Results 1 to 14 of 14
  1. #1
    Junior Member Ghostopier's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2017
    Location
    UK
    Posts
    5
    Reputation
    20
    Type
    Ghost

    Question Dealing with sisters?

    One of the main problems I have been experiencing lately has been with my sister, she is older than me but still acts like a teenager. She is the very of women that as mgtow we try to avoid, a single mother she told the father to get lost while pregnant. She gets very drunk most weekends leaving my mother to baby sit then goes home drunk and loud and unable to function properly for several days afterwards. She has different guys round her house whom are known criminals in and out of jail, for theft, drug dealing, have beaten up women before, general scum and has had to call the police to deal with them in the past but still lets them into her house time and time again.

    The only times I hear from her is asking to borrow money, even though she gets plenty of money from the government to support herself, but spends money on stupid things such as fancy nails, eyebrow tattoo things, new furniture every couple of months it's endless.

    I guess my question is, living the lifestyle of a ghost it become easy to block out women in a relationship/dating sense, but what about relatives? I don't have much family left and like to help out my mother when I can, but my sister has total dominant control of her and any spare money she has my sister will pry from her hands.
    Last edited by Ghostopier; May 12, 2017 at 5:15 PM.

  2. #2
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    May 2014
    Posts
    725
    Reputation
    2408
    Type
    Ghost

    Re: Dealing with sisters?

    I guess this means whatever you do for your mom has to be something that's of no benefit to your sister. Otherwise, you know what'll happen.

    Beyond that, don't know what to tell you. My best friend and his sister don't get along, and it's been going on for oh, sixty some years. And his sister's blue ribbon compared to yours.

    Watching your mom get used has to hurt, even if she's bringing it on herself. But I don't see what you can do. If it was me, your sister would get told real plain just what a skank she is for taking advantage of your mom. But what good would that do? You mom's too far gone, she'd side with your sister. You could also start a diary, and document your sis's dirty work. A year a that would normally slime someone like her pretty bad. But your mom probably wouldn't see it. She'll go to her grave thinking your sister's great.
    Last edited by frog; May 12, 2017 at 8:31 PM.
    Drop the needle!

  3. #3
    Senior Member Mr Wombat's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2014
    Posts
    3,577
    Reputation
    15525
    Type
    Neutral

    Re: Dealing with sisters?

    Doe she usually return money that you have "loaned" to her? If not, then they weren't loans, were they?

    Tough call, man, if your sister is bringing dirtbags home and you are not old enough to grab a shotgun and be man of the house. Your mother will do nothing - it's likely that she feels this is just how you normally live. You party at 20 while mom takes care of her grandkids, get some babies for that sweet free government cash and take care of the grandkids in your turn. It's generational. Sucks to be a son in that culture.

    You have to get out of home. If you make it out - get a job, build a life - don't help either of these people out for shit.

  4. #4
    Senior Member Azure Nomad's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2014
    Posts
    1,876
    Reputation
    7989
    Type
    Bachelor

    Re: Dealing with sisters?

    Quote Originally Posted by Ghostopier View Post
    One of the main problems I have been experiencing lately has been with my sister, she is older than me but still acts like a teenager. She is the very of women that as mgtow we try to avoid, a single mother she told the father to get lost while pregnant. She gets very drunk most weekends leaving my mother to baby sit then goes home drunk and loud and unable to function properly for several days afterwards. She has different guys round her house whom are known criminals in and out of jail, for theft, drug dealing, have beaten up women before, general scum and has had to call the police to deal with them in the past but still lets them into her house time and time again.

    The only times I hear from her is asking to borrow money, even though she gets plenty of money from the government to support herself, but spends money on stupid things such as fancy nails, eyebrow tattoo things, new furniture every couple of months it's endless.

