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  1. #21
    Senior Member Victor's Avatar
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    Re: Going to social events alone

    Quote Originally Posted by Nuggets View Post
    I'm a musician so I like to see what each member of the band is doing. Makes it easier to get absorbed by the music.
    Absolutely agreed. I have had times where I genuinely wished I had been alone, or with fewer folks, to be able to enjoy the show more. Strictly rock concerts though.
    Pain is unavoidable. Suffering is optional.

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  2. #22
    Moderator Thomas Covenant's Avatar
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    Re: Going to social events alone

    Buckethead, nice.

    My brother is into him.
    I work in financial planning. I am interested in metal (all kinds), miniature painting and PC gaming. I live in Scotland.

  3. #23

    Re: Going to social events alone

    I still want to be with people on a one to one basis but i avoid big groups now. I was going that way for a while. I dont go to weddings or the like as i don't enjoy it. Sometimes i feel guilty but hey. It dont mean i dont like the persons/persons. Just cause you do go dont mean you do like them either?

    I have been to the movies by myself and i enjoy it. If away on a course or something im cool with eating alone but if at home i would not go eat alone. I dont go to music concerts but again i would not go alone but thats just me.

  4. #24

    Re: Going to social events alone

    They're called 'social events' for a reason -- you can go out and be social! Nobody cares that you're alone, people don't notice someone standing by himself and go "lol he's alone what a loser", they don't really notice you. I've gone to numerous concerts alone because nobody I knew cared about the music. Sometimes I spoke with people there, such as a very drunk person who invited me to play in his blues rock band, or the veteran who hadn't been to a concert in over a decade, and sometimes I just show up late, enjoy the music and promptly leave. In college I also dropped by numerous degree-specific drinks, e.g. the monthly French student's drink, mostly in an attempt to satiate my sex drive. No issue at all: I lied if necessary. In fact as a last resort you can get into any conversation on the pretense of drunkenness, which does not care for social decorum.

    Going to movies with someone actually makes less sense than going alone, so I certainly wouldn't worry about that: "Let's get out to sit silently in a room for 2 hours -- we can talk a bit before and after!" I once saw Argo alone because it was the last day the movie was showing and nobody I knew could go at that odd time, and I also once went to Vertigo in an 'art' cinema: I was actually the only one there altogether. Certainly wouldn't want to have missed a chance to see Vertigo on the big screen.
    And when her lips so sweetly move
    The soul such height attain,
    You're free, yet would no longer rove
    But lay you down in chains.

  5. #25
    Senior Member Chukhed's Avatar
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    Re: Going to social events alone

    If you cant find a friend to join you, i'd say go alone and have a few shots right away. This will loosen you up and make you want to converse with complete strangers for hours. The concept of 'what others think' will disintegrate in a heartbeat. Liquid courage.

    I too suffered from this after getting used to having someone with me wherever i went. The haunted house attractions are more fun when you have a girl clinging to your arm in fear! I asked my brother's girl to join me that year, and we enjoyed ourselves. The next year solo was easier. I was ok with staying home and giving out candy/scaring the kids!
    I refuse to be a part of the Three Ring Circus: Engagement ring. Wedding ring. Suffer ring.

    You can't be king of the world if you're slave to the vag.

  6. #26

    Re: Going to social events alone

    Forgot to say - i go on holiday alone and i love it. Then again in Thailand you are never alone.

    I went up the north off Scotland alone and again i loved it. Planning camping trips next year. My mate says he will come along.

  7. #27
    Senior Member Nuggets's Avatar
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    Re: Going to social events alone

    Quote Originally Posted by Ancient Sunlight View Post
    Going to movies with someone actually makes less sense than going alone, so I certainly wouldn't worry about that: "Let's get out to sit silently in a room for 2 hours -- we can talk a bit before and after!" I once saw Argo alone because it was the last day the movie was showing and nobody I knew could go at that odd time, and I also once went to Vertigo in an 'art' cinema: I was actually the only one there altogether. Certainly wouldn't want to have missed a chance to see Vertigo on the big screen.
    I feel exactly the same way. When I see a movie by myself, my mind is completely open. I like to "experience" a film, not just consume it visually. I like to analyze everything about it. Going to watch Crimson Peak tonight, which I've been looking forward to for a few months. I feel no apprehension about going alone because I'm too excited. Sometimes I just imagine that I'm a critic. Sounds goofy but that's how I approach movies anyway. I want the whole artistic experience and I don't feel it's necessary to have anyone with me to get that. Even though we're sitting there in the dark not talking, like you've said, it's still distracting to me.
    "The hours of folly are measured by the clock; but of wisdom, no clock can measure" - William Blake

