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  1. #1
    Senior Member O.G.'s Avatar
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    MGTOW's with girlfriend relationship or cohabing with a woman

    Not all members here choose to not be involved with women. I am one such member. I would like to hear from others who have a woman in their life by choice.

    How do you maintain going your own way? When an issue comes up do you stand firm or look for common ground? I've heard that battling for even the little stuff is worthwhile to maintain frame.

    In my own case I have a long list of non negotiable values, standards and goals. If my partner is not in sync with that, she is free to leave. There are just many things that are my way or the highway. She can accept that or move on. I have no fear that I can live a happy and rewarding life without a woman in it. I've been doing just that for years now.

    I would really like to see a discussion here on how MGTOWs with females are making it work. How are you staying true to yourself, yet having a woman in your life?
    "People are always angry at anyone who chooses very individual standards for his life; because of the extraordinary treatment which that man grants to himself, they feel degraded, like ordinary beings."
    - Nietzsche


  2. #2
    Senior Member College MGTOW's Avatar
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    Re: MGTOW's with girlfriend relationship or cohabing with a woman

    If someone could deal with a long list of exceptions I'm going to have to keep myself comfortable, and they can actually be a positive influence in my life, then sure, absolutely. But the moment things go south, I reserve the right to completely GTFO. Because I deserve better women than that.
    Game. A strange game. The only winning move is not to play.

  3. #3

    Re: MGTOW's with girlfriend relationship or cohabing with a woman

    I honestly don't think this is possible, OG. Standing firm on any matter will simply get you a long talk about "compromise", and how supposedly that's a good thing. Maintaining frame all the time would mean a constant state of battle, that's why most men cave in sooner or later. And from that, its all a downward slope.

  4. #4

    Wink Re: MGTOW's with girlfriend relationship or cohabing with a woman

    Quote Originally Posted by O.G. View Post
    Not all members here choose to not be involved with women. I am one such member. I would like to hear from others who have a woman in their life by choice.

    I am currently a level 2 MGTOW. I have been with her for 7.5 years.


    How do you maintain going your own way?

    I do not nor will I even consider cohabitating with her: I love having my own place. She and I are currently in what is called a LAT (living apart together). I usually only see her on the weekends. She does not know that I am a MGTOW. If there is something that she wants to do that I don't then she usually does it with one of her girl friends or family members. I have a key to her place and can come and go as I please. I help her do things that she can not do herself and she helps me do things to make my life more convenient. We have good sex every other week.


    When an issue comes up do you stand firm or look for common ground?

    Depends on my feelings, my plans, etc. Sometimes I look for common ground. Other times I stand firm but in a positive way.

    I've heard that battling for even the little stuff is worthwhile to maintain frame.

    I feel like my relationship with her is sort of on auto-pilot.

    In my own case I have a long list of non negotiable values, standards and goals. If my partner is not in sync with that, she is free to leave. There are just many things that are my way or the highway. She can accept that or move on. I have no fear that I can live a happy and rewarding life without a woman in it. I've been doing just that for years now.

    I concur on all of what you have written above. If she strays too far then she's out. I have consistently improved my life and she knows that she would be hard pressed to find someone better to be with. She also knows that I am desired by other women.

    I would really like to see a discussion here on how MGTOWs with females are making it work. How are you staying true to yourself, yet having a woman in your life?
    I do what I want, when, where, and how I want to with the exception of having sex with another woman. I could easily cheat but I choose not to. If I don't want to do something then I don't do it. I don't enable her. That is to say that I don't do anything for her that she can do for herself. I play ice hockey; socialize with friends; sail my 26 foot sailboat; bicycle, etc. She has a life, I have a life, and we share a life on the weekends. She and I are in an exclusive committed relationship especially when it comes to sex.

    Any questions, just ask. Scott

  5. #5
    Senior Member Hoser's Avatar
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    Re: MGTOW's with girlfriend relationship or cohabing with a woman

    "I do what I want, when, where, and how I want to with the exception of having sex with another woman. I could easily cheat but I choose not to. "

    That's pretty much my philosophy too. I don't compromise on anything, so she can't be a negative in my life.

    We've been in a relationship for 8 years (living separate) but I don't kid myself. It could end at any time and I'm always in a mindset that I'm OK with that. She desperately wants to marry me, but I refuse. So that is probably the reason we will eventually split up. I've been married before. Fuck that shit, never again.

