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  1. #1
    Senior Member Neo's Avatar
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    Where the carousel ends..

    ‘I’m Broke and Mostly Friendless, and I’ve Wasted My Whole Life’

    I feel like a ghost. I’m a 35-year-old woman, and I have nothing to show for it. My 20s and early 30s have been a twisting crisscross of moves all over the West Coast, a couple of brief stints abroad, multiple jobs in a mediocre role with no real upward track. I was also the poster child for serial monogamy. My most hopeful and longest lasting relationship (three and a half years, whoopee) ended two years ago. We moved to a new town (my fourth new city), created a home together, and then nose-dived into a traumatic breakup that launched me to my fifth and current city and who-knows-what-number job.

    For all these years of quick changes and rash decisions, which I once rationalized as adventurous, exploratory, and living an “original life,” I have nothing to show for it. I have no wealth, and I’m now saddled with enough debt from all of my moves, poor decisions, and lack of career drive that I may never be able to retire. I have no career milestones and don’t care for my line of work all that much anyway, but now it’s my lifeline, as I only have enough savings to buy a hotel room for two nights. I have no family nearby, no long-term relationship built on years of mutual growth and shared experiences, no children. While I make friends easily, I’ve left most of my friends behind in each city I’ve moved from while they’ve continued to grow deep roots: marriages, homeownership, career growth, community, families, children. I have a few close girlfriends, for which I am grateful, but life keeps getting busier and our conversations are now months apart. Most of my nights are spent alone with my cat (cue the clichť).

    I used to consider myself creative — a good writer, poetic, passionate, curious. Now, after many years of demanding yet uninspiring jobs, multiple heartbreaks, move after move, financial woes, I’m quite frankly exhausted. I can barely remember to buy dish soap let alone contemplate humanity or be inspired by AnaÔs Nin’s diaries. Honestly, I find artists offensive because I’m jealous and don’t understand how I landed this far away from myself.

    Also, within the past year I’ve had a breast-cancer scare and required surgery on my uterus due to a fertility issue. On top of that, I’m 35 and every gyno and women’s-health website this side of the Mississippi is telling me my fertility is dropping faster than a piano falling out of the sky. Now I’m looking into freezing my eggs, adding to my never-ending financial burden, in hopes of possibly making something of this haunted house and having a family someday with a no-named man.
    I’m trying, Polly. I am. I’m dating. I’m working out and working hard. Listening to music I enjoy and loving my cat. Calling my mom. Yet I truly feel like a ghost. No one knows who I am or where I’ve been. I haven’t kept a friend, lover, or foe around long enough to give anyone a chance. What’s the point? I don’t care for my job. I’m not building toward anything, and I don’t have the time or money to really invest in what I care about anyway at this point. On top of that, society is telling me my value as a woman is fading fast, my wrinkles require Botox (reference said poor finances), all the while my manager is asking for me to finish “that report by Monday.” Why bother?
    My apathy is coming out in weird ways. I’m drinking too much, and when I do see my friends on occasion, I end up getting drunk and angry or sad or both and pushing them away. And with men I date, I feel pressure to make something of the relationship too soon (move in, get married, “I have to have kids in a couple of years”; fun times!). All the while still trying to be the sexpot 25-year-old I thought I was until what seemed like a moment ago.

    I used to think I was the one who had it all figured out. Adventurous life in the city! Traveling the world! Making memories! Now I feel incredibly hollow. And foolish. How can I make a future for myself that I can get excited about out of these wasted years? What reserves or identity can I draw from when I feel like I’ve accrued nothing up to this point with my life choices?
    It is no measure of health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society." - Jiddu Krishnamurti

  2. #2
    Senior Member Don Keyknob's Avatar
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    Re: Where the carousel ends..

    Neo....you nasty boy!!

    There's nothing humorous about a 35 year old depressed woman, full of strangers semen who has had to freeze her eggs AND at the same time realise that life doesn't exist solely for HER own benefit.