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  8. #28
    Senior Member Dubya's Avatar
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    Re: Going to social events alone

    Two thoughts

    1. Going with a friend usually makes you look like more of a loser than going solo, people assume you're either a gay couple or a pair of basement dwelling neckbeards, unless the friend is as into the thing you're going to. In other words, what matters isn't whether you're solo or not, what matters is whether you're enjoying yourself.

    2. In game there is a concept called "self amused mastery." It manifests itself as a "thirst for life," that you're basically willing to drive a couple hours for a concert because you love the band, love the music, the experience, whatever. In other words the "love" of whatever activity you're going to should override any social considerations, you don't care who's there and who isn't, you're there to rock out to a band.

    3. If all else fails, slam a couple of drinks, it'll loosen you up and you won't give a shit.

    PS - I liked the meetup.com suggestion, it's a great way to get out and meet people.

  9. #29
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    Re: Going to social events alone

    Quote Originally Posted by Dubya View Post
    Two thoughts

    1. Going with a friend usually makes you look like more of a loser than going solo, people assume you're either a gay couple or a pair of basement dwelling neckbeards, unless the friend is as into the thing you're going to. In other words, what matters isn't whether you're solo or not, what matters is whether you're enjoying yourself.

    2. In game there is a concept called "self amused mastery." It manifests itself as a "thirst for life," that you're basically willing to drive a couple hours for a concert because you love the band, love the music, the experience, whatever. In other words the "love" of whatever activity you're going to should override any social considerations, you don't care who's there and who isn't, you're there to rock out to a band.

    3. If all else fails, slam a couple of drinks, it'll loosen you up and you won't give a shit.

    PS - I liked the meetup.com suggestion, it's a great way to get out and meet people.
    I never through of it that way, but good point. I myself always went alone because I am not into that so-called wingman crap. Never was. Never will be.

    I am not afraid to get politely rejected by a female stranger I am trying to get to know or not even afraid of getting shot down in flames. (Which is ultra rare for me. Only happened of course when she was with a group of friends at a party...one time in my life this happened...I guess I wasn't hawt enough and brought her social status down...this was after she was dancing with her female friend...). Anyway, one on one hitting on sessions whether it be at bars, parties or supermarkets. Even if they're just my type, if they're with their fellow hens, they're probably not gonna be as receptive.

    I don't do pick up in group settings. That's a solo mission. Always has been and always will be. It's just what I am most comfortable with.

    Oh, to get back on topic completely, I never felt odd going alone to a movie, concert, or even a restaurant where everyone else had company. But damn, Dubya, good point about how one going with a male friend can be misinterpreted as either being part of a gay couple or a bunch of neckbeards. I never thought of it that way before. I think you're right.
    Last edited by Ace Francis; October 19, 2015 at 5:24 PM.

  10. #30
    Senior Member Nuggets's Avatar
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    Re: Going to social events alone

    Never thought of it that way either, Dubya. It's funny you mention that because I had similar thoughts at my last two solo movie theater outings. Two guys near the front, didn't seem gay, but it was obvious that they needed each other there in order to feel secure. The theater was basically empty except for a few people, but I felt perfectly fine. I agree that it's all a mind game - there's a reason we have the male lone wolf archetype. Imagine a Clint Eastwood western where he brings his best buddy to the bar, and the two of them talk nonstop like manic schoolgirls. Not gonna happen.

    To be honest I'm in a social rut right now, but I appreciate all the responses to this thread. I've been worried that I'll give off too weird an energy doing events solo, but it's just some meaningless mental bullshit. And yeah like a few people have said, shots.
    "The hours of folly are measured by the clock; but of wisdom, no clock can measure" - William Blake

    Nuggets = chicken nuggets. First thing that popped into my head when I signed up

  11. #31
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    Re: Going to social events alone

    To add to the neck beard/gay boyfriend misinterpretation that someone else can have, I would not NOT go with a friend out of fear in terms of that. It's just another plus to say that if you HAVE to go alone, instead of wasting your life inside your house outta fear that you'll look uncool if you show up solo--instead there is yet another reason to never fear. Life is too short.