  6. #6
    Senior Member O.G.'s Avatar
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    Re: MGTOW's with girlfriend relationship or cohabing with a woman

    Interesting that Scott and Hoser are both in long term relationships, yet maintain their way through life using similar behavior.
    Now I'm even more curious. Are the women you guys are with the type that like to be lead by a man?

    Some women prefer to follow a man, as mine does. She readily admits she prefers me to set the course, and for her to follow along.
    "People are always angry at anyone who chooses very individual standards for his life; because of the extraordinary treatment which that man grants to himself, they feel degraded, like ordinary beings."
    - Nietzsche


  7. #7
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    Re: MGTOW's with girlfriend relationship or cohabing with a woman

    Quote Originally Posted by O.G. View Post
    Not all members here choose to not be involved with women. I am one such member. I would like to hear from others who have a woman in their life by choice.

    How do you maintain going your own way? When an issue comes up do you stand firm or look for common ground? I've heard that battling for even the little stuff is worthwhile to maintain frame.

    In my own case I have a long list of non negotiable values, standards and goals. If my partner is not in sync with that, she is free to leave. There are just many things that are my way or the highway. She can accept that or move on. I have no fear that I can live a happy and rewarding life without a woman in it. I've been doing just that for years now.

    I would really like to see a discussion here on how MGTOWs with females are making it work. How are you staying true to yourself, yet having a woman in your life?
    Great topic OG. I'm a ghost and avoid twats like Bubonic plague. However I'd love to hear from others who do have a woman in their lives. Should be an interesting discussion.

  8. #8

    Re: MGTOW's with girlfriend relationship or cohabing with a woman

    I ended my FwB today since it was starting to go downhill this weekend. Ending it was easier than I thought it would be. My philosophy is just like Barbar. "Things are going great and when that changes, I gotta go." Just cut it off and keep going your own way. I actually feel pretty good now, being completely free and clear again. Winning!

  9. #9

    Re: MGTOW's with girlfriend relationship or cohabing with a woman

    "Are the women you guys are with the type that like to be lead by a man?"

    "Some women prefer to follow a man, as mine does. She readily admits she prefers me to set the course, and for her to follow along."


    My girlfriend really likes me to lead. She is always asking me "what are our plans for the weekend?" Sometimes she makes suggestions but I always make the final plans. Four years ago (3.5 years into our relationship) she demanded that I marry her. I immediately (on the spot during her talk) ended our relationship and moved on. We didn't have any contact for 4 months. Then, she came running back to me. It could end any day and I'm OK with that. I just keep working on improving my life - working on creating an awesome life - and indirectly continuing to make myself a better prize.

    You can't get dependent on them being around and have to be able to end it and move on if need be. Also, it helps if you genuinely improve yourself to be a better catch - in demand - a better prize to the women (but be your genuine self). The following make me a great catch, in demand, a real prize to women: I have a positive attitude; am a nice guy; am highly educated; work out weekly; dress nice; have a nice truck; have a sailboat; have a nice job; have a nice income/savings; play ice hockey. Most women naturally want to stay with a man who other women want to be with. Scott

  10. #10
    Moderator Chairborne's Avatar
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    Re: MGTOW's with girlfriend relationship or cohabing with a woman

    I previously posted about a recent FWB I arranged (on mobile right now, will link later).

    Had a ONS just last night in fact, with a different one, an old flame who left the country a while back... Might be able to turn it into a long distance FWB with that one too. Long distance should be easier to manage I think. we are both affluent enough to travel & might meet in 3rd locations from time to time in the future.

    The local FWB might want more, but is smart enough not to"scare him off" & she is (on the surface) cool with a casual arrangement... She says.

    Agreed with the other posters though; the key is making sure they know you would leave & not look back in a heartbeat.

    I take precautions for sex of course. Vasectomy, measures to preemptively discredit potential false allegations, etc.
    Who's Chairborne? Office worker & Army Reservist, into electronic music, drummer in a jam band, table-top RPGs, bicycling, X-country skiing, biathlon & marksmanship, TV-free for 15 years.

  11. #11
    Senior Member Victor's Avatar
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    Re: MGTOW's with girlfriend relationship or cohabing with a woman

    As one of the married men on the forum, I'll contribute my wall of text - excellent topic, O.G.!

    As background for those who aren't familiar, I married long before taking The Red Pill. My background is a very conservative, what I thought for many years "normal" family, where my parents are to this day married. My wife's family background is very similar -- very conservative, parents born before world war 2, together until death.

    That doesn't, however, mean that she didn't fuck around behind my back when we were younger, but that's a topic for another day.

    Today, fundamentally, I do whatever I want to do, with some limits -- it's easy to cross over from going my own way to being an asshole, and that's something that's just generally not in my personality (barring sufficient quantities of alcohol). The other limit is that I look, but I don't touch. I go out with a group of close male friends once a week religiously. I go hang out with another group of friends another night each week, and she is welcome to join me but understands that she will not be the center of attention, and I will be doing my thing -- she can do whatever she chooses there. Obviously, I expect fidelity and respect.

    What's been very interesting in the 10 months or so since I "discovered" the red pill truths that had been there for me all along but I had refused to open my eyes to, is that once I got past the initial worst stages of anger, our relationship(t) has been much, much better than in the past. I have simply been laying down what I want in a firm, respectful, pleasant manner -- and the results have been dramatic. Like so many others have observed, most women WANT to be led by strong men -- despite the volumes of protestations from women that they want to be considered as equals.

    She wants to be included in conversations about important decisions, but ultimately she wants me to make those decisions. Married lurkers out there, think that one through and apply vigorously.

    Thanks to College MGTOW, I picked up a copy of "You Still Don't Understand". I can't underestimate the value of this book. As College MGTOW stated (botched quote here, sorry bud) -- they say most of what we say on here when we describe the red pill, but with less swearing and a huge amount of rigorous scientific research and footnoting.

    I knew that the moment I had a relationship book sitting next to my chair in the living room, there was no way in hell that she wasn't going to pick it up and read it.

    Needless to say, she did.

    Let me just say, how astonishing to be able to have red pill conversations with one's wife. She's in the human psychology profession, so she was able to sort through it quite rapidly. There were a few things that she initially found offensive or didn't get (or frankly just couldn't believe that this was actually how men think) -- but in the end, she was pretty much of the opinion that it was solid and made sense.

    Let me repeat that -- a female psych basically felt that a book about the red pill was pretty solid.

    Especially entertaining for me was having a discussion with her about shit tests. Now of course in the book they don't call them shit tests, but I introduced her to the terminology.

    What shocked me the most was that she said that she knows that she shit tests, she doesn't know why, she doesn't really want to, but it "takes her over" and she does it anyway, not really even understanding why she's doing it. In the book, they talk about the biology behind it, but it was astounding to me how truly "reptile brain" this behaviour is. I really would have guess that it would have been more intentional, and with some women it probably is, but shows what I know.

    So, in short summary -- I do pretty much what I want to do within a few limits. She isn't always happy about it -- for instance, in pursuit of my goal (see the goals thread), I recently sold an extremely expensive car and purchased one that cost four times less. I think she has a tremendous amount of respect for the fact that I have stated my goals and am following through on them, even though she would prefer that I spent the money on other things that she would like more. Those have been interesting conversations as well -- she knows intellectually that it's unfair for me to be asked to spend the money I earn on things that she wants but doesn't earn enough on her own to purchase, but she wants to anyway. It's a tug of war between the base female behaviour and the intellectual mind.

    Now, would I recommend this arrangement to everyone? No.

    Here's why. I am already married, and was long before I knew what a threat it was -- and long before the rediculous behaviours of the family courts. I have a women who frequently and repeatedly has stated across decades that she doesn't want children, and at this age it would be kind of rediculous anyway -- we would be on social security and sending a child to college. The standard female risks of FRA/False DV and STDs due to infidelity remain -- but those are in existence with any woman that I would touch. If for some reason I felt that the risks were growing, I could always resort to recording, but based on her intelligence and family background, and stated goals and desires I don't feel that need. That could of course cost me dearly at some point, but as things seem to work today, my way includes these risks.

    I hope this is a helpful insight for some of you -- either out of intellectual curiosity or help in parallel situations. I'll be glad to answer any reasonable questions anyone has!

    TL;DR -- if you are in a relationship with a woman, have a copy of "You Still Don't Understand" visible somewhere in your domain.

    /end wall of text
    Pain is unavoidable. Suffering is optional.

    "Love is for poets." -- Connor MacLeod of the Clan MacLeod

  12. #12
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    Re: MGTOW's with girlfriend relationship or cohabing with a woman

    Good to hear from ya OG, I liked what you said when I was lurking.
    I could, but I don't. Being a old bastard, its pretty much divorcee's or widow's for me. One's I know have good jobs, and some make more money than I. Likeable people in public too, though I got to admit I have no idea what they are like when the door closes.
    Of course they all have parent's, kids, grandkid's, and all that. Now I could live with mowing some extra grass in the summer, or shoveling snow in the winter. stuff like that. But what about holiday's, birth's, graduation's, funeral's? I cant imagine any of these women willing to comprise in this area. I'm sure they'd expect to be hooking up with their family from January to December. What family I got is far away, it would never even out. I know the family come's with the woman, and maby I'd like changing clan's more if I was younger. To an old guy though, it looks like a lot of give and not much take. I don't give a damn for family drama either, and never have.
    I'm thinking this is just something that comes with the territory. Is there a way out of at least some of it?
    Last edited by frog; September 4, 2014 at 11:35 AM.

  13. #13
    Senior Member O.G.'s Avatar
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    Re: MGTOW's with girlfriend relationship or cohabing with a woman

    Victor-

    Thanks for the great post. I could not agree more with so much of it. You struck gold with the below:

    I have simply been laying down what I want in a firm, respectful, pleasant manner -- and the results have been dramatic. Like so many others have observed, most women WANT to be led by strong men -- despite the volumes of protestations from women that they want to be considered as equals.

    She wants to be included in conversations about important decisions, but ultimately she wants me to make those decisions.
    I have found that to be so very true with most women I have dated. They yada yada on about independence....but....when it comes down to it they want the man to lead. Seems they just can't fight the natural way of things no matter what they tell themselves. The woman I am with has come to this realization, but still can't believe it's what "feels" so right for her. In my case my lady has flat out told me about her being included, but the ultimate decision being up to me. She views her role in my life as support and backup. Not the leader.


    Frog-

    I'm darn near 60 years old. So I'm wading in the same end of the dating pool as you most likely. You sure struck home about the family coming with the woman. Like you my family is not in the immediate area. So I'm not used to attending all the family events and drama that bite into your time.

    Your comment about "switching clans" was dead on in my case. My lady has a large local family. Very involved with her aging parents, children, and grand kids. The only way I see out of at least some of it is not living together. We live 1 hour apart from each other. So it makes me "exempt" from week day drop in visits of family, and other such impromptu family gatherings most of the time. That however also leads to events being planned for when I am in her town. So that I may be "included" in all the fun.

    What I am finding is kind of what I figured. Relationships mean compromise. No way around it.
    As a man this means I ultimately must make the decision on what I will or won't compromise to have someone in my life.

    I will add this. I won't just hang the compromise hat on her because she is a woman. By that I mean her gender is not causing me to compromise. I have had a male business partner in my life for over 40 years. We have a relationship tighter than any marriage. He's outlasted 2 of my wives. I've outlasted 3 of his. Yet the only way we have survived together is by compromise.

    It appears that as soon as you are in a relationship in your life, regardless of gender, there is that price to pay. So if your going to give that much, it's important to get back as much or more.
    "People are always angry at anyone who chooses very individual standards for his life; because of the extraordinary treatment which that man grants to himself, they feel degraded, like ordinary beings."
    - Nietzsche


  14. #14
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    Re: MGTOW's with girlfriend relationship or cohabing with a woman

    Quote Originally Posted by O.G. View Post
    It appears that as soon as you are in a relationship in your life, regardless of gender, there is that price to pay. So if your going to give that much, it's important to get back as much or more.
    Some real words of wisdom there OG. Thank you for sharing.

  15. #15
    Senior Member Victor's Avatar
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    Re: MGTOW's with girlfriend relationship or cohabing with a woman

    Excellent post, O.G., and spot on with the partnership observation.

    The clan dynamics are a huge, huge factor.

    I am supremely fortunate that I enjoy the company of my mother in law and my brother in law more than I enjoy the company of most of my own family, and that they seem inordinately fond of me. It makes a massive difference, and is likely not "repeatable".
    Pain is unavoidable. Suffering is optional.

    "Love is for poets." -- Connor MacLeod of the Clan MacLeod

  16. #16
    Senior Member Octavian's Avatar
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    Re: MGTOW's with girlfriend relationship or cohabing with a woman

    As a young man in the Age of Matriarchy, I'll just say that women and relationships are a slippery fucking slope.

    The prospect reminds me of a story I heard from an Air Force maintenance troop back when. The subject? Turbine blades. He was bitching about a long day at work, because he had to help pull jet engines out of aircraft all day and inspect their turbine blades. Again. Apparently the Air Force has a set schedule for this laboreous procedure, which like all things in the .mil....is subject to change without notice.

    Why? Because even a minute crack or casting flaw in one of the thousands of blades in each fan (and one jet engine has multiple compressor fans) could result in the blade breaking in flight as the engine runs. Thats an explosive and expensive way to end a flight.

    Its a great analogy to women and relationships. Females are like deterministic objects;they follow the same prehistoric mating plan every time. Meet alpha male. Domesticate said alpha male. Find better one to replace him with. Test the current male at every and all times to ensure genetic fitness.

    It means no matter what you or her does, you're doomed to repeat the same regimen. She can't help it either, sadly. So, like my aquantance on the flightline, you're always pulling the engines of the relationshit, hoping you can catch any cracks in the turbine fan before she blows up in flight and takes you down with her.

    Constant. Freaking. Maintenance. Even if you send her packing, her replacement won't be any better. If you take back the previous girl, you're back to square one and the clock starts once again....waiting for the Mate Fitness Service Interval to come up, at which point you have to return to Cunt Depot Supply and try again with a different unit.

    If any of your women shit a brick, game over. If one of them gets knocked up,whether its your kid or not, game over. If you arent paying attention to every one of the eleventy billion mental turbine blades in every scatterbrained cunt you fuck and one of them snaps, your name will be added to the metaphorical Memorial Wall of Men Burned by Pussy.

  17. #17

    Re: MGTOW's with girlfriend relationship or cohabing with a woman

    I am frequently tempted, but I think it's one of those things

    whose top to climb
    Is certain falling, or so slippery that
    The fear's as bad as falling.

    I prefer the constant serenity I enjoy now!
    And when her lips so sweetly move
    The soul such height attain,
    You're free, yet would no longer rove
    But lay you down in chains.

  18. #18
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    Re: MGTOW's with girlfriend relationship or cohabing with a woman

    Quote Originally Posted by Ancient Sunlight View Post
    I am frequently tempted, but I think it's one of those things
    whose top to climb

    Is certain falling, or so slippery that
    The fear's as bad as falling.

    I prefer the constant serenity I enjoy now!
    Peace and quiet with absolutely zero drama in your life cannot be overestimated for value.

    The removal of the modern twat from the lifestyle equation enables this. Go your own way.

  19. #19
    Senior Member Victor's Avatar
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    Re: MGTOW's with girlfriend relationship or cohabing with a woman

    Quote Originally Posted by secularscientist View Post
    Peace and quiet with absolutely zero drama in your life cannot be overestimated for value.

    The removal of the modern twat from the lifestyle equation enables this. Go your own way.
    Sad though it makes me to say, I must agree.

    All the dreams of the youth of men, crushed under the relentless weight of truth.
    Pain is unavoidable. Suffering is optional.

    "Love is for poets." -- Connor MacLeod of the Clan MacLeod

  20. #20
    Senior Member The Shadow's Avatar
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    Re: MGTOW's with girlfriend relationship or cohabing with a woman

    Quote Originally Posted by Hoser View Post
    "I do what I want, when, where, and how I want to with the exception of having sex with another woman. I could easily cheat but I choose not to. "

    That's pretty much my philosophy too. I don't compromise on anything, so she can't be a negative in my life.

    We've been in a relationship for 8 years (living separate) but I don't kid myself. It could end at any time and I'm always in a mindset that I'm OK with that. She desperately wants to marry me, but I refuse. So that is probably the reason we will eventually split up. I've been married before. Fuck that shit, never again.
    You can almost bet on her breaking up with you sooner or later, and most women are like a salesperson, that can see that the mark KNOWS what he wants and they are going to buy what they want to, buy not what he can try and sell them.


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