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  1. #1
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    Advice regarding leaving a good marrige

    Hi I am new here, im interested in views on what i should do.

    This is my situation
    Im married with two kids to a fantastic woman that i feel are not at all like the the descriptions of women i see in mgtow clips on YouTube.

    Bacround: strict religious with the rules no girlfriends before getting married.
    abusive parents and abusive behavior in the church community i was in. (however i probably will defend this community to this day for meaning good)
    Meet my wife for first date in February and got married in September same year. (this is how it was done for most my "friends" to)
    She was my first woman ever to do more than holding hands.
    Of course there was no sex before marriage or anything.

    We have been married 9 years. and i did the whole provider role and built the house and got our finances in order for the first few years while we had our two kids. After they could start in childcare my wife worked just as hard to provide for the household and we built a pretty good life.

    However i got ill from all the hard work because i also had to pay the church about 1/3 of my income to keep up with the expected donation amount.
    I had a nervios breakdown after loosing my job and having to work a lot harder to keep the fiances going.
    At this point something happened to my whole way of thinking and i realized i didn't feel the teachings in this church made me happy.
    So we decided to stop paying the donations and rather pay off the 26K pound credit card debt we had at the time, this took 2 years.
    I also had to move back to the country i came from with my family because i was having breathing problems in England.
    This cost all the money we had built up in our house and so we were back on the starting line financially.

    Now we have got on our feet again and i have had time to think.
    Currently Im studying at university to get a bachelor degree and my wife pays for all our bills. good girl!
    but Im not happy being married, Im feeling trapped and want out.
    I want to be free and Travel the world and do all the things i never were allowed to do before and live life.
    However i love my wife and doesn't want to see her suffer financially.
    I have the opportunity to buy her a house and make sure she is ok after Im gone, but i wonder if Im going to regret getting involved in more financial ties with her.
    Of corse this also will also secure my kids financial future to.

    Sorry about all the rambling on and probably all the spelling and grammar mistakes, but English is not my first language.
    I would love some views on it all, Thank you.

  2. #2
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    Re: Advice regarding leaving a good marrige

    Sorry Ukviking, but for now your screwed. It don't look you can earn enough to support your family and have much left for traveling the world. Some guys would say the hell with it and abandon their family, but you don't seem like that. Sounds like yours deserves better anyway. Maybe when your kids are grown you'll be able to escape with honor. That probably sounds like a very long time to you now, and it is. But when your as old as the frog, ten or twenty years won't seem like much. Maybe you could figure some kind of vacation of other activity to tide you over till the kids are grown? You need something besides duty to keep you happy.

    Trolls love messing with us, and they hate doing introductions. That's half the reason we want one. Now your post covered some of it, but we'd like to see you over in introductions before long.


    When you start with nothing, there's not going to be much of a budget for travel and living large. If you were single, it would still take most of your money just to keep a roof over your head. Even without a family, you might not be living much of the life you imagine.
    Last edited by frog; December 30, 2018 at 9:50 PM.
    Every day I make the world a little bit worse.

  3. #3
    Senior Member Unboxxed's Avatar
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    Re: Advice regarding leaving a good marrige

    Hi Ukviking,

    As you are a new member with 1 post, and before you get to posting more stuff, please go over to the New Member Intros subforum, read the sticky How To Intro, and post an Intro for us there, based on that sticky. We all had to do one. If you continue to post without having made a valid Intro, a Moderator will be contacting you.

    Thank you.
    The two most important days in your life are the day you were born and the day you find out why. - Mark Twain

    The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation.
    - Henry David Thoreau

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  4. #4
    Senior Member Joetech's Avatar
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    Re: Advice regarding leaving a good marrige

    If your wife was supportive during your nervous breakdown maybe you should give yourself some time to think about this some more. One question, though. Since when is your church more important than your family? If a church I belonged to wanted 1/3 of my income as a tithe, you know what I would do? I'd quit that church.
    "Don't follow in my footsteps. I stepped in something."

