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  1. #1

    "I don't want a divorce"

    Hey guys and lurkers, it is time to get married! Oh boy! Oh boy! What could go wrong? Let's find out!!!

    backstory: I met my wife online 12 years ago. We made trips to see each other and on one trip she ended up pregnant. I moved down to be with her and we married a couple years later.


    About seven years ago I had a cheating scare. She was showing me some emails and I noticed one to some guy she knew back in the day that was my wife half naked in our apartment. She said she was just showing him what he couldnít have anymore. I didnít know. Around that time she spent a lot of time with my brother in law girlfriend who lived two hours away in their childhood hometown. I later snooped and found a message from this GF to my wife who was criticizing her for not shown up at our wedding. This GF, who was a bit nuts, said that she found it strange to show up at a wedding when the bride cheated. I confronted my wife about this, ready to divorce and she was adamant she didnít. I believed her because I wanted to but I held a grudge against her for two years. What if she had? Well I needed to forgive. But I couldnít forget. I ended up mentioning this during a fight and she said that this GF took the half naked pictures as cheating. I was relieved. I had already forgiven her that incident. I needed to move on. I needed to believe her.


    In the years since Iíve gained weight. We had to move in with my in laws and she has refused to leave. We canít adford it, she just finished 2 years of college. She was valedictorian, she busted her ass and Iím very proud of her.


    But during this time she has started to shut down. We are rarely alone and when i try and set something up she is too tired. Even a simple date. When we talk sheís face first in her phone or tablet: sheís been playing some online strategy game, Something of something. Sheís admitted to be addicted. When sheís not sheís on Hulu watching tv shows. She does all this on the back porch because sheís a smoker and theres no smoking in the house. I sit with her but I can tell sheíd rather I go inside and play a game or spend time with the kid so she can have peace because work/illness/parents/whatever.


    She also started occasionally hanging out with friends from school. I encouraged it, she was a stay at home mom for years, lost a lot of friends over the last few years. She has a couple times spent the night due to not wanting to drive home drunk. My in laws suspect sheís cheating. Even my rational brother in law, who is a smart guy who took care of his drug addict mom when he was younger and had a brief issue with drugs himself - he thinks sheís cheating and may be abusing her pain meds.


    My wife has endometriosis and ovarian cysts. She needs pain meds because she didnít want to go on birth control due to the weight gain and wants to have another kid so no hysterectomy. We have started having sex only once or twice a year due to the pain she gets when having sex. Supposedly. I find dildos and butt plugs in random places like her coat that hangs in the bathroom, she expressed interest to me in BDSM last year. So she has a libido. But she is always too tired for foreplay or says sheís on her period or she feels like she will get too into it and it will lead to painful sex.


    I just had another scare. My son is autistic. He told me his friend of hers that she says is young was actually about 12 and that when he hangs out with mom and her yong friend mom spends time with her dad. I confronted my wife. She says the girl is 16. Weird enough sheís friend with a young kid but that wouldnít be a first. She insists this young friend lives with a roommate who is gay. My wife does have gay friends. But I didnít believe it.


    We have barely spoke since. She said Iím an idiot and an asshole.


    I donít know what to do. I canít prove sheís cheated. But I need to decide what Iím going to do. We have lost a lot of intimacy and communication.


    Edit: i donít want to leave her. My wife at her best is my favorite person ever. Sheís funny, sheís got a warm loving smile. She is a good mom. She knows the things Iím interested and encourages me to stay geeky. And to leave her would devastate my kid, especially if I was not able to get custody of him - he and I are literal clones of each other and Iím his best friend. He doesnít need that kind of trauma at ten.


    And I donít want to leave her because Iím suspicious or people are assuming the worst, all of us having nothing but behavioral issues we could be misconstruing.
    What convinced me to go MGTOW is that the LOWS of being single, meaning some loneliness, lack of social acceptance, etc. is fairly nice and pleasant compared to the average time of 'marriage'. However, nothing, and I mean nothing, approaches the LOWS of marriage. Sadly, I suspect the above story is far more common than normal.
    They intentionally say what we 'ought' to do instead of what we could do. For if the lion discovers his own strength, he will become uncontrollable.

  2. #2
    Senior Member Alik Sakharov's Avatar
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    Re: "I don't want a divorce"

    Some loneliness while MGTOW ?

    You are always on your own . Other people are just living their life trying to get by . Because they cant do nothing less and nothing more .
    You cant keep a player down!
    Dont hate him , hate your fuking bullshit game !

  3. #3
    Senior Member Insidious_Sid's Avatar
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    Re: "I don't want a divorce"

    Holy crap that backstory is a slow-moving train-wreck in living color.