    Have a heart!!


  3. #3
    Senior Member Ace Francis's Avatar
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    Re: Where the carousel ends..

    I've just skimmed through the article. But I've gotta wonder.. did she get arrogant when she had the power to get more men and think she was better than someone on her TRUE SMV (sexual marketplace value) level? Men are known to slum it up here and there and a 7 SMV man will sleep with a 4SMV woman. (On a scale of 10.)

    Is she one of those 4s whose silly fuzzy self-delusional hamster math told her that her 4 SMV rating plus HIS 7 SMV now makes her an immaculent 11 out of a 10 point scale? thought she had a room where she started shooting down fives and fours thinking that she could do better than a 7 Maybe? If so, big whoops! (Welcome to The Wall tm)

    At least when men like me get lucky and sleep with someone a few points above our SMV level, at least I am enough of a realist to not decide that I am a Chad all a sudden (the opposite of what the so-called fairer sex apparently does).

    After giving some women I dated in their 30s a second or third spin in their 40s, they were more like souring milk than good wine that aged. but it was a lot more than just the looks that went. It was also the bubbly kind of young attitude that they had in their thirties that was all but gone.

    Accountability is KRYPTONITE to women. So don't expect someone with the insight of a flea or cockroach to tell you. It certainly is not going to come from her!

    I must say the article seems too good to be true. I'm used to seeing these women blame ex-boyfriends/ex-husbands/ex-family/ex-etc for everything that went wrong in their life.
    Last edited by Ace Francis; November 29, 2018 at 11:54 PM.

  4. #4
    Senior Member Don Keyknob's Avatar
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    Re: Where the carousel ends..

    Quote Originally Posted by Ace Francis View Post


    Accountability is KRYPTONITE to women.


    Ain't that the truth Ace?


  5. #5
    Senior Member Unboxxed's Avatar
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    Re: Where the carousel ends..

    Geez, the only thing more pathetic than Haunted's letter was Polly's answer. Ten whopping paragraphs into her reply, Polly finally says five sentences that might just might have some restorative value (the part from "But" to "forever"). The rest was airhead bullshit, really! I kept reading and reading, thinking how Polly alternates between, 1) restating what Haunted said and, 2) talking about her own life, neither which serves nothing to help, and I was thinking if that is how women counsel each other, God help them both, and if it does help Haunted, then only by the useless hypnosis of word construction might Haunted walk away not so much helped, but bewildered, and not knowing the difference. Live inside of your shame, Polly says. Live inside of your shame? Really? WTF is that? Who talks like that in the real world? Geez, they deserve each other. I wanted to post a comment to this effect but clicking there wouldn't work, so oh well, I'd just be speaking earth to outer space.

    Of course, I'm not a woman, so I've never been to me.

    Barf.

    I'd tell Haunted that she should consult a therapist to break her long habit of chasing superficiality in her life, because Polly is just the next superficial person that will do her no good and in fact delay her from seeking the right stuff. Haunted needs to break this life-damaging habit of valuing the superficial things that go around and are everywhere.

    The view from here.
    Last edited by Unboxxed; November 29, 2018 at 6:55 AM.
    The two most important days in your life are the day you were born and the day you find out why. - Mark Twain

    The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation.
    - Henry David Thoreau

    There are 10 types of people in the world - those who understand binary, and those who don't.

  6. #6
    Super Moderator Mr Wombat's Avatar
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    Re: Where the carousel ends..

    Yet I truly feel like a ghost. No one knows who I am or where I’ve been. I haven’t kept a friend, lover, or foe around long enough to give anyone a chance. What’s the point? I don’t care for my job. I’m not building toward anything, and I don’t have the time or money to really invest in what I care about anyway at this point.
    Welcome to my world, babes. You'll hate it, but you'll get used to it.

