), but sometimes there's no way around it. If you figure out a timeline with practical steps, I think it'll help with your piece of mind. The last thing we need as men right now is a limit on our potential, and living alone is the best path toward reaching that potential. It's tough to deal with codependent family especially. They want you to be in the box that's most convenient for them, and they sabotage every attempt you take to be independent. Like your thread title says, at some point enough is enough and you have to GTFO out at all costs. That's what I'm trying to do currently.

  5. #5
    Senior Member Victor's Avatar
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    Re: I Guess It Was Only A Matter Of Time

    Quote Originally Posted by TheCrimsonKing View Post
    A day or two ago I mentioned that my New Years Resolution was to move out and get a place on my own. She at first seemed okay with it and now I am starting to think she provoked the whole argument because I'm beginning to see a pattern and at first I thought I was crazy but the more and more I think about it the more it makes sense. First she provokes me then I snap then she paints herself as the victim and I feel bad. Literally I'm just starting to realize this, I mean not only that but I started noticing more and more that she'll get on me for not having a license and all that but the moment I say "Fine I'll take the driving test." she'll make an excuse and this another thing I've noticed she'll "encourage" me to get a license and "suggest" that I move out then the moment I start thinking about it something happens that makes it more difficult and I put it off.

    I mean part of me wants to chalk it up to paranoia but literally a lot of my mother's behavior now that I've looked at not as a son but as a MGTOW is clearly very controlling I mean it's really fucked up the more I think about it. She controls everything and is always telling me what to do never mind that I work the night shift as soon as I'm home from work after working for nine hours she'll typically ask me to do something. Not once has she ever shown an ounce of respect for my own job. I mean it's okay if I'm a little late for work but she gets pissed if she is.

    I'm just done I don't care anymore I am going to move out no matter what and take control of my life. It was only a matter of time before I had to face the truth.
    Sorry to hear it, that can't be any fun at all. The advice given above is spot on -- get the hell out of dodge ASAP.

    Something to reflect on for the future -- what you're describing is EXACTLY what it's like to be married!
    Pain is unavoidable. Suffering is optional.

    "Love is for poets." -- Connor MacLeod of the Clan MacLeod

  6. #6
    Senior Member Hesiod's Avatar
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    Re: I Guess It Was Only A Matter Of Time

    Quote Originally Posted by Victor View Post
    Something to reflect on for the future -- what you're describing is EXACTLY what it's like to be married!
    I never thought about that at first but now you have mentioned it you're damn right Victor, it sounds just as horrendous.

    I thoroughly advocate getting your own place if and when you can, I don't know your financial and employment situation but this I would say. Don't jump until you're in a reasonable position to do so, otherwise you may find yourself in an eternal rental trap, and you'll never get ahead and away from that too easy.
    "Whoever has trusted a woman has trusted deceivers." .... Hesiod

    If you don't design your own life plan, chances are you'll fall into someone else's plan. And guess what they have planned for you? Not much




  7. #7
    Senior Member toolate's Avatar
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    Re: I Guess It Was Only A Matter Of Time

    It is wired in them to be control freaks. Love your mother, but not her behavior.

    Living alone can be expensive, but once you do, you will feel a sense of freedom and ownership of yourself.

    The best years of my life was when I moved away from home and lived in my own apartment. Other than getting married, the second worse time was living with College students with my name on the bills.

    Plan your exit. You deserve your own sanctuary from the world.
    My Senior Member is semi retired.

  8. #8

    Re: I Guess It Was Only A Matter Of Time

    So I thought I had everything planned out. I find it interesting that no less than a week after I start planning to move out she decides I should start paying rent.

  9. #9
    Senior Member Victor's Avatar
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    Re: I Guess It Was Only A Matter Of Time

    Quote Originally Posted by TheCrimsonKing View Post
    So I thought I had everything planned out. I find it interesting that no less than a week after I start planning to move out she decides I should start paying rent.
    Well, if you're going to be paying rent....why not have peace and quiet for your rent money?
    Pain is unavoidable. Suffering is optional.