    I was just thinking the other night the very same thing, MaCavity. Yes, there are certain "warm fuzzies" that come with a relationship, but what else really? The more I look back, the more the whole thing was just a massive pain in the ass. Her wants. Her needs. Her parent's needs. All of those kids birthdays with the inlaws and the inevitable game face and "pretend to like everybody" nonsense. And yes, when there was an hour or two that didn't get booked solid or wasted going to some overcrowded mall for one damned thing or another, a man likes to sit. Maybe sit and think, or maybe just sit. And you're glared at. For sitting. For ten goddamned minutes.

    Fuck that shit.

    It's the way women feel entitled to completely take over your life that makes MOST relationships a walk down misery lane.

    They just bring SO little and demand SO much. Then they whine and play the martyr card because of all this *emotional laboring* they do all over the place - labor nobody demanded they do in the first place. It's especially worse when the person they are trying to labor over doesn't even want the attention or the bother, as is often the case with older folks who don't appreciate too much hoopla.

    Nope, when I see guys being dragged through a mall like a dog on a chain or at the hardware store grimacing at the price of the next home renovation...

    I just smile, and keep right on walking.

    The fact 95% of them are walking baby-elephants I would rather cover with a tarpaulin than look at naked is icing on the cake.

    I can't believe what some guys are sticking their dicks into these days.

    It's shameful.

    Being single, being MGTOW has never been easier or better.

    Women don't need men anymore? Excellent. The feeling is mutual. And we men have far more to lose and nobody gives a fuck when we do lose, because certainly it was the man who did it all wrong... (lol/barf)

    Again, fuck that shit.
    - Feminism is Cancer.
    - Where have all the good men gone? Away. Far far away... from you.
    - NAWALT? Maybe, but EWALT means Russian Roulette is a much safer bet...

  4. #4
    Senior Member Alik Sakharov's Avatar
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    Re: "I don't want a divorce"

    Quote Originally Posted by Insidious_Sid View Post
    Holy crap that backstory is a slow-moving train-wreck in living color.

    I was just thinking the other night the very same thing, MaCavity. Yes, there are certain "warm fuzzies" that come with a relationship, but what else really? The more I look back, the more the whole thing was just a massive pain in the ass. Her wants. Her needs. Her parent's needs. All of those kids birthdays with the inlaws and the inevitable game face and "pretend to like everybody" nonsense. And yes, when there was an hour or two that didn't get booked solid or wasted going to some overcrowded mall for one damned thing or another, a man likes to sit. Maybe sit and think, or maybe just sit. And you're glared at. For sitting. For ten goddamned minutes.

    Fuck that shit.

    It's the way women feel entitled to completely take over your life that makes MOST relationships a walk down misery lane.

    They just bring SO little and demand SO much. Then they whine and play the martyr card because of all this *emotional laboring* they do all over the place - labor nobody demanded they do in the first place. It's especially worse when the person they are trying to labor over doesn't even want the attention or the bother, as is often the case with older folks who don't appreciate too much hoopla.

    Nope, when I see guys being dragged through a mall like a dog on a chain or at the hardware store grimacing at the price of the next home renovation...

    I just smile, and keep right on walking.

    The fact 95% of them are walking baby-elephants I would rather cover with a tarpaulin than look at naked is icing on the cake.

    I can't believe what some guys are sticking their dicks into these days.

    It's shameful.

    Being single, being MGTOW has never been easier or better.

    Women don't need men anymore? Excellent. The feeling is mutual. And we men have far more to lose and nobody gives a fuck when we do lose, because certainly it was the man who did it all wrong... (lol/barf)

    Again, fuck that shit.
    LOL even here in Eastern Europe even the rich guys end up married with borderline fatties village fool garbage half assed ugly women ...

    For the good looking girls born in the capital city this planet is too small and world is not enough . But even good looking girls of today would be considered a fat ass when i was in my teens .

    The girls used to be a walking fucking porn excuse me
    You cant keep a player down!
    Dont hate him , hate your fuking bullshit game !

  5. #5

    Re: "I don't want a divorce"

    Quote Originally Posted by Insidious_Sid View Post
    I was just thinking the other night the very same thing, MaCavity. Yes, there are certain "warm fuzzies" that come with a relationship, but what else really? The more I look back, the more the whole thing was just a massive pain in the ass. Her wants. Her needs. Her parent's needs. All of those kids birthdays with the inlaws and the inevitable game face and "pretend to like everybody" nonsense. And yes, when there was an hour or two that didn't get booked solid or wasted going to some overcrowded mall for one damned thing or another, a man likes to sit. Maybe sit and think, or maybe just sit. And you're glared at. For sitting. For ten goddamned minutes.

    Fuck that shit.

    It's the way women feel entitled to completely take over your life that makes MOST relationships a walk down misery lane.
    Exactly.

    I had two incidents at work today concerning my love life (!). One older guy keeps calling me 'girl' for some reason. I told him he was blind, and I was going to teach him what a man actually is. He is the type where if you don't have a girl, you are a 'loser' while he is 'married'. I told him that guys like me don't have to get married because the wives and girlfriends use guys like me while their 'guy' is away. (I don't do that, but girls have made offers.) He just sat down and looked stunned.