    From polly's reply:

    But your concept of yourself makes no sense. You got it from a rom-com. Age 35 is not an expiration date on your beauty or your worth. It doesn’t matter if every single human alive believes this.
    It's kinda does. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, after all, and the beholder is everyone else. "Worth", also, means "worth to other people". Anything else makes no sense.

    If you want to build a life with a partner, and have a more satisfying career, and maybe have children, you need to treat yourself like a treasured child starting today.
    Exactly the opposite of the right advice. Treating herself like a treasured child is what got her into this mess. What might get her out of it is maxims like "To have a friend, be a friend".

    Shame is the opposite of art. When you live inside of your shame, everything you see is inadequate and embarrassing.
    Polly sees this person's problem as her shame. A bit of projection going on there, I suspect. And not a small amount of the usual feminine "feels before reals". Her querent's biggest problem, it seems, is shame, and not the fact that she's two nights away from having to live on the street.

    When I’m hiding from my shame and also viewing my life through the lens of that shame, I get fixated on WHAT NEEDS FIXING. But nothing needs fixing, actually. I need to come back to reality and live there instead. Living in reality means becoming a scientist of shame. It’s an investigation.
    For fuck's sake.

  7. #7
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    Re: Where the carousel ends..

    Using logic and blaming themselves? Said no woman ever. I'm with Ace, it's too good to be true.
    Every day I make the world a little bit worse.

  8. #8
    Senior Member Alik Sakharov's Avatar
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    Re: Where the carousel ends..

    Quote Originally Posted by frog View Post
    Using logic and blaming themselves? Said no woman ever. I'm with Ace, it's too good to be true.
    Fog , please post your intro already, please .
    You cant keep a player down!
    Dont hate him , hate your fuking bullshit game !

  9. #9
    Senior Member Alik Sakharov's Avatar
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    Re: Where the carousel ends..

    She said alcohol ... I have seen in my life careers ruined of a superstar athletes ( me included ) by alco , super fucking stars , millionaires go bum because of it . In rehab i talked to this CEO dude and we laughed about that on drugs he was running his business smooth and on alco he lost it all .

    A chick A+++++++ on alco goes bum in a year easy . A dude on alco needs 20 years to go that low .


    You have to look no further .
    You cant keep a player down!
    Dont hate him , hate your fuking bullshit game !

  10. #10
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    Talking Re: Where the carousel ends..

    Quote Originally Posted by Alik Sakharov View Post
    Fog , please post your intro already, please .
    Leave that toe rag Fog out of it. We don't need them, or their poxy intro. They must not like it much either, since its been deleted. Why'd this asshole have to pick a name so close mine anyway?
    Every day I make the world a little bit worse.

  11. #11
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    Re: Where the carousel ends..

    Quote Originally Posted by Neo View Post
    On top of that, I’m 35 and every gyno and women’s-health website this side of the Mississippi is telling me my fertility is dropping faster than a piano falling out of the sky. Now I’m looking into freezing my eggs, adding to my never-ending financial burden, in hopes of possibly making something of this haunted house and having a family someday with a no-named man.
    That says it all right there. I wonder if she did get married, how happy she would be after the divorce?

  12. #12

    Re: Where the carousel ends..

    Hehehehe why do I get this nice sense of satisfation reading these kind of stories...
    Where have all the good men gone???

  13. #13
    Senior Member Aintdealingwithyoshit's Avatar
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    Re: Where the carousel ends..

    While there's a decent bit of self-pity in there, at least this womyn takes good long hard look at herself and her choices. Few ever do. Most just hamster it must be the menz fault or other such nonsense.
    And yeah, definitely, welcome to our world, my dear.
    Solution for the rapefugee crisis https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uTYkcnJdDio
    Politicians? Oh, you mean ​lamppost ornaments!

  14. #14
    Senior Member Don Keyknob's Avatar
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    Re: Where the carousel ends..