    I guess my question is, living the lifestyle of a ghost it become easy to block out women in a relationship/dating sense, but what about relatives? I don't have much family left and like to help out my mother when I can, but my sister has total dominant control of her and any spare money she has my sister will pry from her hands.
    Blocking people out or creating distance is one layer of ghosting. The other layers are more nuanced where you try to distance yourself from tough situations. As others have pointed out don't loan money and don't put yourself in a situation where your mother will guilt you to give money to your sister.

    This is easier said than done, especially if you live with your family. Ghosting to me is indeed doing what you want without advertising it to everyone and just going with the flow of what life has to offer. However, whether you are ghosting or just going your own way as a man you need to establish a logical plan about job, financial future, and investments. Start planning, and start with easy to do things (eg have a job, saving in bank account, etc).

    There will come a time where they will expect you to pull your sister out of a financial hole. It is going to happen, so you must plan ahead of time an exit strategy sadly. You may not have to use such exit strategy, but as a man you need to start planning your independence.

    This is a tough thing to do as a young man, because no man expects independence involving slowly drifting away from family. But it does happen to families that have different values and honestly you are not in a healthy environment when your sister is dragging everyone else down.

  5. #5
    Senior Member Unboxxed's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2014
    Location
    USA
    Posts
    1,432
    Reputation
    5581
    Type
    enigmatic

    Re: Dealing with sisters?

    Quote Originally Posted by Ghostopier View Post
    leaving my mother to baby sit then goes home drunk and loud and unable to function properly for several days afterwards. She has different guys round her house
    I take it from the way you wrote this, that your sister does not live with your mother? What a blessing right there.

    I have a sister who used to hit up my sisters and my mother for money but never paid it back. Went on for years. She was good at making it sound like if you did not help her, you were party to whatever her problem was. The guilt trip thing. When she finally got around to asking me to lend her money, I said no. That was it. She never asked again. She knows I'd lay her to waste with a "transactional analysis" of her behavior. She must have been desperate to come to me, after years of milking the others dry. Or they finally learned how to say No.

    You don't say what kind of help your mom needs, financial, or manual labor around the house, but I like what frog said, to help your mom in a way that's of no benefit to your sister. For instance, no cash payments to Mom's hands. Accompany her to the store and pay at the register for her, etc. Pay her bills third-party. Take her out to eat. But I bet you do that.

    Mother's Day is Sunday. I need to post my annual remembrance of her on Craigslist Rant & Rave. It's nice to defy the vitriol they post there.
    The two most important days in your life are the day you were born and the day you find out why. - Mark Twain

    Most men lead lives of quiet desperation and go to the grave with the song still in them.
    - Henry David Thoreau

    You're better than any man you outlive.
    - me

    There are 10 types of people in the world - those who understand binary, and those who don't.

  6. #6
    Junior Member Ghostopier's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2017
    Location
    UK
    Posts
    5
    Reputation
    20
    Type
    Ghost

    Re: Dealing with sisters?

    Quote Originally Posted by Azure Nomad View Post
    Blocking people out or creating distance is one layer of ghosting.

    I'm in my last year of university now so I guess this is the best option just to get some good amount of distance from them.

    Quote Originally Posted by Mr Wombat View Post
    Doe she usually return money that you have "loaned" to her? If not, then they weren't loans, were they?
    "She" does pay me back after a while, but I think its actually my mum thats paying me back with her own money.


    Quote Originally Posted by Unboxxed View Post
    I take it from the way you wrote this, that your sister does not live with your mother?

    Yes sorry I was a bit vague with details, they both live in the same neighbourhood just a few doors from each other, I live in the same town since started going to university, but finish soon. I was thinking of looking for jobs locally but thinking it may be better to just move as far away as possible from them and disappear.


    Your sister sound very much like what mine does, if you don't help you're just a bastard that never helps family at all.

    She's retired now and doesn't get much money from pension and sometimes has trouble paying her utilities and food because my sister guilts her into paying for so much for her grandson, I don't know if my sister even pays for anything she should do, just new phones, laptops, furniture all the time.