    Other co-workers talking about 'love', and then said, 'we need to know what type of girl you like' (uh oh). I told them I have never been in love (true enough). "Oh, you will be..." Nope. I am approaching 40 so LOL to that. What can I say to Blue Pill dudes?

    One story I heard (here maybe) that cemented my MGTOW position was hearing about The Most Attractive Man. Women wanted this guy sooo bad. They would call him up. They would visit his place. They would knock on his door. Oh, he was in demand.

    Was he rich? No. Was he handsome? No. Was he Chad? No.

    He was divorced multiple times, and he was the biggest sucker for any girl. He was the perfect tool.

    Esther Vilar in her masterpiece: "The Manipulated Man" described how women think of men in the same context as employers think of employees. If a man leaves his girl, her emotion is that of an employer seeing an employee leave for a different employer. But should that man swear off women, it would be like an employee saying he will never work for someone ever again. THAT is the true threat!

    MGTOW is life working for you and not for some bitch.
    They intentionally say what we 'ought' to do instead of what we could do. For if the lion discovers his own strength, he will become uncontrollable.

  6. #6

    Re: "I don't want a divorce"

    We made trips to see each other and on one trip she ended up pregnant.
    Translation:
    We made trips to see each other and on one trip she intentionally became pregnant just to "move things along " (e.g. get that marriage contract signed).
    "To marry means to halve oneís rights and double oneís duties" - Arthur Schopenhauer "
    "A bachelor is a man who didnít make the same mistake once."

  7. #7
    Senior Member O.G.'s Avatar
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    Re: "I don't want a divorce"

    That was painful to read. Add in the fact that there are countless men in similar situations with their wives.

    He is in a lose/lose situation. If he stays and "works" it out his life will still be hell. That damaged a relationshit will never be right. Pressing the nuclear divorce button on your life is a disaster also. The only hope is you can heal up and do much better without the twat in your life. Many of us here have, or are working just that.

    When I had to make my divorce decision best advice I was given was this. When the pain of staying, exceeds the pain of leaving, then you will go. So how much more pain will this guy need? Only he can tell.

    I read shit like this and think how glad I am my turn is over and done. Miles and miles behind me now.
    "People are always angry at anyone who chooses very individual standards for his life; because of the extraordinary treatment which that man grants to himself, they feel degraded, like ordinary beings."
    - Nietzsche


  8. #8
    Senior Member Azure Nomad's Avatar
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    Re: "I don't want a divorce"

    I would add that not only is marriage not worth it but I would argue even LTR's that go on for many years. After the one year mark a LTR simply falls apart because a woman starts to expect a change or improvement in the relationship. Which is odd from a man's point of view because if a relationship is going good by the one year mark why would you want to change it? This is where the hamster self sabotages, but of course a man has to see this red flag and punt her to the curb.

    In my younger days I was more patient and forgiving of such behavior. But now that I am older I realize you should not forgive or be patient with someone that demands more from you when you have given your all in the first place.

  9. #9
    Senior Member Alik Sakharov's Avatar
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    Re: "I don't want a divorce"

    Quote Originally Posted by Azure Nomad View Post
    I would add that not only is marriage not worth it but I would argue even LTR's that go on for many years. After the one year mark a LTR simply falls apart because a woman starts to expect a change or improvement in the relationship. Which is odd from a man's point of view because if a relationship is going good by the one year mark why would you want to change it? This is where the hamster self sabotages, but of course a man has to see this red flag and punt her to the curb.

    In my younger days I was more patient and forgiving of such behavior. But now that I am older I realize you should not forgive or be patient with someone that demands more from you when you have given your all in the first place.
    And if you are honest your sexual attraction to her vanes in two years .

    Though dont forget her sexual attraction to you vanes in one .
    You cant keep a player down!
    Dont hate him , hate your fuking bullshit game !

  10. #10
    Senior Member Don Keyknob's Avatar
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    Re: "I don't want a divorce"

    Quote Originally Posted by Alik Sakharov View Post
    And if you are honest your sexual attraction to her vanes in two years .

    Though dont forget her sexual attraction to you vanes in one .


    To be honest, nowadays, my sexual attraction wanes the very second I've just ejaculated.

    "Hmmmnnnnffffff.........Thanks....now get out".

  11. #11
    Senior Member Alik Sakharov's Avatar
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    Re: "I don't want a divorce"

    Quote Originally Posted by Don Keyknob View Post
    To be honest, nowadays, my sexual attraction wanes the very second I've just ejaculated.

    "Hmmmnnnnffffff.........Thanks....now get out".
    Exactly ! Nobody watches the same porn twice
    You cant keep a player down!
    Dont hate him , hate your fuking bullshit game !


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