    Quote Originally Posted by frog View Post
    Leave that toe rag Fog out of it. We don't need them, or their poxy intro. They must not like it much either, since its been deleted. Why'd this asshole have to pick a name so close mine anyway?
    Wait until Frig & Frag turn up - it'll be a nightmare!!!

  15. #15
    Member stanmsl's Avatar
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    Re: Where the carousel ends..

    Quote Originally Posted by Porkncheese View Post
    Hehehehe why do I get this nice sense of satisfation reading these kind of stories...
    Where have all the good men gone???
    I'm a firm believer in equality...……………….treat these women exactly the same as she treated good honest men in her 20s.

  16. #16
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    Re: Where the carousel ends..

    My advice to the woman:

    1) Stop describing the problem. The longer you talk about it, the longer you'll remain in it.

    2) Within 24 hours, set a financially-rewarding goal for where you want to be in two years. It may not be the thing you most want to achieve. At the same time, don't choose something that'll make you puke.

    3) Within the subsequent 24 hours, write out a detailed plan to get there, with an aggressive but manageable timetable that leaves you little spare time. If that means no intimate relationships, then okay, no intimate relationships.

    4) Vow to adhere to the plan no matter what.

    5) Execute on your two-year timetable.

    6) Allow no distractions/diversions into your life during that time, such as weirdo web sites offering emotional slush and "soft," space-shot advice. Stick to business.

    Maybe I'm oversimplifying. But I don't think so.

  17. #17
    Senior Member Unboxxed's Avatar
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    Re: Where the carousel ends..

    Quote Originally Posted by frog View Post
    Why'd this asshole have to pick a name so close mine anyway?
    Couldn't be a typo, since the A and the O are far apart on the keyboard...

    Flog was available....
    The two most important days in your life are the day you were born and the day you find out why. - Mark Twain

    The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation.
    - Henry David Thoreau

    There are 10 types of people in the world - those who understand binary, and those who don't.

  18. #18

    Re: Where the carousel ends..

    Quote Originally Posted by kru-kut View Post
    My advice to the woman:

    1) Stop describing the problem. The longer you talk about it, the longer you'll remain in it.

    2) Within 24 hours, set a financially-rewarding goal for where you want to be in two years. It may not be the thing you most want to achieve. At the same time, don't choose something that'll make you puke.

    3) Within the subsequent 24 hours, write out a detailed plan to get there, with an aggressive but manageable timetable that leaves you little spare time. If that means no intimate relationships, then okay, no intimate relationships.

    4) Vow to adhere to the plan no matter what.

    5) Execute on your two-year timetable.

    6) Allow no distractions/diversions into your life during that time, such as weirdo web sites offering emotional slush and "soft," space-shot advice. Stick to business.

    Maybe I'm oversimplifying. But I don't think so.
    The problem with your advice, as I see it that it assumes rational, disciplined behavior on the part of the ex carousel rider. How is that going to happen?

  19. #19
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    Re: Where the carousel ends..

    Quote Originally Posted by ABigSiameseCat View Post
    The problem with your advice, as I see it that it assumes rational, disciplined behavior on the part of the ex carousel rider. How is that going to happen?
    Beats me, man, and frankly I don't care whether she acts on it or doesn't act on it, because that's outside my sphere of influence. I don't care if she prints out my advice and hangs it on her mantle, or wipes her butt with it ten minutes after eating a stale gas station burrito. Either way, at least I can say I tried in good faith. That's about as far as anyone can go when doling out advice to a stranger. The rest is up to the other person. I guess you can tell I don't sweat this stuff too much. I probably would've been a shitty father.

  20. #20

    Re: Where the carousel ends..

    Time to try my hand at roasting... Terrance Popp style just for the heck of it.

    I feel like a ghost. Iím a 35-year-old woman, and I have nothing to show for it. My 20s and early 30s have been a twisting crisscross of moves all over the West Coast, a couple of brief stints abroad, multiple jobs in a mediocre role with no real upward track. I was also the poster child for serial monogamy. My most hopeful and longest lasting relationship (three and a half years, whoopee) ended two years ago. We moved to a new town (my fourth new city), created a home together, and then nose-dived into a traumatic breakup that launched me to my fifth and current city and who-knows-what-number job.
    Old habits die hard I suppose, and the poles are always shinier in the next city over. Also, there's no such thing as "serial monogamy". We just call that monkeybranching, or pump and dump around here. All depends on how serial the monogamy was.

    For all these years of quick changes and rash decisions, which I once rationalized as adventurous, exploratory, and living an ďoriginal life,Ē I have nothing to show for it. I have no wealth, and Iím now saddled with enough debt from all of my moves, poor decisions, and lack of career drive that I may never be able to retire. I have no career milestones and donít care for my line of work all that much anyway, but now itís my lifeline, as I only have enough savings to buy a hotel room for two nights. I have no family nearby, no long-term relationship built on years of mutual growth and shared experiences, no children. While I make friends easily, Iíve left most of my friends behind in each city Iíve moved from while theyíve continued to grow deep roots: marriages, homeownership, career growth, community, families, children. I have a few close girlfriends, for which I am grateful, but life keeps getting busier and our conversations are now months apart. Most of my nights are spent alone with my cat (cue the clichť).
    In other words, you got flung off the Carousel so hard that it shot you as far as the next city, where you slammed smack-dab into The Wall, and it didn't budge an inch for you. And now that the price tag for the Feminist Koolaid is finally there. And it hit you HARD, because well, you have nothing to fall back on! Living an "original life" looks great on paper, but it's essentially just one big party. And I'm willing to bet that it were your looks that got you invited into that party! And now, they're gone, and so are you. 'Cause you can't eat "originality". So welcome to the unoriginal, REAL world where boring casual stuff like career, life planning and debt management become important. And when you don't do those early, they come back to bite you later! Welcome to Equality of Responsibility, where a lass can hit the gutter just as hard as a lad. And there will be no one to pick you up out of it, you're on your own.

    I used to consider myself creative ó a good writer, poetic, passionate, curious. Now, after many years of demanding yet uninspiring jobs, multiple heartbreaks, move after move, financial woes, Iím quite frankly exhausted. I can barely remember to buy dish soap let alone contemplate humanity or be inspired by AnaÔs Ninís diaries. Honestly, I find artists offensive because Iím jealous and donít understand how I landed this far away from myself.
    'Cause you spent no effort, whatsoever. Nothing prevented you from being poetic on your journeys. Contemplating humanity isn't a profession, it's a hobby. But one that's hard to do when you're either A: Wasted on alcohol or whatever drug of choice. B: Getting it on with the Chad-of-the-week. C: Considering living an "original life" a full time job! So sure, blame the loss of your dreams on those who HAVE invested the time and effort to reach them. As a bit of a poet myself, I say to you, "'Till mind and heart and spirit all die, words of either may yet fly." See? It ain't even that hard. Go write bitter tragedies, or spiteful proses. Go write your life story as a warning to others on the Feminist Koolaid. Just get off your self-victimizing rear and fucking DO IT. Men have done so for centuries before you, don't expect sympathy. Always remember: You lot wanted this.

    Also, within the past year Iíve had a breast-cancer scare and required surgery on my uterus due to a fertility issue. On top of that, Iím 35 and every gyno and womenís-health website this side of the Mississippi is telling me my fertility is dropping faster than a piano falling out of the sky. Now Iím looking into freezing my eggs, adding to my never-ending financial burden, in hopes of possibly making something of this haunted house and having a family someday with a no-named man.
    Don't bother, you can't afford it, and Big Daddy State isn't springing for this. Adopt if ever you manage to claw your way out of debt, which given your motivation, I doubt will happen. You've pretty much squandered your chance at quasi-natural motherhood. Us men have always said feminism is a selfcorrecting problem, and here we see it. Evolution in action. Nature knows best.