    As is often said, and this helps me not waste my worries if I am getting self-conscious about something petty around either strangers or friends, "most people are too worried about their own problems, their own fears, their own world to be noticing flaws in others like all of us might mildly worry about here and there." Well, paraphrasing that gem anyway. The point being, once I say that to myself, it's like that self-consciousness crap vanishes. Just like that.

  12. #32
    Senior Member Eiji's Avatar
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    Re: Going to social events alone

    whats so inherently wrong with going out alone?? I usually do that with the movies...
    "I live in freedom, under my own flag." - Captain Harlock

    "Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic." - Arthur C Clarke

    "Who's the more foolish? The Fool? Or the Fool who follows him?" - Obi-wan "Ben" Kenobi

    "In servitutem redigi non recuso" - Latin (translates to "I refuse to be dominated.")

  13. #33

    Re: Going to social events alone

    Quote Originally Posted by Eiji View Post
    whats so inherently wrong with going out alone?? I usually do that with the movies...
    I do quite some business travel .. alone.

    I have no problem at all going to places or events on my own if I have interest in them which does not include most of the party, funeral and wedding stuff anyway.

  14. #34
    Senior Member Eiji's Avatar
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    Re: Going to social events alone

    Quote Originally Posted by LuckyAustrian View Post
    I have no problem at all going to places or events on my own if I have interest in them which does not include most of the party, funeral and wedding stuff anyway.
    pheh.. the only "party" I deal in is a LAN type....
    as for weddings... got them on an "indefinite" boycott.... you wouldn't believe how I got "grilled" at the last one I went to...
    "I live in freedom, under my own flag." - Captain Harlock

    "Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic." - Arthur C Clarke

    "Who's the more foolish? The Fool? Or the Fool who follows him?" - Obi-wan "Ben" Kenobi

    "In servitutem redigi non recuso" - Latin (translates to "I refuse to be dominated.")

  15. #35

    Re: Going to social events alone

    This is odd I go out alone 99% of the time and never even give it a second thought. When I was younger and was under the impression that there was something 'defective' with me because I was single and everyone else wasn't the idea ran through my head from time to time. That being said though I discovered quite recently that I do enjoy the open action and freedom of going out on my own. There have been a few times when I went out with a group and found that they had decided to go to a place that I didn't like. Or worse I had to tolerate being around someone I didn't really care for or someone in the group caused an incident that ruined the evening.


    No I go where like, do what I like and talk to whom I like. That's the essence of MGTOW for me freedom, my life, my terms, my time. I no longer get in my head about going out by myself anymore. And nobody has ever raised the issue to me outside of my family.

  16. #36
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    Re: Going to social events alone

    Quote Originally Posted by Neroke View Post
    No I go where like, do what I like and talk to whom I like. That's the essence of MGTOW for me freedom, my life, my terms, my time. I no longer get in my head about going out by myself anymore. And nobody has ever raised the issue to me outside of my family.
    That's it. more and more people going solo everyday. Including myself and i dont give a damn of what people think. Because i feel free when i'm alone.

    I can meet and talk to new people when i'm alone. Imagine if you go out with women, can you talk to another women?

  17. #37
    Senior Member johnjrambo's Avatar
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    Re: Going to social events alone

    Quote Originally Posted by Nuggets View Post
    . One thing I love to do is see live music, but I haven't gone for a long time because it seems too awkward going alone. I haven't done the bar scene in years either for the same reason.
    If you have nephews or cousins, offer them a free ticket to go with you. I've done that and it doesn't look so awkward compared to going alone.

  18. #38
    Senior Member FrostByte's Avatar
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    Re: Going to social events alone

    I go alone to events and I go with others to events regardless. The point is the absence or presence of another person should have no bearing on your decision. If you want to see something - go see it. You want to do it - go do it. You cannot predict what will happen and should stop assuming you won't have a great time because you're alone. More than once I met some cool people, won a t-shirt and had good luck just because I showed up alone and was free to choose any path I wanted.
    Stop trying to predict the future and get out there. Besides you will never be happy until you can love the sound of your own company.

  19. #39

    Re: Going to social events alone

    I like to live by a simple philosophy: decide the most important thing right now, do it next, move to the next most important thing. Life is a series of isolated missions. I don't aspire to multitask. I aspire to decide, accomplish and move on in as rapid succession as possible.

