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  1. #1

    Things You Do as an Adult When You've Experienced Childhood Emotional Abuse

    This is a little off-center, but I think a lot of us have these issues from our Mothers and girls we liked in our youth and have also known a lot of damaged women like this.

    https://themighty.com/2017/06/childh...-adult-habits/

    1. “[I] can’t stand conflict, loud sudden noises, shouting and screaming or aggression in any form. [It] triggers my fight or flight, instantly.”

    2. “I can’t accept compliments. When someone [compliments] me, my response would just just be ‘umm yeah’ or I’ll just smile awkwardly. I just figured out why… During my childhood, people just [noticed] my mistakes and not my achievements. So now it is hard for me to accept compliments.”

    3. “I’m an overachiever. At everything and anything. I still feel the need to prove I’m good enough. I obsess about doing a job/task to perfection. And then I obsess about how I could do it better. [I worry] about others’ opinions way too much.”

    4. “I always feel like I am doing everything wrong… It’s very hard to convince me I am good at something.”

    “I’m basically a hermit. My home is my fortress. I have BPD, PTSD and
    anxiety. It’s so hard to work or apply myself in school or just life when every time I want to apply myself, I can’t help but run to the nearest exit to catch my breath. I constantly fear everyone around me.”

    I have problems trusting people. I keep people at [an] arm’s length. I never really let them into my life. I don’t allow them to know of my health problems and my mental illnesses. If I do let them in, it is rare and they [will] have known me for years. It takes a long time [for me] to build trust.”

    “I have trouble accepting any kind of love because growing up, it was always given with strings attached or used a tool for manipulation. I don’t trust that others have the capacity to love me unconditionally, so I hide away parts of myself, never allowing myself to experience the vulnerability that comes with being loved, chosen and accepted by others.”

    [I have] attachment issues, trust issues [and am] paranoid that everyone will leave me. A lot of this is part of my BPD. My sudden divorce also contributed to these behaviors

    I never, ever fight back. I may cut toxic people out of my life with the help of amazing friends and professionals, but whenever a conflict is actively going on that involves someone attacking my character… I completely shut down. I let whatever they want to say wash over me until they tire themselves out.

    lashing out on social media for years. Controversial and angry statuses, just due to the anger inside of me. I have texts I sent my friend where I described just how much I felt this unsettling anger in my chest. Emotional abuse from peers at school to family [can] really [mess] you up.

  2. #2
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    Re: Things You Do as an Adult When You've Experienced Childhood Emotional Abuse

    I do some a these things, but thankfully not the whole list.

    I don't consider myself to have been abused, though you had to watch your shit around my old man.
    Every day I make the world a little bit worse.

  3. #3
    Senior Member Boar's Avatar
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    Re: Things You Do as an Adult When You've Experienced Childhood Emotional Abuse

    We are all broken in one way or another. It is the measure of the person how they choose to heal, if they can. Some never heal, and let their wounds define themselves and how they see the world: these are the eternal victims. Others know something is wrong, but are unable to understand or know the cause and unexpectedly lash out when triggered: these are the unbalanced. The vast majority of people choose to distract themselves from their pain, isolate themselves from others and seek to hide from reality itself, for this is not the world they were promised. Very few are able to know what has happened to them, know who they are despite their circumstances and make the painful steps to accept their reality and move on in spite of it. These few, we call survivors.

    I would daresay most of the men on this board are survivors.

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    Re: Things You Do as an Adult When You've Experienced Childhood Emotional Abuse

    I don't like compliments because I always look for an "angle" when someone talks to me.

    I'm pretty quiet because my uncle used to lure me into what I called "ambushes" he would ask me what I've been doing and when I told him he would make fun of it in some way. He used to tell me I was useless etc as well. Both parents spoke about suicide to me at a young age.

    I learned to just keep my mouth shut. I could cop their abuse but when I spoke back or mentioned it was hurting me they would keep going or attack me for being hurt.

    I mean I could go on and on but when the ones who are supposed to protect and nurture you, don't do that and in fact cause harm you learn to deal with it in your own way.
    Last edited by Morlock; February 2, 2019 at 7:23 AM.

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    Senior Member Don Keyknob's Avatar
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    Re: Things You Do as an Adult When You've Experienced Childhood Emotional Abuse

    That's a very accurate list. I'm not an overachiever, that's for certain, but most of the rest of the list is pretty spot on in my case.

    Playing Devil's advocate for a moment - I'd have to say through experience that childhood emotional trauma from either parent is damaging and couldn't be just leveled at Mothers/girls. It was the opposite for me. Dad, a problem, Mother, the saving factor.

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    Senior Member Opaque's Avatar
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    Re: Things You Do as an Adult When You've Experienced Childhood Emotional Abuse

    Yea, I exhibit these anxieties.
    My mother was abusive, she stole my money, skimped my meals to save money (for herself), threatened to call the police on me as a child if I didn't do what she said, and she was one of the most manipulative cunts I have ever encountered.

    I have to admit, that motherly abuse is a strong factor in me going MGTOW. But I cannot deny that most females in the modern world are disgusting, useless and lack manners. This is a fact.

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    Re: Things You Do as an Adult When You've Experienced Childhood Emotional Abuse

    From Tangent's list:

    #1: Conflict used to bother me, but not now. Now I stand up for the truth and correct behavior.

    #2: Ditto. Whenever I get a compliment, I know for a fact there's something behind it. I'm right 99% of the time.

    #3: Ditto, but what drives me is that I was such a geeky loser at sports in high school; I swore that would never happen again, and that no one would ever get better results than I do at any particular task. Imperfection -- others' as well as my own -- annoys the shit out of me.

    #4: Yep, except replace "always" with "typically," and "everything" with "many things." But I'm okay with that because it drives me to improve, to get "that last 2%" right.

    That "basically a hermit" deal: No, that's not me. And I don't have any of those alphabet-soup psychological conditions, either. I'm not a vet, but as far as I'm concerned, it's a disgrace for any civilian to apply any of those to himself if he's not a military vet who's been in battle conditions. Any civilian who claims to have those conditions is a fucking snowflake.

    Trusting people: See #2 above.

    Trouble accepting love: Check. My parents were fine, honorable people who knew little about how to communicate it to their kids. Different languages. I read somewhere that by the time a kid's 6 or 7, it's too late.

    "Never, ever fight back." I can't recall even one time where someone's attacked my character. I think that was the context. I'm talking about people who are sane, though. The other ones I don't give a shit about because typically they're not worth my time.

    Social media: What the fuck is that.

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    Re: Things You Do as an Adult When You've Experienced Childhood Emotional Abuse

    It was kind of mentioned in number 1 but for me, some people can have arguments and then carry on as if nothing happened. For me it is more personal, I can't just pick up again as if all is ok. I don't sulk as such but I can't just write it off quickly either.

    Likewise, not many things mean enough for me to bother fighting about. Especially at work, I really couldn't give a shit and tend to sit back and enjoy watching it all burn.


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