  5. #5
    Super Moderator Mr Wombat's Avatar
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    Re: Advice regarding leaving a good marrige

    Hi Unviking. Please go to the "New Member Intros" section and post an intro according to the guidelines in the "How to Intro" sticky post. (PM sent).

    As for your post, the crux is here:
    Now we have got on our feet again and i have had time to think.
    Currently Im studying at university to get a bachelor degree and my wife pays for all our bills. good girl!
    but Im not happy being married, Im feeling trapped and want out.
    I want to be free and Travel the world and do all the things i never were allowed to do before and live life.
    However i love my wife and doesn't want to see her suffer financially.
    I have the opportunity to buy her a house and make sure she is ok after Im gone, but i wonder if Im going to regret getting involved in more financial ties with her.
    Of corse this also will also secure my kids financial future to.
    You know what? You are doing ok. You have had a rough time, and yo have gotten out from under it. You have paid off your debt, your wife is supportive, you're living somewhere where there's work, school, a climate you can tolerate. You are even looking at buying a house. I live in Australia. I will never own a home. Can't afford one.

    Speaking not as a MGTOW, but as a decent human being, I cannot support a parent abandoning their children. All over the western world, there are men who would kill for the chance to be part of their kid's lives, to see them more than once a fortnight. You made them, you now have a responsibility, and that's just the way it is. I can't condone dumping your family merely because life isn't a fairytale. Say you walk out on your wife and kids for no reason - then what? You'll travel? Ok - so you get to see the Eiffel Tower. Big fucking deal. It's a tower.

    You know, it sounds like you just need a holiday. Just a week off.

    Before dynamiting your own life and the lives of everyone around you, check at least this one thing: are you getting enough sleep? Because that's another thing that can be causing all this, and it's relatively easy to fix.

  6. #6

    Re: Advice regarding leaving a good marrige

    Quote Originally Posted by Ukviking View Post
    Bacround: strict religious with the rules no girlfriends before getting married.
    abusive parents and abusive behavior in the church community i was in. (however i probably will defend this community to this day for meaning good)
    Meet my wife for first date in February and got married in September same year. (this is how it was done for most my "friends" to)
    She was my first woman ever to do more than holding hands. Of course there was no sex before marriage or anything. We have been married 9 years. and i did the whole provider role and built the house and got our finances in order for the first few years while we had our two kids. After they could start in childcare my wife worked just as hard to provide for the household and we built a pretty good life.
    So, basically, traditional/conservative upbringing. Traditional family. You've been a good workhorse and it's worked out thus far.

    However i got ill from all the hard work because i also had to pay the church about 1/3 of my income to keep up with the expected donation amount. I had a nervios breakdown after loosing my job and having to work a lot harder to keep the fiances going. At this point something happened to my whole way of thinking and i realized i didn't feel the teachings in this church made me happy. So we decided to stop paying the donations and rather pay off the 26K pound credit card debt we had at the time, this took 2 years. I also had to move back to the country i came from with my family because i was having breathing problems in England. This cost all the money we had built up in our house and so we were back on the starting line financially.
    So you walked away from religion after realizing that it was a big financial liability while offering little tangible in return. That started you on the path of reevaluating all choices you've made in life, including your family. Incidentally... breathing problems in Britain? Where did you live in that nation? Air quality isn't *that* bad...

    Now we have got on our feet again and i have had time to think. Currently Im studying at university to get a bachelor degree and my wife pays for all our bills. good girl!
    but Im not happy being married, Im feeling trapped and want out.I want to be free and Travel the world and do all the things i never were allowed to do before and live life. However i love my wife and doesn't want to see her suffer financially. I have the opportunity to buy her a house and make sure she is ok after Im gone, but i wonder if Im going to regret getting involved in more financial ties with her. Of corse this also will also secure my kids financial future to.
    So let me try to summarize. You lost your job (I'm assuming low skilled or unskilled work), are unable to find similar work, your wife has picked up the slack while you get an education, incurring more debt? You do know that any education has returns only as long as you are gainfully employed. Getting a degree late means you'll have a tougher time paying it off. And in most professions, if you start out without experience but of higher age, that tends to make you an undesirable employee. Not sure what you will be doing specifically, but unless you have a clear plan and good prospects in an economy that is slowly declining, you may want to hold off. Make sure you have your finances in order before pulling the ripcord. Alimoney shouldn't be an issue, but your children may be. Assuming you had kids early in your marriage, those should now be in preschool. Your kids still depend on you. If it's just you yourself wanting to travel, postpone that for another decade at least. Kids are a responsibility you willingly took on. That job isn't over.