    Maybe it's the last part of whiteknight left in me? Maybe I should just let them get on with it on their own, or is family just more complicated?

  7. #7
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    May 2014
    Posts
    725
    Reputation
    2408
    Type
    Ghost

    Re: Dealing with sisters?

    Family should rate higher, but it only goes so far, and your sister crossed that line long ago. Remember that when sis and mom start working on you together. Cause Azure's right, they will. "GT's got money now, why can't he help"? And mom's going to buy it, cause she honestly believes sis need's help. However stupid that sound's.

    To start with, I'd keep a note book. In Nov, sis got phone, mom paid rent. Dec sis buy's chair, mom cover's food. Go for a year, and keep it secret. Them when mom asks why you won't help, you can say "mom, in 2017 sis spent X amount of money on herself while you paid X amount to keep the light's turned on". She'll probably won't take it well, but it'll be a lot harder for them to blame thing's on you. Cause they will. Try to remember it's not your mom talking.

    But the real solution, is what we American's call "getting the hell out of Dodge". You'll have to leave mom to your sister's mercy, but the truth is, she's doomed, and you can't save her. You hang around, they'll either drag you down with them, or paint you black. Probably both. Cause you know it can't be sis's fault. You don't want to be near when your sister's gravy train eventually end's, either. Do what you can for mom long distance. Anything more, you'll go down with the ship too.

    My old man's family was bastard's. He never cut contact, but moved far away, and pretty much ignored them the rest of his life.
    Drop the needle!

  8. #8
    Senior Member Azure Nomad's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2014
    Posts
    1,876
    Reputation
    7989
    Type
    Bachelor

    Re: Dealing with sisters?

    Yeah helping out your mother anway that doesn't involve your sister is a good strategy. Plus, it shows that you have a healthy balance of wanting your own independence as a man, but still want to maintain lines of communication with your mother.

  9. #9
    Senior Member Unboxxed's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2014
    Location
    USA
    Posts
    1,432
    Reputation
    5581
    Type
    enigmatic

    Re: Dealing with sisters?

    Quote Originally Posted by Ghostopier View Post
    She's retired now and doesn't get much money from pension and sometimes has trouble paying her utilities and food because my sister guilts her into paying for so much for her grandson,
    Have you been able to have a sit-down discussion with your mother, to find out how she reconciles in her mind the money she allocates to grandson versus paying her bills? Daughter gets very drunk most weekends. Does mother realize her cash payments to daughter may not all go to grandson? Does mother understand how guilt operates as a lever? If you bring these things up to discussion level, you then can refer to this discussion later, when useful.

    I've seen this dynamic before, all occurring on the female side of the house, so to speak. The women fuck with each other's emotions, prey upon them. In our family, the women viewed me as incapable of understanding the nuances of caring for little ones under complicated circumstances. I viewed the women as burying themselves in overthink to the effect of paralysis, unable to summon sufficient stamina to take any hard stand required to cut the crap. The victim actually cooperates with the game being played.
    The two most important days in your life are the day you were born and the day you find out why. - Mark Twain

    Most men lead lives of quiet desperation and go to the grave with the song still in them.
    - Henry David Thoreau

    You're better than any man you outlive.
    - me

    There are 10 types of people in the world - those who understand binary, and those who don't.

  10. #10
    Senior Member Eiji's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2015
    Location
    Sector 001, Earth, UCAS, Ohio Valley region
    Posts
    1,286
    Reputation
    1628
    Type
    pragmatist

    Re: Dealing with sisters?

    @ghostopier
    you got it relatively easy, Program....
    I got a feminist for a sister....
    "I live in freedom, under my own flag." - Captain Harlock

    "You can always judge a man by the quality of his enemies." - The Doctor, "Remembrance of the Daleks"

    "A man creates, a parasite asks 'where's my share?'." - Andrew Ryan, Bioshock

    "If you can tune into the fantasy life of an 11-year-old girl, you can make a fortune in this business." - George Lucas

  11. #11
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    May 2014
    Posts
    725
    Reputation
    2408
    Type
    Ghost

    Re: Dealing with sisters?