    I live alone, and I don't cook. So, I eat out at restaurants frequently. I work in healthcare, and I work pretty hard. When I get off work, and I'm hungry, and I'm in my hospital scrubs... I want something to eat. Getting something to eat is the goal. That's the mission I'm focused on.

    I go to a restaurant to eat, nothing else. If there's a line, I'll set at the bar. If necessary, I'll sit in the kitchen. I'll order it to go, then take it out of the bag and eat it off the counter where I paid for it. I'll take it go, eat in the car and leave the dirty plastic to-go dishes on an empty table for the bus boy. I'm not dining here. This is a fuel stop on a list of other things I need to get to next.

    I'm not there to get social approval from the rest of the diners. I'm not there to make a social statement. I'm there to eat. As long as I have shoes, shirt and money, I'm going to accomplish this mission. Music and entertainment is no different from food. I'm there to eat, to see a movie, to hear the music.

    Do other people notice that I'm there alone? I couldn't really say for sure. I'm focused on my own mission. What they notice or not is not part of my mission. this may sound unrealistic to you if you have serious concerns about this. So let me extrapolate this a little ...

    If have to bring someone else to get something to eat, it's going to cost more and take longer. Not only will it take longer to get a table, it may take longer for them to finish. I may have to stop eating to answer their questions or entertain them. I may even have to pay for them. All that inefficiency is delaying me getting to the next mission. I can't get this time back, and there's no one else who is going to go accomplish those other missions for me.

    But I go alone. It's cheaper and faster. I can afford to tip much better if I'm only paying for one. I tip well enough and eat out often enough that they start to remember me. That guy in scrubs who sits at the bar and orders the medium steak and cesar salad... They know my favorite food when they see me walk in the door. By the time I sit down, the bartender already has the order in. At some places, my food's on the grill before my ass hits the bar stool. More efficient, less time spent. More time left for making money, pursuing hobbies, taking care of my home, running my errands... whatever else is on my list of things that is going to make my life better.

    Go to a concert alone and you are buying only one seat. Any venue with assigned seating always has the odd seats leftover after all the group sales. I get that odd seat closer to the stage that no one in a group wanted to buy. Sometimes I get it cheaper...

    This theme plays out similarly with airline tickets, travel tours... etc. Once you start living this way, you discover all kinds of hidden advantages people in groups never know about.

    Nowhere on my mission list is worrying about what other people think. it might be nice, but it isn't worth near as much to me as the other things on my list. Their opinion of me is never going to write me a check, provide me with an enjoyable hobby, improve my home or my health.. etc. I got some pretty important missions on my list.

    The opinions of other people just can't compete.

    the most helpful thing I could write here would be to suggest you make a written list of all the things you have to do, and all the things you need to do, and all the things you want to do. Writing it all down might seem geeky or nerdy or OCD. But seeing all that in writing creates an important perspective: As you read down that list, you'll go from one item to the next trying to figure out where other people's opinion of you fits in. My bet is that by the time you get to the end of your list, you are going to realize that you don't have time to worry about all those people and what they think...

  20. #40
    Senior Member Joetech's Avatar
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    Re: Going to social events alone

    Like you, I've been labeled a loner all my life, but only by people I don't hang out with. I ski and none of my friends do. I go to ski areas alone. Once I'm there I meet lots of people. As an aside, fat people don't ski. They can't. So, all the women there are hot. The chair lifts are designed to carry multiple passengers, so each ride up the hill is an opportunity to interact with new people. I can't tell you to stop being self conscious. That's something only you can work on. But, if you're into a hobby for which you have no companions then I recommend you go anyway. You say it's hard. I know, but practice makes perfect. Don't go with an agenda. Go to have fun. That's my advice.


    Now, a little humor:

    A newly divorced man was talking to his friend about how hard it is to be single again and how hard it was to meet available women. His friend recommended that he try skiing. He explained how friendly people are at ski resorts. So, the man decided to take his friend's advice.

    When he arrived he was amazed at all the people that were there, and indeed they were very friendly. After several runs he was in the single chairlift line (the row reserved for one person needing a ride). A woman at the front of the line held up her hand, looked back at the line and shouted, Single!" The man raised his hand and shouted, "Recently divorced!"
    "Don't follow in my footsteps. I stepped in something."


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