    "Love is for poets." -- Connor MacLeod of the Clan MacLeod

  10. #10

    Re: I Guess It Was Only A Matter Of Time

    I am sure this is done to foil the move out, I am sure your finances are not quite where you would need them to be in order to provide a security deposit on a new place so she is trying to sabotage the savings plan. I would venture a guess she is alone in the current place (besides you)? Woman cannot stand being alone. Remember that.

    my grandfather told me at a very young age "boy, there is only one thing a woman wants from a man...... it's 6 inches long and has a head on it..... and its a dollar bill"

  11. #11

    Re: I Guess It Was Only A Matter Of Time

    Quote Originally Posted by starcruiser View Post
    I am sure this is done to foil the move out, I am sure your finances are not quite where you would need them to be in order to provide a security deposit on a new place so she is trying to sabotage the savings plan. I would venture a guess she is alone in the current place (besides you)? Woman cannot stand being alone. Remember that.
    You hit the nail on the head. Honestly I know I need to play my cards carefully and play a long game. I figure I should have everything together within a year maybe half that.

  12. #12
    Senior Member The Prisoner's Avatar
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    Re: I Guess It Was Only A Matter Of Time

    Your mom along with probably everyone's mom will do the exact same thing, mainly because they don't like seeing the kids leave the nest and be on their own. Hell I remember being 30 something years old, married, renting a house and was in my first year of truck driving. My mother came to live with me within 6 months of my father's death because she did not like living with my sister. Well I didn't ask for rent, however she offered to pay the cable bill which I agreed to. As you can guess being new in my profession I got into some money troubles due to lack of freight and could not make the rent. This lead in to an argument with my mother since she had the cash and was unwilling to chip in. I explained that work is slow and without her help that my wife would have to come on the truck and she would have to go back to my sisters. Mom got pissed and tried to slap me, I of course caught her hand and mid swing and I told her "NO! You do not do that shit to me, not now, not ever again and damn sure not in my house". She retorted with "don't you threaten me, now you let me mash your mouth". I then told her "This is not a threat, I am telling you what is going to happen if your unwilling to kick in on the rent for the next month or two. As far as mashing my mouth goes, never again". She ended up kicking in the money which at the time means that she had to give up going out to dinner for a couple of weeks.

    See most women are good for a kid up to about the ages of 13 or 14 then after that they are useless. My own mother living in my house, mind you my house, I paid all the bills except for the cable. Not only got offended that I asked her to chip in for a couple of months until work picked up, she actually got violent with me. The reason for this is because despite my age, being married at the time and working and renting a house, she still seen me as a punk kid. Crimson don't ever think your mom is different and sees you as anything other than a punk kid that she needs to control. This will be a fact in your life until one of you is dead. My suggestion is to keep low, try not to argue "trust me you will never really win" and save your money and go get your own place. Once you do get your own place if she wants to live with you and your willing to put up with her then split the rent and bills in half. If it is more than one, then split it in 3rds and so forth. However unless your being nice to mom and she has no real other options I would suggest not letting her live with you. Because even in your own place she will not see you as an adult on your own. Mothers are just a grab bag of crazy that will fuck with your serenity even when there is nothing to complain about. So save your money and move out as soon as possible. Oh and don't shy away from moving out to the sticks in order to get cheaper rent, that is what I did. Good luck to you bro.
    Not a prisoner I'm a free man
    And my blood is my own now
    Don't care where the past was
    I know where I'm going ...OUT !!!!

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    Re: I Guess It Was Only A Matter Of Time

    Quote Originally Posted by TheCrimsonKing View Post
    So my mom and I got into a fight and are not speaking to one another. It started before I went to work and she got mad at me for leaving out the toothpaste and said she wasn't my maid (honestly where the hell does she get this stuff from?) and I flipped out because she typically does this a lot. I will forget to do something or I will forget to put something back and she'll get mad. So I finally snapped and said "Oh great this again. You always do this!" pretty much she went on a rant about how I appreciate nothing she does and acted like me wanting to move out was a crime.

    A day or two ago I mentioned that my New Years Resolution was to move out and get a place on my own. She at first seemed okay with it and now I am starting to think she provoked the whole argument because I'm beginning to see a pattern and at first I thought I was crazy but the more and more I think about it the more it makes sense. First she provokes me then I snap then she paints herself as the victim and I feel bad. Literally I'm just starting to realize this, I mean not only that but I started noticing more and more that she'll get on me for not having a license and all that but the moment I say "Fine I'll take the driving test." she'll make an excuse and this another thing I've noticed she'll "encourage" me to get a license and "suggest" that I move out then the moment I start thinking about it something happens that makes it more difficult and I put it off.

    I mean part of me wants to chalk it up to paranoia but literally a lot of my mother's behavior now that I've looked at not as a son but as a MGTOW is clearly very controlling I mean it's really fucked up the more I think about it. She controls everything and is always telling me what to do never mind that I work the night shift as soon as I'm home from work after working for nine hours she'll typically ask me to do something. Not once has she ever shown an ounce of respect for my own job. I mean it's okay if I'm a little late for work but she gets pissed if she is.

    I'm just done I don't care anymore I am going to move out no matter what and take control of my life. It was only a matter of time before I had to face the truth.
    Good for you brother

  14. #14
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    Re: I Guess It Was Only A Matter Of Time

    She's using your plan's, and everything you say as ammo. Quit making her job easy. With people like that, the only thing you can do is keep your pie hole shut. Don't lie, but don't give her anything either. Too bad thing's are this bad, but that can't be helped. Look's to me like she's got you in jail, and plan's to keep you there. You need to start taking this shit serious.

    If asked, I'd say I don't yet have the money. When you do have it together, rent your place before mom finds out, or she'll do whatever it takes to ruin the deal. And don't ever let her find out you have more than a few hundred bucks unless you want her to manufacture some crisis that'll need your help.

    For the record, I lived with my parent's some as a young adult. Difference is, they treated me as a grown up. Too bad yours can't.
    Drop the needle!

  15. #15
    Senior Member Azure Nomad's Avatar
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    Re: I Guess It Was Only A Matter Of Time

    You are going to have to go covert with your plans as others have already pointed out. Quietly save, plan, and expand your knowledge about places to live that is reasonable and makes sense to you.

    Don't rush it because once you are gone, and in a good place, she will lose all the power she has.

    She is sabotaging your efforts to change your life, because it means that she has to face the reality of what life means for her as a mother without a child in her house.

  16. #16
    Senior Member Insidious_Sid's Avatar
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    Re: I Guess It Was Only A Matter Of Time

    Cutting the apron strings, for me, took bolt cutters. But it had to be done...
    My mother did everything she possibly could to sabotage any learning that would result in our being more independent.
    Thankfully, all that stuff that moms know (cooking, cleaning, laundry) is fuck all to learn.

    In fact, she did most things the hard way and then wailed for sympathy at how hard she worked...

    She could have cut her workload in half if she just would have been reasonable and maybe looked at how other people were doing things.

    Stubborn to a fault.
    - Feminism is Cancer.
    - Love is the idea that one women differs from another.
    - A man needs a woman like a bank needs a robber.


  17. #17
    Senior Member Azure Nomad's Avatar
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    Re: I Guess It Was Only A Matter Of Time

    My experience was the complete opposite of the others that have posted in this thread. My mother wanted me gone and I happily obliged by taking everything I had and moving out within a day. Did she regret it immediately after? Yeah, but I did what I thought was necessary at the time to grow as a man and also show that choices have consequences.

    This is why we as men we are not spectators of life as we have the ability to take action. We can take action or we can sit around and mope about the dire situation. But deep down most men have the desire to crawl out of the hole and look around for greener pastures.

    Always look for key benefits that await you as a man and you will be rewarded by taking action instead of reacting with apathy.

  18. #18
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    Re: I Guess It Was Only A Matter Of Time

    It's a strange spot to be in alright. There's a lot of parent's who probably wish their kid's wanted out half as bad. Plenty a kid's leave slow now days.

    It's nothing to need to escape your family. Happens to a lot of people, but I've not seen one like this.
    Drop the needle!

  19. #19
    Senior Member Nasir Jones's Avatar
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    Re: I Guess It Was Only A Matter Of Time

    I just finished my final semester in uni and going home back to live with my parents in a few days. I honestly love living in dorms and am always irritated when I go home for holidays. But this isn't going to last long, I start my first job in less than weeks and will save enough money to get my own little place in a short period hopefully.
    Sad, but one day our kids will have to visit museums to see what a lady looks like.

  20. #20
    Senior Member Canis's Avatar
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    Re: I Guess It Was Only A Matter Of Time

    Sounds like your mother has the classic narcissistic personality. Agreed with everyone here: stop telling her what your plans are and save money to move out. And always keep this in mind: Never marry. Never cohabitate with a woman. Never have kids. By adhering to this simple guideline you'll be on your way to a comfortable future.


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