    Guess I assumed mom couldn't see, but maybe I'm wrong. You should talk to her. If it don't work, it don't work. If mom refuses to admit she's being played, switch to plan B. Don't rub her nose in it, but don't let your sister slide either. "Gee mom, she got you again, didn't she? When you going to learn?" Don't beat it to death, one comment per episode's plenty. They try to guilt you, tell e'm your an adult now, and won't be helping a leech who's never going to change. I guess you could say it better, my family's not very diplomatic. But that's the idea you want to get across.

    That don't work, leave when you can.

    I'm at a disadvantage here, everyone in my family paddle's their own canoe.
    Drop the needle!

  12. #12

    Re: Dealing with sisters?

    Here goes. One more opinion worth exactly what you paid for it. Coming from a family that put the fun back in 'dysfunctional' and as a Ghost, I've found it's better to just walk away. Once you open up the dialogue, you just give them more fodder for financial and emotional abuse. Your mother had her entire life to take care of herself. If she hasn't done it by now, she can't or won't. Same with your sister. Like many, I've discovered that family is often a sink hole for money and time.

  13. #13
    Moderator William Noy's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2014
    Location
    Dixie
    Posts
    2,879
    Reputation
    11902
    Type
    Dark Knight

    Re: Dealing with sisters?

    First off, if you didn't live in the UK, I'd accuse you of being the brother of my ex-wife.

    Yes, she's that same kind of special as your sister.

    I second the vote to get out of Dodge. You're not doing yourself any favors staying there. Like crabs in a barrel, they'll pull you down with them if they can reach you. Since it's the UK, your social safety net makes it less important to have family living nearby.

    If you feel you must help your mother (I know I would), I'd recommend only paying for things she needs by making payments directly to the provider of the good or service. I'd restrict it to rent and utility since you can probably set up payments directly to the landlord and the utility company. That will free up her pension for food.

    However, you know sister will get into the pension money. So any time your mom calls up hungry, call your sister and chew her out. Also mention to other relatives what's going on. Try to put social pressure on her.
    Luck is what happens when preparation meets opportunity. --Seneca

  14. #14
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    May 2014
    Posts
    725
    Reputation
    2408
    Type
    Ghost

    Re: Dealing with sisters?

    Quote Originally Posted by Darkman View Post
    Here goes. One more opinion worth exactly what you paid for it. Coming from a family that put the fun back in 'dysfunctional' and as a Ghost, I've found it's better to just walk away. Once you open up the dialogue, you just give them more fodder for financial and emotional abuse. Your mother had her entire life to take care of herself. If she hasn't done it by now, she can't or won't. Same with your sister. Like many, I've discovered that family is often a sink hole for money and time.
    Wish it wasn't so, but have to agree with you. Just hate to tell a guy to go nuke his mom without some kind of attempt.

    Guess the thing to do is keep your mouth shut for now. Maybe talk to mom when you have the ability to move if you want. Don't stir up trouble while your still stuck in Dodge. Their sure to do you if you can't escape.
    Drop the needle!


Similar Threads

  1. Wachowski brothers, now sisters.
    By College MGTOW in forum Random (Non-MGTOW subjects)
    Replies: 9
    Last Post: March 29, 2016, 5:00 PM
  2. Sisters tell stranger his wife is cheating
    By OneAndDone! in forum Lounge
    Replies: 2
    Last Post: July 29, 2015, 1:19 AM
  3. Dealing with loneliness
    By KingofWisdom in forum For Ghosts
    Replies: 39
    Last Post: July 5, 2015, 12:08 PM
  4. Replies: 0
    Last Post: May 14, 2014, 2:50 PM
  5. Replies: 0
    Last Post: May 14, 2014, 2:30 AM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •