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  1. #1
    Senior Member Nuggets's Avatar
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    Going to social events alone

    Ok first off if this isn't the right forum then please move my post. I'm posting it here because I want to do something fun for Halloween, my favorite holiday, but I don't really have a social group right now. Just wondering what your guys' thoughts are on this. One thing I love to do is see live music, but I haven't gone for a long time because it seems too awkward going alone. I haven't done the bar scene in years either for the same reason.

    I've attempted it a good deal of times, as far as concerts go. In the past few years I've probably gone to 5 or 6 alone, and I just ended up regretting all of them because I felt so self-conscious the entire time. It made me feel like it was a waste of time, and for less money I could have just stayed home and listened to the particular artists' music on my own.

    Do you enjoy social events by yourself or do you think this is something to avoid? Is this a good/bad way to network and meet people? How do you approach these situations and have fun alone?

    On Halloween I found two concerts I might be interested in. Both require a few hours drive, but only one has a bar. The bar one is rock/metal and the other one is funk/electronic. Besides that I can't think of anywhere else I would go to entertain myself. I just think I'm gonna go crazy if I have to stay in that night.
    Last edited by Nuggets; October 8, 2015 at 3:15 AM.
    "The hours of folly are measured by the clock; but of wisdom, no clock can measure" - William Blake

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  2. #2
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    Re: Going to social events alone

    Depends on what you're doing. Personally I was never very interested in live music, but whenever I was at some gig, I was there with other people. Imho I wouldn't bother going to such an event alone.
    Other things though you might even be better off doing by yourself because you're more focused and don't have to bother "worrying" about someone keeping his word about showing up at that time and date. E.g. this weekend I plan on going to the shooting range and literally the only reason why I'd bother inviting someone else along is because they all have this smartphone map app and will probably find the way quicker than I'll do.

  3. #3
    Senior Member Azure Nomad's Avatar
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    Re: Going to social events alone

    I prefer going to social events alone This way I can strike up conversations with anyone that is there and not feel like I am tethered to the person I brought with me. Or even worse, the person follows you around like a puppy dog.

    What happens when you go with someone to a social event is that you end up going your separate ways anyways and meet up again at a predetermined time to leave.

  4. #4
    Administrator Unboxxed's Avatar
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    Re: Going to social events alone

    This is an interesting topic to me and I have talked about it to friends. I like that you can bring this up. I am seeing you have a problem during the event and a problem after the event.

    During the event. Have you dissected the reasons why going alone to see live music seems too awkward? What specific component(s) bother you? For instance, do you notice at a concert that those around you have a companion to talk to, while you don't? Is it the sharing aspect that you need? Or, is it the comparison you make between yourself and the couples, a reminder that you are between having friends? Or some of both?

    You don't need to answer these questions here, or to me.

    After the event. From what you offer as the reason, that you could have stayed home, suggests to me two things, 1) you needed it to be a shared experience to give it remembered value, and 2) you went anyway because of FOMO (fear of missing out) or from a belief that you should be doing those activities.

    Yeah, you are not zen!

    In my twenties, I had no problem doing anything by myself. Heck, if I wanted to see a movie on a Friday night (date night) and was alone, I went to see the movie, simple as that, standing in line with couples. It did not bother me one whit. I went out with friends, too, but just as often went to the bar by myself. I chose bars with pinball machines because I liked to play pinball and I never was a guy to sit at the bar. Pinball kept me occupied while I threw a few beers back. If I were to sit at the bar alone, that is when I'd rather go home.

    Ah, there's a clue. When alone, do only what you feel comfortable doing when alone. Don't push yourself to be places. If you are going somewhere to escape where you currently are, your destination sounds like it is secondary to the escape, yes? How can such a destination ever be guaranteed regret-free? When the destination is the primary reason, however, you are not putting yourself through the motions of escape. You will have wanted the destination, first and foremost.

    Do I sound like a friggin' Buddha?

    Now that I'm older, I somehow lost my ability to go just anywhere by myself. Today, I cannot see spending a day in Disneyland walking around, doing the rides, alone, without ever talking to anybody. Would drive me nuts. I need the shared experience for that. There was a time when that was not so, but at my age I have already said to myself all the things I care to say.

    That compulsion you have to be somewhere on Halloween is an indication that appearances matter.

    Be careful about drinking at that bar then driving the few hours home. Cops are out and about.

    That's all I got at the moment.
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  5. #5
    Senior Member Nuggets's Avatar
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    Re: Going to social events alone

    Thanks for the responses guys

    I go to movies by myself constantly. That never bothers me because the movie itself is a buffer, and I'm into movies so much that I don't care - if there's something I want to see, I'm not going to miss out because of something trivial like being by myself. I feel like people won't be judging me because they're too involved in the movie, so it doesn't matter. At concerts, I feel like I'm being judged because there's no distraction. I'm just there, waiting around. I can look around, check my phone, look at the merch, go to the bathroom, get something to eat, etc. But I don't know what to do with myself so I start to feel like I'm out of place. I'm not a "stare at my phone" type of guy, but if I could do that, I don't think I would be as bothered. Probably sounds like a bunch of shit, but this is the honest truth. I'm there by myself - ok what do I do to kill time? At least at a bar I can watch TV and be distracted by the activity of drinking and ordering my next drink. At a concert, people still talk the entire time, so I feel the same way. Ok I'll just stare at the stage and nod my head. It just doesn't feel natural.

    I wouldn't say it's about appearances as far as being somewhere on Halloween. Honest to god, I just love Halloween, and it has a quasi-mystical appeal to me. Yes that's because of culture, but I have no problem with staying home on a weekend or going to a movie alone. I just want to do something fun on Halloween because I enjoy the whole atmosphere of the day.

    When it comes down to it, the concerts I've been to with other people are more memorable because somehow I just remember the actual concert more. I could focus on the music because I wasn't busy with feeling like a weirdo. The subconscious message is - this guy's here with someone else, he's OK. The ones I went to by myself, all I remember is that I didn't enjoy it. I don't have any memories like - when they played that one song, or how cool the lights were, or being immersed in the music. All I remember from the event is standing around, trying to look normal.

    P.S. if I go to this show, I'm not gonna be driving home. I'm able to stay somewhere and then leave the next morning to get back
    "The hours of folly are measured by the clock; but of wisdom, no clock can measure" - William Blake

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  6. #6
    Super Moderator Mr Wombat's Avatar
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    Re: Going to social events alone

    Well, seeing as this is "bachelor" rather than "ghost", you could try treating it as a solo PUA foray. Go with the attitude that you are going to "open" some "sets". If you just meet some people who are into your your kind of music rather than getting laid, well - that's a win.

  7. #7
    Senior Member Nuggets's Avatar
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    Re: Going to social events alone

    Quote Originally Posted by Mr Wombat View Post
    Well, seeing as this is "bachelor" rather than "ghost", you could try treating it as a solo PUA foray. Go with the attitude that you are going to "open" some "sets". If you just meet some people who are into your your kind of music rather than getting laid, well - that's a win.
    Not gonna happen. But yeah if someone gets me started talking about music I find it impossible to STFU.
    "The hours of folly are measured by the clock; but of wisdom, no clock can measure" - William Blake

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  8. #8
    Senior Member Nasir Jones's Avatar
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    Re: Going to social events alone

    Well, I have my group of friends so i never really go to social events alone. But yeah, i can understand the awkwardness of being alone at a social event. My best advice to you is get high before you go. Trust me, if you get high you wont give a shit.

  9. #9
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    Re: Going to social events alone

    I remember the days I was going out alone to nightclubs to pick up girls. Now that's awkward as fuck if things don't go well. I remember that feeling all too well.

    Anyway, I'd say it's very simple. You do what you would like to do. I mean, you don't have to stay in, you don't have to go to the concert. You don't have to do anything. Halloween can be a wonderful experience and the world is your oyster. If the concert is free (or you have the money to go there anyway) and you enjoy the music and the experience, well good. Stay there. If you feel awkward and judged and try to look normal, well that's just a waste of time. So leave, or make the experience for yourself better by talking to people and try finding people to enjoy the concert with.

    Personally, I try to avoid going to social events alone these days. I'd rather go with a friend. You mentioned that you don't have a (go to) social group right now. Would you like to have such a group? If so it might be worth to call some friends you haven't talked to in a long time. That worked out really well for me.

  10. #10

    Re: Going to social events alone

    I meet a lot more people flying solo,the first time I went out alone was a Wu Tang concert a few years back and I had the time of my life.


    Jack Daniels is my wing man ....

  11. #11

    Re: Going to social events alone

    Nah - Glastonbury etc is a damn sight more enjoyable via BBC stream coverage and Twitter etc... in any case, while I'm repairing the damage from all that traumatic eating - it's a damn sight easier...

  12. #12
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    Re: Going to social events alone

    You think it's awkward going somewhere alone? Try going somewhere with just one male friend. You quickly learn that if you go anywhere classier than Mcdonalds people are going to assume you're on a date. Every time I was on the road with a friend and needed to stay somewhere we'd pull up at a motel and we'd dare each other to go into the office and ask for "a room for two faggots please" , since you know that's what the receptionist would have been suspecting anyway.

  13. #13
    Senior Member Nuggets's Avatar
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    Re: Going to social events alone

    Quote Originally Posted by 2late View Post
    You think it's awkward going somewhere alone? Try going somewhere with just one male friend. You quickly learn that if you go anywhere classier than Mcdonalds people are going to assume you're on a date. Every time I was on the road with a friend and needed to stay somewhere we'd pull up at a motel and we'd dare each other to go into the office and ask for "a room for two faggots please" , since you know that's what the receptionist would have been suspecting anyway.
    Story of my life man. Since I'm an introvert, I usually have 2 or 3 good friends at a time rather than a bunch of people I vaguely know. 90% of the shows I've ever been to were with one male friend, including out of town shows. Never was skilled enough to get dates, so I just thought well this is the way it is, better deal with it.
    "The hours of folly are measured by the clock; but of wisdom, no clock can measure" - William Blake

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  14. #14
    Senior Member ATLien's Avatar
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    Re: Going to social events alone

    I find meetup.com great for going in alone and always wind up talking with others most of the night. check your local meetup for halloween events. I tend to stay IN on those nights known for drunk drivers. I'd rather have a couple drinks on the "off nights"


    Agree with the shared experiences for big-name concerts. Small live local bands - I will definitely go solo.


    There are forums like this one, for bands. Band-forum-groupies sometimes plan to meetup at concerts to see their favorite bands. A girl I had dated was always doing that, she was an introvert too.


    I think it swings back and forth thru your life of whether you're OK doing something solo (or even preferring to be solo).


    And start saying 'solo' instead of 'alone'
    My opinions are not necessarily my opinions.

  15. #15
    Senior Member Azure Nomad's Avatar
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    Re: Going to social events alone

    If you want to grow your social circle going alone allows for opportunity to approach strangers with similar interests (eg music) and to forge new friendships. Having a wingman is something you usually want if you are interested in gaming women at bars and clubs. But honestly? You are better off learning to fly solo without a wing man in most social interactions.

    It is something that requires a lot of practice though.

  16. #16

    Re: Going to social events alone

    I am old so my advice may not apply. I became single in my forties (wife died). I found that I had a terrible time anytime I went out to a club alone. Being past peak testosterone, and with 4 kids at home, I just gave it up. However, I have a large family, including 6 sisters, all living locally. So I would go out in groups with family members when they wanted to be escorted to a venue with one of the local bands I liked. This infrequent social interactions was more than sufficient for me. I had no problem staying home most weekends. They were kind enough to always at least ask if I was interested on the biggies like Halloween, New Years Eve, etc.

    When I was single in my twenties I was in the Navy and went out alone frequently. It wasn't great as I recall, but the drive of testosterone forced me out on the hunt. This lead to a terrible outcome. I got blackout drunk one night in a private club to which I was a member and woke up the next morning with a phone number written on a napkin in my pocket. To make a long story short I ended up married to not a bitch, but THE BITCH. So, my advice to young guys is not to go out looking for pussy, you might find it, and bad things happen from there.

  17. #17
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    Re: Going to social events alone

    You may well find that even if you weren't going alone you still wouldn't enjoy social events much. I attended a friend's wedding alone recently and I enjoyed catching up with his extended family who I hadn't seen for years. If my wife was there too she would have been uncomfortable and bored hardly knowing anyone. As a general rule the less crowded, formal and time consuming an occasion is the more I'm likely to attend and/or enjoy myself.

    As for live music are there any venues closer to home? Even a cover band can be alright and with free or cheaper entry you'll be able to head home if you're not enjoying yourself.

  18. #18
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    Re: Going to social events alone

    I go to movies by myself, concerts, restaurants, out for coffee and just wandering around alone.

    It all depends on the purpose I guess. If you want to socialize when you go out, then invite a friend or someone you get along with from work to go with you. If you're going to these places for your own entertainment then there's nothing wrong with flying solo.

  19. #19
    Moderator Thomas Covenant's Avatar
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    Re: Going to social events alone

    I'm arriving late here, but I've been to metal gigs a few times on my own. Everyone is in to a similar thing and you could talk about bands for hours. Never any violence that I have seen.

    Usually I bump into a new guy or two and at that point you can take turns to go to the bar so it all makes sense.
    I work in financial planning. I am interested in metal (all kinds), miniature painting and PC gaming. I live in Scotland.

  20. #20
    Senior Member Nuggets's Avatar
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    Re: Going to social events alone

    Quote Originally Posted by Thomas Covenant View Post
    I'm arriving late here, but I've been to metal gigs a few times on my own. Everyone is in to a similar thing and you could talk about bands for hours. Never any violence that I have seen.

    Usually I bump into a new guy or two and at that point you can take turns to go to the bar so it all makes sense.
    Now that you mention metal I think a lot of it does depend on the genre. I listen to a lot of different styles, and I check out electronica shows also. It seems like a lot of people go to those not for the music, but for the social aspect, and the women who dress slutty. Every time I've been to a show like that, it seems like the music is just background entertainment instead of the main focus. Makes me feel more out of place because I'm not there with 8 friends like everyone else.

    I've seen Buckethead multiple times, but the last time I was by myself. It was a lot easier to get into the show because he's such a killer guitarist, you can't help but stare at the stage in awe. Much more interesting than a guy behind a laptop waving his arms around. How am I supposed to be entertained by that? I'm a musician so I like to see what each member of the band is doing. Makes it easier to get absorbed by the music.
    "The hours of folly are measured by the clock; but of wisdom, no clock can measure" - William Blake

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