    But feel free to start planning and saving for those trips. And to be honest - I'm not sure if a MGTOW forum is the best place for marriage advice
    Shame is a womans primary weapon. Watch for it, and call it out wherever you see it. Few women know how to handle a man immune to shame.

  7. #7
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    Re: Advice regarding leaving a good marrige

    They seemed real enough at first, but they've not got back to us, and there's a few holes in their story, even considering the language difficulties.

    If I wanted to paint some MGTOW's black, I'd post a story like this and then watch us tell the guy to throw his family under the bus. Now that's not how we roll, but that's how team vagina sees it, and it's likely how they figure we think too. If a women wrote this on a woman's site, nine out of ten commenters would say "girl, they is holding you back."
    Last edited by frog; December 31, 2018 at 10:09 AM.
    Every day I make the world a little bit worse.

  8. #8
    Super Moderator Mr Wombat's Avatar
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    Re: Advice regarding leaving a good marrige

    Quote Originally Posted by frog View Post
    If I wanted to paint some MGTOW's black, I'd post a story like this and then watch us tell the guy to throw his family under the bus. Now that's not how we roll, but that's how team vagina sees it, and it's likely how they figure we think too. If a women wrote this on a woman's site, nine out of ten commenters would say "girl, they is holding you back."
    That's what I think, too. "I'm not haaaaaappy!" - the clarion call of Team Taco. What they don't get is that for them, you just support your team, your side, no matter what; whereas we have principles.

  9. #9

    Re: Advice regarding leaving a good marrige

    Could be a Chameleonville visit. But meh, could be you two are just a teensy bit paranoid.
    Either way, opinions given, time to move on. If OP wants to continue to participate his intro should make things clear. If not, well... padlock.
    Shame is a womans primary weapon. Watch for it, and call it out wherever you see it. Few women know how to handle a man immune to shame.

  10. #10
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    Re: Advice regarding leaving a good marrige

    Hang around here a year and we'll see who's paranoid.

    It was best to play it straight to begin with. It feels bad to find you've bombed the innocent, and I've done it. But like all trolls, this one left some clue's. Their first message comes in the middle of the night, posted into a dusty corner that sets vacant for weeks at a time. Pretending to be from far away helps too, at least at first. Then there was lines like "wife worked just as hard", and " wife pays for all the bills", and "however, I love my wife'. I'm not saying this couldn't happen, but it's fishy. If she pays the bills and you love her, why do you want to leave? Not having anything to say after we honestly tried to help is one more sign of the troll as far as I'm concerned. I'll be surprised if we hear from them again.
    Last edited by frog; December 31, 2018 at 12:23 PM.
    Every day I make the world a little bit worse.

  11. #11
    Senior Member Joetech's Avatar
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    Re: Advice regarding leaving a good marrige

    Women leave their family for no reason often. It's hard to fathom, but I suppose when you carry the baby factory around with you the attitude becomes,"I can always make more babies." And they know they can show up ten years later and get back custody with little or no effort while the guy has to fight to keep them. I saw it happen to a friend once. If this poster is for real. he's liable to discover that life as a homeless vagrant sucks. And that's what he'll end up doing if he's not careful. It sounds like more of a mid-life crisis if you ask me. I wonder how old this kid is?
    "Don't follow in my footsteps. I stepped in something."

  12. #12
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    Re: Advice regarding leaving a good marrige

    He says they married the year they met, and that was nine years ago. That would make him what, pushing thirty?

    The whole story sounds just a little too squeaky clean for me, even for church people. Besides, who ever heard of a church getting 30%? Ten percent yeah, but a third of your earnings? He seems to go from rags to rich's pretty easily as well.
    Every day I make the world a little bit worse.

  13. #13
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    Re: Advice regarding leaving a good marrige

    Hi all.
    I have read all the replies and thank you.
    Im for real by the way for people wondering, and its probably right im going through a midlife crisis.
    I am a Norwegian/British man age 34 with a dual citizenship.
    My work was as a maintenance engineer in factories in England. After loosing my job I started my own company and did earn fairly well.
    The church i was in is considered a sect and its quite normal for people leaving to have a few issues at first.
    Not going to name church since wife and kids still attend, not paying as we did before after some agreements has been made.
    And yes in this church the teaching is church b4 family, this means exclusion after leaving.
    For those of you who have commented im asking advice on the wrong place, you are right.
    But i sit alone all the time now and only have the great wisdom of the internet for advice.

    After reading the message about how to intro and so on im not sure if this is the place i want to invest to much time, although i understand now why you need this procedure.

    Thank you all for reading and have a happy new year to all.

  14. #14
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    Re: Advice regarding leaving a good marrige

    Thanks for getting back to us Ukviking. I guess you are for real. If you want to join the forum you probably won't have any problems. We'll help you if we can, however little that may be. We're not against other people being married if they want, we just don't like being told that we should be. Some of our better members are hitched, though they don't post much anymore. Not everyone agrees, but I listen closely to what they say. They've been burned in fires few bachelor's ever see. Better to learn from them than find out for yourself. Anyway, there's no requirement you be single, and after your second post no one is likely to call you a troll. As you no doubt noticed, I did call you one. Sorry, but one post in the middle a the night is what trolls usually do.
    Every day I make the world a little bit worse.

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    Senior Member Puggsy's Avatar
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    Re: Advice regarding leaving a good marrige

    Quote Originally Posted by frog View Post
    Thanks for getting back to us Ukviking.... Sorry, but one post in the middle a the night is what trolls usually do.
    Urm... the OP is coming up at 7:19 pm on 30th Dec. Are the times seen here dependent upon where you live?

  16. #16
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    Re: Advice regarding leaving a good marrige

    Quote Originally Posted by Puggsy View Post
    Urm... the OP is coming up at 7:19 pm on 30th Dec. Are the times seen here dependent upon where you live?
    Could be, mine says first post 12:15 am. Oh well, wrong again.
    Every day I make the world a little bit worse.

  17. #17
    Senior Member Knarley Bob's Avatar
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    Re: Advice regarding leaving a good marrige

    I'd say welcome, but it is if you aren't going to stay, or visit. Well, welcome anyhow.... My Dad told me that "Life is just one big adjustment." And it sounds as if you are adjusting right now. I wouldn't make any big discisions untill school is done. Really. One thing at a time. Too much to think about, makes for bad discisions some times. If you are going to school, and a divorce AND buying a house? Might as well jump off the bridge. You say you are not happy, after what you have gone through, who would? Take some time to dust your self off, let the sun come back up a few times. Believe me, it will help.

    The God I know has his hand out to help one up, not to take his money. That is why I do not believe in "Organized" religion.
    As soon as she says "I do", she don't
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  18. #18
    Senior Member Puggsy's Avatar
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    Re: Advice regarding leaving a good marrige

    Quote Originally Posted by frog View Post
    Could be, mine says first post 12:15 am. Oh well, wrong again.
    Interesting. Well, at least now we know.

  19. #19
    Senior Member Insidious_Sid's Avatar
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    Re: Advice regarding leaving a good marrige

    So, young Lurkers, what have we learned:

    1. Make what you want of religious sects that tithe 1/3rd (!) of your earnings. Even after the wife agreed to put the family's finances first, she is still going to this whackjob outfit, an outfit that on paper HAS to exclude the husband for going "against the church" and not paying the full tithe. So, in this case, you could see the church as being a sort of Chad. A form of "male authority figure" that has a greater influence over the female than the husband does. This is very typical of today's marriages: there is no more "patriarch" or man at the head of his home. It's two people in a mini gender-war for two fighting for control under one roof. Tragic.

    2. Even though this marriage looks (outwardly) functional, there are two major problems. The man subverts to the woman and her decision to stay in the church - the very church who would CAST HIM OUT - and second, and probably MORE importantly, the man is fucking miserable and now wants to travel and do other things.

    I'd really like readers to think about this while filing this story away in the folder ear-marked "Marriages That Didn't Fail".


    A marriage does not have to end up in divorce for a man to be completely unfulfilled and miserable.

    I believe the VAST MAJORITY of men who are married stay that way at incredible sacrifice (as we see in this case) and are silently miserable. They need to BE miserable, make massive sacrifices, and OUTWARDLY appear to be the mature, stoic, responsible, big/real man, who knows "doing it right" is more important that her being reasonable, or him being happy.

    Sid says: It's all a fucking act.

    Good luck to Ukviking - may you find happiness and fulfillment one day.

    Edit:
    Bonus question: What would have happened if the WIFE was excommunicated and the husband decided unilaterally he and the kids would stay with the church - without her?

    (Now I'm sitting here shaking my head asking myself what kind of wife lets a church excommunicate her husband and stays, with the children, in that church.)

    Nice to be single, ain't it boys?!
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    - Where have all the good men gone? Away. Far far away... from you.
    - NAWALT? Maybe, but EWALT means Russian Roulette is a much safer bet...

  20. #20
    Senior Member Ace Francis's Avatar
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    Re: Advice regarding leaving a good marrige

    Hey dude, you can't post here again till you make an intro per forum policy. Here's a link to where by where you post an intro: http://www.goingyourownway.com/mgtow-intros/

    Here's How To Intro:

    bruary 17, 2014, 8:15 PM
    jagrmeister

    Administrator
    Join DateFeb 2014Posts3,299Like(s) (Received)12033Reputation14608TypeBachelor

    How to Intro

    When in doubt, be specific. We'd like to know about: your relationships, what happened, your experiences with women (good, bad, and ugly), how you came to swallow the red pill, and anything else about who you are & your life experiences. As you may well know, MGTOW gets its share of trolls. By understanding your history and what makes you tick, we can do a better job of ensuring the right people make it through. One more thing- do let us know how you heard of this site. A heads-up, if you were a regular at MGOTWForums- there is no requirement for you to make an intro (you can if you like).

    In order to discern genuine users from trolls, we will request the following information:

    1. Relationship history
    (experience with women, red pills, what about it made you made you aware; note- you don't HAVE to have had relationships but you can speak of your interactions with women) -- it turns out trolls don't have good, realistic stories of this ilk.

    2. Awareness
    : your blue pill perspectives, how you transitioned to red pill, with enough detail about what brought you to MGTOW.

    3. Who you are
    : tell us a little bit of who you are. What you like, what you do, etc.

    9 times out of 10, a failed intro will NOT provide enough detail about who you are and relationship history. A mod will request more detail. At which point, more detail should be provided soon. If it's not forthcoming, the user will be removed. We need to be strict about this to ensure the community stays high-quality as it has been from the start.

    Important: Our mods on this forum are BeijaFlor, SirReaper, Chairborne, and William Noy. They will come by to review your Intro. They may ask a question such as "Please provide more info on your relationships?". This is for your own benefit- they need this information to ensure the community can vet you in accordance with our principles and ensure we're getting people with the right intentions. Trolls usually don't have a life story; so this filters them out. So please answer the question if asked. If you argue or ignore this request, you will be banned.

    If you're new entirely or a lurker on the old forums, please intro yourself.

    Thanks!

    -Jagr



    Example of a good intro.


    Last edited by William Noy;



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