    Iím trying, Polly. I am. Iím dating. Iím working out and working hard. Listening to music I enjoy and loving my cat. Calling my mom. Yet I truly feel like a ghost. No one knows who I am or where Iíve been. I havenít kept a friend, lover, or foe around long enough to give anyone a chance. Whatís the point? I donít care for my job. Iím not building toward anything, and I donít have the time or money to really invest in what I care about anyway at this point. On top of that, society is telling me my value as a woman is fading fast, my wrinkles require Botox (reference said poor finances), all the while my manager is asking for me to finish ďthat report by Monday.Ē Why bother?
    You feel invisible. Welcome to the life of oh, EVERY FRICKIN GUY THAT ISN'T RIPPED OR LOADED. Great to see it from the other side now, is it? To feel disposable? Discarded like a worthless piece of flesh and bone when all use of it has expired? Yea, welcome to the life of man, which you feminists have fought so hard for. Was it everything you dreamed of? It's yours now, until death. No, that wasn't a suggested course of action, despite what recent statistics about female suicide rates say.
    And as for why you should bother with that report, well, you can add future unemployment to your list of financial woes. And ask yourself ahead of time how that happened. Oh, wait, I'm sure you'll blame it on the patriarchy.

    My apathy is coming out in weird ways. Iím drinking too much, and when I do see my friends on occasion, I end up getting drunk and angry or sad or both and pushing them away. And with men I date, I feel pressure to make something of the relationship too soon (move in, get married, ďI have to have kids in a couple of yearsĒ; fun times!). All the while still trying to be the sexpot 25-year-old I thought I was until what seemed like a moment ago.
    Did I say old habits die hard? Old habits do die hard. Your partying days are over missy. A desperate drunk is something men and women alike will run away from, cause there's nothing more ugly then that. Botox or not. And about that - I wouldn't bother. Botox doesn't fix anxiety. Or general signs of aging. Men will know you're no 25 year old. Just another wallsmasher desperate to hook a fool. But good luck finding someone THAT foolish.

    I used to think I was the one who had it all figured out. Adventurous life in the city! Traveling the world! Making memories! Now I feel incredibly hollow. And foolish. How can I make a future for myself that I can get excited about out of these wasted years? What reserves or identity can I draw from when I feel like Iíve accrued nothing up to this point with my life choices?
    Quite frankly. You can't. Because you have no identity to speak of short of what you seem to find in the bottom of a winebottle, your entire selfworth seems locked in starting a family, but you can't come to terms with the fact that you've squandered the opportunity you have had. And I see you've got a few options!
    A: You muddle on, hoping for Captain Save-A-Ho who will never come, slowly drinking more until it interferes with your job and you get fired, then lose what little you have left and end up homeless. You grow bitter and blame everyone but yourself.
    B: You swallow the black pill and accept that your hopes and dreams are dead - killed by your own irresponsibility. And figure out how to spend the next 40 to 60 years alone, starting with fixing your debt and cutting costs in the aesthetics department. Botox and eggfreezing? Waste of money that you don't have.
    C: You swallow some different pills and add to a beforementioned statistic.
    Judging by your past and present behavior, I ain't holding my breath for B.

    Well, all in all this is just a shining example of why you can't give freedoms without teaching responsibilities. Sure, it's all fun and games, but the bill does come! And unlike the good old days, it isn't the Mister Good Guy who is picking up the tab anymore. No, those times are over. You all wanted equality, you all wished for the right to do as you please. Well, here come the responsibilities that are attached to it. And no one but you will be dealing with those. Us ghosted men? We've got our careers sorted. We've got our mortgages almost paid off. We've got our car and nestegg. We're fine over here.
    But we don't need, nor want you anymore. Have a GREAT life.
    Shame is a womans primary weapon. Watch for it, and call it out wherever you see it. Few women know how to handle a man immune to shame.


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